The Best Laid Plans

Disclaimer: My name is Anemone. My disclaimers often contain the secrets of the universe, but I'm not sure anyone pays attention. Also, I clearly don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

Dedicated to my love, Riri-Lala-Kiki, who completes my day.

When the Fullmetal Alchemist barged into the main office of Central High School, he had one thing on his mind: Revenge. He was determined to make that bastard of a Colonel pay – fucking PAY – for shoving that vile milk down his throat. The mere memory of the previous night's dinner made him shudder.

The principal was a wrinkled old man with silver hair, clad in a crisp black suit and seated behind a polished desk. He eyed the golden haired boy quizzically before inspecting the gaping hole in the wall. He then turned an accusatory gaze to Edward as if it were his fault for constructing too thin walls and heavy doors.

"New student?" The man asked, arching a brow questioningly.

Edward gave a brisk shake of the head and thrust his silver pocket watch into a wrinkled face.

"Ah, I see." He shot a forlorn look at the wall, realizing he couldn't sue the military for property damage. "Bert Epstein," a hand was extended for a shake. "What can I do for a ranking State Alchemist?"

Ed felt a smile play across his lips, let some charm leak into his voice as he moved closer to the desk, taking the man's hand. He tossed blond hair out of honey colored eyes and allowed the full effect of his gaze to settle on the graying male. "I need a school uniform."

Bert opened his mouth, started to question his reasons but abruptly closed it, classifying the matter as confidential. "Certainly," he said with a smile. He then turned to the small cubicle in the corner of the office. "Stella," he called, instantly gaining the attention of the redheaded woman.

"Yes?" She glanced up from her typewriter, looking for all the world like an attention-starved puppy, happy to be noticed. Wire rimmed glasses slipped lower on her nose.

"Could you please bring-?" He stopped, realizing he hadn't gotten the name of the kid who had vandalized his office.

Edward held back a snort. He had thought that, by now, everyone knew him by his loud red coat and tight leather pants. Clearly, he was getting too cocky. Again. "Edward Elric." The blond supplied.

"Ah, the Fullmetal Alchemist. Splendid!" A genuine smile split Epstein's lips. Everyone always loved to brag about having the Hero of the People come to call on them for a favor.

Beady brown eyes landed on the woman once more. "Could you bring Mr. Elric a men's uniform?"

"No, no," Edward stopped the woman in her tracks just as she was about to leap from her seat. "I need a girl's uniform." He explained, drawling out each syllable.

"Oh? Why, whatever for?" Stella questioned, blue eyes curious.

The principal gave her a sharp look of reprimand. Honestly, what right did they have to question military business?

"It's a disguise for a recon mission," Edward lied easily. A vague answer seemed to suffice, though he was prepared to elaborate.

"I'll get that for you straight away, Sir." She promised with a low bow, fighting the urge to salute. She then scurried from the room.

Fifteen minutes later Edward found himself seated in an uncomfortable plastic chair, waiting for the hyper redhead. Flesh leg jiggled in irritation, gloved automail fingers twirled a lock of his bangs, and teeth worried his bottom lip. He was the epitome of impatience.

"Sorry, Sir, it took a while to find it all." Stella was a rush of excuses, sheepish looks and apologetic smiles.

"That's fine," Edward smiled, body language contradicting his words. He stood, taking the plastic-wrapped clothing and turned to leave.

"Glad we could be of service to our military forces." Bert Epstein said, standing and giving a formal salute.

"Thanks for your help," Ed tossed over his shoulder. As an afterthought, he shifted the bundle in his arms and walked over to the wall. With a clap and a swirl of alchemic energy, he repaired the damage he had inflicted.

The Fullmetal Alchemist left the drab office to applause.

( ) ( ) ( )

The instant Roy Mustang entered his split-level brick home, he knew he wasn't alone. He had always been able to tell whether a room was empty just by the charge in the air, the sounds of the settling foundation. Not only that, the scent of Edward was far too strong; his energy rolled through the place like the waves of a tsunami.

He stood in the doorway for a moment, letting the cold air blow in around him, feeling the warm air trickle out. His brows furrowed as he strained his ears and tried to figure out which part of the house held his young lover.

A small thud from above alerted him to the young alchemist's presence. 'The bedroom,' Roy thought, smirk slicing his lips. This could be a very interesting end to a stressful work day.

