Bottle of Pills

Chapter 1

The Letter

The swirl of colors blended before Harry's eyes as he studied the room around him. Scattered around was the belongings of all the other wizards that Harry lived with while Harry's belongings were neatly placed on his night stand and in his trunk. With a silent summoning charm Harry got dressed. As he was leaving he set off a bull horn to wake Dean and Seamus who were still in bed. When Harry heard the thumps of confirmation that they were awake Harry headed off to breakfast; His last breakfast.

You're the last of your kind,

Mona Lisa

With a wink of your eye,

Ya make it all right

Oh there's more left to life,

Mona Lisa

Let me take you along for the ride

Harry knew the instant that he decided to leave the world by the way of death. It was the day after Voldemort's defeat when he had been filling in the Minister on what had happened while he had his head stuck in the sand, while the war roared on around him. Albus had been sitting in his chair calmly sucking on a lemon drop as he listened to Harry talk when suddenly, without any noticeable cause, the man who had been standing behind Harry the whole time, left. Harry closed his eyes as he realized that to the man that he had slowly been falling in love with that to him Harry was just a way to get rid of one his masters. That was all Harry would ever be for him so he decided in that moment that Harry James Potter would cease to exist; as Severus Snape could never love Harry Potter.

Aint nothin' that stays the same

Won't ask it a' you

Just that burgundy smile you wore yesterday

Say ya won't ever lose

Harry had been only six when he learned that the way his uncle touched him was wrong on so many levels. Harry had been eight when he learned that responding to the names Freak and boy was not normal. Harry had been nine and a half when he went into Diagon Alley and informed an Auror what was going on at the Dursley home; nobody ever came. Harry nearly died because of that trip. Now, Harry would be showing the Wizarding world what the Dursley's had done to their precious golden boy. To top it off he would reveal Albus Dumbledore's involvement in the entire grand scheme, however, he would leave out Professor McGonagall. After all, Hogwarts and the students deserved a decent Headmaster/Headmistress, right?

I been down,

I been worse

Mona Lisa

Came in last,

Came in first

But it all gathers dirt,

Mona Lisa

'Fore ya bathe in the light

The first thing Harry noticed about the Muggle pills he had nicked from the Dursley's medicine cabinet was that they were some small pills. Harry knew that with the amount left in the bottle, he would have no chance of survival. He wouldn't have to suffer from the media, he wouldn't suffer from being Albus's tool, and he would most definitely not suffer from the pain of not being loved back by one Severus Snape.

The second thing that Harry noticed about the Muggle pills was that the container that held the pills was described to Petunia Dursley for sleeping problems. Harry snorted. If anything, Petunia took those pills because she had to force herself to sleep in the same bed as her fat whale of a husband. The fact that she was suffering made Harry somewhat pleased as she did something that was far worse than what she claimed her sister and husband had done. Petunia had helped in trying to kill Harry; her own flesh and blood.

Ain't nothin' that stays the same

Won't ask it a' you

Just that burgundy smile you wore yesterday

Say ya won't ever lose

"It's a pity really," Hermione informed her boyfriend. Ron looked up from his food.

"What's a pity," Ron asked confused. Hermione handed him the paper. The headline read "Potter's Muggle Family Dies in Car Crash." "I can't believe Potter got in the paper again. At this rate our roles are going to never be remembered." Hermione continued on before she took a sip of her coffee. Neither of Harry's ex-friends noticed that Harry wasn't even in the Great Hall.

Oh ya taught me this much,

Mona Lisa

I done set it aside

For when you need the same magic touch

For, for when you need remindin'

"Poppy, what is it?" Severus snapped the instant he spotted her in the doorway. Her face was pale. There were tear treks sliding down her face and Severus eyed the parchment she held in her hand.

"Harry came to me this morning with bruises all over his body, broken ribs, nasty names carved into him, and his insides well they were horrendous," Poppy informed him. "He refused to tell me who did it. He said it would just be covered up by Albus and there was no point in saying anything, just like every other time. I just left him for a couple of minutes to get him dreamless sleep potion and when I came back he was gone. He's dead. He left this note on the bed. It's for you."

Aint nothin' that stays the same

Won't ask it a' you

Just that burgundy smile you wore yesterday

Say ya won't ever lose

Just that burgundy smile you wore yesterday

Say ya won't ever lose

Severus,

Sometimes you never get what you want, sometimes you get most of what you want; but it seems to me I never got what I needed – most of all, you. There have been many times when I thought we were truly together for the sake of love but it seems that you had an alternative motive, even in the beginning; you only wanted me to get rid of one your "masters". After all, I had the power, didn't I? However, I have to ask you this, even though I will never get the answer, did you ever consider me?

Consider this, how much your "love" would affect me when you would walk away after you got what you wanted. Do you believe what you did to me justifies the means to the end? Did you not understand that you were, at this point, my only reason to be alive? Do you even care? I wondered, pondered, and even made lists as to why you would do this, it seemed that that only possible, plausible conclusion I could come to besides the obvious reasoning, was that it was something that was affecting you in the present, your "masters". There are times that I wonder if you ever felt anything for me besides hate and there are times that I wonder if you have ever felt anything at all.

Besides, the obvious goodbyes I also wanted you to know that while I originally blamed you for all the recent pain in my life; I realize you were not the only cause, merely the catalyst. The reason I write this letter even in death, with not blaming you, is because I want you to figure out your own life, not flounder and forget everything you stood for merely because of a few mistakes, big or small, that ended up affecting the rest of your life, whether your own mistakes or the ones of others you thought you could trust.

Because I write this mere hours before I plan to go to Madam Pomfrey I am aware that is most likely that she will be the one to find this letter and hand it to you. I want you to let her know that I do not blame her for her small part in this mess that ruined my life; she had no choice like the many others who did. I also want her to know that she was the only person I completely trusted up until now. I want her to know that she is to not blame for not being able to do anything about the pain I was being caused in that home and even here.

I have created a Will that has been entrusted to a Goblin named, Griphook. I met him on the day I was introduced into the Wizarding world. Along with Dobby, who fell in the war, he was my confident when everyone else chose or had to turn away their ear. He will ensure that no fake Will, including the ones created by those with an agenda, will make it through the works. As I know that you will, no doubt, be asked why this happened and no one knew it was coming I have written several other letters before I wrote this one to be given to those who truly should have those answers in my will.

I am aware that I am leaving behind my godson, Teddy, his parents, and even my own godfather but hopefully they will consoled in the fact that in death I will be able to join my parents and have the family I was so carefully denied. Because this letter is running long due to the many words I have to tell you I shall end with these words. "To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing." Although, I do not know who wrote or said these words I want you to remember because my chance was taken all too soon.

H.J. Potter