This is an AU story because episodes that aired have happened in a different order in this story

Kathryn Janeway was trying to write her autobiography, but she found it very difficult. Every time she tried to write a scene she would stop and relive it in her mind.

The time in her life that she remembered the most was when she almost ruined her chance of a relationship with the man she loved. She thought back to when she took Tuvock's advice and did not let Chakotay know about their plan to catch the spy on Voyager. She knew Chakotay was very hurt that she hadn't trusted him. He felt she'd made him look like a fool. She knew he didn't believe her when she said she didn't tell him the truth so he would give a good performance. Tom knew what was happening and was very convincing, and Chakotay argued so he would have been if he had known.

By not knowing the plan he had struggled with what to do with Tom's actions, knowing she believed in him. Maybe he had found out that Tom was released from the brig shortly after being sent there for pushing Chakotay to the deck on the bridge. If Tom had really done that he would have been kept in the brig for a long sentence and probably have lost his rank. She had listened to her long-time friend Tuvock instead of trusting Chakotay to help, even if the spy could be a member of his original crew. Tuvock never trusted Chakotay or his crew, but she did. Why hadn't she followed her feelings rather than Tuvock's?

Janeway certainly realized how much she had hurt Chakotay when he came to her after the dust settled and said, "Paris a hero and I was made a fool of. Not acceptable! I will continue in a job for the ship if you have one for me, but not as first officer, not on the bridge. Someone who is not respected cannot lead others! If there isn't anywhere I can be of help then I will willingly leave the ship and either settle on a planet or serve on another ship. I suggest you make Tuvock first officer for support and presenting other strategies, and I will keep the crew issues that I do well so Tuvock could still do security for you. I can't serve as first officer when I am not trusted and you pay attention to the second officer completely and skip the first. Since my work with the crew will not be enough service to the ship you can assign me to any place where you could use my services, of course only if you can find something I am good enough to do for you. I, of course, don't know what you might consider me capable of. I know I don't fly a shuttle like Tom or work in engineering well enough to meet your standards." He turned sharply and exited her ready room, leaving his rank bar on her desk.

With that she knew she had destroyed his self confidence and probably ended any chance for them in the future. She didn't know what to do to fix this. She knew using Tuvock to order her thoughts was a bad idea, because Chakotay was right: Tuvock had no respect for him.

She decided to talk to B'Elanna. The captain knew her chief engineer would be furious with her and how she had hurt Chakotay, but maybe after she "killed" her she might help because she wouldn't want to lose him either. They both would want to give him his confidence back.

The captain asked B'Elanna to come to her quarters since she figured they would have the most privacy there. When she told B'Elanna what she had done and how Chakotay reacted B'Elanna was furious as predicted. She started pacing around the captain's quarters trying to control her temper.

The Captain stopped her and stood still right in front of B'Elanna and said, "Go right ahead - break my nose; I deserve it. I promise you will face no consequences for hitting your captain."

This shocked B'Elanna and calmed her Klingon temper a bit.

While still facing B'Elanna the captain asked, "What can I do? I will do anything to help him."

B'Elanna could tell the captain really meant that, so she started pacing again trying to come up with an idea. When she eventually had one she figured the captain couldn't do it even though she'd said she would do anything.

Kathryn could tell the engineer had thought of something and said, "Report."

B'Elanna responded, "You won't like it, Captain."

"Tell me!"

"The only idea I have is that you admit to the attempted murder of Crewman Lessing and put yourself in the brig, making Chakotay Captain."

Both women were quiet, waiting for a reaction. The first thing B'Elanna saw was a big grin forming on the Captain's face. "That might just work!"

"You mean you would really go to jail and give up your ship?"

"I would do anything to help him, and this would definitely show Chakotay I do trust him. I would be putting the future of my crew, myself and my ship in his hands. He would have to believe I trust him. Thanks, B'Elanna."

With that the Captain left her quarters and headed to the bridge with a spring in her step, leaving B'Elanna standing there with her mouth hanging open. "That woman really loves you, old man."

The captain called a Senior Officers meeting in an hour. She contacted Chakotay individually telling him she really needed him there. As she sat and thought of what she was going to do at this meeting she realized she would only get basic nutrition in the brig, and that meant no coffee. After all, she'd given the order herself when Tom was there. Chakotay better realized what she was giving up for him. No coffee would be a major punishment for her.

Kathryn also wondered what would happen to her upon their return. Her confession would go into Voyager's official logs. What would Starfleet do when they got home? How much time would she serve in prison for attempted murder? She still felt that even if she could never be with Chakotay he could still have a good life as long as his self esteem returned.

After the senior staff took their normal seats the Captain swallowed the lump in her throat and asked her senior staff, "Please hear me out and do what I ask without complaint or argument one last time. I have thought long and hard about this, and I know this is the right thing to do. I need to pay for what I have done." Everyone sitting around the table had a confused look on their faces except B'Elanna of course.

"Please just do these last two requests for me. You can argue about them later." Everyone nodded their consent realizing they could change things afterwards if necessary. They were loyal to their Captain and she wouldn't let them down.

First the Captain turned towards Chakotay and asked him, "Please formally relieve me of duty and assume command of Voyager."

Chakotay just stared at her in shock as her eyes begged him to do this with no argument as she'd requested.

Chakotay swallowed the lump in his throat and repeated the formal words for a change of command. "On this date I, Commander Chakotay, relieve Captain Janeway of command of the starship Voyager authorization Pi 2002."

Janeway responded formally, "I stand relieved" as she removed her four pips from her collar and turned toward Tuvock.

