Hey guys~ So I've read some of distantfridays' super sexy Spamano stories and it made me want to do one for myself. I'm sort of jumping into it so we'll see how it goes.

Personal disclaimer: I am not Catholic and I've never been a secretary so some of the details are probably not accurate in regards to that. Also, I'm making getting/maintaining a demanding job much easier than it is in real life in this story -laughs- Trust me, no one wants all the tedious details of real life and this is just a story to amuse myself.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or its characters

"The word secretary is, after all, derived from ''secret.'' Secretaries are entrusted with vulnerabilities and flaws and idiosyncrasies, with the bad grammar, lousy spelling and petty evasions of their bosses (whether male or female). They are, by the nature of their work, subordinate, supportive and nurturing." - Joseph Finder

~.

There are some days when a guy is so down on his luck it makes him remember to beg the Gods of his youth for one goddamn break. It was such a day for Lovino Vargas. It had finally seemed like he had found a job that worked out for him. Sure it was as a clerk at some shady drug store and thus total shit but at least it had been something. God knew—maybe—that he needed the money badly. And then it had gotten all fucked up again.

There were many ways in which Lovino had screwed up in past employment that had warranted getting himself canned. Sometimes he messed up by flirting with the wrong employee, sometimes it was sleeping on the job, sometimes it was for not doing his job at all. But this time hadn't even been fair! It had been over something that wasn't his fault.

Some costumer had come in threatening him and he came out on the winning end when the guy went to punch him and he punched back. How was it his fault? Was he supposed to get a broken nose? No job was worth messing up his good looks, that was for sure. It just pissed him off. He tried to tell himself that eventually they would have caught him for stealing from the inventory. Then again, maybe not. Out of all the things he'd been fired for it had never been for theft; surprising considering he was pretty much a kleptomaniac.

Lovino sat on a grimy bench advertising the number for some Realtor wearing a shit eating grin plastered across it. It was cold and about to rain from the looks of things and he had forgotten to bring his stupid umbrella even though his brother had reminded him ten times that morning. Damn, he'd have to tell Feli about getting fired. Their next rent payment was going to be hard to make at this point. Feliciano only made so much money at that restaurant he worked at. It was hardly a five star chef position.

The worst part was his brother wouldn't even be mad. Somehow it would have made him feel better if he knew Feli would scream at him for being a useless bastard, hit him, anything. Instead he'd hug him and tell him that next time he'd find the right job, that they'd make the rent somehow. No doubt by borrowing from that stuffy bastard Roderich who always looked so fucking smug and superior whenever he lent them money. Just thinking about it put him in a bad mood.

It was all of this, slowly churning up inside of him, mixed with the first drop of cold rain that splashed against Lovino's forehead that finally turned his thoughts to God. He closed his eyes and breathed through his nose, replacing the smell of rain and exhaust fumes with that of incense. His memory gradually lead him back to the feel of his mother's rosary beads in his small hands, the kindly voice of an elderly priest that had listened to most of his confessions, the picture of the grand and dramatically beautiful church he had once attended on a weekly basis, now long abandoned by him.

He could gradually hear a foreign but beautiful sermon in Latin at a midnight mass superimposed onto a memory of the colors of painted glass splashed across his hands and lap on a summer morning. His lips soundlessly moved to an old prayer, still automatic after all these years. He discreetly crossed himself then brought his hands together in his lap. Even if he looked crazy no one would pay him any mind. Everyone was crazy here.

It wouldn't have mattered anyway, Lovino was so lost in his memory he could smell the mustiness of the church, could almost taste the richness of the wood of the uncomfortable pews. He took a deep breath, feeling oddly peaceful, then spoke softly, "God, I know I haven't been the most dedicated and that, well, we both know I haven't stepped foot in a church since I was sixteen and that my last confession was a little before that. But let's not dice details. Please, I'm begging you, help me find one stupid job that I can actually keep. If you do I...I promise I'll pray more often or something. I don't know, give me a sign?"

