"I have to tell you, Sirius, it's not looking good," Remus said. Sirius bit his lip worriedly and shifted uncomfortably on his seat. He could always tell when Remus was joking, and this was not one of those times.

"How bad?" Sirius asked.

"Very."

"What have I got?"

Remus sighed, and set the book down on the table. James lowered his own and focussed his attention on the werewolf. The three of them were huddled in a secret room somewhere in Hogwarts, pouring over books. Usually they would do that in the common room (when, in James' and Sirius' cases, they broke the habits of their lifetimes and actually read at all), but when they were reading very advanced, very disturbing books illegally borrowed from the restricted section of the library, it was an activity best carried out in private.

"It's an animagus disease that about ten percent of animagi catch. From what I've gathered, it inflicts upon the animagus form blue spots and a sort of… permanent horniness. The spots fade; the… other thing, doesn't. Eventually this carries over to the person, and they also bear the effects of the disease. It usually only happens to people who have tapped into their animagus form - people who never turn into it are invulnerable."

"Spare us the jargon," Sirius drawled, although the boredom in his tone failed to mask his obvious worry. "How do I fix it?" he shifted in his seat once more, and both James and Remus looked away awkwardly, all to aware of what was causing his discomfort, even if it was hidden by a book that lay in his lap.

"There are only two known ways," Remus spouted out, sounding very much like the text book he had read it from. "The first is a potion that the ministry has strict control over - there are no copies of the recipe in the library, and the only way to get it from the ministry is to be a registered animagus. I don't think there's any way we can procure it."

"And the second?" James prompted, taking Remus' word for it. He was much better at research than any of them.

"Is for Padfoot to have sex."

"What?" both James and Sirius yelped.

"Padfoot - the dog - has to have sex with another living thing. It has to be actual penetrative sex, and it doesn't count if Sirius is human."

"Merlin, Moony," James said, pale-faced, "stop listing off the requirements as though it could actually happen."

"So I could be human or dog?" Padfoot asked. Both Remus and James turned to look at him.

He cleared his throat. "What? I'm just asking. Out of curiosity."

"Right," Remus said suspiciously. He didn't look convinced. "Yes, you can be human or dog, provided it's penetration."

Sirius groaned. "I'm stuck like this, aren't I?" he asked miserably. Remus shrugged.

"Pretty much, unless you want to abandon your morals. Mind you… you are a Black… is screwing dogs really all that different to doing your family?"

James laughed, and even the corner of Sirius' mouth twitched. "Anyway," Remus continued, "I think I was wrong about it being totally permanent. This book says that it should go away after a year."

"A year?" Sirius exclaimed. "A year?"

Remus nodded. "It's what the book said. I don't know whether it's right, though."

James, sensing another famous Sirius Black outburst, which consisted of a lot of complaining, yelling, and other stuff that no one particularly wanted to listen to, hastily got to his feet. "Ah well, mate," he said, clapping Sirius on the shoulder. "Tough luck. But I really gotta go to bed. Early morning tomorrow."

"Traitor!" Sirius called to the boy's retreating back. The portrait the room was hidden behind swung shut before he received a reply. Miserably, Sirius buried his head into his hands. "Why me, Remus?" he moaned.

"Is it really that bad?" Remus asked, beginning to tidy the scattered books into a neat pile. Sirius nodded.

"Yes," he said pitifully. "I can't take a whole year of it!"

Remus patted his shoulder awkwardly. "It might get better?" he suggested weakly, guilt running through him. It was his fault Sirius was in this predicament.

Sirius bit his lip, and not because he was thinking. "I doubt it," he whispered. "You know how you just patted me on the shoulder?" Remus nodded. "Well, it just got me even harder than I already was. And that's saying something. It's even worse when I'm Padfoot; by next full moon I'll be humping everything that moves."

Remus looked around awkwardly. "Well… I guess it's put up with it or the alternative."

"What? Shag some dog? I don't think I can do bestiality."

"What about when you humped that woman's leg over Christmas break?"

"That was different. I was new to Padfoot, and I wasn't in control. And even then, it was… me. Not some dog who can't tell the difference. I was still human."

"So you wouldn't have a problem with shagging a human in Padfoot form?" Remus asked. "Because that would solve the problem."

Sirius laughed. "I think the problem with that would be finding someone to shag me."

"You could use your nefarious family connections to find someone who's into that?" Remus suggested.

"I don't even think we are that sick," Sirius said, but he was smiling slightly, which Remus considered an accomplishment.

Then Remus had an idea. "Sirius…," he said slowly. "What if… what if we… you know…."

Sirius' head shot up. "What do you mean?" he asked sharply.

"Well…," Remus said. "It's like you said… it wouldn't be actual bestiality… you aren't actually a dog… and it would just be helping cure you, really."

"You think we should…?"

"If you're okay with it…."

"It's not me who has to be okay with it, Moony. Can you really do that?"

"For you, yes." the expression in Remus' eyes was unreadable, and Sirius appeared to be contemplating the suggestion. Finally, he nodded.

"Only if you're alright with it," he said.

Remus nodded. "I am."

Standing up was one of the hardest things of Sirius' life. It was one thing saying all that, and another putting it into action. But he did rise to his feet, placing his book back down on the floor. Remus suddenly saw why Sirius was finding it near unbearable - the bulge in his pants was straining painfully, and Remus couldn't imagine living like that day in, day out.

Sirius took a breath and immediately began changing into Padfoot. Remus watched uncomfortably. This was it.

