Dear Mello,

Do you know, Mello, that I watch you, from my desk, in class? I watch, your bright blue eyes, as they gaze at the board with pure intensity. You're always so determined. You want to beat me so badly. Do you know, that I would, I would, purposefully, put the wrong answers on the tests, so that just once you would win. I would, but then if I did, If you ever, became first, ahead of me, you would forget me. If you didn't have your hatred toward me, if you didn't have me as an obstacle, I would easily be forgotten by you. Just as all the other orphans have forgotten me, how my parents forgot me.

Do you know, Mello, that I watch you, from the playroom? As you smash your way through my toy towers, your golden hair whipping around you, beautifully. Your hands, which mine could so easily fit with, hit me. You're so angry. But as you hit and hurt and shout and your voice is echoing off the walls, scaring the other orphans so they flee, all I can focus on is how beautiful you are. You're all that is bright, you're all that anyone could hope to be, so pretty that all the girls are jealous. I'm nothing compared to you, washed out, white, like someone erased me. I could never compare. Maybe, that's why you couldn't ever love me.

Do you know, Mello, that I watch you, from my bedroom window? I push my toy chest to the window, carefully cover it with a pillow, and sit, protected from the brightness of the outdoors in my own little room. I watch as you play soccer, you're fast, lean, you're athletic ability is brilliant, and I wish I could be down outside with you, smiling as you teach me how to kick a soccer ball. You could be teasing me, playfully, not cruelly, about my clumsy legs. I watch as you go behind a hedge with Matt, and my stomach twists, jealously. I feel nauseous, and I draw the curtains to a close. I want to imagine us going behind a hedge together, sharing soft, secret kisses. Your lips on mine warmly. But I know that it isn't me behind that hedge with you, and deep beneath my wall of nothing, I ache.

Do you know, Mello, that I watch on my monitor, in the SPK building, as the church goes up in flames. I watch, and slowly, ever so slowly, my heart, which seems not to beat, breaks. I whisper softly, your name, but I know I'm alone, and no one will hear me. I can smell the smoke, and I imagine, I imagine I'm sitting with you in that truck. Your hand is in my own, and we're squeezing tightly, you, my only reassurance, as the flame burns ugly white, into deep red. My knees buckle, and I fall to the floor, the dull pain from the hit bringing me back to what is instead of what I want. I shut my eyes, and for the first time in so long cry.

You were always first, but I never told you, because you would have forgotten me.

But you have forgotten me regardless, and now, I'm here alone.

Dear Mello,

Why?

LOL! That turned out a lot sadder than I expected. Er, hi guys, yeah, I know, it's literally been a year since my last fic was written. *facepalm* This was really impromptu, written in about thirteen minutes. See, me and mah BFF Boogie (I Love You!) rp like rabid dogs, anyway, in the current rp we're doing, the characters have written letters to each other, like some serious in depth shit, I've written almost all the letters as of right now, and it reminds me how much I love to write. So I can't upload the letters we wrote because to be honest.. due to the setting of the rp you'd be like wtf is this crazy chick talking about. So I was like since I used to write so much Mello Near, I'll write me one a' them thur, fancy letters between them! And Viola! This was written. I hope it's not complete shit, because I wasn't really all that inspired for this. But oh well! I plan on writing a lot more soon, just because I haven't written enough lately.

Later Lovelies! Hope you enjoyed!