SE Hinton owns the Outsiders.

Gah, I'm so nervous to end this…

Cursing below.

Have to Wonder

XxX

Everything is both old and new. It's real; not blotted or dulled. I start taking my pneumonia medication. I don't crave the smokes.

Soda apologizes.

My brothers are talking but it's not the same. The edge is still sharp; Darry hurt and Soda sobered. They're careful around me and unsure. But it's fine because I'm unsure too. I'll heal and so will they. I just hope it's soon.

And even though I've only been in Cherry Hills for two weeks, I haven't really been home in six months. Through taking the pills and being sick, I wasn't whole – I wasn't me.

I finally see that.

I'm just not ready for everything that happens next.

XxX

It's about a week after the article comes out. Two-Bit and I are headed back to the house after seeing a movie downtown. We round the corner and a man steps into our path. He raises a camera and snaps a picture.

"What's goin on, man?" Two-Bit asks, unaffected.

The man, wearing a hat and collared shirt eyes me. "Ponyboy Curtis?"

"Yeah?"

The camera flashes and I wince at the light. Two-Bit's frowning. "Hey, what the hell is this?"

"I'm Sam Fisher with the Tulsa Examiner."

I groan. "You're a reporter."

"I was wondering if you'd like to make a statement."

I brush past him. "You read the article. It's all in there."

"No," he says. "The real story. You and the nurse. We want that."

"Man, I don't know what you're talking about." Inwardly, I'm cursing, wondering who's been talking, how he found out the scoop at Cherry Hills. Then again, maybe no one spilled the beans. Maybe the guy's just a good reporter. Max has been real good about keeping the other story quiet. And after my experience at Windrixville the last thing I want is another story about me.

Sam Fisher laughs. "Nice try, kid. Now look, we want to run a feature story on your part, get some quotes and—"

"Wait – what? No," I say sidestepping him. "No, I'm sorry…"

Sam follows. "C'mon kid, don't you wanna tell your story – the real story to—"

"Look man, I just wanna be left alone."

The flash pops as he takes another photo. Two-Bit bristles; I can see my usually easy-going friend drawing himself up. "It's a great angle, kid, orphan, JD, hero…" Another flash.

I hold my hand up, shielding the camera just in time. I snag Two-Bit's sleeve. "C'mon, let's go…" Instead—

Two-Bit grabs the camera strap looped around Sam's neck. "Listen shit head, I'm gonna break your camera if you don't get the hell outta here." Two-Bit gives him a shove off the curb.

Without missing a beat, Sam gives me a wave and swaggers off, capping his camera lens.

Two-Bit pulls out a pack of smokes transferring it back and forth between his hands. He won't smoke them. "Fuckin' creep," he says.

I shield my eyes against the sun. "He's still gonna write it."

XxX

The article comes out a week later. The Tulsa Examiner is a slick, glossy magazine, well-versed in opinion pieces. On the front cover is a photo of me. It's the last one Sam took; I have my hand up and out, obscuring most of my face, my hair long and in my eyes. The headline The Words Ponyboy Curtis Won't Say is emblazoned in red stencil font across my palm. While it's not a damaging article, it brings more attention than I want.

The story focuses mostly on the irony of me going undercover to solve the murders and then getting targeted by Nurse Wilkes; that I solved it. That Tulsa World used me, put me in jeopardy. The story has a few quotes from the staff at Cherry Hills. The quote from Apple Face makes me laugh: I just thought he was a particularly difficult patient.

Sodapop's the first one to show me the magazine. I curse when he walks through the front door. Soda has this shocked, pissed-off expression on his face and about 20 magazines in his hand, making me think he bought out the newsstand.

Darry just stares at me. At them. "Try to stay home for a while, huh, Ponyboy?"

XxX

Nick calls me and laughs.

Max calls and wonders who let the truth-and-nothing-but-the-truth of the story leak.

Colin calls with congratulations. "I think you figured it out," he says. The compliment leaves a lump in my throat.

Two-Bit makes me autograph one of the magazines.

