All About The Secrets (And Maybe Some Unity)
Chapter Two: Shock Me, Shock Me, Shock Me

After casually shuffling out of the Great Hall on a whim (or so most of his housemates thought... Ha! They would never know his coy disappearance was to follow Hermione - he was far too stealthy), Malfoy glanced stepped around the corner and out of view, only to almost run into the girl he'd been following. She stared up at him, a serious expression on her face. Malfoy was almost worried. Almost.

"I have something to tell you," she snapped. Hermione grabbed one of Malfoy's hands in hers, taking off at a quick pace, stringing the blond behind her .

"Hello to you too, Granger," he said. Finally she turned around and stopped short, hiding behind the side of a pillar. The Slytherin bumped into her.

"What? What is it?" He asked, the tiniest bit of worry showing in his voice.

"Guess," she told him simply. He pursed his lips and thought for a moment.

"Potter and Weasley are leaving and never coming back?" Malfoy inquired, his voice hopeful. Hermione glared.

"No."

He frowned.

"Hm, how sad."

Hermione completely ignored him.

"I'm staying!"

Malfoy looked down at her with a brow raised, waiting for a further explanation. She didn't stay another word, but an excited grin spread across her face. He frowned and began his sentence slowly.

"Staying... where?" He inquired, speaking at a leisurely pace, gauging her reaction, waiting to see if he was saying the wrong thing. Her smile faded and she stared at him like he was an idiot... which he clearly was.

"Here, Malfoy. For Christmas break."

The blonde blinked.

"Oh. Oh!"

"Yes, Draco, 'oh' is right," she teased. "I just received this letter from my pare - hey, give that back!"

The Slytherin snatched the letter out of her hands and cleared his throat before he began reading aloud dramatically.

"Darling Hermione," he started, only to promptly stop and look at her over the top of the letter, with a brow raised, "your parents still call you darling?"

"I'm their little girl-"

"You're almost seventeen," Malfoy pointed out.

"Yes, well, sometimes they call me Hermies."

"Like herpes?"

"Malfoy," she scolded, grabbing at the letter in his hands, her face flushing in embarrassment. He held it up out of her reach until she stopped jumping for it.

"Calm down, Herpes-"

The Gryffindor paled noticeably, her expression changing drastically. She glared daggers at the blond in front of her.

"I swear on Merlin's balls, if you ever call me that again..."

"Merlin's balls, huh?"

"The point is," she said loudly, finally snatching the letter from Malfoy's hand with a glare, "that my parents are on an anniversary trip."

"So?"

"So, that means that I'm staying here over break," Hermione exclaimed, looking at Malfoy like he was stupid. He rolled his eyes. "Which means..." She trailed off, waiting for her not-quite-boyfriend to finish. He stared at her.

"You don't have to see your parents cozied up?"

"No, it means we get to spend more time together, Draco," she said, slapping him in the chest playfully. He frowned, leaning against the wall.

"What about the Weasel and Potter? Aren't they staying too?"

"No," she said shortly. "They're going to the Burrow."

The gears in Malfoy's head began turning. His eyes widened.

"They're gonna be gone?"

"Yes, they are," the Gryffindor said happily, smiling up at the blond in front of her.

"It's just going to be us?"

"Yes, Draco, that's what I've been trying to - oof!"

Hermione's sentence was interrupted when Malfoy threw his arms around her and pulled her against him, squeezing her in a tight hug. Her cheek was smushed against his chest, shoulders hunched forward uncomfortably.

"I like you too, Malfoy, but I can't breathe."

"Oh," he said simply, releasing her from his death-grip hug, looking down at the girl sheepishly, "sorry."

"It's quite all right," Hermione exclaimed, brushing her fingers through her curls. Malfoy smiled brightly. The Gryffindor automatically raised a brow. It was never good when Malfoy grinned like that.

"What are you up to?" She inquired suspiciously.

"Just a little bit of nothing."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Yes, it does."

"No, it doesn't."

Malfoy made a face, looking like he'd just smelled something foul.

"It completely does."

"Draco, it completely does not."

"Yes-huh," he said. Hermione was not amused.

"I am not arguing with you."

"Good, then, it's settled! It makes plenty of sense," Malfoy exclaimed.

"What?"

Malfoy's brows furrowed. "What?" He repeated. The Gryffindor flailed her hands in front of her.

"A little bit and nothing are opposites. They totally contradict each oth-"

A bang resounded from around the corner and both of them jumped.

"Shut up!" A voice reprimanded loudly. Hermione wasted no time in grabbing Malfoy again, taking off in a sprint down the corridor.

"Where are we going?" He whispered, trying to stay as close as he could. The Gryffindor didn't bother responding; she just kept up her long strides. Footsteps clacked loudly behind them and Malfoy shot a glance backwards. "They're gaining on us."

Hermione merely shot him a glare over her shoulder, which said if you don't shut up, I am going to destroy your soul. His mouth immediately snapped shut and he furrowed his brows. As they hugged the corner of the wall, the hallway came to a dead-end, two large door frames on either side of the corridor.

"What? The bathrooms?"

"We don't have time for this, Draco."

With that, a hand clamped around his wrist and dragged him to the left. His eyes widened as they raced into the girl's lavatory.

"Oh, no, no, no - ow!"

