Disclaimer: Don't own it...
Summary: And so they share one last kiss, one final touch, and she tells him the lie that she had been preparing for so long. "I don't love you."
Author's Note: Well, I had thought that I had published this yesterday, but I guess it had not been for reasons unknown to me. But here it is. Hope you enjoy!(:
Silence consumed the space around them as a thick air of words unsaid and feelings unleashed became too heavy to be pushed away under the lies of being nothing, but still they didn't speak. They didn't move. They didn't do anything to disturb the silence. They were at their own personal breaking points. Each of them was standing on the thin line where one wrong move could push them over the edge of no return. They were at the crossroads where friends can become lovers or friends can become acquaintances and people who share fond memories that leave the question of 'what could have been?'
Both of them had pushed and been pushed so many times that they were tired and ready to give up, but they weren't ready to face the consequences that came with giving up. Maybe it was their stubbornness, the same one that stopped them from giving in to their feelings so many times before. The toxic stubbornness that had saved them so many times and yet will eventually be the cause of their down fall. This was the crucial turning point which held so many opportunities and so many happily ever after's, but that also held so many tragedies.
Should they or shouldn't they?
The question had been burning in each of their minds longer than they'd like to admit. One of them would eventually be forced to take the final step that sealed their fates, and they were each reluctant to be that person. But all things have to end, and their time of peace did along with their indecision. "Kate-" He wanted to reach out to her, but he didn't, his arms remaining rigid at his sides. Touching her would be too much.
"Castle," she breathed, interrupting him. Her voice was shaky, nervous, and his heart stopped awaiting the words that would set him on one of two paths. "Just…just shut up. For once, just shut up." And with that, she closed the space in between them, taking no time to capture his lips with hers.
At first, he was stunned, so surprised that his mind could formulate no response: mental or physical. It was the first time that he had remembered experiencing something like that in his entire life, but he didn't take the time to dwell on that. Instead, he did what he had been wanting to do since he had first laid eyes on her. He kissed her. Technically, he kissed back, and technically, kissing her wasn't what he had originally wanted to do to her, but again, he didn't want to dwell on anything. The only thing he wanted to experience was her lips on his, hungry and wanting.
And he did just that. Pushing her against the wall, he felt a shiver run down his spine as she moaned in his mouth. Breaking apart briefly to gasp for air, she quickly began to unbutton his shirt as he captured her mouth once again in a desperate kiss. Her mouth tasted faintly of coffee and something that was uniquely her. And he had never wanted someone so bad in his entire life. And he had never been more sure that he could never have her.
Because it would change everything. The bridge that had been holding them up, the rickety, rotten, wooden bridge would collapse, and they would fall onto the jagged rocks below. Still, she was demanding, and he couldn't let her go. Instead, he pulled her tightly against him. Something changed within her and he felt it. Her touch was no longer demanding, rather relishing, as if she too had finally realized that they couldn't. The realization had shocked them both because they were both so sure that today would be the day where it would all come out and that today would be the day that they would get together.
But they couldn't. They were too cautious, too worrisome of what could come if their happily ever after wasn't so happy, even he who just hid his fearful side with jokes and tiny snippets, and they didn't want anything to harm the relationship that they had come to form, the friendship that had been forged somewhere in between her cases and his senseless input, which somehow turned how to be helpful. She didn't want to experience the heartbreak when he got bored and left her for the new fashion of the season, and he didn't want her to know that he had fallen so hard. They were so much alike and yet so different. And maybe that would lead to their ending, to their inevitable tragedy that would unfold. She had always been a hopeless realist.
And so they share one last kiss, one final touch, and after he releases her from his tight grasp, although he could've lived happily if he'd never let go, she tells him the lie that she had been preparing for so long.
"I don't love you."
It's a knife to his heart. It's the poison running through his veins. He knew that it would come, but he hadn't been prepared. He would have never been prepared. He nods. What else could he do? His throat closes and eyes burn, but he doesn't let the weakness show. His pride would be the eventual downfall of him. Of that, he was positive. But what else could he do? If he would have spoken up, maybe their happily ever after would happen sometime down the road. But what if it doesn't? It's always the 'what if' that brought him down. Maybe he was too imaginative.
Looking up from the spot on the floor that had captured his attention, he realized that she was staring at him as if waiting for him to speak. And speak he does. Swallowing heavily, he lets out the breath he hadn't known he was holding. "What do we do now?" The confident, all-knowing expression on her face falls, and he knows that she genuinely hasn't thought this far ahead. For seconds, minutes, hours, he wasn't sure; they were silent, trying to find the words to say.
But nothing could truly repair the hole in his heart. Maybe the silence was truly the best thing. Maybe he shouldn't have opened his mouth, but it was too late now to go back. Nothing could repair the tear in their relationship. The seams had unraveled months ago, and now, it was too ruined to be fixed. Why did fate always seem to be against him?
Finally, his thoughts are interrupted as she speaks. "I go home. And on Monday, we go to the precinct. On Monday, this never happened." He almost scoffed, but he stopped himself just in time. He could outwardly pretend. But internally, he would never forget. "This weekend, we put this behind us." He didn't speak, but he knew that it would take him much more than one weekend to put this behind him. "On Monday, we'll be fine."
But they won't be, he was sure. He couldn't forget the best relationship that he had never had, and he knew that there was no way in hell like he could never pretend as if nothing had ever happened between the two of them. She was the only person that he had ever truly been in love with, and he was never going to fall out of love with her. And so, maybe one day, they'd change. And they could be. But he'd just have to wait. And he was up to that. Because she, they were worth it.
Truth is, I've been experiencing this gigantic writing block, and today I'm just forcing myself to get something out for all the people who have listed me under their author alerts and author favorites. I needed to get a chapter of Alteration out months ago and yet, I still haven't. I'm sorry. I've been slacking off lately, but I'll try to get back on the horse in upcoming weeks. But I'm not sure if it'll be this week. I have detention sometime, have to help out my Grandma on another, shopping with the girls on another two, and a date night too. Sorry.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it! Please review!