XxX

I listen to Darry for about a week. I stay home and ignore the phone calls, the requests for comments and interviews.

Nick tells me Wilkes plead guilty. She gave a full and signed confession. There'll be no trial. If the cops need my statement they'll be in touch.

I have no words for the relief I feel.

XxX

With both of my brothers at work, I take the opportunity to meet Max at his office. His feet are kicked up on his desk, cigarette butts in his ashtray. "What're the rest of your summer plans, Curtis?"

I sit, rubbing palms on my jeans. Raise an eyebrow. "Hopefully working."

I can't do it. Can't stay cooped up at home the rest of the summer. Bored and antsy, I keep replaying scenes from Cherry Hills over and over in my head. Calling Nick at the paper to get dirt. Contemplating the future of Wilkes.

Max smirks. "You ready to come back?" I nod and then Max asks, "Just for the summer?" I give him a guarded look and Max continues. "You still planning on going back to school? Sticking around here? I know Nick was saying something about you having some trouble away at school…being uh, displaced…"

"Well, I—What d'ya want, Max?"

"I want to offer you a job. Full time." My mouth drops open. He holds a hand up.

"Your story was solid reporting not to mention you got the shit kicked out of you for it. There's passion there."

I smirk. "So you're telling me shit-kicking is a requirement for the position?"

Max snorts. "Now I can't promise you all the bells and whistles but it'd be an entry level reporting job. Is that something you'd want?"

"I do. I really do. But I gotta think about it."

"Then get out of here, Curtis and think about it. Oh and before you go…" Max straightens up and leans over, pawing at a pile of papers on his desk. He digs around and then tosses me a few files. "Take these and read 'em. They're important."

XxX

Stirring the spaghetti sauce absentmindedly, the spoon moving counterclockwise, I read the articles Max has printed. There are about five of them, each detailing a case from the past where a nurse or someone in the health care industry has killed or tried to kill their patients. Some did it to receive praise and attention; some did it because God told them to. And some just because.

My skin crawls.

XxX

"Hey Ponyboy…"

The voice is familiar and I turn from the cereals lined in front of me. Liz stands in the middle of the aisle, a shopping cart in front of her. She points. "I'd go with the Frosted Flakes."

"Hey," I say, giving her a grin. "How you been?"

"Good and you?"

"Nice to be home."

"You look better," she says, soft and quiet. Almost awed. "So much better."

My face gets hot. "Thanks."

Liz tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, biting her lip. Her eyes scan a space behind my shoulder, the aisles. "Darry's here," I tell her, trying not to smile. "Want me to—?"

"Oh, no, no…" she sputters, waving it off. Before she can protest I stick my head out and holler for my brother. Darry's strolling across the grocery store, a jug of chocolate milk in his fist and I have to laugh at the image of Darry – a big, impressive guy – solely carrying chocolate milk.

"Whatcha need, Pony—?" Darry's eyes get big. "Oh, hi, Liz…"

Blushing, Liz says hello. She and Darry wind up talking for ten more minutes before making plans to have coffee next week. Smirking, I throw the Frosted Flakes in our cart.

XxX

July turns into August. I go back to the paper for the summer, unsure of Max's offer. Tempted but unsure. I don't mention anything about it to Darry and Soda, already on thin ice just for beginning work again.

Nick and I chase stories. And I realize what I've known for a long time. This is the job I want. I love the rush, the feeling of chasing dominoes; when you knock one down, everything can fall into place or break apart. It's a feeling I know well.

XxX

A letter comes. It's from Wilkes. I read it one morning, frozen in the kitchen. Darry enters, reading over my shoulder. I don't stop him.

It's long and rambling, apologizing, saying it wasn't her fault. That it was God's destiny, divine will and other bullshit excuses. Her lawyers claim she's sick and that maybe she believes them. Why else would she do those things? She's so glad I didn't die, God didn't want that. Wilkes asks me to come visit her in prison. Speak on her behalf.

I set the letter on the kitchen table and push back in my chair.

"Pony…" Darry puts a hand on my shoulder.

Standing, I leave the kitchen. I rip the letter up and flush it down the toilet.

