Disclaimer: Not my characters.

A/N: I've had exams and then burned out and slept through my days. Now I've got more free time again :). Next update will be somewhere afer the first week of July, because I'm going to Edinburgh for a six days :D

Enjoy reading!

Guilty

"Get them out of here," I told Esme in my calmest voice I could compose.

"What?" she asked confusedly. I didn't look at her, but I knew that she didn't understand what I was talking about.

"Those girls," I mumbled. "Jessica, Lauren, Tanya and Rosalie."Throw them out of this room." I glanced up at her.

Her eyebrows were furrowed as she watched me intently.

"Edward, what are you not telling me?"

"A lot. But right now I have a corpse beneath my hands and with them in the same room, I feel like I have to debate whether to keep performing CPR on Bella or murder your daughter and her friends."

"Okay, Edward, okay, I understand," Esme said quickly, pulling herself up.

"Do you?" I asked.

"Yes, you are upset," she said. "I'll ask Emmett to take over from you."

I glared at her head, but she was already by Emmett's side.

He and I got eye contact.

I dared him to even take a step toward me.

"Edward, let me take over." He had walked all the way to me and was crouching by her other side.

"Piss off," I said. I leaned down to her lips.

"Edward..."

He looked up at him. "I was trying. And I sucked big time. I insulted her and humiliated her, while all that time, she was drinking herself to death. You know what you could do for me, Emmett?"

He nodded his head once.

"Get them girls out of here," I hissed. "They did this to her. I can't do much for her right now, except hump her heart and breathe air in her lungs, but if she could talk right now, I know that she wouldn't want them in here. It's her dignity I'm saving here."

"Edward," he said. "I get it." I looked back down so I could concentrate harder. "She's going to pull through this. You know that, right?"

I shook my head. "I know nothing."

"Move, everybody."

I glanced up at Carlisle's sudden demand.

"Why?" Emmett asked.

"It's the antagonist," Carlisle said. He pushed a needle in her arm and slowly let the fluid get inside her vein. "The ambulance is here. We need to take her downstairs."

I picked her up and made sure her head stayed a little up and began walking out of the room as fast as I could.

"Edward!" Emmett and Carlisle both called.

"She needs to get down, that's what you said," I snapped. I shot out of the room and went down where indeed an ambulance was standing in front of the house.

"How long?" one of the ambulance members called.

"Too long," I said angrily.

The door opened and I stepped in and placed her on the bed inside the ambulance.

"I gave her the point ten shot," Carlisle said calmly. "No pulse or breathing for eleven minutes. No pupil reaction."

Eleven minutes. She's dead.

"Paddles," one of the ambulance people called.

"Yes," Carlisle said. I stepped away and looked as he rubbed the paddles on each other and placed one on her side and one on her chest. "Charge to one hundred."

"Charged to one hundred."

"Clear," Carlisle said.

I flinched when her whole body jerked.

One of the staff members used a stethoscope and placed it on her heart. She nodded her head.

"Weak and irregular, but we've got a beat. How's her breathing?"

"It's there."

Carlisle glanced at me.

"Edward, she's out of the critical zone."

I breathed air. I never knew that breathing could be so difficult. But I was drowning myself in breathing air as Carlisle told me that.

I walked backwards in the ambulance and pressed my back on the side of the van.

"Edward?"

"What?"

I couldn't stop looking at her.

"You need to tell me what happened."

"If you beat me, I don't know."

"Edward."

I glanced at Carlisle. I just saw her die. Did he want me to give him a full report now?

"Rohypnol is an illegal medicine," he said.

"I know."

"How did Rosalie get it in her possession? Did you give it to her?"

I glared at the man. "There are many things I give shit about, but I don't rape. I don't need fucking raping pills."

The ambulance made a sharp turn.

"Rohypnol is also a sleeping medicine, Edward. The fact that when you combine it with alcohol and the person gets drowsy, just happens to be a bad side effect. That's why it's illegal, because the drug often is abused."

"By fucking rapists," I snapped.

