CHAPTER 1: Have you met Ted?

"So, kids… did I ever tell you about that time I almost met your mother?" I ask.

"Yep. That was when you almost married Stella, right?"

Ted laughs, pointing playfully at his daughter. "You've been listening, but no; that isn't it. That wasn't the only time that I've gotten into a serious relationship quickly, or fought that much with Barney…"

Everything started on a day like any other, when the gang was having a regular night of fun at McLaren's. Marshal and Lily were happier than ever in that way that only they could manage. Robin was being as Canadian as Robin tends to be and Barney, well, he had something else in mind…

"Have you ever noticed how woman-less you are, Ted?"

"I'm perfectly fine, Barn-"

"You look like you could use a wingman."

"I don't need a wingman, Barney. If you wanna be useful, you could get us another round."

"Can do, Ted." He gets up to go to the bartender. I turn back to my friends and get sucked into a conversation and for the most part had forgotten about Barney. I probably would have forgotten about him too, but my glass had run dry. Barney has been gone for a while. Nudging Robin, I ask. "Where's Barney?"

"Oh, he's been talking some girl."

"He's supposed to be getting us drinks." I glance at the bar, where Barney's back is to him. He's drinking with two girls at a bar. One is blonde; the other a dark brunette. Standing up, I start to the bar. "Sorry, Robin. Be right back."

As I approach the table, Barney is handing the blonde girl her cell phone; she smiles flirtatiously before heading back to her girlfriends. He sees me coming and hands me the beer I'd been waiting on. He tells the girl he'll be right back and motions for me to follow him. Reluctantly, I do.

"Follow my lead. See, I've had my eye on that girl over there," Barney says, as motions in the girl's direction. "I've picked her out for you."

His eyes dart to this girl who was sitting on a bar stool. I could only see her from the back. From where I was standing, I could see her long, dark hair running to the middle of her back. "Now we've got that sorted…"

"Barney, no! I told out I didn't need a wingma—"Barney hurriedly rushed to tap her shoulder, and she turns around on her stool. He shakes her hand, "Have you met Ted?"

But I was stopped by what I suspected to be her beauty. Her dark hair was complemented by her shining brown eyes and cheerful smile. She wasn't the kind of girl you'd only dream of finding in a bar. Hell, I had to pinch myself to make sure that I wasn't dreaming.

She only laughed at us, shaking our hands, "No, I'm Chelsea. Nice to meet you... Ted and…"

"Barney." I looked across at Barney, who eyed me mysteriously before turning back to her, successfully pushing me out of the way. I'd seen that look before. It resembled the one he got when he was jealous, but I decided to let that go now. Barney wouldn't disgrace the sacred duty that is wingman for a girl? Would he? Maybe I should watch him. "I'm Barney. Stinson. I just told you when we met, which was like ten minutes ago."

She giggles airily. "Must have forgotten."

"I'm Ted."

"Yes you are; that I remember," she smiled. "Maybe we could get together sometime, Ted? Your friend has told me so much about you. Here's my number. Feel free to call me anytime."

She scribbles my number down on a bar napkin and puts it in my hand. I grin sheepishly. "Thanks."

Barney looked confused. "Why'd you give him your number? What about me?"

"Silly, you introduced me to your friend." she replies pointedly and starts for the door. "I'll see you later Ted."

When she leaves the bar, Barney makes sure to punch me in the arm. "Dude, what was that for?"

"Why did you do that?"

"Do what? I got her number so mission accomplished," I laughed.

"No, Ted. I want her back."

"What do you mean 'want her back'? You were being my wingman."

"No, but she's a solid nine and you're a..."

"So you think I'm not good enough for her?" I asked, clearly offended.

"No, it's not that. It's just that I want that," Barney says. "You know what I mean?"

"I'm kinda sorry that I do," I said scratching my head. "But no; you were being my wingman and for once I like the person you hooked me up with."