XxX

Soda finds me in my bedroom.

"Darry call you?"

"Yeah," he says, dark eyes searching my face. "Everything okay?"

Resting an elbow on my desk, I chew my nail. Anger I haven't felt before twitches inside. Soda moves around the desk, plopping on my bed. "Kiddo..."

"I'm just pissed. She's gonna try to get away with it, Sodapop." My chest constricts. "I can't goddamn believe it."

"She won't," Soda says. "Don't you worry."

"I'll testify if I have to. She just can't do this." Soda's lips press together in a firm line.

A soft creak of the floor and then Darry's lingering in the doorway. Even Darry, who isn't afraid of anything, looks worried.

XxX

Soda's right. Shortly after getting the letter, Wilkes gets life in prison. The insanity case didn't hold muster. The anchors announce it on the news one night, Darry and I watching grainy footage of Wilkes getting shoved into the back of a cop car.

I think of the black and white photos of Jamie Coleman and the others. It hardly seems fair.

XxX

I swing the front door open, blinking at the man who has just knocked. "Can I help you?" He is tall and thin, clean shaven with close cropped brown hair. He has on cowboy boots, a loose white shirt and a bag slung across his chest. He grins and suddenly I know that smile.

"Oh, holy shit. Stubs."

"Ponyboy Curtis," he drawls, shaking my hand. "Alive and well."

"I can't believe," I say. "What're you doing here? You checked out? What about Marie? How's Flora and—"

He holds up a hand. "One question at a time. I'm out for the week and then it's back to Cherry Hills. Flora is well; she misses you and can't stop eating puzzle pieces. We've gone through five now." He wiggles his solemn eyebrows. "And the reason I am here is to bring you these."

Stubs pulls a bundle of white from the bag. I reach for them, feeling the crumpled paper beneath my palms. I stare at them in wonder. "My notes." I look up. "You took them? You knew?"

"I confess I didn't know why you were there but I did know someone who shouldn't would find these. You need to work on your hiding spots." Stubs eyes are calm. "I had similar suspicions. But what would I know? I'm just a crazy."

"That's what they all say." I grin, glancing back down at my notes. "Thanks. Thanks a lot."

"Figured you'd wanna have them back." Stubs shrugs. "Memories and whatnot."

I open the front door. "Say, you wanna come in?"

"I could go for a cup of coffee," Stubs says, moving inside and past me, his shirt billowing out, like he's floating on air.

XxX

I make plans before anyone knows.

I plan to enroll in school part-time take the job with Max. It's too good of an opportunity to pass up. Max tells me he likes his coffee black and I tell him to get it himself.

He laughs for a long time.

XxX

"I think I'm gonna do it. Tonight."

"Are you sure?

"I think so. I've got it all planned. Dinner. Flowers. Ice capades."

I shake my head, leaning forward on the couch. "No jokes, man. No jokes."

"You're right." Two-Bit sighs, his face green. He's sitting on the floor, a six-pack next to him. Darry's out with Liz, rekindling the flame, as Two-Bit calls it.

"You got the ring?"

Two-Bit slugs down the beer. "I do. I think." Frantically, he starts patting the pockets of his jeans, flailing around. Finally, he breathes easy. "Okay. Okay. I have it." Another sip.

"You can't ask her drunk, Two-Bit," I say, watching carefully. "Sober up. Go for a walk."

"Right again, kid. You're so damn smart it scares me." Two-Bit shoves the bottle into my hand. "Have a drink for me. I think I'm gonna need it." He sways as he stands.

I finish the beer, draining it. Suddenly, I realize I'm probably as nervous as Two-Bit.

XxX

After Two-Bit leaves, I run the tap, getting a glass of water. I uncap my pneumonia medication and swallow the pills and the water.

There, in the kitchen, I think.

The house is still and quiet. It smells like it always has, of gasoline and warmth and burnt food and dust. Smells like home. I think about how messed up I had been six months ago, how distorted everything was to me and know I'll never go back to that.

