Title: Psych on FFnet...Literally...

Summary: What happens when our favorite "psychic" and his best friend stumble upon our very own FFNet? One Shot Parody.

Disclaimer: Has anyone actually gotten in trouble for not having a disclaimer? Unfortunately, I do not own Psych. But, if I happen to win the lottery, I'd be all over that...

It was a warm and sunny day in Santa Barbara, California. Despite it being winter, the beaches were filled with tourists.

Burton Guster pulled up to the Psych office at 9 in the morning. Seeing Shawn's Norton in its usual parking spot made him curious.

I wonder what Shawn's doing here, he usually doesn't wake up till after 12.

Gus walked into the Psych office and almost instantly fell over due to the smell of those nacho cheese Corn Nuts Shawn loved so much. He held the super smeller shut and rounded the corner to see a very tired Shawn Spencer sitting at his computer desk, glued to his laptop screen.

"Shawn? What are you doing here so early? Did you sleep here again last night?"

"Well I wouldn't exactly call it sleeping, considering I don't think I have closed my eyes once in the last 12 hours." replied Shawn.

Shawn's eyes were the color of a gambler's eyes after spending the night at a casino in Vegas. The room smelled of nacho cheese corn nuts with a hint of overly ripe pineapple. Red bull cans covered the floor around Shawn's desk, confirming the fact that Shawn really hadn't slept at all the night before.

"Shawn, what in the world have you been doing here all night?" Gus said, concern dripping from his voice.

"Dude, it all started with an auction on Ebay for a mechanical bull named Walter. I just couldn't stand to see the poor guy go to the slaughter house Gus. Its totally inhumane."

"Shawn, they don't send mechanical bulls to the slaughterhouse, that's just absurd"

"Well anyways, after I spent six thousand dollars on Walt..." Gus abruptly cut Shawn off

"Shawn, where exactly did you get six thousand dollars?" Gus was immediately sorry he asked, judging by the look on Shawn's face, it wasn't going to be good.

"Well buddy, lets just say that we are going to have to get a lot of high profile cases from the department in order to make up deficit in the Psych account." Shawn flashed his signature smile and Gus rolled his eyes, but decided to keep his anger to himself...this time.

"Anyways, before I was so rudely interrupted, after I bought Walter, I decided to Google my name, you know how I love to read awesome things about myself. Well I came across this site called 'FFNet'. Let me tell you Gus, its totally addicting! I mean, I cant peal my eyes away from it!" As Shawn came to the end of his story, Gus could see a glint in his eyes. Not a good glint, more of an 'I am seriously going crazy I need some fresh air' glint.

"Shawn, what exactly is this site?" Gus asked, half expecting it to be a porn site, or some sort of morbid dead body site. He nearly gagged just thing about it.

"I don't know if you're gonna like it buddy, its kind of weird." Shawn stated, He knew he was going to end up telling Gus, whether he wanted to hear it or not. This was just way too good NOT to tell somebody.

"Shawn, tell me. I pay the bills here and I think I deserve to know what exactly you are using the internet for..." Gus said.

"Ok man, get this, Its a site with all these fictional stories about us. These people write all kinds of stuff about us. Its crazy! Its hard to believe all these people know who we are, but they do. I think we have a LOT of stalkers Gus. True story." Gus looked like he was about to be sick when Shawn mentioned 'stalkers' but he came around the desk to see the site Shawn was raving about anyway.

"Look Gus, they have this weird language. I have already started to decipher it. There's shipping, and slash, and whump, they even have things called 'plot bunnies'." Gus stared at the computer screen intently, trying to register all that Shawn had said.

"Shawn, whats a 'plot bunny'?"

"I think they're small homeless bunnies that these people take care of. I think the bunnies tell these people what to write. I'm not sure yet though, there are still a lot of unanswered questions."

"So, they just write stories about...us?...I...I don't understand." Gus' eyebrows furrowed together, in an attempt to grasp the purpose of this strange website.

Shawn looked at his best friend, almost worried. He wondered if he should explain the terms he had just spouted off, or if he should just continue. "Gus, there is something else, They kinda pair us...with other people...and write, like, romantic stories. There are all kinds of stories about Jules and me. It's called 'Shules'. How awesome is that? Its like Brangelina or Beniffer. That's what 'shipping' is. Pairing two people and putting them into a relationship." Shawn smiled and wondered if Gus had caught on to the fact that on this site, ANYTHING was possible.

"So what Shawn? These people know you and Juliet are together, no big deal." Gus said.

"Yeah, there is a lot of 'Shules' but you want to know what else there is?" Shawn looked at his best friend who looked confused at this point.

