To think that I had wondered what it was like for Victor and Dimitri to be locked away-well it's nothing like I thought. I had felt bad for Dimitri-but Victor was a different story. He deserved to be put away for the things that he had done to Lissa. But now I sat in my own cell-well the same cell Dimitri was once in-and I knew instantly how it felt for both. I felt sad, lonely, and above I felt wronged. It still stunned me after almost two weeks after the hearing that I was in here.

They hadn't allowed any visitors-which really didn't surprise me. But somehow I managed to receive a book and an Ipod. That I was much grateful for. I don't know who did it or how. Though I could have done with a different book. The book I received was Twilight-I mean seriously a vampire book. I don't know what the author was thinking when she made vampires sparkle in sunlight-come on! Anyway I still read it over and over and over. The music wasn't so bad. I figured Adrian or Lissa had something to do with that. They could have used their compulsion.

So as I lay on my very uncomfortable bed reading my book and listening to music I was able to drown out the entire world. I kept myself guarded from Lissa. I didn't need her stress along with my own. I also didn't want to feel her happiness when she was with Christian. But the moment he stood outside my cell I felt him. I kept laying there but I did lay down the book and take the earphones out. At first I was going to wait for him to say something but then thought against it.

I spoke gently, "You know…I remember when I came to visit you. In this same cell actually. Kind of ironic how that worked out." I paused but just for a moment, "But the first thing you said after I spoke was 'No'. Not a 'hi I miss you. Or an 'I love you.' just a 'no.' Do you remember that?" I didn't give him time to respond, "Well doesn't matter. What matters is that you said you didn't want to see me. So now here we are and the tables are turned…so what makes you think I want to see you?"

It took him a few moments to respond. I figured he was contemplating whether or not he should just leave but he went against it. "I don't know." that was all he said. And you would think that that would have made me mad but it didn't.

But that's the point where I sat up. I still didn't look at him and I could feel his eyes upon me. I could feel how deeply he wanted to see my face. But I didn't give him the satisfaction. "You don't know huh? Why'd you even come here?"

"I wanted to know you were alright." Dimitri confessed

That got a reaction out of me and I was up and directly against the bars. Not angry just giving him the attention he wanted. "Funny. I recall I said something similar to you. I even recall doing it more than once. I wanted so badly for you to just talk to me-like we used to. But you kept pushing me away. Every time I would talk to you." I took a deep breath and steadied myself. "Well you came you saw. I'm good. You can go now." I turned away but he caught my arm before I was away from the bars.

"Wait."

I looked back at him with a look of surprise and also a WTF! "Wait for what? And let go of me." I jerked my arm away, "You came to see I was all right. I am….unless there's something else you would like to say to me?"

It felt like forever before he spoke again but we held each others gaze. It felt good again for him to look at me like that but at that moment I didn't want to be looking into his eyes. I wanted to be looking into Adrian's eyes. I missed him so much and I think Dimitri realized it at that same moment. I still cared for him and always would but he hurt me too many times within the past month that I couldn't get past any more.

Finally he spoke and even though he knew that I really didn't want to see him he still said, "I'm sorry for causing you so much pain. I won't come by again unless you ask for me." He walked away swiftly…never looking back.

I sat back down on the bed replaying what had just happened. Dimitri was the best thing that happened to me and I never thought he would be the one to hurt me so bad, but with those that words I realized that it didn't matter what he said or did. It was in the past and I could forgive him. But what really boggled me was that I was fine with being just friends with him, like he wanted from the start. I realized in that moment with more clarity than ever that there could never be anything between me and Dimitri-nothing sexual anyway. Well at least that's how I felt for now.

What I really wanted was to see and feel my Adrian. I missed oh so much. He was still able to come to me in my dreams but it wasn't the same. I kept wondering if he would forget about me and move on with someone else. It scared me everyday wondering if I was going to lose another man that I loved. I guess technically I did lose him. It amazed me that I lost both guys after we made love or very close to making love. It almost seemed to be planned that way. I tried hard not to think about it.

I kept reading my book and listening to music but it grew to be a bore that I let down my guard and went to Lissa's mind. She was with Christian and Adrian. They were…in my room! No one was allowed in there since the hearing. I guess they were gonna throw my stuff out and they all wanted to keep it or the three of them snuck in. I'm not sure-so I pried deeper into her head. My room was open-mostly for guardians-but these three managed to get access. They all missed me so much. I was surprised to hear Christian say, "I can't believe how much I miss her."

Both Lissa and Adrian gave him a small smile. "I know. You two grew close. Though neither of you would admit it." Lissa said

"Damn straight!" I said to myself

"Its tough to think of her in there all alone. I wish there was something I-we-could do." he continued

"There's nothing we can do!" Adrian shouted. It was the first time I heard him speak since entering her head. And even though it was loud and filled with anger, sadness and desperation I realized how much I longed to hear him. Hear him whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Hear him tell me that he love me. I soaked up every word he said. "She's gone and they're not going to less us see her."

"Adrian…it's going to be OK. She's fine. Its Rose. She's a fighter." Lissa comforted.

"I know all that. That's one of the reasons I love her. But…damn it! I just miss her so much." and to all of our surprise a tear fell from his eye and down his cheek. I wished so badly that I could wipe it away.

Lissa didn't say anything she just leaned over and hugged him. Christian felt sympathy for him too but no way was he going to hug Adrian.

"OK. Don't want to ruin the sentimental moment but maybe we could do something for her. I mean sure we managed to get a book and an Ipod but maybe we could do something else." Christian said

"Like what?" Adrian said as he wiped his face

"Maybe we could get her a different book or maybe a portable dvd player?" Christian offered

It was sweet but that would never be allowed. I was lucky to have the stuff I did. I kept thinking that maybe Abe had part in my having said things.

"They won't allow that. It was hard enough to get her what we did. There is only so much we can get her…besides-"

"Besides…Rose isn't a materialistic person. All she wants is to be free and with those she loves." Adrian interrupted Lissa

"Yeah that's true. Well then I suppose I am out of ideas." Christian stated

"Yeah me too. I am still wondering whether or not I am going to get on the council or not. It is taking them a really long time to decide." Lissa was very agitated. She kept hoping that the moroi community would vote in her favor. The three of them had already cast their votes and were not waiting on the results. I kept thinking about the note I had gotten from Ambrose-the Queen's special servant-that had stated Lissa having a half brother or sister. I never got the word to them so I was still the only one who knew.

Adrian spoke diligently, "It's going to take them time. Besides only two days have passed by. Give it time. While they situate all this you need to figure out what's going to happen to Rose after." His concern for me triumphed anything else going on. He hasn't even seen his parents since the hearing. It somehow made me feel guilty. That I had caused a rift between him and his parents-unintentional of course. Especially since I wasn't the one who killed Tatiana.

That was the thing that bothered me most-who would want to set me up this bad? Why me?

"I'm so sorry Adrian. I don't know why I worry about other things when Rose as a far worst fate than I do. I really wish there was another way for us to help her."

Then from behind them came a familiar voice, "There is a way." and before anything else happened something had pulled me back to my own head. And I immediately shut off to Lissa.

Hans was standing at my cell!