Hermione somehow managed to slap him in the process of pushing him into a stall and down onto a toilet. He looked up at her with a frown on his face as she closed the door behind her and put her index finger to her lips.

He stared at her with a raised brow.

"There are clearly two sets of feet in this stall."

Hermione frowned and made a face.

"Fine," she snapped before clambering into his lap, nearly pushing him off of the toilet in the process. Once she was comfortably seated on top of Malfoy, she crossed her arms. Malfoy peeked his head around the side of her.

"This isn't very comfortable," he grumbled, attempting to shift his position ever so slightly. She ignored him.

"Granger?"

No response.

"Hermione?"

Malfoy poked her arm. She didn't speak.

"...Love?" He whined.

"Be quiet," she finally huffed, shooting him a glare. He pressed his lips together, making puppy eyes and batting his lashes at her. She rolled her eyes and refocused her gaze onto the closed door. The clacking sound of footsteps echoed in the lavatory as someone approached the line of stalls the pair hid in. Hermione crossed her fingers and held her breath as they neared.

Finally, the footsteps stopped in front of the stall and Malfoy had to bite back the urge to curse.

"Alohamora."

The lock clicked and the door swung open by itself to reveal their pursuer.

"Professor?!" Hermione squeaked, rocketing off of Malfoy's lap.

"Good morning, Miss Granger," Professor McGonagall said coolly before leaning to the side and glancing around Hermione. "Mister Malfoy."

The Slytherin cleared his throat.

"Professor."

"I-" Hermione began before stopping, her mouth opening and closing repeatedly in an attempt to verbalize some sort of excuse. "I can explain."

"No need, Miss Granger," the woman exclaimed, stepping aside and extending an arm, offering the students an exit. "You were running from those awful girls."

Hermione stepped towards the door to the stall, her brows furrowed. Malfoy stood up, glancing at the professor.

"'Those awful girls'?" He repeated curiously, smoothing wrinkles from his robes.

"The young chatterboxes from Hufflepuff?" McGonagall offered.

"It was them?" Hermione hissed, eyes widening. "Oh, I am going to smack them silly."

"Hexes are more fun," Malfoy mumbled.

Hermione frowned and looked over her shoulder, glaring at him. McGonagall stared. The blonde attempted to backpedal pitifully.

"Er. I mean. Ah, aha-"

"No matter," Professor McGonagall interrupted Malfoy's stammering. "The point is that you two should probably get out of the girls' lavatory. Especially you, mister Malfoy."

"But... How are we supposed to get out when they're-"

"Professor?"

A pair of young voices echoed from the high arched entrance of the lavatory and the couple tensed. Footsteps clicked against the concrete of the floor as the girls eagerly approached and Hermione peered out of the stall. Indeed, it was the two terrible second years that had followed them and forced them to kiss months earlier. She scowled.

"You," she snapped, stepping out of the bathroom stall. The girls both blinked up at her.

"Hermione! There you are," one of the girls exclaimed happily, a smile plastered on her face. "We were wondering where you went."

"Young ladies, I do believe you should be finishing your breakfast," McGonagall exclaimed, crossing her hands in front of her and peering down seriously at the Hufflepuffs through her reading glasses. They stared for a second.

"Hermione's not," the curly-haired girl exclaimed, pointing at the Gryffindor.

"Miss Granger is not feeling well. We believe she had some bad pumpkin jui-"

"Well, what about Malfoy?" The other girl inquired, her hands finding a place on her hips.

"I do not know about Malfoy. Should I?"

"Well, he's right there."

McGonagall blinked.

"No, he's no-"

The girls leaned forwards, glancing into the stall.

"Hello, Draco," they both said in unison. Hermione's forehead met the palm of her hand with a loud smack as Malfoy waved back weakly.

"Uh. Hello."

The girls stepped forwards, bumping into Professor McGonagall without a thought.

"What's going on?"

"You guys just rocketed out of the Great Hall!"

"Did something happen?"

"Oh, are you pregnant, Hermione?"

Had Malfoy been sipping a drink, it would have been spit everywhere. Instead he spluttered wordlessly for a moment before screeching.

"What?"

"That's ridiculous," Professor McGonagall and Hermione exclaimed at the same time. The Hufflepuffs looked rather disappointed, their expressions written across their faces clear as day.

"Look," Hermione began, before being interrupted by the Slytherin behind her.

"Where?" Malfoy said. She ignored him.

"We only have a few minutes before classes start and this is the girls bathroom, I highly doubt anyone wants a swarm of teenage girls catching all of us in here. What's the plan?" She inquired. Laurie and Anne stared. Professor McGonagall knit her fingers together in front of her, glaring down at the two girls disapprovingly through her glasses. She sighed deeply.

"I have an idea," the woman proclaimed. "You may not approve, but I guarantee it will work."

AN: So, again, with the extended periods of me not writing anything. It's a character flaw of mine. Sorry, guys. Hope you enjoyed the chapter, there's another one coming soon. I promise. It's not going to be another three years. Seriously, I promise. Please shoot me a review and let me know what you liked, did not like, want to see, etc.

Also, before anyone complains that this is OOC, I'd like to just say: duh. I'm not aiming for in character. It's supposed to be ridiculous, almost bordering on being a crack!fic.