So here's the deal: This works as a prequel to "Morgana's Revenge" and "Morgana's Quest", but can be read on its own. It's basically what I thought should have happened at the start of season two. I do use a MASSIVE amount of dialogue from the episode "The Nightmare Begins", which took a lot of wrangling to get in, let me tell you! It begins during that same episode, so if it seems a little repetative in the beginning, I'm sorry. Also, don't expect some sort of overarching plot. There wasn't really one to be had, given what I've already written... :)

Please enjoy!

CHAPTER ONE: The Nightmare Begins

Her dreams were once more dark and painful. She sought a light, anything that would show her where she was going. Her feet pounded on as she fled from something behind her. It never stopped, it never slowed down, and neither could she if she wanted to live. Once she stumbled as her foot caught in a dip in the floor. Her ankle twisted painfully but she continued on anyway, trying to ignore the pain. The only thing she knew was that her life depended on it. And so she sought a light, anything that would guide her way back to where she was safe.

On the bed, her eyes flicker open, but instead of shining a soft gray, they glitter dangerously gold. The candle beside her lights up.

There is a twisting deep in her heart, like she is reaching within her for something. A light sprang to life beside her, and she could see her way through the dark passageways. Somehow, she knew that the light had come from that deep place in her. The corridors twisted and turned, and she varied her pattern. Then the light went out, and she was lost once more. Terror gripped her heart.

The light is extinguished by her maid, and moved across the sits below the deep red curtain overlooking the courtyard, like a sleeping sentinel waiting to be awoken.

She drew the light back again.

And the candle relights, a flickering glow in the otherwise dark room.

She could see her way, but then she turned around. The light couldn't penetrate the blackness there, and before she could scream all her breath was stolen from her, leaving her lungs empty, her chest hollow and searching for any air. She needed a place to get away, a safe place, but she knew that she was at the end of the line. A crashing roar sounded from the pitch black and she screamed.

She wakes with a start and a cry and her eyes are drawn to the lit candle across from her. It is tall and bright below the red curtain. Her eyes will not move from it, no matter how she tries to tear them from the sight. The horror of the dream is still upon her, making her heart beat faster than she had ever imagined it could, pounding against her ribs as though attempting to escape from its bone cage.

The dream is recalled to her and she feels the true fear again, from when she knew that she was going to die in the dream, consumed by the impenetrable dark of the shadow. Breath is stolen from her again and in desperation she recalls the light and how she willed it into being. The dancing flame heightens and she feels that it is her fault and that she is causing the flame to grow but she doesn't know how to stop it, how to bring it to an end.

The fire reaches upward with grasping fingers of heat, grabbing for the red cloth, as though it wants to paint it a brighter red than it is already. It takes hold in the embroidered velvet and spreads quickly through the fibers, engulfing it in an inferno of orange light. It is then that Morgana pulls herself from the trance in which she was trapped and fully takes in the scene laid before her. Disbelief etches itself through her soul. Could she have caused this? But then she recognizes the danger, not only of such thoughts, but also of the swiftly expanding blaze. With nothing else to do, she pulls the blankets to her and screams. She screams of her fear of the fire and the death, but also of the thoughts she held about her own relationship to the flames.

###

Morgana had been unable to sleep the entire night, afraid of what she might to in her dreams. Her guardian sent her to see Gaius while he searched for an explanation, fearing that the shock would affect her somehow. Morgana didn't know what to do, but when the physician asked her about the fire, she needed to talk.

"What I don't understand, Morgana, is how the fire started in the first place," Gaius began, clearly fishing for answers that he thought she might have.

"It happened so quick, it was terrifying," she said instead, attempting to pull the words that she needed from the recesses of her fear wracked mind.

"It's all right. You're safe now," he said kindly, but she knew the futility of such a statement. For all that words could kill if used properly and directed at the right person, some were completely useless. The words she would say next though, they were important. They weren't useless.

"You're the only person I've told about my dreams," she said tentatively, desperate to confide in someone, anyone, who might chance to believe her. "I know I can trust you, Gaius."

"Yes of course you can," the old man said, looking down at her with a hand on her shoulder

"It was me," she said, trying not to let her fear show through and failing miserably. "I set the room alight, I started the fire.

"I don't understand, did you knock a candle over-" Gaius began.

"No, no that's not what happened," she interrupted him. "I did it just by looking at it. The flames suddenly leapt higher-" but it was his turn to cut her off.

"It could have been a gust of wind," he said as though he wanted her to stop talking about it despite the fact that it had been he who had initiated the conversation.

But Morgana knew what she had felt. "It wasn't, it was me," she asserted, then paused, gathering herself for what she would have to say next. The words would be damning, terrible evidence against her. If she spoke them they were real. "It was magic." Just saying them made her feel weak. If Uther ever found out- she didn't even want to think of it.

"My child-" Gaius began, but the old affectionate moniker roused her to anger.

