"Hey, Castle." She greeted him as he slid into the booth, across the table from her. Visions from her nightmares tried to assail her, but his being there, in the flesh, comforted her. She could not tear her eyes away from him, visually reassuring herself that he was whole, healthy, and alive.

"Hello, Beckett." Was it her imagination or was his voice a little deeper? A smirk teased at the corners of his mouth. He waited until after Brian had set down his own drink and moved back to behind the bar before joking, "Couldn't wait until tomorrow to see me?"

Reacting to the accuracy of his statement, she dropped her gaze to the table and she realized how tightly her fingers were laced together. She deliberately unclenched them and picked up her forgotten drink and took a sip, more for something to do than because she wanted a drink. As she set the glass back down on the table, she forced herself to match his smirk, and countered "Maybe I just wanted free drinks."

He tilted his head just a fraction. "You don't need me here for that," he stated, reminding her of what Brian had said just before Castle had arrived.

She raised one eyebrow. "'Boss's orders,' right?" She expected him to squirm, and was surprised when all he did was shrug.

"Yes," he confirmed, unexpectedly serious. "Free drinks for you; half price for Ryan, Esposito, Lanie and Captain Montgomery; and a discount for any member of the NYPD."

"So that's why there are so many cops here tonight," she observed, before giving him a direct look. "Why?" she asked, knowing he would understand what she meant.

"My way of giving back." He smirked again, and leaned across the table, beckoning her closer. When she moved forward, they were so close their heads were nearly touching. He whispered conspiratorially, "Besides, having all these cops here keeps Brian honest."

Beckett couldn't stop herself from chuckling, and felt the rest of her lingering tension drain.

Castle sat back, smiling, and studied her for a moment. "I forgot you probably know more than half these officers. Do you want to go somewhere else, somewhere more private? It would still be my treat though."

Beckett contemplated his offer. The officers at the 12th were used to seeing them together, so she wasn't too worried about any gossip from them, but the idea of not being around other people held some appeal. Before she realized what she was saying, she replied, "How about your office downstairs? It's private, and the drinks would still be free."

Castle merely cocked an eyebrow. If he was surprised at her suggestion, he masked it well. He simply stood up and gestured for her to follow. She picked up her drink and slid out of the booth to stand beside him. She took a moment to bask in his body heat before he moved, going to the alcove that hid the entrance to the downstairs office. He activated the mechanism that revealed the staircase and gestured to her. "Ladies first."

She descended the stairs and as the room came into view, she was amazed at the changes. "Wow, Castle," she said, suitably impressed. "You've had a lot of work done here." She stood just inside the doorway, looking around.

Beckett listened with half an ear as Castle went around the room, pointing out various changes. There was a full size sofa against one wall, along with a sink-yourself-into chair and small coffee table. There was also a new area rug covering most of the floor. The desk had been cleaned off and now held two computer monitors. He had kept the antique lights, but had added to them to help with the lighting.

Grinning, she looked at Castle, who had gone quiet. She tilted her head towards the bookcase, which now held copies of his own books. "Still work?"

He matched her grin. "Of course. But it's on rails now, for easier sliding. And it locks from the inside here, so no one can use it to get in from the sewers."

"Smart."

"I thought so," he teased, but there was a thread of something else and she thought it might be tension.

She took a moment to really look at him for the first time this evening. Before, she had been too focused on chasing away her nightmares. Now that she was studying him, she saw the signs of exhaustion and tension that she missed earlier. There were the slightest hints of shadows under his eyes, and his shoulders were tensed up. She wondered if maybe he had been having nightmares as well, or if something else was bothering him.

Her look turned to one of concern. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he answered, grinning and shrugging his shoulders. "Why wouldn't I be?"

This time she saw through his façade easily. Something was seriously wrong and she debated on whether or not to call him on it. Maybe this time, she should be the one to speak up first. Decision made, she walked over to the sofa and lowered herself onto the cushions, sinking into them further than she was expecting. 'This would make a good napping couch,' she thought, momentarily feeling the effects of the past couple of nights of interrupted sleep. She resisted the temptation to just curl up and returned her attention to the man at the center of her disturbing dreams.

She waited until he sat in the chair and angled herself to face him. "Do you know why I wanted to see you tonight?" she asked, her casual tone belying the significance of the question.

He hesitated, but opted for humor again. "You mean besides the open bar?"

She didn't let him dodge. "We went through a lot this past weekend. More so than normal. We've been in danger before, but this-" She paused to think of the right way to put it. "This was more intense. The quarantine tent, the gun battle, the freezer, and then the bomb. In all my years as a cop, I've never been through anything like that." She stopped to gauge his reaction.

