Volcanic Heat

Rated M for: CRACK, Incest, Swearing, and HEAVY Smut.

Sorry, yaoi fangirls but there is no sex.

Pure, unadulterated smut isn't in short supply however...

You have been warned.

A/N: This is a last minute entry I did for a Valentino gift exchange.

I have gone through ten plots, thousands of edits, and many grueling hours before finally settling on this. /exhausted/

I've worked hard on this for quite some time so please be gentle with your critiques~

Ribbon-San, you didn't give me any prompts nor tell me your likes or dislikes so...

I hope that Ribbon-San enjoys her gift! :3

P.S. Happy (Belated) Valentine's Day!

Um... You'll soon find out that I'm extremely perverted and that I am extremely OCD over grammar and description so... yeah. - -; I'm a good writer who just happens to be a Yaoi/Shonen-ai/Yuri/Shoujo/Ai Veteran. That should explain enough. - -;;

Young'uns turn back nooow!

The room around me was dimly lit and an old lamp stood hunched over the spot where I was sitting. A green nisse snoring softly next to me and the pixies chattered excitedly amongst themselves. A group of fay folk teased a nearby pixie by yanking a piece of string just out of its reach.

I licked the tip of my finger and flipped the page of the album I was viewing.

Hmmph. Denmark looks and acts the same as he always has...

My eyes wandered to a picture of a young Iceland hugging the oddly colored puffin he had just found. It showed him smiling and nuzzling its neck. A small smile crept up my face at this memory.

If I remember correctly, he named it 'Mr. Puffin'.

I sighed.

He was so cute back then... I almost miss being called Onii-chan...

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of mismatched footsteps. My ears perked up at the sound of a door being opened and then clicked shut rather messily. The footsteps continued in their erratic pace.

I swear. If Denmark is trying to sneak into my house drunk... yet again and tackle hug me or 'glomp' as Japan would say... yet again I'm going to convince the pixies to reorganize his house at random for the next three weeks.

Much to my surprise it was not, in fact, Denmark. At the entrance to my study stood a rather weary looking Iceland. I snapped the album shut and placed it gently onto the coffee table in front of me. He took a few steps forward before stumbling and falling onto his knees. I hastily stood up and walked over to him. I knelt down and held out a hand.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"No..." Iceland said out of breath, "I'm feel as if I'm burning up..."

Burning up? He does look rather feverish...

I placed my palm on his forehead.

What the-

I pulled back as if my hand had been scorched.

This is worrisome... His fever is quite high.

"Come on. Let's get you over to the couch" I said. I grasped his hand and slung his heated arm over my neck. He struggled to get back onto his feet and promptly went limp on the couch as soon as we reached it. My brother was panting heavily. His faced was flushed and the beads of sweat on his skin evaporated as soon as they appeared.

It must be another volcanic eruption. Normally it wouldn't affect him this badly but with all that's happened recently I wouldn't doubt it...

"Um. Is there anything you need...?" I asked.

Crap. I've never been good at taking care of anyone.

"Water would be nice..." Iceland answered softly.

I looked towards my niss who had been watching the scene unfold. He yawned sleepily and then nodded in understanding. I watched as Niss drifted off down the hallway and towards the direction of the kitchen.

As I waited for Niss to return, I sat down beside my brother and turned my attention towards him.

"Which one was it this time?" I questioned.

Iceland didn't respond. He just looked away and his face turned a dark crimson color.

I sighed. "I can't help you if I don't know where it is." I chided.

Averting his eyes, he stuttered, "I-it's E-eyjaf-f-fjallajök-k-kull."

What.

"Did you just say...?"

Iceland nodded meekly.

"Isn't that...?"

He nodded again, his face began to turn even darker than before. As if that were even possible...

"..."

I scowled and knitted my brows together perplexed.

What the hell do I do in this situation? Normally I'd apply cold rags and massage the affected area to sooth it but- My trail of thought was suddenly cut off.

"O-Onii-chan," Iceland pleaded, "Isn't there anything that you could do to help?"

C-Cute...

My heart skipped a beat at being called that old name. I felt my face soften and gave yet another heavy sigh.

"F-fine. Um, what is it that you need for me to do?" I asked hesitantly. I could already feel that a rosy blush was apparent on my cheeks.

"Come closer Onii-chan." He whispered.

I blushed and scooted closer.

"Yes? What is it?" I questioned.

"...!"

It happened in a split second. Clammy hands grasped at my collar and pulled at me forcefully. I blinked dazedly, not quite grasping at what just happened. A searing tongue that prodded at my lips brought me back to reality. I reeled back sputtering, my heart was pounding and my mind raced at dizzying speeds. Disgusted and confused, I wiped my mouth on my sleeve. "Huh? Wha-? W-why?" I managed to spit out.

Iceland slowly sat up, his demeanor had completely changed. His eyelids were heavy with lust and he had a predatory smirk. "Because... I need you~" He whined.