"I'm not a child!"

He continued as though she had not spoken, which angered her more. She pushed those feelings away, drawing upon her fear instead. She couldn't decide which feeling was more detestable. "Last night was an accident. It had nothing to do with you. How could it have? I am going to draw you up a fresh remedy that will make you feel better."

She shook her head furiously. Would he not understand? The old physician relied too much on his medicine and thought too little of magic. If he would not see it she didn't know who possibly would. If he would not listen, she didn't know who to turn to.

"I promise. You must trust me," he said, interrupting her before she'd begun to protest out loud. He moved away, leaving her speechless and silent. He would not listen to her or calm her fears. She couldn't confide in anyone. Uther was completely out of the question, and Arthur was his son. Gwen had already been accused falsely of sorcery; she couldn't risk her best friend like that again. So she kept her mouth closed and locked the fear away.

###

Merlin had heard the entire conversation. He couldn't believe that Gaius would brush Morgana off like that, especially at such a difficult time of her life. His own experiences coming to terms with his magic was scary enough; he couldn't imagine what it would have been like if he were the ward of one such as Uther. Later that evening he sat with Gaius in their chambers and decided to broach the topic.

"I was helping to clear out Morgana's chambers earlier," he said. All he got was a little grunt in response. "The window was blown out into the courtyard below." Another grunt. "It's odd, isn't it? If lightning had struck the window like Arthur said, you'd think the glass would fall on the inside of the window." This time there was absolutely no response from the physician. Merlin began to get impatient, and cut straight to his point. "It was magic. You know it was. More importantly, so does she."

Gaius turned to look at Merlin. "Morgana knows nothing for certain." He sounded so final and uncaring that it ripped Merlin's heart to pieces.

"Which makes it even worse! She isn't sure what's happening to her and it's tearing her apart!" Merlin practically shouted.

Gaius responded in kind. "What would you have me do?"

Merlin shook his head in disbelief. "Talk to her. Tell her she'll be okay. Tell her that her powers aren't something to be afraid of." He knew that he wished someone could have been there for him, and he couldn't bear to see Morgana struggle when she didn't have to.

Gaius was adamant on this point though. "I can't."

"Maybe I could speak to her," the young warlock suggested. He knew that he wanted to, desperately, though if someone had asked him why he wouldn't have been able to say. Perhaps it was a friend's love for a friend. Perhaps it was something deeper.

At this, Gaius turned around, disapproval evident on his face. "No Merlin, you can't."

"Why not? I understand what she's going through!" Merlin protested vehemently.

"You must never reveal your secret. Not to anyone."

"But she has magic too! She would not tell on me, I know it. She is more than just one of the court ladies to me Gaius. She's a friend, and I would trust her with my life. I have in the past. Why should now be any different?" Merlin stood up in an attempt to physically express his conviction and rising ire.

"Merlin! I forbid you to speak to her about this. And that is my final word on the matter." Gaius returned to his herbs and medicines, but Merlin knew that the issue was not yet settled, no matter what Gaius told him. He would not let a friend suffer when he had the power to aid them.

###

That evening Morgana sat on the edge of her bed as Gwen bustled around, preparing her room for the night. "Where did those come from?" the lady asked, pointing to a small bouquet of red and white flowers in a blue vase on her table.

"Merlin brought them earlier, while you were sleeping," Gwen said, smiling at her. "It looks like someone's worried about you."

Morgana let her lips curve a little. "He's so sweet."

Gwen moved across the room and sat beside her friend, taking one of her hands. She'd had enough of the small talk. "I can stay if that would make you feel better," she offered, knowing what a traumatic event Morgana had been through.

"You've done so much already," the lady said, running her fingers over her friend's.

"I don't mind," Gwen said reassuringly. She knew that Morgana didn't want to appear weak, but if she was needed, she didn't want to let her down.

"I'll be fine," Morgana said with more resolve than she felt. And when she saw that her maid was not reassured, added "Really." Gwen smiled weakly, giving her hand one last squeeze before standing up to leave. "Gwen," Morgana called after her. "Take the candle." She couldn't risk another fire, especially since she believed that she had caused it. Gwen smiled in understanding, took the candle from the bedside table and left, the light leaving with her. Alone in her dark room, Morgana let out a breath, thankful that it was gone. She didn't know if she'd ever be comfortable sleeping with a candle in her room again.

She settled down, Merlin's flowers on the table the last thing she saw before she shut her eyes for the night. But she couldn't sleep. Fear of what she might do while trapped in her dreams prevented her mind from settling and ever giving her any rest. Thunder cracked just outside her window and she sat up in shock, adrenaline coursing through her veins. Her eyes were still fixed on the vase with the flowers, and she felt a rush of power. The vase exploded, sending flowers and shards of glass flying and causing water to fall in a localized rain over the table. Morgana didn't know what to do, she was so scared of what was happening to her.