"Were you there when she drank that tequila?"

The ambulance halted. The two women grabbed Bella's stretcher and lifted her.

Don't drop her.

"Yes, I was there," I quickly muttered when I got close to him so only he would hear. "She grabbed the bottle, she drank it, and she continued drinking it until I forced her to stop. There were reasons why I wanted her to drink that tequila, but they left when I realized I couldn't fuck her like other girls."

I quickly walked past Carlisle and walked behind the doctors that had gathered and put Bella on a different stretcher.

"Will she make it?" I asked, turning around and glancing at Carlisle.

I could see in his eyes he wasn't happy with what I told him, but I just stared until he answered my question.

"Time will tell, Edward."

"I won't wait here, Carlisle, to watch how she dies."

Carlisle shook his head. "I don't know what will happen. Now it is up to Bella and her body to survive on its own. We have to give her time."

Time, huh? "I'm getting drunk."

I grabbed Carlisle's phone out of his pocket and called a cab.

My phone was still somewhere on the ground at home.

"Some would go to a bar to get drunk," Carlisle said from behind me.

"Fuck off," I told him.

"I'll put her in my prayers, Edward."

"You do that," I said sarcastically.

Why wasn't anybody picking up their phone? I wanted a damn cab.

"Carlisle!"

He and I turned to the call and saw another doctor with his hand on the door.

"Swan is coding. We need you."

With no goodbye, he ran toward the doctor and disappeared through another pair of doors.

Coding? Was she dead again? Would she make it?

"Excuse me sir, no further excess from here."

I glared at the little man, but I didn't know how I suddenly stood in front of these doors that separated the waiting people from the ones that were being in intensive care.

I must have been walking without my own notice.

"Tell Carlisle to find me when he's done there."

"Dr. Cullen?"

"Yes," I snapped. "Tell him I'm in the waiting room."

I turned around and dropped myself in a chair. The room was filled with anxious people.

Talking nervously.

Touching each other.

Reassuring one another.

Crying.

Fucking quit it.

These people were insane.

Will she live?

That question went through probably all these people's head right now.

~#~

Not again. Please, not again. Why again?

A woman, a nurse with no doubt, stood by my side, pressing on some button on a machine.

I was in a hospital.

"Welcome back, Isabella. You gave us quite a fright there."

"What happened?" I asked.

What happened?

I couldn't really remember.

"Let's just wait for the doctor to arrive, he'll be here soon."

I closed my eyes in frustration and tried to find a pain or something that would explain the reason for my stay here. But there was no pain. I felt drowsy and a little nauseated.

"Thank you, Jane."

I heard Dr. Cullen's voice. I could never forget that voice. Somehow, it was also still fresh in

my mind... as if I had heard it, only hours ago.

"Bella, I see you're awake."

"What happened?"

Do you remember me? Do you know who I am?

Dr. Cullen grabbed a chart and looked through it. "Do you remember anything?"

"I don't know..." I mumbled.

"What's the last thing you remember?"

I thought back and remembered being with Edward in the car.

I closed my eyes.

"Bella?"

"I remember Edward. I was in the car with him."

"Anything else?"

I shook my head.

"That's quite alright," he said with a smile. "As your doctor I want to tell you that there is no brain damage whatsoever. I cannot tell you what exactly happened and why, but I do know that there had been slipped an illegal medicine inside a tequila bottle, which you drank from. The two combined are lethal."

I dropped my head on the pillow. I couldn't believe it. I was given something lethal? By Edward? Did he know?

"It pains me that it took this for the truth to be in the open and that my children, the one I trusted, have caused you so much harm for all those years."

He grabbed a chair and sat on it, but I shifted my eyes away from him so I didn't have to look at him.

I knew I hadn't misheard him, but I couldn't allow myself to believe it just yet.

"They seem so terribly ill, ill in the head. You've been through too much, Bella. I cannot even tell you how much I wish that I could change the past."

"No," I croaked. "You didn't do anything. It was them."

"Even then..." he mumbled.

"How do you even know?"