As soon as Padfoot was fully dog, he began whining. Remus could tell why. Padfoot had not lost the giant erection his human form had been sporting - indeed, it looked even larger and more painful as a dog (not that Remus was all that familiar with canine anatomy). Already it was leaking beads of clear precum.

Padfoot lowered himself to the floor, looking up at Remus with a pitiful expression, still whining low in his throat. It was clear that he was leaving it up to Remus to make the first move, although the werewolf noted with pity that Padfoot couldn't help but rub his groin lightly across the floor in attempt to relieve himself a little.

Boldly, he took a step forward and crouched next to the canine. The dog's whine immediately changed pitch, and Remus thought it was probably the doggy equivalent of a groan. Tentatively, he reached out and grasped the dog's dripping erection.

Padfoot yelped, although Remus was willing to guess that it was in pleasure rather than pain, and his hips immediately began moving, and his panting sped up. Remus squeezed it gently a few times, but before he could do anything more, come spurted from the cock all over Remus' clothed chest. Padfoot's whine turned into that doggy-groan again and his lolling tongue flicked up to lick Remus' cheek.

The werewolf was tempted to wipe off the slobber and say "Ew, gross," but he thought it might be a little hypocritical.

If he thought that was to be the end of it, he was sorely mistaken. Before his eyes, Padfoot's cock began to swell again. Now that was unnatural. He remembered what the book said: penetrative sex was the only other cure. So he quickly stripped his clothes off.

He was ashamed to admit it, but he was a little hard from what had just happened. It wasn't entirely unnatural to be aroused by another creature having an orgasm, right? Even if it was a dog?

Padfoot noticed Remus' erection, which caused the werewolf to blush, and stepped forwards, putting his paws on Remus' shoulders and pushing him back down to the floor. Before Remus was aware of what was happening, he was writhing on the floor beneath that flexible, wet, and oh-so-delectably-rough tongue. The cold nose pushed against his hairs and he felt like such a pervert when he realised it only made him hornier. He felt himself grow harder and harder, and he barely had the presence of mind to realise how wrong this was.

"Oh," he found himself breathing as the tongue moved down from his cock to lap at his swollen balls. But it didn't stop there; it continued to move downwards and downwards until it was licking his arse-crack.

Remus couldn't hold back the moans as that pleasurable tongue began to flick its way around his virgin hole. He wriggled impatiently - morals be damned, all he wanted at that moment was for that pink organ to be inside of him. And it wasn't long before he got his wish. Soon he was groaning as Padfoot began lapping at his walls, stretching both them and his entrance and lubricating them.

Remus shifted where he lay, making adorable mewling noises and crying out at times as the dog fucked him with its tongue. He gradually got closer and closer to his climax. He didn't think he could hold it in much longer as that tongue brushed lightly against his prostate.

But before his throbbing cock reached its release, the tongue was removed. It only took one look at the panting, desperate, rock-hard Padfoot for him to know what to do. Hastily he rolled over and pushed himself up on his hands and knees.

Within seconds, Padfoot was behind him, draping his considerable bulk over Remus. He could feel the dog's breath on the back of the neck and his weeping prick at his entrance. As Padfoot began to push forwards, he realised it was too late to back out now.

With chagrin, he realised he didn't want to.

It hurt a bit, having such a large appendage being thrust into something that generally only had things going the other way. But he bit his lip as Padfoot began moving - not all that slowly, actually; he might still be Sirius, but neither Padfoot nor Sirius where known for showing restraint, and the animagus moved his hips like one would expect a fucking dog to: fast. He had been well lubricated though, both with the licking and the amount of Padfoot's cum and precum that eased the insertion.

But soon the pain faded, although to say it was totally pleasurable might have been a lie.

That was, until Padfoot's rock hard cock slammed into that part of Remus that made him see stars. He moaned, pushing back down onto the engorged member, and tightening around it.

Padfoot whined that moaning whine once again as he felt Remus clench around him. His cock was leaking so much that already white liquid was dripping out of Remus, and he knew he was close. He barked.

Somehow, Remus understood. He reached down between his legs and grasped his own member, jacking it frantically, using the dog slobber and vast quantity of precum as lubricant. It wasn't long before he was as close as Padfoot himself, and was clenching tightly around the dogs cock. With every thrust he could feel the soft fur rubbing against his skin, and fuck did it turn him on.

Padfoot came into Remus with a yelp. The werewolf felt the dog's seed fill him and it only took a couple of flicks of the sensitive head of his cock before he was coming to a shuddering orgasm. Behind him, Padfoot pulled out and hastily transformed back into Sirius. Then, still panting, he lay down besides Remus who was still stroking his deflating cock.

"Happy?" Remus murmured sleepily.

"It's disturbing to say, but I am," Sirius admitted. "Don't go to sleep; we have to go back to the dorms."

Reluctantly Remus pushed himself up, and Sirius handed him a tissue (although why he was carrying one around with him was anyone's guess). As he collected the books in silence and began making his way back to Gryffindor Tower, Sirius by his side, he knew that even though they'd never speak of this again, he'd remember it every time he wanked until he was old man.

He did have to wonder, however, what they were going to tell James.

A/N: Okay, so this is my first seriously squick-y fanfiction. If you hate it or are disgusted by it, please flame - it boosts my review count. If you liked it, please drop a review; I love feedback.

Oh, I don't own Harry Potter. This is purely fanmade for my own enjoyment (although I don't think saying that after writing a fanfiction like this should be LEGAL).