Fart

Disclaimer: I only own Fart

Chapter One

Magic Potion

Fart dozed languidly in the shade of the castle that had once belonged to King Wart of SubCon. He was awakened by a rumbling in his gut.

Fart groaned. There was little to eat in SubCon other than those nasty root vegetables that grew everywhere, and those tasty little cherries that took a long time to grow back after he ate them. Fart remembered that it had been the vegetables that had more or less overthrown the King. A princess, a kid with a mushroom cap for a head and two plumbers from outside of SubCon had force-fed them to Wart until he surrendered and let go of the fairies.

Fart missed the fairies. They multiplied like magic and were delicious. They were in fact the only food that the King would eat, and there were still plenty left to feed the other denizens of the kingdom.

Yes, Wart had been a good king. Fart was often asked if he were a relative of Wart's. Many people in fact thought that he was the former King Wart.

Me, king. Fart laughed at the thought.

Fart was wearing a flannel t-shirt covered with stains and a stapled-together paper crown. I'm king, all right.

But since the king had been overthrown, Sub-Con had been quite vacant. Most of the Shy Guys and other uniquely SubCon creatures had left to become residents of the outside world, which was more civilized and had better food.

The outside world, Fart thought. That's it.

Fart hauled himself up, yawned lazily, and got to work plucking vegetables. All he needed was to find one of those rare magic potions, and he could go to the outside world to get some good grub.

At last, he found one. A bubbly pinkish-red formula for making magic doors appear. All he needed to do was break the bottle and enter SubSpace through the door. SubSpace was the alternate dimension through which he could travel outside of SubCon.

But, once in SubSpace, he would have to choose a transportation urn or a door to go through, and many of them would only take him to another part of SubCon. Then he would have to pluck more and more vegetables…

"Hey, Fart!"

It was Fart's girlfriend.

"Hey, Birdo!"

"I told you, I'm Birdetta!"

"Are you a male or a female?"

"A female. See the bow?"

"I think you're a drag queen."

They both laughed at this comment. It was generally believed that female Birdos were pink and spat only eggs, and male Birdos were green and bowless and spat only fire, but no one knew what to make of the ones like his girlfriend, those that were red with orange bows and spat eggs and fire. Many believed that they were hermaphrodites.

"Well, anyway, I've got good news. Look what I found. It's a map of SubCon that shows all the points where we can enter the outside world through SubSpace, and where in the outside world they take you. And guess what? This point right here, on the other side of this castle, will take you inside King Bowser of Dark Land's castle!"

King Bowser's castle. Sweet. The Koopa king had always been on good terms with SubCon, had often attended King Wart's banquets, and had often invited Wart to do the same. Still, Fart was certain he wouldn't take kindly to an interloper.

Birdo led Fart over to the bird's head on the other side of the castle. Fart threw the potion and opened the door.

"Are you sure you don't want to come, sweetie?"

"Are you crazy? There's hot lava inside his castle. I really don't think you should go."

"Relax, Birdie. You know me. I'll be fine."

"But what if the King catches you?"

"He won't. I'll be super sneaky."

"Take care, love. Oh, and give me a kiss, would you?"

Fart braced his cheek for Birdo's wet, suction-y kiss.

"And bring back plenty of goodies, okay?"

"Yes, dear". Fart closed the door behind him.

Fart hustled through the blue zone to get through the bird's mouth.

Chapter Two is on the way! Please comment!