Chapter Four: Momstrosity

Zane was plugging away at the strange code running amok all over GD when he heard the familiar clip of Jo Lupo's shoes coming towards him. She had left a while ago to handle something with Deputy Andy and although it was usually more amusing when she was around these days, having her gone did help him focus better. Dr. Blake was out checking on the other glitches in GD's systems but had only checked in once, unlike Fargo who probably would have been all over his case by now. She told him that he seemed on top of things and could handle the investigation from his end. She was fine getting out of his way to let him do what he needed to do. He could get used to having her in charge.

But thinking again about Jo, he was really starting to enjoy their playful antagonisms. Dare he call them flirtations? No, it wasn't at that level yet but the potential was certainly there. He'd break her down eventually and then the real fun would begin. He saw her quickly approaching in the reflection of his console and was quick to hide his amusement before she arrived.

The object of his thoughts stepped up beside him and stopped a bit closer than he would have expected her to. One shift of his chair and his shoulders just might brush up against that very squeezable and almost irresistible … Well, best to not think about that right now when he was trying to concentrate. He really was entrenched in examining this code, but he wouldn't mind having Lupo all to himself for a few minutes.

"Hey there Mr. Donovan," came Deputy Andy's cheerful voice.

So much for getting Jo to himself. However, he didn't mind Andy much. He was an amazing marvel of technology and he certainly didn't hassle him as much as Carter and Lupo.

"How's it going, Deputy? I see you've returned Lupo to us in one piece." He spared a quick look in their direction but then became distracted again by an interesting string of data that might lead him to something useful.

"Oh, if it were up to me, I'd keep her all to myself," Andy replied. Jo snorted in disgust which brought Zane's attention from his task to the woman and the robot standing next to him. That response was rather unacceptable first because that was his own train of thought and belonged to him and also because it clearly pissed off an already annoyed Chief of Security. In fact, on the Jo Lupo annoyance meter, she was at about an 8 on a scale of 1 to 10. He should know; he was quite familiar with the variations of her moods.

Andy looked his usual, chipper self. When Zane examined him a little longer though, he could see the deputy's attention was focused on Jo in a way that didn't sit quite right with him.

Per usual, Jo got right to the point. "Zane, I think I might have stumbled on some insight into this situation. Vincent's A.I. is acting really weird and so is Andy. I'm wondering if this glitch is something that's targeting A.I.'s or whatever programming is unique just to those technologies." Now was certainly not the time to dwell on it, but he loved it when she talked tech.

"Weird like how?" he asked, not letting on how truly hot her question really was.

Deputy Andy gave Jo a few lingering pats on the shoulder to which she jerked away and into as much of his work space as decorum allowed. Her sudden movement brought her in full contact with him which he wasn't going to complain about. It was almost as if she were seeking his protection. Almost. This was still Jo Lupo he was dealing with. But now he knew something was definitely up.

"Jo, I don't tell you enough that I value you as a person and a fellow law enforcement officer. Brains and beauty! That's a combination any fella would be happy to have." Jo rolled her eyes at Andy's declaration while Zane could only stare at him dumbfounded. He had no words.

Jo turned to him in annoyance and gestured towards her robot replacement. "Weird like that."

Not that Zane disagreed with Andy's unsolicited opinion, especially in relation to Jo. But seriously, what the hell? There were plenty of jokes he could make over the situation but his disturbance over Andy's lame come-on prevented him from jumping on any of them. Jo was about to go supernova which didn't bode well for anyone, much less him. And Andy was making dudes look bad in general. That was no okay.

Jo took his silence as an opportunity to make a hasty exit. "Could you run a diagnostic on him and see if there's any connection to the other glitches in GD? I'm going to go find Allison and fill her in." She sighed heavily and headed towards the exit, making sure not to spare Andy any glances he could take as encouragement. When the deputy moved to follow her, she shot him a deadly glare and pointed to the seat behind him. "Stay put, Romeo."

"Okey-doke," he replied and waved goodbye to her. "Romeo, eh?" he said turning to Zane. "I'd say she's warming up to me, don't you think?" He winked and continued to display that eerie smile of his.

Still slightly in shock, Zane turned towards the deputy and eyed him skeptically before grabbing his portable scanner. "So, Andy, you and Lupo?"

"She sure is something else, isn't she?" he answered enthusiastically. "I could just watch her for hours." He raised his hand up to interface with Zane's device. "I could actually watch her for hours, you know. My self-charging battery means that I can stay up and running for weeks if I have to." Zane was doing his best to concentrate on his readings while also trying to figure out what level of the Twilight Zone he had fallen into. Andy turned to Zane, a serious expression disrupting his usual cheerful grin. "Do you think if I reminded her of that she'd be more receptive? My unique build and programming parameters dictate that I could go at anything, and I mean anything, all night if that- "

"You know what? Why don't you not tell her that," he offered, cutting Andy off abruptly. He had heard some rumors about Jo dating someone who turned out to be a robot but he was pretty sure that had been an accident of sorts. She seemed to want nothing to do with Andy's affections and truth be told, he didn't blame her for being seriously creeped out.

"Too soon, right? Wow, I've got so much to learn in the romance department. How am I looking there?" he asked pointing at the beeping device.

He glanced warily at Andy and transferred the data to his station console. "Well, you've definitely caught what's going around. That probably explains, uh ... things."