"They admitted. They... What happened last night was a crime, almost criminal and they've been put in jail."

"What?" I shrieked.

"I know," he said with a bitter laugh.

"But who, exactly?" I asked unsure.

"Tanya, Jessica and Lauren were the ones that had the medicine. Rosalie and Edward were the ones that actually made sure that you got it in you. It's those two that probably will also get most of the punishment."

They're in jail. For probably a long time.

Oh my God.

But now that they were actually behind the bars, I wanted to ask them that question just one more time.

"Can I see them?"

x.x.x

Carlisle, that's what I called him now, went crazy at that request, but he brought me to the police station. I hadn't seen Charlie yet, nor had I heard from Renée, and I actually liked to keep it that way.

However, Carlisle had told me that they both knew, so I called Renée with Carlisle's phone and then I called Charlie to let him know I was on my way to the police station.

"Here it is."

I glanced at the big station. Pretty big for such a small town.

"You don't have to come in too," I said, glancing back at him. "I'll be fine."

I wasn't sure what I was doing here. It was strange, to know that this station was where my father worked, but behind these bars, several formal bullies stood behind. All I really wanted now was to know what happened.

So I stepped inside and walked to a police officer that sat behind a computer.

"Uh, hello? Can I ask a question?"

The man looked up and he seemed rather young. "Of course."

"Well, I wanted to know if I can visit a few people here... that are in prison?"

"Name?"

"Cullen."

"Would that be Rosalie or Edward Cullen?"

"Uh... What, are they separated or something?"

The man only nodded.

"I don't really know..."

I didn't want to speak to neither of them alone. But... I came here to get some answers.

"Edward then."

The man stood up and walked me through a long hallway that led me to a thick, closed door. The officer unlocked it and opened the door.

When he stepped inside, I slowly followed and saw Edward sitting on a chair with his head hung between his knees.

"Five minutes," he only said and gave us complete privacy.

That is, if you didn't count the camera's and other recorders in the room.

Edward did not look up and I shifted nervously around. I still felt the after effects of the lethal combination I had been given. And with that nauseated feeling, I asked him to only thing I could think of.

"You didn't give it on purpose, did you?"

He raised his head and his eyes watched me tiredly, his eyes shifting around my body and face.

"Did they do it on purpose... to me?"

He nodded.

"Oh..."

"I didn't know," he said. His voice sounded rough. "But I should have."

I shook my head. "I'm not really sure why all this keeps happening to me, but what I do know, is that I can't take much more. It's a good thing all of you are here. Maybe you are right and innocent for what happened with the tequila, but you're guilty for..."

"...everything else," he finished.

"I'm sorry but... I really can't feel pity for you. I can't sympathize. I see these bars and I'm glad you're in there."

Because finally I feel safe. And finally I feel like I don't have to fear you.

His eyes held mine tightly, but they didn't scare me, now that he was in there and I was here.

"Besides, you won't be in here forever," I said with a shrug. "A day or two, right?"

He laughed. Only laughed.

"Right?" I asked. I didn't know how everything worked and what the police would do. Would it be a matter where lawyers would be involved? Would there even be a judge and real punishments?

"No, I don't think so," he said.

"What will happen?"

He shrugged.

"But don't you care?"

"No."

I sighed. "You not still... suicidal... right?"

He laughed and I sighed again. I meant that as a serious question.

"What happened?"

"That's not important."

"Please... You're the only one who knows. I want to know what happened."

For a moment, he only looked and I dropped my eyes.

"At first, I thought you were drunk," he said slowly. "But you collapsed. Then Rosalie, Lauren, Tanya and Jessica entered the room and they said they put Roofies in that tequila bottle."

I scowled and he watched me carefully, until he laughed humourlessly.

"From the look on your face, you don't know what Roofies are."

I shook my head.

"Sleeping pills. But combined with alcohol, it-"

"Becomes lethal, I know. Your dad already told me."

"Yes, that too," he muttered. "But more importantly, combined with alcohol, it turns the body numb in minutes and the mind a mess the next day. You don't remember anything from last night, do you?"

