A/N: This song was given to me awhile ago by a very good friend of mine. Sorry I didn't understand until now.

Co-written with Simone Robinson.

I can't begin to tell you how honoured I feel that she chose to help me with this fic.

I hope I've done her words justice. I know she has mine.

Song is "How To Save A Life" by the Fray.

Youtube it, you won't be disappointed.

How to save a life

Step one you say we need to talk.

"Mikey? Sit down. Needs ta talk to ya."

He walks you say sit down it's just a talk.

"Mikey? Park ya arse, I ain't gonna bite ya"

He smiles politely back at you.

Damn kid already can't meet me with 'is full gaze, am I really dat pathetic to 'im?

You stare politely right on through.

C'mon Mike. Look at ya brother huh?

Some sort of window to your right.

"Mikey? What's up with you lately? Ya ain't been ya happy self."

As he goes left and you stay right.

"Raph? Can't we do this some other time? I'm really busy right now. Leo's been on my shell, Sensei's got a new kata for me that I haven't even thought about completing, my Black Ops dudes have been begging me for DAYS to come online and play with them, I've got a million things I just don't have time to finish and ..."

"... now Mikey. Gotta talk right now before ya gets worse."

Between the lines of fear and blame.

"Look Raph, I just don't have the TIME! Why can't you see that and just leave me the shell ALONE! My life sucks enough as it is without you adding to my case ok? Goddamn Raph, I don't even have time right now to skate, play online or even think UP of a prank, let alone complete one. Do you think this is funny Raph? Because it isnt! It isn't Raph, it goddamn bites big and I'm sick of it Raph, sick of it! Of you and this frickin' family and everything that goes with it alright? Just leave me the shell alone, to get on with it. To be the good little ninja warrior you all want me to be alright? Then maybe ... just maybe ..."

Kami Raph. Don't leave me alone.

You begin to wonder why you came.

What da shell? I ask him about what's up in his world and he's giving me both barrels of spit 'n' hate? What's he bangin' on about not havin' time? Shell, we've all got da same stuff ta do, we all seem ta manage it just fine.

Dis ain't right.

But what's wrong?

Ya dissin' da family now? Awwww shell no Mikey, don't be doin' dat. Don't be dissin' da family right now. I'll wipe dat smug smile clean off ya stupid face if ya I hear one more farkin' word against da family Mike, and ya knows it.

Swear ta Kami, why does I put up with dis shit? Why does I even bother with his pathetic ass?

...

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.

"Mikey? What da shell's UP with ya? Why can't ya talk ta ya big brother no more?"

Somewhere along in the bitterness.

"Just leave it Raphie-boy, you wouldn't understand. You never understand."

And I would have stayed up with you all night.

"Ya sure ya don't wanna give me another chance?"

Had I known how to save a life.

"No."

...

Let him know that you know best.

"Ya SURE Mike? I mean ... heh ... I've been dere, done dat in alot of things."

Cause after all you do know best.

Awww shell Mikey, don't make me break down on ma knees to ya. Don't make ya brother fall so low. I ain't got da words ta try and explain it to you. I ain't a smart turtle. Kami knows I ain't da brightest of da bunch. Just try and listen to da silence between ma words and understand dat I gets it. Dat I've been dere, done dat in everythin'. You think YOU feel under da pump? You feel like YOU da one lettin' da family down? You feel like YOU da weakest link? Da one dat always gets da family into trouble, dat puts 'em all in danger, dat would be better off if ya sorry ass wasn't a part of it?

Yeah. Me too bro. Me too.

Try to slip past his defense.

"Ya know Mikey, family ain't all bad. I mean if ya needs a hand we can gives ya one. Dat's what ya brothers are for right? Even if we do gives ya da irrits most of da time."

Without granting innocence.

"But ya gotta pull ya weight around here more ok? I mean ya can't just be goofin' off all da time. Ya gotta remember dere's work before play alright? Gotta remember dat, 'cause if ya don't? Well, we remember da last little mishap right? Shit Mike, I can show ya ma scars if ya don't remember too well."

Lay down a list of what is wrong.

"Ya needs ta get ya head outta ya shell and do whatcha say ya gonna do Mikey. If ya needs ta get ya lessons done, den ya needs ta say dat, and DO THEM! If ya need time for ya kata, den say dat, and go do da damn things. Time for ya meditations? Ya gotta say, don't just be tellin' us lies so you can do da shit we've got planned. Don't be worryin' ya missin' out on somethin' big. It ain't happenin'. "

The things you've told him all along.

"Where HERE for ya Mike. We ain't goin' nowheres. Da fun stuff ya think we're doin'? Dat stuff dat ya think is sooooo damn, life alteringly important? Can wait. Shell Mikey, da fun stuff we do can always be done another time. Time's something we've got PLENTY of, 'cause we're FAMILY. Ain't goin' nowheres."

And pray to God he hears you.

"Work out what's really important Mikey. Get rid of the rest."

And pray to God he hears you

"Not just because ya think we wants ya ta be a good little ninja warrior."

...

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.

"Leave it Raph. Please? For once in your goddamned life, listen to me and just drop the subject."

