Hiccup sighed as he settled into his bed, propping a pillow against his back and lighting a candle.

"How could it get any better than this?"

He sat for awhile, turning the pages, completely absorbed in whatever he was reading until he felt the weight shift on his mattress. He found himself staring into Toothless' face.

"Hi Toothless," the rider said before he stuck his nose back into his book.

Hi Hiccup!

The Night Fury gave him a playful lick.

"Stop it." He pushed the dragon away.

He licked Hiccup's face again.

"Quit it!"

"Hiccup? Do you love me?"

Hiccup went white as a sheet. Did Toothless just talk? Something wasn't right. Toothless certainly couldn't talk. He was hallucinating. Probably thanks to his coffee-induced crash. Yes, that was it. He should just play along and he would wake up in the morning.

"Well, yes, Toothless. Of course I love you."

"So you'd say you're gay?"

"Wait, what? No! I meant in a bromantic way!" he sputtered.

"Is that a yes?"

"We're family, Toothless," Hiccup deadpanned. "Like it or not, I'm stuck with you for the rest of my life. Why do you ask?"

"Just wondering. I met this dragon today and he was just looking at me and smiling and sharing his fish and everything! I think he might have thought, that I was gay!"

"So why are you telling me this?" Hiccup stammered nervously. "Why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?"

"Oh, you don't have to get all defensive about it."

"I'm not getting defensive!" Hiccup nearly shouted and regained his composure. "I'm trying to read."

"Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Hiccup. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about."

"Well I don't want to talk about it, Toothless! This conversation is over!" Hiccup huffed.

"Yeah, but…"

"OVER!"

"Well, okay!" The dragon got off. "But just so you know…"

Hiccup set down his book and saw Toothless putting on a top hat. He nearly jumped out of his skin when music began to play.

"If you were gay," the dragon sang, "that'd be okay."

"What on earth are you wearing? Where did you get that hat?"

"I mean 'cause hey, I'd like you anyway!"

Toothless danced on his two hind legs, pulling Hiccup from his bed and spinning him around. "Because you see…"

"This doesn't make any sense!"

"If it were meeeeee!"

"I'm getting dizzy!"

"I'd feel free to say that I was gay, but I'm not gay," Toothless added.

"Toothless, please."

"If you were queer…"

"Ugh."

"I'd still be here."

"Please!"

"Year after year."

"Really, is this necessary?"

"Because you're dear to me!"

Hiccup began to bang his head against the wall to try and wake himself up from this nightmare.

"And I'd know that you…"

"What?"

"Would accept me tooooo!"

"I WOULD?" Hiccup cried in horror.

"If I told you today, 'Hey, guess what, I'm gay!', but I'm not gay."

"DEAR GODS HELP ME!" The boy ran around in circles before the dragon grabbed him by his collar and the two began to dance in a romantic waltz with a spotlight on them.

"Wha? How did we get here? Why am I in a tux?"

"I'm happy just being with you!"

"Where did you get that dress? ARE YOU WEARING LIPSTICK?"

"So what should it matter to me, what you do in bed with GUYS!"

"TOOTHLESS THIS IS INAPPROPRIATE!" Hiccup cried in exasperation.

A chorus line of Monstrous Nightmares, Deadly Nadders, and Zipplebacks in skirts came out of nowhere as music began to play louder and faster doing the can-can.

"If you were gay, I'd shout, 'HOORAAAAAY!'" Toothless cheered.

"I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU!"

"And here I'd stay!"

Hiccup plugged his ears. "LA-LA-LA-LA!"

"But I wouldn't get in your way!"

The poor boy threw up his hands and howled in agony.

"You can count on me, to always beside you every day."

"Make it stop!"

"To tell you it's okay!"

"NOTHING MAKES SENSE!"

"You were just born that way!"

"THAT DOESN'T HELP!"

"Even though it's not the Viking way, you're gaaaaay!" Toothless screeched.

"I am NOT gay!" he shouted indignantly.

"If you were gay!" the dragon added.

Poof!

"AGH!" Hiccup sat up in his bed sweating profusely. He looked around. "That was a weird dream."

A pause.

"Toothless doesn't know how to dance."

Hiccup got out of bed and went downstairs and grabbed a glass of water.

"No more coffee for me!"

He went back upstairs and opened the door to find Toothless blocking the way.

"If you were gay!" the dragon sang happily.

"WAAAAAH!"

His eyes bulged out of his eye sockets. Hiccup slammed the door in the Night Fury's face.

Owwwww…

There was a pained gurgle on the other side. He opened the door to find Toothless rubbing his bloody nose.

Why would you DO that?