Castle was staring at her. In his eyes, she saw empathy, but underneath she thought there was a hint of trepidation, fear and hurt. The fear she thought she understood, but the hurt? Where did that come from? Did he think that she was going to tell him to stop following her? Didn't he know how much she needed him? That despite his sometimes childish behavior, he kept her grounded? Or maybe he was thinking about calling it quits between them. After all, he had done so before. Even though the circumstances were different, maybe the events of this past weekend had him re-considering the wisdom of following her around.

Uncomfortable with the direction her thoughts were heading, she stood up abruptly to pace around the room, avoiding Castle's gaze. "I wanted to make sure you were okay," she admitted, hoping he couldn't tell that it had been for her sake instead of his. And although initially the reason was selfish, now that she could see he had been - and still was - suffering, she was worried about him. If she could get him to talk, maybe she would find her own answers, without having to admit anything. She turned and saw him still sitting there, unmoving. Patiently, she waited until he finally dropped his gaze from her to the floor.

When he spoke, his voice was pitched low and she had to strain to hear him. "I didn't tell Alexis or my mother anything."

"Anything?" she prompted.

"I didn't tell them anything about the bomb," he clarified. "Other than that the 'situation' had been handled. I didn't tell them how it had been handled, or that we were standing right in front of the bomb when it almost went off. They knew about the freezer, of course, but I just couldn't tell them anything about the bomb." He ran his hands through his hair and over his face, before slumping back into the chair. "I think they knew anyway."

"Castle." When that failed to get his attention, she crossed back over the sofa, and sat down close enough so that their knees were nearly touching. She leaned forward to rest her elbows on her knees, and spoke again. "Castle."

His tormented eyes met hers, and she hoped for the right words to bring him comfort. "You're not wrong for wanting to protect your family. Sometimes, the best thing we can do for them is to spare them the details."

He expelled a deep breath. "When I refused to talk about it, they seemed to accept that. It doesn't erase the guilt though."

"Just give it time," she advised, and was glad when he appeared to at least consider what she was saying. "For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

He tilted his head. "Did you tell Josh?"

The question took Beckett by surprise and she barely stopped herself from jerking back away from him. 'Why in the hell is he bringing up Josh now?' she thought, and nearly snapped out a brusque reply. She took her own deep breath to settle herself before answering honestly, "No. He simply assumed we had found it in time. I didn't feel the need to tell him how close it was."

"Spared him the details?" he asked, dryly, tossing her own words back at her.

Beckett stared at him, trying to determine if he was being sarcastic, serious, or something else. When she couldn't read him, she decided to tell him the truth. "We don't talk about my work much, so he doesn't ask, and I don't tell," she told him bluntly.

A look of surprise flashed across Castle's face, but was masked so swiftly that Beckett wondered if she had really seen it. Instead, all she saw now was concern.

Before he could probe further, she tried to divert his attention, and lighten the mood at the same time. "So what did you do at the Hamptons, if you weren't bragging to Alexis and Martha about your heroics?"

His eyes narrowed, but she smiled warmly to let him know that she was truly grateful for his actions that day. She knew he had saved them both, even if she did tease him about his impulsiveness.

He seemed to take the hint and grinned in return. "They wouldn't have believed me anyway, not without a sworn, written statement from you."

"That'll be the day," she chuckled.

"Are you telling me that you don't include me in your formal reports?"

"Of course I do, Castle. Mostly about how much a pain in the ass you are." 'Or were,' she mentally added. In truth, she had come to depend on him a lot more than she liked to admit.

His smile seemed more genuine. "But I'm a useful pain in the ass."

She couldn't help herself and laughed. As she did, she noticed the tension leaving Castle's shoulders and that he was finally relaxing.

Maybe it was time to admit something out loud.

She smirked at him. "That, you are, Castle. That, you are."

CB CB CB CB

Author's Note: Originally, this was just going be a post-Countdown fic about Beckett dealing with everything that happened during it and Setup. As it stands now, I think it's a pretty good filler about how they got from the end of Countdown, where everything was a bit off between them, and One Life to Lose, where everything is back to being okay. I might continue it later and take it AU, if the inspiration strikes - and I do have some ideas about that - but at the moment, I'm marking it as complete. Thank you to everyone who took the time to review, put it on alerts, or favorited (is that the right word?) it. I really do appreciate all of them. Please let me know what you think!