My eyes widened. I crawled backwards and gave a loud outcry as I fell off the couch. My head gave resounding crack against the table and pain clouded my senses. Stars blotted my vision and the ringing of bells was in my ears.

A weight pressed down on my stomach and I could hardly breath, much less think straight.

"Onii-chan~ What's happening to me?" A voice asked.

"Mnnnn..." Was all I could manage.

"I can't eat and I can't sleep." The voice continued, "My heart is fluttering and there's this fire inside of me that's eating me alive...!"

My head cleared up a bit, but trails of fog still clouded my judgment. My vision returned to me and the bells slowly died away.

"Oh... really...?" I mumbled.

"A-and for some reason I can only think of y-you!" Iceland blurted, "I feel as if I'm going to explode!"

That quickly sobered me.

Ignoring the fact that yelling would make my head ache furiously, I shouted, "Wh-what? Y-you can't be serious?"

Iceland quickly turned stern and a dark aura surrounded him.

"Do I look I'm joking?" He growled.

"Well... uh..." I sputtered.

"I'm not a little kid anymore! I can damn well make my own decisions!" He bellowed, "So don't treat me as if I'm your little brother!"

"Wai- Mmm!"

He pressed his lips with bruising pressure against mine. I fought back and bit down hard.

Iceland gasped and pulled back panting heavily. A trail of blood ran free from his split lip. He trailed his breath along my neck and began to heatedly suckle on my ear. I shuddered.

What the hell is taking that damn Nisse so long?

I gasped for breath only to spot a note being held up by a fay folk that wasn't there before.

It read:

"You no feed.

You forget butter again.

I no help.

-Nisse"

The fay giggled and the note dissipated into nothing more than ashes and smoke. It then curtsied and flittered away.

... Fuck my life.

Iceland began to unbutton my white shirt with his teeth, leaving droplets of blood behind on the fabric.

When and where did he learn to do-? Never mind. I don't want to know...

In the distance there was the faint squeal of a door opening.

...Universe. Do you actually hate me that much?

I heard the clunk of heavy boots coming down the hallway.

Iceland didn't seem to notice though... He just continue to suck rather noisily on my clavicle.

Oh dear God. Smite me. Smite me nooow.

He decided to pull his attention away from my neck and I breathed a sigh of relief. Abruptly Iceland reached up and plucked my curl from the air.

"Hnn...!" I gasped as an electrifying jolt ran down my spine.

"Hmm... This seems rather sensitive~" He purred, twirling it around in his fingers

"Heya Norge! What's all the commo- Holy shit!" A voice shouted in surprise.

The clomp of boots stopped dead in their tracks.

Fuck.

Wait...! I recognize that annoying voice anywhere!

I outstretched my free hand towards him weakly.

Help me you idiot...!

"Uh... buh... Ice... You..." He stuttered.

If only you had half a brain then that would suffice enough to save me!

From what I could see Denmark was a expressing a mixture of shock, disgust, and awe. He was possibly having a mental breakdown too.

Is it bad that I'm suddenly more concerned for Denmark's mental health now than for my wellbeing?

I shivered as I felt my brother's tongue trail down my chest. I twitched when he tweaked my curl again.

"Help me... you... stupid Dane!" I gasped.

He blinked in bewilderment. Craning my neck past the table leg I could see gears turning in his head. Denmark's eyes lit up as he put two and two together.

"Ho-hold on Norge! I'm coming!" He stammered.

There was the scuff of boots as Denmark rushed towards us at a hurried pace.

Iceland gave out a loud yelp and a weight was lifted off my chest. I sat up and drew in a deep, shuddering breath.

Iceland squirmed as he struggled to break free from Denmark's choke hold. "Let go of me!" He growled. His fingers gripped Denmark's arm tightly and dug their nails in.

"Urk. I don't know- Ouch! what's going on but you're obviously not yourself!" Denmark exclaimed.

He kicked kicked wildly at the air, but Denmark held on tight. His eyes began to droop and his shoulders slumped. Denmark lowered the unconscious Iceland to the ground gently. He swung his arm underneath the crook of Iceland's leg and heaved him onto the couch.

Denmark then turned towards me with a concerned look on his face.

"Are you okay?" Denmark asked, holding his hand out.

"... Fine." I muttered, grasping onto his hand.

I was only molested by my little brother. Everything is just peachy.

With a sharp tug he pulled me to my feet. "You sure?" Denmark persisted.

"I'm fine." I snapped, "Now let us never speak of this again."

"Okay, Okay. I get it." Denmark responded, his hands raised defensively.

A glint from the floor caught my eye and I bent down to retrieve it. It was a spoon that fallen during the chaos... I held it up and examined my reflection closely. My hair was badly disheveled, the hair clip missing. My lips were bruised and puffy and a faint blush still adorned my cheeks.

I winced as my fingers brushed past a sore spot. Behind my ear there was a nasty, swollen bump that was growing by the second.

The white shirt was unbuttoned down to the navel, wrinkles and specks of blood marred it.

