Moving On

Ch. 2: Pity or Party

Remus found himself, for the fourth night in a row, sitting alone at the kitchen table, wondering if Tonks would be joining him for dinner. Although she had claimed that her delicate state made food nothing less than reprehensible, he knew she was devastated over the loss of her mentor and he had a strong suspicion that her grief was at least as much to blame for her lack of appetite. Not that he had any proof. In fact, he and Tonks had yet to discuss Mad-Eye's death. More than Tonks's mentor, Mad-Eye had been a sort of second father to her and her morose mood during the few days since his murder seemed perfectly understandable to Remus. If he had been honest with himself, and he generally preferred not to be, he would have admitted that a small part of him enjoyed her distance and silence. After all, if they weren't talking, then they couldn't be fighting. He, of course, felt outraged over losing Moody, but as he'd learned in his youth, with war came terrible casualties.

As he moodily prodded at the bubble and squeak on his plate, he came to a decision. He pushed himself away from the table and walked through the tiny, cheerful living room. He paused at the door to Tonks's bedroom. Technically speaking, he supposed it was their bedroom together, but he'd scarcely spent two nights there since they'd wed. It wasn't that he didn't love her—on the contrary, he did. In fact, he loved her very much or he wouldn't have agreed to marry her. The problem was that his love for her was based at least as much on her bloodline as it was on her person. He almost laughed aloud at the thought. He, a werewolf and bona fide member of the Order of the Phoenix, loved someone based on her "blood." It wasn't, of course, a question of the "purity" of her blood or anything quite so deranged. Simply put, she was a Black. And, aside from Draco Malfoy, she was the last unmarried member of the Black line. She might not be precisely the Black that he had envisioned spending his life wife, but she was as close as he would ever get.

Before he had a chance to rouse himself from his musings, the door in front of him opened. The room beyond it was dark, but the fire crackling merrily in the grate cast enough light for him to make out Tonks's figure huddled beneath a yellow and black blanket with the unmistakable Hufflepuff badger emblazoned in the center. They looked at each other for several moments and Remus waited for Tonks to break the silence. After all, he wasn't sure why she'd opened the door.

"Did you eat?" she asked. Her voice was soft, but he was relieved to note that she didn't sound as if she'd been crying.

"Not really. I haven't much of an appetite, to tell the truth," he said as he walked around the bed and sat down on the far side, next to Tonks. He placed his left hand on her knee in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.

Tonks smiled weakly at him and shook her head, "Nor have I."

"Yes, well, I noticed as much. Look, I can't tell you that I know exactly what you're going through at the moment because the truth is that I don't. I do know that I wasn't sure I'd survive it when Sirius died, so I can imagine that you're in no fit state to go around socializing, but…" he waited a moment to give Tonks the chance to cut him off. When she remained silent and merely looked at him expectantly, he continued, "but I think we ought to consider visiting the Burrow this evening. Harry's coming of age and we've been invited and I think we should get out of the house and I can't help but think that a bit of Molly's cooking might do us both a world of good." The words tumbled out faster than he'd anticipated, but they seemed to have had a salubrious effect: Tonks was smiling, really smiling, for the first time since she'd heard about Mad-Eye.

Tonks stretched her arms over her head and then hoisted herself into an upright position. "You know what, Remus? You're absolutely right. Mad-Eye would be terribly disappointed in me right now—"

"That's not what I was trying to say," Remus interrupted, but Tonks waived him into silence.

"I know it isn't, but that doesn't make it any less true. We're practically at war, things at the Ministry are awful, and far from being vigilant or even useful, I'm hiding under the covers, skiving off work, and avoiding the world," she summed up as she threw off the blankets and swung her legs around Remus and out of the bed. She walked to the battered old wardrobe to the right of the fireplace and took out a fresh set of bright turquoise robes. Then she pointed her wand at the door on the nearside of the bed. Remus heard water rushing into the tub as Tonks added, "No one is going to want me at any party, the state I'm in. Give me twenty minutes and I'll be ready to go."

"Well, that was certainly not as therapeutic as I'd hoped," Remus sighed as he and Tonks walked up the steps to their front door. "Alohamora," he said as he tapped the knob. "I hope you're not too upset," he added, fearing that was. He wasn't sure how much more of the moping Tonks he could handle.

"I'm not. In fact, I feel much better. I'd rather have stayed, though. I doubt Scrimgeour would have had the audacity to challenge you in front of Arthur and everyone else. Besides, I can't imagine why the Minister was coming, unless he just wanted to find out for certain where Harry was. What do you think?" she asked. Remus couldn't help noticing that she did look much better than she had in days. Her coloring was completely normal—for Tonks—and she had that air of curiosity and mischief that he had always associated with Sirius.

"I think it's good that we left. Molly and Arthur don't need to worry about hosting a fight between us and the Minister, not with everything else they have to worry about. Besides, we can see everyone tomorrow and find out what he wanted," he assured her. "I do admit that I'm curious. I don't think it could have been just to see if Harry was there. After all, he already knew that or he wouldn't have been coming. I'm sure of it."

"You're probably right," she conceded. "I'm tired and feeling a bit peckish. I'm going to grab a cherry bakewell from the pantry and go to bed," she paused a moment, then asked, as casually as she could, "Do you want to join me?"

Remus had been hoping that she'd simply say "goodnight" and let the matter of their sleeping arrangement rest, but he had suspected that she might broach the topic. On the previous two occasions he had consented to join her, she had brought up the matter after they had had a particularly pleasant evening together.

On the first occasion, they had met friends of hers from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement for drinks at the Leaky Cauldron. Her friends turned out to be most amusing and they'd all gotten quite inebriated. In fact, he and Tonks had had to return home by Floo Powder, rather than risk splinching themselves during Apparition. The only fireplace in their tiny flat was located in her bedroom, as was the only lavatory and she had made a convincing case for Remus not returning to his own room—it was both too far to walk from the fireplace and too far to return to make use of the loo.

On the second such occasion, he and Tonks had gone to visit her parents and the evening had gone so poorly that they'd both decided to lighten the mood by overindulging in Firewhiskey upon returning home. Indeed, they'd so overindulged that Remus had trouble remembering what exactly had transpired, though his imminent fatherhood provided a solid clue. Whatever had occurred, it apparently had not included correctly performing a simple contraceptive spell.

This time, he had not been plied with enough alcohol to make sleeping with his young and beautiful wife an attractive option, but he certainly didn't wish to dampen her newly restored good humor. As such, he opted to stall her as he searched for a way out of the bind. "I think I'll lie here," he indicated the worn, sage green sofa—a cast off from Tonks's parents, "and read for a bit. Would you care to join me?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"No, but thank you, Remus," Tonks smiled at him and he couldn't quite interpret her tone. The look on her face as she spoke wasn't cold or even disappointed and her smile was sincere. As she walked into the kitchen, she looked over her shoulder and added, "don't stay up too late. We have a wedding to attend in the morning!"