The stairs groaned in protest as he made his way up them. Heavy boots trudged over the worn, creamy carpeting. Fingers trailed along the cool, deep green walls, and Roy made a mental note to redecorate sometime in the near future. He pushed that thought away as he opened the white door at the end of the hall.

Roy stood, mouth agape, rooted to the threshold, trying to understand what he was seeing.

Onyx eyes zeroed in on Ed. He took in his face first; blond hair framed peach cheeks and trickled past his shoulders in waves, golden eyes became more pronounced courtesy of dark eyeliner, full lips were coated in the lightest of pink gloss, and the blush that graced his cheeks had to be natural because no makeup could create such a deep and heated crimson.

His gaze then traveled to the blonde's body; starting from his toes which were covered by black dress shoes with a small heel. Knee-high white stockings didn't hide the gleam of an automail leg. The short black skirt hugged his hips. A white dress shirt – two buttons undone, exposing the hollow of his throat – and black jacket covered a muscled upper body, and a red tie clung to his neck.

'My Metallic Barbie,' Roy thought. The nickname was something he had always tossed about, but now it was literal.

Roy visibly swallowed, mouth suddenly dry. He worked his jaw, tried to form words. A low hum ran through his head and he felt his brain sizzle. All hope of coherent thought and witty banter was lost.

( )

Ed was amused, to say the least. He knew Roy would have a hard time sorting out the reality of the situation, but this – this was just too good. The older alchemist seemed to be glued to the spot, knuckles white, gripping the doorframe hard enough to splinter the wood. His mouth was trying to form words, and every so often, he'd succeed in making a little breathless squeak.

'He's speechless,' Edward thought with a snort. 'It's almost cute.'

Playful light danced in his eyes and a smile of pure enjoyment tugged at his lips. This was just the tip of the ice burg; his hunger for revenge was just starting to ebb. He sauntered over to Roy, feeling those dark eyes on him.

The skirt swished around his thighs, riding up to reveal peach flesh. Every step was meticulously planned. He watched as Roy's eyes glazed and darkened. The fingers that weren't clutching the doorframe for support twitched, tried to reach out but couldn't seem to figure out how to move.

The slight click of heels accented his approach, and he stopped within arm's length of the man. His eyes roamed over the body clad in the military uniform. 'No one can pull off Amestrian blue like Mustang.' The errant thought ran through his head before he shook it, succeeding in regaining focus.

"Oi, Colonel Bastard!" Ed snapped flesh fingers in front of the raven-haired male's face.

Roy's gaze snapped up, locked onto honey colored eyes, losing some of the lust. "E-Edward," his voice was hoarse and husky.

"Like whatcha see?" A cocky grin turned up the corners of Ed's lips. He twirled, letting the skirt billow out.

Roy made a pleading, throaty sound and his breath hitched. Ed smiled, pleased with the answer.

He then made the fatal mistake of allowing his eyes to trail the male's body. That's when he noticed the bulge in Roy's pants, straining against tight material. He felt the warmth spread through his stomach, eyes go half-lidded and lust-filled.

'Fuck.' He cursed the fact that, after all this time, Roy still had the ability to wreak havoc on his teenage hormones. He felt his plans begin to dissipate.

( )

Roy was slightly able to focus, thankful that Edward had pulled him out of his lust-induced stupor. With a slightly clearer mind, he noticed the sudden change in the blonde's body language. Something had caused Ed to go from flirtatious and teasing to needy and lustful. A sexual charge hung in the air, and it made the raven's erection throb.

'So that's it,' Roy managed a smirk as he caught sight of his lover's gaze. Ed tried to act like an adult, and he pulled it off until he entered the bedroom – or the office, an empty hallway, anywhere with a flat surface and no prying eyes – where hormones reigned supreme.

His eyes glazed once more as he closed the distance. Bubblegum assaulted his taste buds as he claimed Ed's lips. The boy parted them immediately and Roy slipped into the familiar cavity with practiced ease.

Kissing Ed was always a blissful experience. The taste, the touch, the sounds were always passionate, uncensored. Fingers carded through blond locks, scattering the scent of cocoanut through the room. His free hand trailed down the boy's body, delighting in the trembles he evoked, and coaxed the short skirt higher. When fingers latched onto the bare flesh of buttocks – causing a deep moan to rip from Edward's throat – Roy grinned around the boy's lips.