All of a sudden the sprinkle of rain turned into a downpour and Lovino opened his eyes to glare up at the sky. "Yeah well fuck you, too! At this point I'd sell my soul to the devil for a job, you hear that!"

An umbrella was suddenly tilted over his head, someone chuckling above him. He jerked and whirled around. A blond man gave him a most amused look, still tilting the umbrella so that it covered Lovino. "That was quite the moving plea. God, he can be quite fickle though. Perhaps the rain is a sign?"

Embarrassed that this guy, some Frenchie by the sound of his accent, had overheard his desperate words, Lovino flushed then prickled like an angry cat. "It's none of your business anyway! Move along, creep!"

The man simply laughed again and reached down to lightly touch his cheek, which Lovino quickly jerked away from. "Oh, then you are not interested in my job offer?"

Lovino's hazel eyes narrowed sharply. "Do I look like a goddamn prostitute? Fuck off, you bastard!"

"Oh, you are the feisty little one! I assure you, my proposal is hardly sexual for now. As of this moment I can offer you a job as a secretary at the company I work at."

"A sec- That's a woman's job! You want me to be your goddamn secretary?" Was this guy for real? Surely he was just trying to insult Lovino.

"Oh mon petit, don't be so harsh. First of all, you would not be my secretary. A shame, it is true, but I have my own lovely secretary already. It is in fact my colleague that is in need of one and he has insisted for a while now that he only have males fulfill the job description."

"My guess is that he's a pervert like you, right?" This just sounded too fishy for its own good.

"Non, he has his personal reasons. It is not a bad job. The wages are good. But it is quite a sudden proposal. I just thought if you are so desperate for it... I must really be going now. Here is my card." He pulled out a business card from his pocket and held it out for Lovino, who reluctantly took it. "There you are! I will leave you with that and my umbrella. If nothing else, return that to me when you have time. I shall be at my office until eight but sometime earlier would be best. If you act quickly the job may still be open as well. You will not even need a resume if he likes you enough."

"Doesn't have high standards, huh?" Lovino was pretty sure he could type at five words per minute.

He was answered with another one of those nasally laughs he already hated. The man's blue eyes seemed to shine. "Not at all, he's sort of whimsical that way. If he likes you he'll give you a chance, is all. Just remember one thing before you make your decision. I'm the devil's advocate, not God's."

The next thing Lovino knew the French bastard was pressing the umbrella into his hand then hurrying towards the curve, hailing a taxi and lucky enough to get one almost immediately. If Lovino had tried it would probably take twenty minutes. Then again that guy's suit had been really nice. Lovino appreciated good fashion on men and women alike even if he thought most men were obnoxious to actually have to deal with. That aside, he looked like he tipped well while Lovino decidedly did not (and he didn't).

Lovino adjusted the umbrella and looked down at the guy's card. It was printed on really nice cardboard or whatever the hell they made these things out of. Thick paper? It was a cream color and had a slight texture to it. Francis Bonnefoy, huh? Lovino's eyes widened a bit as he saw the name of the company. Even he knew that one. It was the one located in that giant black building that looked like it was an evil headquarters. Surely they could hire someone better than him?

Whatever, he would think about it for a while. Being a male secretary? Sounded sort of lame. Besides, he had to think over that cryptic bullshit about being the devil's advocate. What did that even mean, if anything? Probably he just thought it made him sound dangerous and cool, which it totally didn't.

Being in the downpour wasn't helping Lovino's mood any so he decided so long as he was fired he'd go get something to eat. Maybe having a full stomach would help him decide. Honestly he was tempted to just throw the card in the nearest trashcan and keep the umbrella, it was much nicer than his. He couldn't quite bring himself to do it. As much as he hated the idea of it he desperately needed a job and what could it hurt?

He'd asked for a sign and whether this one was from God or the devil, it was a little hard to ignore the timing.

~.

