A few hours, or minutes, Dean really couldn't tell, later he was being prodded awake by Sam. "Go away." He mumbled and pulled a pillow over his head.

"Dean, come on, get up. What is with you today?" Sam probably figured it was a bad hangover or something, he'd stick with that story. No need to tell Sam about the fight.

"Don't feel good. Leave." He pointed weakly with his arm at the door of the bedroom only to see Becky standing there. Surprisingly a hunter's life suited Becky, once she got past her initial fear of guns. In fact everything about Sam and Becky surprised him, when they first met Becky she was irritating, and that was the nice of saying it. But a few years after the apocalypse they ran into her again, and for some reason there was an attraction there. Becky was everything Sam wasn't, and everything that he needed in that moment. And well the moment turned into years. When Dean left the hunting lifestyle Becky took his place. She and Sam became a pretty good team. "Hey Becky."

"Dean." She nodded at him and walked into the bedroom and sat on the edge of his bed. "Where's Castiel?"

"He's uh- out." Dean didn't even have a lie; he just wanted them to go away. "Look, I know that I said I would help but could you just leave me alone for a bit."

"Did you guys get in a fight? Do you want to talk about it?" He grabbed his pillow and threw it at Sam. "I'll take that as a no. Well, we'll go make some breakfast or something. Come down when you are ready." Dean grunted and nuzzled into his sheets. Finally he heard the door close and let himself drift into a very fitful sleep. He couldn't stay asleep for very long because images of Cas kept creeping into his dreams. Sometimes he just wished he could go back to the beginning.

Dean had been gone for two days, Cas had been gone for three. He left ten messages on Cas' phone, a note taped to the door, the fridge, the mirror in the bathroom and Cas' pillow. He hadn't heard anything. It was hard to enjoy the hunt when he didn't know where Cas was, he knew he shouldn't worry, Cas was a grown-up who could take care of himself, still. Dean worried. Sam took notice to how affected Dean was right from the start, and offered to delay a few days to give Dean time to find Cas, but Dean was too worked up in the moment to say okay. It was a very large nest, and it took a hell of a lot of work but they had enough dead man's blood, and Dean had a hell of a lot of anger so they took out the pack pretty quickly.

"Can you take me home?" Dean muttered into the trunk of Sam's car. It wasn't the impala, she was still Dean's car, but it was a respectable substitute that Dean had approved of. Sam turned to look at Dean.

"Cas?" He just knew, like he always did. Dean was glad that their relationship hadn't changed much, even though they weren't together all the time now.

"Yeah, I mean this isn't like him. Not to call."

"Must have been a pretty bad fight." Sam knew not to pry, but he was still curious.

"Yup. Now take me home."

Dean didn't know what to expect when he got back. Maybe he expected Cas to be standing in the doorway with a beer, or the kitchen to be covered with pie again, or just a hug and 'I missed you'. Any of those things would have been fine, but when Sam pulled up to their apartment all the lights were off. Just the way Dean left them.

"Hey, if something happens give us a call. We should be in town for a few more days." Sam shouted at Dean and he headed inside. Dean turned and acknowledged his brother before turning the key to his door. He didn't want to go inside, he didn't want to face the empty apartment. It was probably cold, Dean didn't like the cold. As he heard the door unlock he sighed.

"You know you might want to open the door, standing out here isn't going to do you any good." Dean stopped and turned around. There was Cas, looking fine as ever a smirk on his face.

"Cas!" Dean didn't care about anything else and he wrapped his arms around him in a very uncharacteristic fashion.

"Uh Dean, could we possibly move inside, people are staring." Dean didn't want to let go, let people stare. Cas started shuffling forward until they tripped over the doorstep and collapsed onto the floor.

"Ow!" Dean hit the floor hard. He was used to falling on the floor, but having a fully grown man fall on top of you, well it hurt. "Cas, do you mind getting off of me?"

Cas rolled over onto the floor next to Dean. "Sorry."

"It's alright, I just can't move." Dean struggled to get back to his feet. "So, where the hell have you been?"

"Uh, around." Cas was avoiding the question, that was never a good sign.

"Around huh? Anywhere specific?" Dean threw his bag on the couch and turned to face Cas who was looking strangely guilty. "Hello? Cas?"

"I took a trip." Dean rolled his eyes.

"Thanks for being specific there pal. I figured you went on a 'trip' when you popped out of here the other night. I just thought that maybe you'd like to share where the hell you went. I was worried about you." Dean didn't understand why Cas was being so secretive and strange. It was just a question.

"You really want to know where I went?" Cas walked forward, Dean's personal bubble was in grave danger of being invaded.

"Sure." Dean shrugged. "I mean if it's a big secret or something don't tell me, but I was worried about you, you didn't even call."

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry." Cas didn't sound very sincere, Dean was about ninety percent sure that was exactly Cas' intention.

"Yeah, okay." Dean walked to the bathroom. "You know Cas, if you wanted to make me worry you could have just walked out the door or something, you didn't have to zap away like that. I mean a good walk often clears the head."

"I did more than walk."

"Alright Cas, what did you do?" Dean was curious, He doubted Cas would tell him, but he would weasel it out of him the best he could. He knew of a specifically ticklish spot right under his shoulder blade where his wings would be.

"I went to the past." Cas looked at Dean, shame in his eyes.

"The past?" Dean didn't understand. Why would he want to go back to the past, why would he want to relieve all those horrible years?

"Yes. I wanted to see you, well the old you." Cas' voice was quiet, as if this was something he never wanted Dean to know. "I just needed to see you how you were before. So I went back, back to right after the apocalypse, when you were with Lisa. I just needed to see you back in those days. Then I realized something after watching you. You weren't all that different. You were damaged then and you are damaged now, maybe you are just damaged in different places."

"You went back to watch me? Cas, that is kind of creepy."

"Is it? I've been doing it for years. I used to go back to when you were a child and just make sure that you are okay. Sometimes I just go back to specific moments in time to watch you grow over the years, to understand better the man that you are today." Cas looked up at Dean, and Dean didn't know what to do.

He walked over to Cas, slung his arm around his shoulder and kissed him on the cheek. "You know Cas, that is about the creepiest thing anyone has ever done for me. I'm glad you came back."