Green Eggs and Ham (Or Five Times No One Expected Sam to Reference Dr. Seuss and The One Time They Did But He Didn't)

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or claim to.

A/N: Written for a prompt from the glee_fluff_meme on LJ

1.

The first time Sam quotes Dr. Seuss, no one gets it.

Rachel is doused in slushie, the bright, neon red dripping from her clothes and promising to stain. The brunette is nearly in tears as she stands there, shoulders hunched against the attack and all her fellow glee clubbers standing around her in a circle.

"Those brain dead jocks kept calling me a midget," she sniffed. "I know I'll never be tall enough for model status but did they really have to pour slushies down my shirt to prove their point?"

Sam had come into the room during her explanation and he walks over to her. She looks up at him, eyes wide and sad and he only wants to cheer her up so he says, "Rachel, a person's a person, no matter how small."

"Don't be a jerk, dude," Finn cuts in defensively.

"It's a quote from Dr. Seuss!" Sam exclaims, hands waving in apology. "I thought it would make her laugh."

He wilts under the glee clubbers' glares and sulks away. "I would have liked it."

2.

The second time he gets the laugh he had expected from the first.

Mr. Shue has been talking about nationals for the better part of a half hour now when Kurt interrupts him. "Is there really any way for us to win? I mean, look at us. There are freak shows with more consistency."

"It's not about winning, Kurt," Mr. Shue chides him.

"If it's not about winning then why are there trophies?" Puck counters. Murmurs break out around the group about how he's probably right, and should they maybe just give up?

"You guys are seriously lacking in optimism today. Where's your team spirit?"

"We'll get it back after we win."

"And will you succeed? Yes indeed, yes indeed! Ninety-eight and three quarters percent guaranteed," Sam exclaims, punching the air with his fist.

"What is that, more Dr. Seuss?" Santana guesses with a sneer.

Sam nods and the others chuckle in surprise. Mr. Shue grins at him and gives a thumb-up. "Now that is the attitude I'm looking for!"

Sam blushes when Quinn musses his hair from behind.

3.

Sam never thought he could use Dr. Seuss as an insult.

But then again Santana provides possibilities that would be otherwise impossible.

He's hot and sweaty from football practice and even the showers afterwards don't chase away all the screaming his muscles are doing. Sue must have pulled another stunt against Beiste again because she had pushed them hard today, drill after drill until a handful of the boys had collapsed on the field.

He shrugs his backpack gingerly to his shoulders and heads out, wanting nothing more than to sprawl on his bed and just lay there until he falls asleep. But Sam never seems to get what he wants.

Brittany is struggling to get her locker open, looking determined but slightly confused. And even though all she really has to do is take the oven mitts off of her hands and she'll be fine, Sam can't just walk past her and do nothing. The cheerleader smiles brightly at him and claps at his success, the thick fabric of her newest accessory muffling the sound.

"Thanks, Sam! I was beginning to think I'd have to change lockers again."

"Niprrte'," he replies without thinking. It's Santana that catches his slip, appearing from behind him with Quinn at her side.

"That Avatar language crap again?"

"I think foreign languages are hot," Brittany shrugs, but Sam is already embarrassed.

"You're a huge nerd, you know it? You'll never get a girlfriend," Santana continues. Sam is sore and flustered and yeah, maybe he is just a little tiny bit of a geek, but he's tired of this girl's condescending attitude about everything.

So he squares his shoulders, looks her straight in the eye and says, "all alone! Whether you like it or not, alone is something you'll be quite a lot!" before sidestepping the trio and striding away. He hears someone stomping a foot and a curse but he doesn't turn around.

His bed is waiting.

4.

Mr. Shue says that today, they will be working on articulation.

"You guys are all doing a really good job, but let's go back to the basics for a moment, alright? Now let's try some tongue twisters to loosen up a bit. Any suggestions?"

Rachel is on the edge of her chair from waving her hand so hard, making impatient noises in the back of her throat. Mr. Shue points to her. "Okay Rachel, what have you got for us?"

"Well, when I was first in singing lessons that always made me do this one exercise. It'll be perfect! You just have to say: Whether the weather be fine. Or whether the weather be not, Whether the weather be cold, Or whether the weather be hot, We'll weather the weather, Whatever the weather, Whether we like it or not."

"That's stupid – no offense, but I am not saying that."

Mr. Shue gives Puck an exasperated glare before shrugging. "Fine, do you have something that would work better?"

"Uh, no. I just don't want that one," he explains with a shake of his head.

"I have something that might work," Sam offers. "I didn't learn it in singing classes but it's still pretty tough to say if you want to give it a shot?"

Mr. Shue nods his confirmation and Sam swallows nervously before starting. "Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze. That's what made these three free fleas sneeze."

Sam looks around with a grin on his face, only to meet the eyes of his flabbergasted club mates. "What, did I say it wrong?"

"Yeah, because that be would the problem here," Puck replies with a roll of his eyes. "Mr. Shue, can we just go back to singing?"

5.

The fifth time Sam brings up Dr. Seuss, he's in the locker room.

He's towel drying his hair while Finn talks about Rachel and the rest of the team is packing up to go home. Sam is having a hard time concentrating on the things Finn keeps saying – not because he's a bad listener but because he's got his own girl problems to worry about and there's no one rushing to his side to listen to him talk about it, now is there?

"I'm not wrong am I? That was ten kinds of crazy, right?"

And now he's screwed because Finn isn't talking anymore and he's just staring at Sam looking concerned about the answer. But Sam trailed off about five minutes ago while Finn was talking about some couple's calendar thing and by the way the other boy is looking at him a simple yes or no answer won't suffice.

"Come on, dude, sometime today would be nice."

And since Sam really doesn't have much to lose at this point he puts on the most serious face he can muster and places his hand on Finn's shoulder. "Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

He pats Finn one more time on the shoulder before slinging his backpack on and leaving a bewildered quarterback staring at his back.

6.

Brittany brings it in, a large and floppy top hat that's striped with red and white. When Tina asks where she got it Brittany explains that she went through some old boxes over the weekend and she found the old hat buried at the bottom.

Apparently she had dressed up like Cat in the Hat when she was smaller for some Favorite Book Character Day at school.

"I thought it'd be old enough to be retro," Brittany explains honestly, tapping the hat with a finger. The other glee kids file in one after the other, each staring down the blonde girl's hat as they cross the room to their seats.

Sam is the last one in, having had to take a detour to his locker.

He stops when everyone turns to watch him, scaring him with their almost synchronized movement. They're waiting for him to notice the hat, wondering what sort of rhyming comment he will have for them today. His eyes travel from face to face until he lands on Brittany, the only one in the group that seems completely oblivious to whatever is going on in the room. She waves at him and smiles, so he returns the gestures.

"I like the hat," he grins. "It reminds me of Where's Waldo."

He's not sure why everyone is staring at him like that, but he thinks that maybe he should just start talking less.