It was a little past four when Lovino found himself in the lobby of a company building that was too nice for him to ever have any business in. All the men wore sharp suits and ties, the women in black skirts and slacks with a severe look in their eyes to let the men know they were just as tough. Needless to say, Lovino couldn't have been more out of place with his scruffy pants and thin coat (his only one) thrown over a plain t-shirt.

Despite his usual attitude which he used as a defense system, Lovino was completely out of his element in this sophisticated, marbled palace of corruption. Or at least he figured it was probably corrupt. It was a company right? Still, it made him feel timid as all hell and he hated that. Stubborn pride was all that kept him from bolting right back out the front door.

Walking stiffly, he gradually found his way to the front desk, glad it was covered by a woman and not a man. It was easier to put on a confident smile. She returned it, only slightly put off by his attire. "Hello, sir. May I help you?"

"Yes, I have an umbrella with me, it belongs to a Francis Bonnefoy. He said I should return it to him?" Damn it, why did that last part come out sounding so uncertain? Relax, he had to keep his cool. The smile didn't waver.

The woman nodded a little curiously. "Right, just one moment please."

While she reached for the phone to probably confirm he wasn't some crazy guy, Lovino took discreet, deep breaths to calm his nerves. It was no big deal. He'd return the stupid umbrella and that would be that. There was no way he could get a job here. The guy who needed a secretary would take one look at him and laugh. Maybe he was a practical joke by that stupid Francis guy. The thought made his face burn with pre-conceived humiliation. If that was the case he'd like to see the bastard try to make a fool of him!

The woman was suddenly turning to him again, smile a little more confident now. "Mr. Bonnefoy says to go right up. Do you know where his office is?"

Lovino shook his head, still feeling flustered. He managed to say something half-way smooth and she explained how to get there. He thanked her and headed towards the elevators. Being scrunched in so close with all of those well-dressed bodies made Lovino feel claustrophobic. He was glad when it finally reached his floor. It took him a moment to get his bearings. It should be at the end of the hall on the right side. He walked forward uncertainly.

There was a desk where a very pretty blond woman sat, writing something down. Unlike many of the other women he'd seen her wavy hair was down around her shoulders, held back with a ribbon tied at the back of her neck, and when she looked up at him, her smile was friendly. "Hello, would you happen to be the mysterious umbrella boy?"

Despite the weird nickname Lovino felt immediately comfortable in her presence. He came closer, flashing his most charming smile. "Well, I do have an umbrella that I borrowed from a Francis Bonnefoy."

She chuckled. "That was what Mr. Bonnefoy referred to you as. He suddenly dashed off after hearing that you had arrived but I'm sure he'll be back in just a moment."

It would be something that French bastard would call him. "Alright, well I don't mind waiting here with such a lovely lady."

"Oh my, aren't you the charmer?" She gave him a look that could be called flirtatious.

Lovino leaned over the desk a bit to close the distance between them. "I can be. So you're Bonnefoy's secretary?"

She nodded. "Yes, the one who keeps his world from spiraling off course, that would be me."

He laughed and leaned forward a bit more. "What's your name?"

Her bright green eyes seemed to light up playfully. "Alice. Alice Peeters. And you? Surely 'mysterious umbrella boy' is just a secret identity?"

Oh, Lovino did like Alice quite a lot. Not only was she pretty, she seemed playful. "Well it's not much of a secret identity if you know my real identity but I suppose I'll make an exception for you. Lovino Vargas."

Alice smiled at him. He was very cute. She hoped he didn't get the secretary job. Antonio would eat him alive.

~.

Francis smiled smugly, admiring Lovino's ass as he was bent over Alice's desk. "That would be him Antonio. Not a bad view at all, non?"

The two were far enough back that Alice couldn't see them but close enough that Francis could show off his discovery. Antonio smiled, more amused than anything. Still, he would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy the view as well.