"If you say so," he replied. "Hey! You're known as a bit of a ladies' man. Maybe you can give me some advice on wooing my fair paramour. I tried poetry but I think maybe she'd prefer a small pet of some kind."

Zane shook his head at the absurdity of any robot asking him for dating tips much less the artificial deputy asking how to score some action with the most uptight, frigid woman in town. Besides, if he had insight into how to get into Jo Lupo's pants, he'd be using it to actually get into said pants. And Andy could bet his robotic ass that he sure as hell wouldn't be sharing with any horny, program-corrupted A.I.s.

"I don't think I can help you, Andy. At least I can't help you beyond suggesting you tone it down and prepare yourself for disappointment."

"Oh, don't be so negative, Mr. Donovan! Don't you believe in the power of love?"

"Sure, but when it comes to Jo Lupo, it's best to put your faith in the power of her taser setting." He continued to type furiously as he connected the new information from Andy to the algorithms he was running on GD's systems.

"I've got it!" Andy said ignoring Zane's warning. "The Nevada Gun Show is in July! I can see it now. Me. Her. A long, romantic road trip where we can be alone and I can help her engage in her most beloved passion." He stared off dreamily as if his vast computer brain were calculating all of the scintillating scenarios he could create with Jo. It was highly disturbing to Zane. "Do you think she likes erotic massage?"

"Alright, Cassanova," Zane said, turning from his console. "This is getting out of hand." Not that Andy's suggestion was a bad one; Zane had already filed it away for future consideration. But enough was enough.

"Look, Andy. I think you're okay so I'm going to help you out." Andy brought his focus back to the scientist and anxiously awaited his wisdom. "Now, listen to me carefully. I want to make sure you understand and if you have any questions, just feel free to ask."

"Affirmative!"

Zane took a deep breath so he could break this down as neatly as possible. He looked directly into Andy's synthetic face and the robot leaned in so that he could focus on every word he was about to hear.

"Jo Lupo will find several ways to kill you slowly if you so much as breathe on her the wrong way. If you'd like to keep all of your artificial parts intact, I suggest you cease and desist." He then turned back to his console and resumed his study of the data in front of him. He hadn't consciously meant to, but his advice ended up sounding like a personal threat from him. He had no doubt that Jo would dismantle the robot if he pushed her too far and, given Andy's unwillingness to take no for an answer, Zane could easily be persuaded to get on board as well. There was wooing and then there was stalking and assaulting. Zane was adamantly against the latter and jerks who overstepped their bounds.

Andy looked at him quizzically and appeared to be saddened by the lack of encouragement in Zane's words. "Besides," Zane said with a more upbeat tone. "What happened to playing hard to get? Chicks love that."

Andy tilted his head a if a new revelation had occurred to him and his brilliant smile returned. "Oh, I get it, Mr. Donovan. You're such a kidder. But don't worry, I'll think of something to impress her. I won't let you down."

Zane shook his head in disgust and continued working at his console. "Forget it. It's your funeral." Andy waved him off good naturedly and resumed his internal planning.

A new set of clicks entered the room and he turned around to see Dr. Blake come in while reviewing a scrolling list of projects on her tablet. "Hey there, Dr. Blake!" Andy greeted. "Is Jo with you by chance?" Allison stopped in her tracks and examined the robot carefully before chuckling and heading to the adjoining console.

"Jo told me something was wrong with you. I guess I had to see it to believe it. Zane, I'm sending you an updated list."

"Got it," he responded, cross-referencing the new program specs with his current findings.

Andy turned in his chair to address Allison again. "I asked Jo if love could ever be wrong but she didn't provide an answer to that particular query. Perhaps it would be better asked in song form?" He cleared his throat and took a deep inhale in preparation.

"Try it and you're toast, Tin Man," Jo grunted. "I'm writing all of you perverted robots up when this is over. What did you find, Zane?"

To Zane's delight, she returned to her spot squarely within his personal space. She had her hand placed on the back of his chair with her other arm only inches from where he typed. She was leaning in to see what he and Allison were looking at and this time, some part of her body did make actual contact with his.

Definitely distracting. But he wasn't going to get all pervy on her. Andy was doing a good enough job in that department already.

He continued to study the scrolling code on his screen and while he gave them an update, a movement from Andy's direction caught his attention. Without warning, Andy had trailed his hand down Jo's arm in a sensual caress - or what he no doubt had hoped to be a sensual caress but looked more like shameless groping. He clinched his fist involuntarily seeing Andy's molestation but when Jo forcefully pushed his chair away with her foot and went about her business, he knew she had it covered. If he was feeling generous later, he'd give Andy a pointer that the rapey vibe was not the best way to win over the ladies. But right now they had more important things to worry about.

Much later, after discovering that S.A.R.A.H. slipped Andy an EMO download, he figured the rapey vibe might have been somehow contagious. Leaving the two A.I.s to each other was probably the best solution anyone could have devised.

Everyone was a winner - love prevailed, he made a new friend in law enforcement who owed him one, they found that renegade Titan Rover before she could kill anyone (barely) and he no longer had to worry about amorous robots stealing Jo away when his back was turned.

Not that he worried much since she could take care of herself. And not that it was really stealing or that he cared that much who she spent her free time time with. Really, he couldn't care less. But still, they had some quality flirting to work up to and he wasn't going to let those plans get disrupted.

Not bad for a day's work. Now he had a gun show to go research.

TBC...