A/N
In response to Abigal, the 'near-future' represents a time that is not now... but is before 2015... and thank you very much for the proverbial kick up the jacksie I needed to post another chapter. It's been way too long and I can only apologise profusely!
Even if there are only a few still reading, I thank you for your endless patience and I hope this chapter can somewhat live up to any expectation you have had concerning me and my writing abilities!
Disclaimer: If these characters were mine, trust me, that last episode would not have happened.
"Check out all the hot women here!" Dimitri commented with a sly grin, pointing out all the tall, leggy blondes in what they called skirts but were actually more like over-sized belts.
"Yes, they are something," Harry replied absently, his eyes still on Ruth as she desperately drank alcohol in an attempt to block out Beth.
"It's like a room full of... Lucy Lawless! I mean, seriously, have you seen any women more beautiful!"
"Indeed," Harry tore his eyes away from Ruth, "it's a room full of Audrey Hepburn."
"... Audrey Hepburn?" Dimitri asked, try to rack his brain to remember "... was she that chick in 'Hot Girls Run Wild 3'?"
"Audrey Hepburn was the love of my life you know," Lucas cut in, walking over and looking glum.
"Oh here we go," Harry muttered and pinched his nose, "when exactly was she the love of your life Lucas?"
"... errr... after Maya I think, but before that american woman."
...
"Her probation worker?" the random classmate asked incredulously, looking over at the usually docile Ruth as she knocked back another glass of punch.
"Yep," Beth replied proudly, "she's been very good so far, an absolute star."
"You know, I always thought she would end up as either a genius working for MI5 ... or in prison for possession."
"working for MI5?" Beth laughed loud and obnoxiously, "no way! That's crazy! Oh a word of warning, if you see her head towards the bathroom with a packet of white stuff, just give me a holler."
...
Ruth filled up her cup again. The punch had fruit in it, surely that meant it was healthy, right?
"Ruth, you sly ol' thing!"
She turned around and was met with Sacha Tool, the guy who pursued her throughout sixth form. He had tried to kiss her once but she was so repulsed that she had thrown the first thing she had at hand at him. It was a shame, because all her class mates were not able to microwave their pot noodles for months.
"Hello Sacha."
He swaggered over with a triumphant grin.
"Was jus' talkin' to your blonde friend over there and I just wanted to say that I now understand."
"Well that's very good, at least one of us does," Ruth responded chirpily. She just wanted this reunion to be over now, "what on earth are you talking about?"
"I'm talkin' bout those years I tried to get you out on a date. I always used to think that it was because there was something wrong with me."
Ruth so desperately wanted to list the many faults, from his lack of showering to that weird growth on his cheek that wasn't quite a mole and probably had its own pulse. Instead she remained quiet and waited.
"However, your friend Penelope over there-"
Ruth rolled her eyes. Real original, Beth.
"-admitted the real reason you didn't wanna date me. I wish you all the happiness in the world with her."
"WHAT!"
...
"-And after her, I fell in love with Helen," Lucas pulled out a photograph of yet another random woman from his wallet, "she was stunning, the love of my life and I thought we were going to be together forever."
"What happened to her?" A very attractive and very bored woman asked, stifling a yawn.
"Her psychiatrist knew me and advised her against it. Shame, it was one of the best weeks of my life when I was with her..."
He placed his photograph back in his wallet and looked at the woman just as she was making a hasty retreat.
"Wait!" he called desperately, running after her, "I have another photo album to show you!"
...
"This is a disaster. An actual disaster," Tariq sighed, watching Lucas chase the next love of his life.
"Yeah well, as long as he's chasing all the women into my arms," Dimitri smiled.
"He''ll be chasing all the women off of a cliff."
"Well, anyway. I best go console those poor ladies before they turn to alcohol."
Dimitri swaggered off, all style and no substance as usual. Tariq sighed once more and stood in the corner all alone.
"Hey, you a virgin?"
Tariq's head whipped round so fast he could possibly claim compensation for it. A man with braces, thick glasses and a t-shirt that said "WTF: what the frak?" stood before him, smiling inanely.
"Me? no, why would you think that? why? What's it to you? why? No, course not," Tariq hoped beyond hope that some of what he said made sense.
"Ohhh so you're not?" the man was intrigued, "so, what are you then?"
"Errr-"
"A BT broadband?"
"Oh."
...
"BETH BAILEY!"
The scream was so loud that even Beth heard it and she had drank her bodyweight in vodka.
"Oooops," she giggled and turned to who she was chatting up previously, "gots'ta go, Ruthie wantsh to talk... Beth Bailey isss... isss her pet name for me, y'shee..."
She turned away from the disco ball that she thought was Robert Pattinson and faced her fuming flatmate.
"Wasssup?"
"We're lovers!"
"Oh no, a domestic!" Beth hiccuped and watched as an irate Harry also sidled up next to her.
"Beth!" He shouted, annoyed, "I had a perfect legend worked up for Ruth and myself and I had to find out from a complete stranger that my 'wife' was cheating on me with you!"
"Oh come on!" Beth replied, exasperated, "thisss can be so much fun! I-I haven't been that crazy with my lies-"
"-according to you," Harry fumed, "Ruth is a pole-dancing, stripping cowgirl who works part-time at a paper firm where they also happen to keep prisoners, but she's only worked there for three weeks after just coming out of rehab for drug addiction and alcohol dependency!"
Ruth looked flustered and turned to Beth. Harry inwardly was gleeful, waiting for the massive explosion that would culminate in a heated, passionate kiss with himself and-
"... you think I could be a cowgirl?"
Or not.
A/N
That awkward moment again, where I hide behind my internet sofa and hope I don't get egged. Next chapter?... Sometime before 2015 I hope! If you get desperate, send me a review or PM to kick me up the bottom!
much love to all who read and review!