"I am telling you Tonio, that is just the icing on the cake. Wait until you see his face. When I saw him today he looked just like an angel. He was praying and everything. My heart was deeply moved by his purity and beauty. Of course he ruined it a moment later when he actually spoke but he is quite pretty."

Antonio couldn't hold back his chuckle anymore. "Very good, amigo, but does anything qualify him for the job other than his looks?"

"Oh, come now mon ami, since when has raw ability ever won over looks?"

Something darker seemed to be painted across Antonio's smile. "Did you take Alice from me for her looks alone?"

There was a strained pause. It had been decidedly tense when Francis had convinced Alice to become his secretary rather than Antonio's. "Of course not, she is quite capable-"

"I know. If you hadn't noticed I still haven't found a replacement for her that can last longer than a month." Antonio looked hard at Francis, then his expression finally softened. "But that business is all in the past now. I just want someone that has what it takes to weather my... mood swings."

Francis patted Antonio's shoulder. "Oui, my temperamental friend, I understand your yearning. But this is a boy sent by God to the devil. You should give him a chance. If he doesn't have what it takes, who does?"

Antonio chuckled again. "You make me sound positively evil."

Francis raised an eyebrow, giving him a smile. "Can't you be?"

Antonio grinned, shrugged, looked at the ground for a moment. "Well then, let's meet this angel you've brought for me, Francisco."

~.

Alice noticed Francis and Antonio approaching and nodded her head to indicate their arrival to Lovino. He straightened up, determined to just give back the umbrella and get out of there. Francis beamed at him and immediately engulfed him under one arm. "How promptly you have come to return my umbrella, thank you! It shows good character!"

What the hell was he talking about? And that's when it hit Lovino that he was being looked at by the man who had come with Francis. No... not looked at. Studied. He could feel the man's green eyes trying to read him. How odd... they were so close to the color of Alice's eyes only darker. Was this the one who needed a secretary? Well... at least he wasn't some old guy.

In fact, much like Francis, he seemed young. Definitely older than Lovino but probably not by too many years. Certainly not decades. If anything it made him feel unaccomplished. He was some loser who couldn't keep a job at a drug store and this guy, with his olive skin and tousled hair resembling a model or something, was already some business...guy...thing. Whatever he did. Didn't matter, he probably made more money in a year than Romano would make in his lifetime. It made him resent him immediately.

Lovino suddenly became aware that Francis still had his arm around him and he 'accidentally' jabbed his elbow into his side as he brought the umbrella up. "Yeah, yeah. Thanks for letting me use it. I gotta get going now."

Francis looked surprised as the umbrella was thrust into his hands. "Eh? Already? But wait, you haven't even met-"

As Lovino wriggled from his grasp and turned to leave he found his path suddenly blocked by the other man, who was smiling in a friendly manner with his hand held out. "Antonio Carriedo. A pleasure to meet you."

After giving the hand an almost scathing appraisal Lovino took it briefly, letting go long before Antonio did. "Hm, sure. Well, I'll just be-"

"Your name? In greetings it's generally understood that both parties have to introduce themselves for it to be a proper meeting." He looked amused with himself and Lovino found it irritating.

"...Lovino Vargas. Listen, I really have to get going-"

"Lovino, wonderful! Does nine sound like a good time for you to come in tomorrow morning? I should have a little free time to brief you." Antonio was all but beaming at him.

What... What? Lovino stared at him stupidly for a moment. He hadn't been interviewed. He hadn't even told him anything other than his name. How was he getting a job offer? The guy was either desperate or really stupid. "I...I really don't think...I'm qualified." Why did those words taste so disgusting in his mouth? "Look I mean... I guess I appreciate it but I'm not cut out for-"

"Francis," Antonio's eyes slid over Lovino's head to his friend. "I thought you said he needed a job. This isn't the attitude of someone who needs a job to me. Oh well, not that it matters."

Lovino stiffened resentfully as Antonio returned his attention to him. "I'm really sorry that he went and bothered you this way. That is just how Francis can be. Thank you for coming in."