I shove past him and make my way back to the table. "Lily, I think I've just met the most amazing girl..."

Barney pulls up a chair, "What do you mean 'the most amazing girl'? There is no way you can pull that from two seconds of conversation."

Lily shakes her head. "I think you should go on a date with this girl and bring her back here so we can get a good look at her."

"Why?" I whine. "You guys never like my girlfriends."

"Girlfriend? You just met her. She's not your girlfriend," Barney reasons, his eyes wild. He didn't like how infatuated I was becoming with this girl. I wouldn't even cal it infatuation; it was a sincere case of (to put it in simple terms) like-like.

Lilly continues, "But you sound so excited."

"You just met this girl. How do you even know that she's so great?" Robin interjects.

"Exactly," Barney agrees. "She isn't even that great!"

"Actually, I think she is."

"How so?" Robin says, already intrigued.

"I've seen the signs."

Marshall laughs. "The signs? You have not seen the signs. That would have to mean..."

"What are the signs?"

"The signs are when you are immediately attracted to someone and notice several things about them that makes them more attractive."

"So what was so special about this girl?"

"Well..."

"Then what did you notice?" Lilly asks as the gang leans in for the details.

"First of all... there was her hair." Chelsea wears her hair down, but if you look closely, you can see that it used to be in a ponytail. "She usually wears her hair in a pony tail."

"So? That doesn't mean anything," Robin laughs. "Ted, I think you're in over your head."

"Maybe it doesn't mean anything, but it has to count for something. But this one is undeniable: she has an iPhone."

Robin scoffs. "I have an iPhone, like seventy percent of all New Yorkers."

"But I noticed when she took her phone out, it was a star wars phone case.

"The Chewbacca case? Pfft!" Barney scoffs, but I secretly think he likes the case. I mean, he does have a life-sized storm trooper in his living room. He's as big of a Star Wars fan as a person can get without being labeled as a nerd.

"Chewbacca? There is nothing hotter than a chick who likes Star Wars!" Marshall says.

"I agree," Barney grins before frowning unconvincingly. "I mean no I don't."

"Marshall!" Lilly elbows him.

"Sorry baby."

"That's okay, I forgive you." They smile lovingly before they participate in a sloppy kiss.

"Um, gross," Robin interjects.

See what they did? How they were able to have a fight and make up all in the matter of two seconds? That's what I wanted in a relationship. Simplicity. And, I was thinking maybe I could get that with Chelsea if things went swimmingly at the date I was already planning out in my head.

"And finally, the one thing that seals the deal..."

They all take turns making jokes. Marshal goes first."Does she have an undying love for Italian literature?"

Then Lily. "Or a secret love of college professors, architecture and elbow patches?"

"Maybe she only has two months left to live? A woman can only sink so low..." Barney winks at me and I can only begin to imagine how many women he has used that trick on.

"Ouch, that last one hurt. But no, that isn't right. What made me take a second look was... her personality."

The guys took one last look at me before blowing raspberries in my face. "Her personality?"

"Ted, I know you're a romantic, but isn't this is a bit much?" Robin can't help but ask me.

"What? Is there no such thing as love at first sight?"

"Love at first sight? Let's face it Ted: chivalry is dead, and you killed it. 'Nuff said." Marshall's word seemed final.

"Maybe you have a point, but maybe you should give it a chance. After all, what are the odds that you meet your wife on the first day of college and fall hopelessly in love without any bumps in the road?"

"There were tons of bumps," Marshal says, not quite believing it himself.

"No there weren't."

"Okay, there weren't," he replies happily, wrapping his arm around Lily tighter.

"Ted, you know what?" Lily assures me. "I support you. Go get her."

"And was that how you 'almost' met our mother? At that date?" I nod.

"So, did it run smoothly?"

"Well..."

"Did it?"

"No. It was actually much more..." I paused, looking, to put it simply, for the right words. "...complicated."