Sitting

Waiting

Hoping

Wishing

Wondering

Why'd she go?

She knew I was messed up.

She said I didn't have to change,

But she tried to change me.

Here I am, once again in my bathroom.

Hoping she will rescue me once more,

From the grip of the pills,

My savior,

My enslaver.

Never coming.

I stare at the white pills in my hands.

I want to stop hurting.

I had to take them to stand her surgery.

I though she'd die.

She didn't,

But in a way I died instead.

She left,

And part of me went with her.

Worse then Stacy,

At least I was the one who pushed her away.

Now I don't know what to do.

Love is hurtful.

Should've known it wouldn't last.

She expected too much.

I'm not her dream man.

I'm not even close.

I'm a messed up recovering drug addict who just had a relapse.

I have nightmares of her being torn to bits by zombies,

Sometimes she replaces Hannah,

The girl who died,

The girl who changed my life.

My happiness in exchange for her death.

My rational mind tells me this is false, impossible,

But rationality loses.

Guilt

Grief

Loss

Anger

I take the two pills,

Swallowing them dry,

Then another,

Then one more,

Until a sweet blanket of nothing covers me.

Numb

Painless

Unfeeling

I lost,

The pills won.

I don't care,

I don't hurt

As my thoughts grow foggier,

I think

Love you Lisa, but this time, I'm not sure I'll get off the bus*

Then,

Nothing.

TBC…

This is the first chapter.

The next ones won't be in verse,

And they will make more sense.

This is supposed to be the incoherence of a grief filled man.

This is how I deal with the Huddy breakup.

Review Please!

*Wilson's Hear, season four finale, where House is on a bus with Amber when he's in a coma, and he gets off the bus and back into the world of the living.