Antonio started to turn around and Lovino clenched his hands into fists. "I never said I didn't need the job! Look, I've never done secretarial duties but if you're alright with that then let me have it!"

The words seemed to infinitely please Antonio. "I never said I expected you to know, did I? So long as you can pick it up quickly then I'm fine taking you as you are. If you're really sure you want the job?"

Why did Antonio have to be so nonchalant about it? Probably because he didn't give a fuck either way. It was just a secretarial position and Lovino was sure he'd be replaced the second someone competent walked through the door. This hardly looked like a place for novices. Well fuck all of them, even if he was replaced he'd squeeze as much out of this job as he could get while the getting was good. "Nine thirty would be better."

Antonio's eyebrows arched up and he laughed. It held a genuine quality that was in no way mocking and that made Lovino like him just a minuscule fraction more. "Nine thirty it is. Be sure to dress a little nicer tomorrow. I look forward to working with you."

"Right, same to you." As if. Lovino paused to give Alice a smile dripping with sweetness. "I suppose I'll be seeing you again."

She smiled back but it was a little more controlled now. "It seems so! I will also be looking forward to working with you."

"It will be a pleasure." Lovino met Francis's eyes for a moment. He gave a general wave to the group as he muttered a final goodbye and hurried off. Mostly to hide the fact that his brain had finally comprehended he had a job and his heart was about to explode from the shock.

Francis frowned tartly after him. "How rude, I was the one who gave him this opportunity to begin with! But can I not read you Antonio? I knew you would hire him. You like the delicate broken doves."

Antonio snorted. "That sounds perverted somehow, Francisco. I did feel sorry for him, wearing clothes like that in this weather."

"I wouldn't feel too sorry for him, just look at that attitude. I bet you will be regretting your decision within a day."

Antonio crossed his arms. "Says the man who goaded me to hire him. Well, hopefully he isn't useless. I would hate to have to fire him. I don't mind training him up a bit. After all, I've been dealing without a secretary for a while now and Gil lives with a perpetual lack of one and still manages."

Francis clamped a hand on Antonio's shoulder. "Gilbert will never keep a secretary more than a day. He is far too insane. But it is still amusing to watch him try. But don't worry so much about Lovino. If nothing else you'll have some eye candy for a while."

Alice interjected gently, keeping her voice cheerful. "I thought he seemed very nice."

Antonio acknowledged her for the first time and his smile seemed less warm. "I am glad to have your approval."

Francis frowned a bit as Alice turned her gaze to her desk. "...Well, mon ami, I am glad that you will have someone working for you again. Now you can stop going out to get coffee as an excuse to disappear whenever you like."

Antonio warmed again and chuckled. "I hadn't thought of that. Truly a loss. Speaking of which, I might as well use the opportunity to do just that while I still have the chance. Thanks for steering Lovino in my direction. We'll see what the angel can do tomorrow."

As Antonio started to walk away he was aware of Francis murmuring soft words to Alice and picked up the pace. He took his time savoring an espresso with milk at the café across the street, watching the people that walked by. Lovino... He really was an attractive man. Though he wondered how old he was. He would have to ask tomorrow. Yes, he was already quite curious about Lovino.

Hopefully this one would last for a while. He was tired of going through people who couldn't handle him. That was why he had liked Alice, she could. Her reason for switching to Francis had been for completely different reasons.

Antonio fell into a daydream once his espresso was finished, waiting for the rain outside to clear up before he returned to work.

~.

When Lovino got home he spent an entire half hour pretending nothing of importance had occurred before he broke down, going through phases of excitement and apprehension. The place was intimidating as all hell, but some of the people seemed nice. He had no idea how to do the job or even what he was meant to do, but he would get some training at least. He didn't- Oh, who cared? He had a job! A good job, not some shit job stocking shelves or sweeping a stupid floor! Then again he didn't know how great it was but maybe he might actually make some decent money for once. Damn, he literally knew nothing about the job he had just accepted. Whatever, he had one!