Somewhere along in the bitterness.

"Still don't get why ya so hissy at me Mike. I ain't done nothin' to ya."

And I would have stayed up with you all night.

"I've got time ta listen, if ya got time ta talk Mike."

Had I known how to save a life.

"Just ... drop it ok? I don't want to talk about it. You can't save me this time Raph. You just can't."

...

As he begins to raise his voice.

"Why do you think it's always about YOU anyway Raph, huh? Why does it always have to be about you and your pathetic need to save everyone huh? Protect everyone? Why cant' it just for ONCE be about me and my own little world of hurt huh?

GODDAMN Raph! You're so damn SELFISH!"

You lower yours and grant him one last choice.

"Mikey? Don't know what brought dis on, but ya better be tellin' me right now, so we can fix it, or I'm gonna drop your sorry ass and forget I ever came."

Drive until you lose the road.

Should leave you to end up hurtin' from all your stupid consequences, like Leo says. Learn dat payback's a real bitch when you don't follow da rules and do what ya leader says. What da family says. What da family needs of ya ta survive.

Or break with the ones you've followed.

But I ain't doin' it Mike. I'm gonna sit here and let ya tear me ta pieces 'cause I loves ya Mikey. I loves ya and I knows exactly whatcha goin' through and I ain't lettin' ya do dat alone. Screw what da other's say. Ya hurtin' and ya wanna hurt me 'cause ya want me ta know how it feels.

Dat ya alone and scared, and ya don't know how ta keep it all goin'. How ta keep everything ya wants and needs ta survive goin' on in ya life. 'cause it's all slippin. Fallin' ta places ya can't get ta, can't catch.

It frightens ya and worries ya and makes ya wanna lash out, instead of beggin' and pleadin' for mercy. For help.

Dat's cool. I do dat too.

I can deal.

I'll deal with anything for ya.

For ma brother."

He will do one of two things.

Oh Kami, his baby blue eyes are clouding over. Come back to me bro and talk! We can deal with whatever, I promise.

He will admit to everything.

They cleared.

"I tried to keep that promise you know? Everything was just falling apart that day, and I wanted to forget so badly, and when you wanted to finish ... that? I thought, "To hell with it. If even my big brother wants me to get drunk then screw what the others say, I'll do it."

And I did.

But when I woke up and that hangover hit? I couldn't do it anymore. I was a total douche the night before, and being a coward too would just be my crowning glory. I don't like drinking to forget. You know that right?

I hate it.

You must know ... you're you. You probably do get it. I probably am just a stupid, ignorant kid who doesn't know what the hell he's talking about, tries anyway, and screws up so bad that he has to go run and hide. Sounds about right.

Sounds like me.

Blowing up at you like that, just a few minutes ago. I know you need to save everyone and by a martyr and what not. That really grates, you know. When someone's that selfless even when they're being a selfish dick.

They still manage to be the selfless one who helps and saves their stupid, screw-up of a little brother who's wallowing in misery he doesn't even deserve to be in. Because what's the worst that happened to me huh? What have I actually done? Jack-shit is what, Raph.

Absolutely nothing."

Or he'll say he's just not the same.

"Should of been a better brother. But I'm not."

And you'll begin to wonder why you came.

Damn Mikey? Is this what I've reduced you to? Why on earth did I open up this can of worms? Why on earth did I think it was cool for me to open up his old wounds again? To see him bleed? What kind of sick brother am I? I should of never of come. Should of never started this.

Never.

...

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend.

"Geeeze Mikey. I never ... well ... yeah. I'm real sorry I made you think you had to do that. I can see why ya hissy at me now. Sorry Mikey. Real damn sorry."

Somewhere along in the bitterness

"Nahh Raph. I'm the one that should be sorry. For being that total douche. What does Leo always say? About me never thinking things through? Totally."

And I would have stayed up with you all night

"If I'd a known Mikey. If ya had just said? I would of? Yeah. Sorry Mikey. Damn sorry."

Had I known how to save a life

"Yeah."

...

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

"Ya not a screw up Mikey. Ya might be a kid, but there's no shame in that. Just means you get a chance to not do da damn stupid things I did. Ta turn out different than your stupid brother here."

Run and hide Mikey. Run and hide 'cause it's a damn sight better than a life full of fightin'. With the enemies that no only look you in da eye.

But stare back atcha from da mirror.

Runnin' and hidin' ain't a coward's life Mikey. It's a smart life. Damn smarter than livin' with the devil on your back and da beast in ya belly.

Remember dat. For Kami's sake always remember that.

Somewhere along in the bitterness

"You're not stupid Raph, so quit saying it ok? You're not stupid and you're not a douche, so stop thinking it too. Sheesh Raph, for once give it a rest ok? You're ok, I'm ok, we'll all be ok.

Ok?"

And I would have stayed up with you all night

"Y'know the feeling's mutual dude. Y'know? If you ever wanna talk? About stuff? I'm here for you too y'know that don't you Raph?"

Had I known how to save a life

"No."

How to save a life

"Raph? Quit it, and just say yes ok?"

How to save a life

"Yes."

"Good boy"

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