In times of nightmare before she had run to Gaius, and so she did now. She moved through the silent castle like a ghost, avoiding the guards who wouldn't have dared to stop her anyway. She was the king's ward, and was completely entitled to move around as she pleased, no matter the time.

When she swung the door open she found Merlin blowing out the candles that dotted the room and lit it with a flickering light. At the sound of the door, he stopped and stood straight, his head turning to look at her.

"Is Gaius here?" she asked, striding purposefully across the floor. Her heels clicked authoritatively against the stone and she tried to hide her fear under command.

"Uh, no, he's not here at the moment," Merlin said. "But he'll be back soon though."

"I need to speak to him. Where is he?" Morgana looked around as though the old man would suddenly jump up from behind a table. He was the only one she had trusted with her dreams and suspicions, and she needed someone to trust.

"He's gone to see the king," Merlin told her. She looked at him, desperation blossoming across her face no matter how she tried to hide it. "What's wrong?"

Looking into his eyes, Morgana wanted nothing more than to confide in him. She opened her mouth, trying to put her feelings into words, then shut it again and turned away. She feared that he was Uther's man and would betray her if she confided in him. Merlin noticed her distress. "You can trust me, Morgana," he said, his voice softer and more intimate than before. Tears were gathering in the corners of her eyes as she turned to look at him again. "You know you can," he encouraged.

"I'm scared, Merlin," she said finally. Her voice shook slightly. "I don't understand anything anymore. I need to know what's happening." She could see that he wanted to help her, wanted to say something that would make her feel better. He knew about what she believed, of that she was sure. "Please." It was almost a whisper, a plead from her deepest soul for his support, for anyone's support.

"Gaius will be back soon, he'll be able to help you," the boy said instead, breaking eye contact.

"No he won't. I don't want anymore remedies. They don't do any good." Morgana took another step forward. She needed him, and she could tell that he needed her too for some reason. At least, he needed to tell her something. For all that Gaius had never told the king, he never really helped her either. His potions never helped; the nightmares came despite them. "It's magic, Merlin," she breathed. Her secret hung there, in the air between them.

"What?"

"I'm your friend, you know I wouldn't make this up," she said quietly, gazing intently at his face. His expression hadn't changed.

"Of course," he said instead, nodding.

"Then you believe me?" she asked, latching onto the hope he had given her with those two frail words. "You think it's magic too?" Frantic with desire for validation, her voice raised in pitch and volume. "Please Merlin. I just need to hear someone say it so I don't have to keep feeling like I'm imagining it," she begged.

Merlin nodded, his blue eyes locked on her gray ones in the dim light of the still flickering candles. Several long moments passed before he finally opened his mouth. "Whatever it is, I will be here for you, however you should need me. We will get you through this."

Relief flooded her body and she stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him. Her face pressed against the front of his red shirt as tears escaped the confines of her eyes. His arms encircled her, holding her close. "Thank you," she whispered into the cloth. For a moment she wasn't sure if he had heard her, but then he replied.

"You will be okay, I promise."

###

When Gaius returned from tending to Uther, he found Merlin sitting at one of the tables, rolling a small jar between his hands and looking preoccupied with his thoughts.

"Merlin?" he asked curiously. The boy started at the unexpected noise.

"I was just, um, waiting for, um you to get back," he stuttered, trying to cover up his confusion.

"So you could tell me something?" Gaius pressed.

"Um, yes … no. Um, goodnight!" Merlin stood hastily and backed away. "It's late, I should probably get to bed. Stuff to do in the morning, you know-"

"Merlin. What happened?"

"Nothing! Nothing happened."

The physician arched an eyebrow. "Does this have something to do with Morgana?"

"No!" Merlin looked at Gaius, then relented, knowing that the old man would get the truth out of him eventually. "Yes."

"Merlin! What did you tell her!" Worry replaced annoyance.

"Nothing!"

"You can never reveal your secret to her. Not to anyone. Understand?"

Anger emerged in Merlin's voice. "Why not? She needs someone!"

"This is a kingdom where magic is outlawed! Or have you forgotten that?"

"If not me, then who?" Merlin asked, raising his voice. "The Druids cannot help her; Uther has vowed to destroy them, and all those who sympathize. That would be far more dangerous."

"I can," the physician said, calm settling over him. "As I always have."

"Your remedies don't work, Gaius. And if you do not tell her what is happening, then she will feel like she's going mad. I know exactly how she's feeling right now. It was terrifying for me, and for her it would be worse than that."

"How would you know this?"

"Because I went through the same thing," Merlin responded. "And I will not let her go through it alone."

"Merlin, you cannot get involved in this. No good can come of it."

"No good, huh? How is it not good that she will feel reassured and supported? How is it not good that I will be there to guide her as you have guided me?" Merlin shook his head at Gaius. "You cannot stop me. Nobody can."

Okay, so that chapter was longer than I usually write... but I had to. Please review! I will love you forever and ever!