But he had absolutely nothing to wear to it.

A minute later Lovino was desperately digging through the closet he shared with Feliciano. Actually they shared everything in their one room apartment. The closet, the bed, the double drawers with his things on the right and Feli's on the left, everything in the small kitchen tucked into one corner of the room, as well as the limited supplies in their cramped bathroom. They also shared an abundant lack of anything worth wearing to a fancy job. The closest he could find was an old pair of slacks he hadn't worn in a while and one of Feli's white work shirts.

That would have to do. Lovino put them aside and waited restlessly for his brother to come home. It would be a while. Feliciano had long shifts for not the best pay but it was still better than most of the jobs he'd ever had. Not to mention it might help him get a job cooking somewhere actually decent someday. God knew he was good enough.

Just as predicted Feliciano came in late. He rubbed his eyes and smiled tiredly at his brother, who was pretending to read something and not to be waiting for him to arrive. "Hi Lovi! How was your day?"

"Hmph, so so. I forgot my stupid umbrella." He put the cookbook down. Cookbooks were pretty much the only things that constituted as reading material in their apartment.

Feliciano laughed softly as he pulled his shoes off. "I reminded you. Tomorrow I'll put it next to the door if you want me to."

"Nah, don't worry about it. You're late again. Does that fascist you work for want to kill you? Tell him he can't work you so long unless he's going to be giving you overtime, which he never does." It pissed him off the way Feli let people order him around so long as it kept the peace. Granted Lovino usually did the same thing but he had learned to be an asshole about it and sometimes that deterred people.

"Ve... I know Lovi, but see, one of the others called in because her son was sick and unless I picked up some of her shift then he wouldn't have let her take the time off."

Lovino rolled his eyes as his brother took off his jacket. It was only a bit thicker than Lovino's. "The brat probably would have lived. I bet it was nothing worse than a mild cold. You're such a bleeding heart, letting people take advantage of you."

Feliciano fell into silence. He had learned it was his best defense against Lovi. It stretched out for a few minutes and Feliciano went into the bathroom to take a quick shower. As he came out Lovino cleared his throat. "Oh, I guess one other thing kinda happened today. I got a new job. As a secretary at some business company or whatever for some business guy."

Feliciano stared at his brother's carefully composed expression of indifference. "Eh? Really?"

"Y-yeah, kinda sounds dumb right? Secretary. But it'll probably pay alright. And I had just... quit my other job because I wasn't going to put up with their shit anymore and this guy randomly offered it to me and I sort of took it. Yeah." That was good enough of a synopsis. And who cared if some of the details were a bit fudged.

"Oh... Lovi... That's great! That's so great!" Feliciano hurried over and hugged him tightly.

"It's not that big of a deal. I'm a secretary, that just sounds stupid. I don't even know what I'm doing anyway."

"No! No it's really great! I'm so happy for you! Didn't I tell you things would get better? You're going to do so good, I just know it! I'll make a special dinner tonight! Pasta with extra tomatoes. Sound good?" Feliciano backed away to look at him, eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Sure, sounds good. Might as well use all the tomatoes that are left."

"Right!" Feliciano bounced up and down, hurrying to go start pulling things out. He asked questions as he started to cook, to which Lovino gave vague answers. He hardly knew the answers to most of them himself at that point.

Still, it was undoubtedly one of his favorite things about Feliciano. His ability to be so excited for Lovino when his own pride prevented him from it. In a way it let him express his emotions vicariously through his brother. The feeling of excitement was definitely infectious and by the time they were eating it had overwhelmed Lovino's apprehension. Just maybe God had been listening after all.

Francis's comment about being the devil's advocate had completely fled his memory.

AN: Alice Peeters is Belgium.

I'd also just like to say, in regards to the recent disaster in Japan, I hope for the best to everyone who is over there. Stay strong.