"They have 'Shassie'." Shawn looked at Gus for a moment, waiting for a reaction. Then, suddenly, Gus burst out into laughter.

"they 'ship'...you...and Lassiter?" Gus said, in between cackles.

This is it Shawn thought, This is when I break it to him. I cant wait to hear his reaction.

With Gus just about toppling over from his laughter, Shawn said, "They also ship us. You and Me that is," Gus' laughter stopped almost immediately. He took in Shawn's face, looking for the slightest hint of this being a joke. He found none.

"What? Are they out of their damn minds?" Gus just about screamed at Shawn.

Shawn chuckled, "I know, the whole thing is inconceivable! I mean, c'mon man, I am way out of your league. Just look at this hair." He said, while lifting a finger to point at his perfectly mussed up hair.

"Pfft, please. You know that if I were a girl you would be all over me Shawn." Gus smiled, pleased with himself.

Shawn chuckled to himself before he responded, "Sorry Gustina, I'm not really into 6 foot tall bald women."

"That's not the point Shawn. These people are sick. There isn't even a good 'shipping' name for that. Shuster?"

"Shurton?"

"Shus?"

"Gushawn?"

"Look Shawn, it doesn't matter what they call it, its not gonna happen." Gus was beyond flustered now.

"Look man, who am I to kill the dreams of these fine writers? I would never do that. We are just going to have to let them continue. Besides, I already signed you up and added a few Gussiter stories to your favs." Shawn smirked, while Gus was getting ready to explode.

"Ok ok Gus just calm down. They have some pretty good stories on here, I mean, why else would I stay up all night to read them?" Shawn started t scroll down the page before he clicked on one of his favorite stories. "Here man, Read this one." Shawn stood up and Gus reluctantly sat in the empty chair.

After a few minutes of reading Gus looked at Shawn. "This is ridiculous Shawn, they make us sound like children. I mean we don't say obscure 80's references all the time...do we?" Shawn simply looked at his best friend, "Yes buddy, we do."

Gus continued to read on, "Dude, every other line in these stories are either 'you know that's right' or 'wait for iiiiit' we definitely don't talk like that."

"Gus don't be The Nothingness in the Neverending Story, of COURSE we talk like that." Shawn smiled, amused with the creativeness in these stories.

"Shawn, these people seem to think that our lives revolve around pineapple." Gus stopped to look at Shawn, who currently had on his favorite pineapple PJ pants and was slurping on a pineapple smoothie from the night before. "Ok, well maybe our lives DO revolve around pineapple, but usually its just this unspoken thing, we don't actually TALK about pineapple this much..." Gus went back and started to read the summaries of varies Psych fics.

"These people also seem to know about you A lot of them use the term 'Pseudo psychic'."

"Well that's great Gus! They obviously know how awesome I am to give me such a respectful name!"

"Shawn, 'pseudo' means 'fake'. They know you're not a real psychic!"

"Ehh, I've heard it both ways."

"Hey Shawn?"

"Yeah buddy?" Shawn replied, casually slurping his smoothie.

"What exactly is 'slash' and 'smut' and...'whump'?" Gus looked up at Shawn with a confused gleam in his eye.

"Uhh, nothing buddy. Hey! I have a great idea! Lets go to that new Chinese place downtown! I hear they have EXCELLENT jerk chicken! Whaaaaat?" Shawn exclaimed hopefully.

"You know that's right" *cue fist bump* Gus quickly stood up from the desk to get his keys.

Crisis averted Shawn thought. He didn't want Gus to find out what those terms meant. It would just crush his little heart, and probably make him vomit.

Before Shawn logged off, he wrote a little story of his own. Well, I guess it's considered more of a memo, or a note, for the residents of FFNet.

"Dear writers, I want you to know that what you are doing on here is amazing. Keep up the good work. I could use some ammo when it comes to 80's references and snarky remarks to my second favorite detective, Lassifrass. I could even use some new dating ideas for Jules. But just do me a favor, Please don't "whump' Gus. He is entirely too fragile for that. Aside from that, let your creative juices flow, eat lots of pineapple, and remember, ill be watching. Because I'm psychic. Err...wait...I guess you already somehow know I'm not...Well at any rate, I'll still be watching...err...reading."

"Shawn lets go! I'm starving and I want some jerk chicken!"

"You know that's right buddy." Shawn promptly submitted his 'story' and logged off. The duo left the Psych office and grabbed some Jerk chicken 'to go' then crashed a crime scene...just like we would want them to...

FIN

A/N Its totally ok if it sucked. Its almost 2 am and I am exhausted. Please forgive me for typos etc.