DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling.

A/N: I decided to go in a different direction than I had originally planned for this, because it wasn't working out.

~ Villain Name Registration ~

"Thank you for calling the Official Villain Name Registration Hotline. Please state your birth name, which will be kept on file for future reference."

"Tom Marvolo Riddle."

"Thank you, young villain. Now, please state the villainous name by which you wish to be known for eternity."

"I was thinking 'Mr. Sinister'."

"I'm sorry, sir. That name has already been registered by another villain. Did you have a second choice?"

"The Dark Lord, then."

"Sir, that's a title. It can't be registered as a name."

"Prince Diamond?"

"Already taken."

"Lord Loss?"

"Reserved for future use."

"The Shadow?"

"Also reserved for future use."

"What about… the Snaketalker Man?"

"I'm sorry, that name isn't badass enough."

"Scaly-face?"

"Sir, is this a prank call?"

"No, of course not!"

"Alright, young villain, would you like more time to think of an appropriately evil name? Or I could run your name and specifics through the Villain Name Generator and give you some choices…"

"Yes, let's do that. The second thing you said."

"Okay, hang on just a moment, please… Okay, here we go. The Masked Reptile."

"But I don't wear a mask."

"Boa Constrictio the Mighty."

"God, no."

"Zassaliss."

"No, I think not."

"How about 'I Am Lord Voldemort'? It's an anagram of the letters from your real name."

"Lord Voldemort… I like the sound of it. Put me down for that!"

"Alright, sir. Your villain name registration process is now complete."

~end~

A/N: Reviews are love.