He dragged his lips lazily away from Ed's tantalizing mouth, nipped at the corner, trailed along a heated cheek. The wandering mouth found purchase on the tender cartilage of a peach earlobe. His teeth pulled at the skin, mouth sucked the reddened area. While the teasing was nice, he needed more. The throbbing between his legs was maddening.

Fingers loosened the tie around the boy's throat, tugged it free and tossed the silky material across the room. The jacket was tugged away next, shirt following soon after, tumbling off Edward's body and pooling on the fraying carpet. Fluidly, Roy worked the black fabric of the mini skirt upwards.

( )

"A-ah ha." Ed's lips could do nothing but release pants and moans of encouragement. Pale fingers pinched and massaged his length, and the blond felt his knees buckle. Golden eyes rolled back as he arched harder into the man's touch.

The need for skin to skin contact was almost dizzying. Edward was never one to deny himself anything, so without hesitation, he began working the military blues off of his lover. Even in his lust-addled state, Ed's fingers, both steel and flesh, could find Roy's pleasure spots; the spots that would make him gasp, shiver and moan.

As the blue jacket and white dress shirt were tossed away, Edward's fingers immediately attacked Roy's nipples, pinching and rolling until the skin became hard points. Flesh and steel slid down his ribcage in a feather-light dance as shivers chased them. Phalanges traced the sensitive dips that existed between the pale, muscled abdomen. If Roy hadn't been stroking him, he would've loved to taste the heated skin. As it was, he was a selfish creature, and he wasn't ready to disrupt the attention he was receiving.

With expert fluidness, automail digits worked a belt through the loops, snapped the button of military issue trousers, and coaxed pants and briefs down. He released a moan of approval because, as Roy stepped out of boots, socks, pants and briefs, his strokes to Ed's cock increased in speed and pressure. As honey eyes slipped closed in heated passion, the raven deemed it the perfect time to do the most pleasurable thing.

()

With a thrust of the hips, Roy brought his throbbing erection against Ed's weeping one. He watched those golden eyes fly open, crimson blush deepen. The moan that ripped from the blonde's throat was like music to his ears. Just to test his theory that the reaction would be the same, he did it again.

He was surprised to find that his theory was incorrect; the process didn't yield the same results. Edward's reaction was the same, but his wasn't. With a gasp and a flame of pleasure, he came. Roy Mustang fucking hair-triggered.

Onyx eyes, wide and full of shock and surprise, looked from the white semen covering the teen's abdomen and dripping from his thighs to the teen himself. Edward was amused, light smile playing with his lips.

"I – This has never… Never… What…?" Roy stammered, eyebrows furrowed and his nose scrunched in confusion.

"Yeah, yeah, save your breath with the whole "This never happens" excuse." Edward's fingers cupped the male's face. "It's partially my fault."

Roy blinked. 'Just like Ed to shoulder the blame.'

Golden eyes were still amused. "Let's see if we can't regain some interest, shall we?" His voice was low, smile sultry.

"Oh, that shouldn't be hard," Roy's voice still held disbelief.

"No, it should. That's the problem. Try to stay focused, Mustang." And with that, Edward dropped to his knees.

Roy sucked in his bottom lip as he felt soft kisses on the head of his manhood. He audibly swallowed as a fiery tongue flashed out and licked up and down his shaft and along his sac. He released the moan that had been bubbling in his throat when his member finally hardened.

And the instant the blood rushed from his brain to his erection, Edward's lips vanished.

Roy actually whined. He felt like dropping to his knees and sobbing, begging, promising Edward the fucking moon if he would just suck him off.

But Roy Mustang didn't beg. And even if he had, Edward Elric wouldn't have listened.

"Don't look at me like that, bastard." Edward's voice was actually apologetic. "There are better things we could be doing right now."

The blond stood, golden eyes turned dark amber as he pushed Roy back onto the squeaky bedsprings.

( )

The Fullmetal Alchemist never prepared for anything. He liked to jump into things without thinking, consequences be dammed. This little quirk of his applied not only to field missions and the decision to destroy expensive things, it also applied to having sex with Roy Mustang.