I hate all the mistakes but I'd do them all over again to get to this point of being healthy and whole. The route I took was a long and hard one but the delay was worth it. I don't have to wonder anymore.

XxX

"You think he did it?" Steve asks, chewing on a toothpick. He eyes his cards.

"I don't know…I think so…"I murmur, checking mine out as well. I have a straight.

"Oh, I bet he did," Liz says, setting a salad on the table. She gives me a smile. Darry invited her over for a BBQ and despite his protests that it's nothing I can see it's something.

Steve rolls his eyes. "Now Evie's gonna get ideas."

"You give yourself way too much credit, Stevie. I don't think Evie wants to marry your sorry ass," Soda interjects, stretching a long arm across the table to snag a Pepsi. Steve looks slightly wounded.

Darry hits Soda on the back of the head with an oven mitt. He hands him a platter of burgers. "You wanna do the honors?"

Soda gives Darry a grin as Steve and I groan. "Well, thanks Dar. Don't mind if I do." He scrambles outside with the tray, shouting something about lighter fluid and bonfires.

"Filled with regret?" I ask my oldest brother, whose brow is now creased in worry. Liz asks if we have a fire extinguisher. Before Darry can say anything, the sound of someone laying on a car horn fills the house.

"Holy shit, he did it," Steve says, head whipping around.

I run out of the house in time to see Kathy hopping out of the truck with the ring on her finger. It sparkles in the sun. She's giggles and waves to Sodapop. Two-Bit's grinning from sideburn to sideburn. He gives me a thumbs-up. I stand on the porch and grin.

XxX

Liz and Kathy, inside readying the salad and desserts, are talking wedding plans. Every so often they'll erupt into laughter, which floats outside and hits us as we sit around on the porch.

"Congrats, man," I tell Two-Bit. "You pulled it off."

"That I did." He raises his beer, slinging an arm around my shoulder. "And congrats to you."

"For what?"

"For being the best man. For laying witness to the grandness that is holy matrimony…"

I roll my eyes, trying to disentangle. "Knock it off..."

"We'll see how grand it is when you get kicked out and ask to sleep on our couch," Steve says, pulling a beer from the cooler. As Steve and Two-Bit begin to bicker, I jog over to help my brother.

"Do I have the moves or what?" Soda asks, flipping a burger and catching it expertly on the end of the spatula.

"Dad taught you that," Darry says with a grin. "Figured you needed a hobby." Soda laughs and flips another one.

It's as good a time as any. "I got a job," I announce. My brothers turn, staring. "At the paper. Full time as a reporter." I bite my lip.

Soda's gawking. "You mean…this…it's gonna be your job?"

"That's uh, kinda the idea…"

Darry is careful. "What about school?"

"I'll go part-time…I'll still graduate."

"So…"

"So…"

"So, you're staying here?" Soda asks.

"Yeah, I'm staying here."

They look calmer than expected. Soda flips another burger. Darry nods. "You can stay with me…or Sodapop…whatever you want…" He nods again. "It's real good, Ponyboy."

Soda points the spatula at me. "Just—just be careful. That's all I ask, Ponyboy. For our sanity. No more chasing nurses."

I chuckle, smiling at my brothers. I still don't know why things happened like they did but I'm thankful. The sun gleams high in the sky, the laughter and voices of my friends and family loud in the summer air.

"I'll be okay, guys."

Darry exhales. He looks at Soda and then back at me. "Yeah, we know you will, kiddo."

XxX

This is done. Wow. I seriously got a bit teary eyed finishing this. Looking back, I can't believe how it started and where this took off. Thank you for the reads and reviews. I couldn't have done it without you spurring me along. Thank you, thank you.

Pardon any typos.

Just for reference I am going to take a break to focus on some of my real-life writing. This has consumed me and while I'm sad it's over, I'm so glad too!

If I do any stories in the near future it will be one-shots. BUT I'm not saying I won't write a longer story just not now. However, out of curiosity which story would you be interested in seeing a sequel to? Not promising…just wondering.

Blah. Anyway…that was nice and rambling. Thanks again and please review the final chapter!

LOVES,

Feisty