I gingerly raised my hand to a purplish blotch that adorned my neck.

Ugh. How many weeks until this fades?

"Um, if you're done inspecting yourself," Denmark interrupted, "is there anything that I could do to help?"

"Oh. Um, sure." I began, "I sent my Niss to the ki-"

Denmark tilted his head and gawked at me as if I were crazy. I furrowed my brows and pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration.

"Never mind. Just fetch me a wash cloth, a bottle of liquor, and some shot glasses." I said, "I need a drink."

Denmark nodded and flashed that trademark grin of his. "Okey dokey, Norge!" He chirped. He exited the room and strode off in the general direction of the kitchen.

Meanwhile, an exhausted Iceland slumbered peacefully on the couch. A strange sense of serenity settled in the room, driving out any trace of the chaos that had just taken place.

He's really worn himself out, hasn't he?

I sat down next to the sleeping figure and observed the gentle rise and fall of his chest. I tenderly brushed a hand through his disheveled hair. Smiling softly, I pressed my lips to the tip of his nose.

...At least he's cute when he's sleeping.

~*Epilogue*~

Denmark pounded his fist against the door. "C'mon Iceland! There's no need to be ashamed!" He shouted, "It was just a phase! Something that you had no control over!"

"It's not okay! Th-that doesn't make it right!" Came a muffled shout from the other side of the door.

"You have to come out some time!" Denmark hollered back, "You've already holed yourself up for two weeks!"

"Go away!" cried Iceland, "I'm not coming out! At least, not until the next century! I'll survive off of Hákarl for all I care!"

Denmark ran his fingers through his spiky, gelled hair. "Jeeze." Denmark said exasperatedly, "Iceland sure can be dramatic when he wants to be..."

Norway glared at Denmark with murderous intent. He look like he was about ready to strangle Denmark when something pecked at his shoes. Norway looked down. At his feet was a black puffin with a red bow tied around its neck.

The puffin squawked hungrily... in an oddly deep tone of voice for a bird. It looked up at him with pleading eyes. Those cursed infamously cute puffin eyes...

Norway's anger dissipated and he recomposed himself.

"You know what Denmark," Norway stated bluntly, "I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. Well done."

"Hehe! Thanks Norge! I've always wanted to hear that from you!" Denmark exclaimed happily. Norway snorted and then flinched when Denmark patted his shoulder rather roughly.

An almost unintelligible voice interrupted this touching scene from behind. "S', wh't 'xactly h'ppen'd?" murmured Sweden.

A luminescent blush heated Norway's face and he instinctively brought his hand to the scarf wrapped tightly around his neck. He bit his lip slightly.

He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by Denmark. "It was nothing, really." Denmark responded sheepishly, "Trust me." A weak smile graced Denmark's face as he rubbed the back of his head bashfully. Norway shut his mouth and for once, a small, thankful smile graced his normally stoic face. Sweden stared at them suspiciously, a purple aura radiated off of him. They both tensed up and Norway went noticeably pale. Sweden sighed. "... A'r'ght. I'll g't th't door unl'cked." he mumbled, "I h've t' g't back t' m' w'fe soon so..."

Norway let out a breathe that he didn't don't he was holding. He looked about ready to have a heart attack although he probably wouldn't admit it... Sweden reached for his tool bag and approached the door. He rustled around in the bag and pulled out a screwdriver, a metal cutter, and various other tools. Sweden then set to work on getting Iceland out whether he liked it or not...

A/N: This isn't bad for being my first posted fan fiction, eh?

I'm sorry if I've scarred some of you and made the rest of you faint from ten thousand nosebleeds...

This is probably a fic worthy of Hungary... or even France.

I have no control over the actions of the characters. They do as they please. =3=;

ORZ

This fan fiction was written under the influence of: CRACK, a high fever, sleep deprivation, OOCness, my OCD tendencies, Plot Bunnies breeding like mad, and my slave driver of a muse. WHOOT. /faints/

Oh and here's some interesting trivia that no one cares about:

A Nisse, also known as a tomte, is a shapeshifting creature who serves as a helper and protector of the home. However they are rather fickle creatures that don't take kindly to rudeness... In exchange for protecting the home, they expect to be fed a tribute of porridge with whatever they like in it. If the owner of the house forgot to give tribute then they would cause all sorts of mischief via disproportionate retribution. There's a legend of one tomte who, in anger, killed a farmer's cow because he forgot to put butter in his porridge. Turns out that the butter was placed underneath the bowl the whole time. Whoops...

Fay folk are also very fickle. I believe that their motto is "What's in it for me?"

Depending on whether or not someone was on their good side they would either reward them with good fortune or punish them in nasty ways. They also have a hobby of kidnapping children and leading travelers astray...

Not to be confused with pixies though. Pixies are the wingless, nicer version of fay folk. They have an attraction towards ribbon and lacy things. They generally like to help, but like the rest, they too are fickle and mischievous.