He straddled the raven-haired man, wrapping peach thighs tightly around pale hips and sinking flesh and metal knees into the soft mattress. Digging nails of his flesh hand into the soft skin of Roy's shoulder, lacing steel and pale fingers, he began to take his lover's pulsing member into him.

Once the head of Roy's cock passed the tight ring of muscle, Edward moaned as the rest of the organ breeched his entrance. His ride started out slow, hips rising and thrusting down hard onto rigid flesh. He leaned down, capturing Roy's lips in a fierce kiss, and shifted so that Roy's member would hit his prostate with ease.

His tongue invaded his lover's mouth, the man's essence – cinnamon and apple – danced over his taste buds. His pace quickened as every thrust hit his sweet spot and moans tumbled from full lips. When pale fingers wrapped around his weeping member, Edward ground his teeth; his plans for revenge were shot to Hell.

( )

Even though he could practically feel his pleasure liquefied brain leaking out his ears, Roy still had the wits to watch his blond lover's face. He watched as the teen's eyes became hazy, saw his lips form nonsensical words of encouragement. From what he could tell, the boy was having an internal battle, because he wasn't giving the love-making his full attention; there was a part of the kid's mind that was focused on something else.

'Can't have that.' Roy smirked, and he gathered enough wits to move his fingers.

Slender fingers wrapped around Edward's length. They stroked the sensitive skin with a firm, expert touch. A triumphant smile would've split his lips if the Little Red Runt hadn't quickened his pace. The beginnings of Roy's orgasm slowly crawled through his body; pleasure swirled in his fingertips and lapped at the veins in his arms.

He felt beads of sweat gather on his forehead, and one glance at Edward – it was longer than a glance, but there was no time for semantics – told him that the blond was no better; sweat glistened along his chest. The boy's movements had changed yet again, back to a slow grind. Hands held Roy's hips, preventing him from changing the pace.

Every nerve in his body tingled, stomach muscles knotted and pleasure coursed through his bloodstream.

"Ed, please," Roy whined, tearing his lips away from the youth's mouth. This wasn't begging, this was negotiating.

( )

Edward smiled. It seemed his revenge scheme wasn't totally lost after all. He could make the bastard beg, and that was good enough.

"What's wrong Roy?" He tried to sound innocent and coy, but his breathing hitched and a suppressed moan made his voice crack. "Tell me what you want." Words ghosted over the Colonel's lips.

"Faster," the Colonel commanded through clenched teeth. "Please," he added at the look in Ed's eyes.

He wanted to toy with Mustang a little longer, but the shiver of pleasure that raced down his spine and spread through his stomach quickly changed his mind. He sat up, arched his back and thrust his lover deeper inside of him.

The strokes to his member became sloppy, jerky and fast. Ed's grinding quickened and his thighs tightened around Roy's hips. "Goddamnit, yes, Roy," became a chant laced in the moans that tumbled from his lips.

His member twitched, stomach muscles convulsed, and his back arched. The swirling pleasure condensed into a ball in his stomach.

"Edward!"

That shout of pleasure and the semen shooting into the depths of his body caused that ball of pleasure to explode.

"Roy!" Edward gasped out as his completion hit. His seed spewed onto the raven-haired male's hand and the peach flesh of his abdomen.

( )

"What made you decide to play dress up, Fullmetal?" Roy chose a few hours later at dinner to interrogate his lover.

"Revenge," Edward said matter-of-factly, glaring at the glass of white liquid that his lover was gulping down. 'Like it's the best fucking thing in the world,' he snorted at the thought.

Roy arched a brow, onyx eyes narrowing questioningly. "So your plan… Was… To dress like a school girl and get off from slow sex which was only sped up when I jerked you off?"

Edward looked as though he didn't approve of Roy's summary. "No, the plan was to tease you until you fucking begged me to give you what you want. Making you think I was a god among men would've been a bonus."

The brat looked too damn smug, and Roy fought the urge to deflate his ego with a derogatory statement about his height. "You… Didn't quite accomplish that."

"Edward waved away the observation and practically inhaled his steak. "Even the best laid plans can go awry," he said before swallowing a mouthful of food.

Roy just shrugged and conjured up the image of Ed in a mini skirt – an image that would keep him company on the lonely nights when his lover was on a mission.