"I don't," I said while shaking my head.

"Well, there you have it," he said. "It's the perfect pill to use for rape."

"What? No..."

"I didn't... Fuck, Bella, I didn't do that to you."

His voice didn't carry anger, just dissapoinment.

I shook my head quickly. "That's not what I thought. But, they mixed those two with some reason, right?"

He didn't answer me, but again only kept his eyes on me.

"What happened then?" I asked. My voice sounded dead.

"I brought you to my room and at some time you fell asleep. I couldn't really tell when. You had a bad dream somewhere in the morning, but when I tried to wake you, you died instead."

I widened my eyes. "What do you mean, I died? And how did you know I had a bad dream?"

"You were moaning and twisting and talking in your sleep. And then you died."

"Then what happened?" I whispered.

"Carlisle showed me how to perform CPR on you. He tried to figure out what exactly happened. He ordered the right antagonist and when you got that in your system, the ambulance drove you to the hospital. All I know is you coded and obviously, Carlisle managed to get your heart working again."

"And then?"

"I don't know. I was brought here by a few police officers."

Even though my eyes were on him, I tried to think back if I could remember any of this. The answer was sadly no. I had to take Edward's word for it.

"I'm sorry I lied to you."

My eyes shifted every so lightly to his green, tired eyes.

"I told you they wouldn't hurt you, not with me around you. Turns out they did."

"I didn't believe you anyway," I said sadly.

He chuckled. "Good girl."

"Why did you kiss me?" I blurted out.

"Why?" he asked deadly.

"Yes. Just tell me why. The truth."

Because he insulted me after he kissed me.. That I still knew. He said he was curious, and that kissing me wasn't much fun.

It shouldn't have mattered to me, but still, it broke my heart.

"I don't know," he simply said.

I glanced at the door, the exit door. Maybe my time here was up.

And I was crazy for being here.

"Come over here."

I looked at him with wide eyes. Even though the distance between us was large, and he was still seated on that chair, I knew that I was never able to take a step closer toward him.

"Come on," he said, standing up and walking to the bars. He put his arms through them and leaned his lower arms against the bars that were placed horizontally against the vertical bars.

I shook my head.

"I won't hurt you."

That I've heard before.

And today I was not going to believe him.

"Maybe you will," I said with a little tremor in my voice.

"You're afraid of the wrong person," he said. "If I were you, my fear would be pointed toward Rosalie and her friends. They hate you. They're lethal."

He scowled and then shook his head.

"But I can't tell you why, because I don't know why they hate you."

I opened my mouth, but then shut it. I was about to ask Edward advice. I wanted to ask him what to do. I was at a loss. And I didn't know which way I had to turn.

"You're looking pondering," he eventually said.

"Yeah..." You noticed that correctly.

"What else do you need to know?"

I watched him carefully. But then I shrugged. "Nothing really."

"Well, good luck with everything," he said, turning back around and sitting again on that chair.

"You too," I muttered.

Before I could change my mind, I said the words as fast as I could.

"What am I supposed to do?"

"About?"

"...everything, really..."

The corner of his mouth went up a little. But then he shrugged with one shoulder.

"That's up to you."

"But I'm asking you."

He laughed a little. "You could do anything, honey. Anything you want. But that will give you just one more question to find the answer of."

"What's that?" I asked curiously.

Again he stood up and stopped before the bars.

"What do you want, Bella Swan?"

I blinked. And all words in my throat got stuck.

What did I want?

I wanted the past to stop haunting me.

But as something in Edward's eyes changed, I dropped my eyes, because I was scared that my face was showing him what I truly wanted.

With no goodbye, I left the room as fast as I could.

Everything felt unrealistic to me. It was like this wasn't my life to live. It felt like I was an outsider, watching Bella Swan from a distance.

I was too confused to know how to get what I wanted.

There was only one thing I was sure of.

Edward's opinion mattered. As did his judgement. And his advice.

It didn't know why and I didn't know since when, but I knew it did.