"Mr. Tuvock, take me into custody for the attempted murder of Crewman Lessing. I have admitted my guilt to that charge formally in Voyager's official logs."

Everyone was shocked as Janeway moved towards the door. Tuvock called Lieutenant Ayala in and order him to take Janeway into custody and put her in the brig with the same rules as when Mr. Paris had been held. There was to be no unnecessary conversation with the prisoner, and basic nutrition only for her meals.

Ayala acknowledged his orders as he started to escort Janeway out of the room. Neelix stopped them by addressing their former Captain, "You know basic nutrition means no coffee, just water."

"Yes, Mr. Neelix, I have thought of that. Going through withdrawal cold turkey will definitely be the worst part of my punishment, but I deserve it and much more."

Before they could leave for the brig the doctor who was listening and watching from sickbay offered to give her some medical help to slow the withdrawal down, to make it easier to handle. Janeway declined saying she should not receive any special treatment.

"What if Sutter or Paris were addicted to a drug like caffeine? Going through the physical symptoms I face will be part of the price I must pay," she responded.

After Ayala had left with his new prisoner the whole senior staff were shocked and looked to Chakotay as to what to do.

"I don't believe the Captain is guilty. She doesn't deserve to spend the rest of her life in jail when we return although she thinks she deserves to be punished. I am open to suggestions to get her to take this charge out of the official logs and make her entry's match Mr. Lessing's and mine that just report that he was questioned by the captain."

Tuvock asked, "Commander, has Mr. Lessing forgiven the captain?"

"Yes. He has told me that he realizes he was wrong to blindly support his captain. He feels that if things were reversed his captain would have spaced his prisoners rather than giving them a chance to earn their way back to be a trusted part of a crew."

Tuvock nodded, "I believe that her making you her first officer is why she is not guilty."

Everyone looked at him with questioning eyes.

"If I had been her first officer I would have pointed out to her the reasons why what she was doing was wrong. But unlike Chakotay, I would not have stopped her since she was the captain. Therefore I too believe she is innocent of a crime. She saw that Chakotay would make the right first officer for her. The captain blames herself."

"Unfortunately only the captain at the time the official logs were written can change them, and I don't believe she will unless she is punished for her actions."

"I agree, commander, she won't take out her admission of guilt without her paying a price for her perceived sin."

"Okay, I am open to ideas of a punishment for the captain that will make her change her logs before we get home. Then she doesn't have to go to New Zeeland, and we get her back as our captain quickly."

As the senior staff brainstormed, a "sentence" took shape. First, it would be thirty days like she had sentenced Paris.

Tuvock didn't believe Janeway would think thirty days were enough for attempted murder. Chakotay agreed and suggested they had to make those days awful for her. The doctor pointed out that no coffee would be dreadful for her because she would have many painful physical symptoms of withdrawal such as hallucinations, sweats and the shakes.

Neelix chimed in that not allowing her anything from a replicator would mean her meals would be only whatever dish of Leola root he served each time, and water. She would have the necessary nutrients for health, but she seldom chose Leola root dishes for her meals. As a matter of fact, the best part of the Captain's meals tended to be coffee and dessert, neither of which would be part of her basic nutrition she would eat during her thirty days.

Chakotay agreed that they made her meals part of her punishment and then asked for more ideas. The staff was reluctant because they didn't want to make it hard on their captain. Chakotay understood but reminded them that if it wasn't bad enough she wouldn't agree to remove this charge.

Tom spoke next, "If she was serving time for attempted murder on earth it would be in a hard labor prison, so that is what we need to require during her sentence here. She should have to work double shifts every day with one shift off to sleep. Each morning when her breakfast was delivered she could receive her assignment for her two shifts. Her tasks should be the worst ones on Voyager, those that a Captain often uses for punishment and no one wants to do. She could have to clean out the waste processing equipment and degauss the transporter with a toothbrush as you assigned Shell once, Mr. Tuvock. I am sure most department heads could name some chores that everyone tries to avoid, especially engineering. There are a lot of dirty and hot jobs people hate, even you, B'Elanna."
Tom paused only to take a deep breath and then continued, "Besides working and limiting her food we need to embarrass Janeway, making her feel punished. Have her wear an orange jumpsuit, and when she is moved from the brig to her assignments each day put her in chains. Many of these jobs will make her and her clothes filthy so allow her one shower a day, but only sonic - no water as she prefers."

Tuvock pointed out that she couldn't shower in the brig area since it was open to the male guards.

Chakotay ordered Tuvock to require a female to take her for a shower with a clean orange jump suit daily and watch while she showers. It was required for prisoners that they must always be under surveillance even in the bathroom. Not being allowed any privacy should also be difficult for Janeway.

Chakotay reminded the others that their former captain had removed her pips so she was a crewman now. She would need to stand at attention whenever an officer approached, and the only things to come out of her mouth should be "Yes, Sir" or "No, Sir". Even though she would be out of the brig when she was working she was still supposed to be in solitary, so unnecessary conversations should be avoided.

Eventually it was also decided that if she broke any of these rules her sentence would be extended - an extra week for each infraction. After there were no more ideas of things to add to her sentence it was decided that Chakotay would go down to the brig to inform her of what her punishment would be.

When Chakotay left Tuvock assumed command, while the rest of the senior staff stayed behind discussing what they had just sentenced their captain to for the next thirty days. The conclusion they reached was that none of them would make it so long without breaking those rules, except for Tuvock. Tom started a pool as to how long the captain would be able to make it taking orders and doing the worst assignments of the ship. When everyone had entered the pool there were only three who bet she would stick with it for the thirty days and be back as captain in just the minimum time. Those three were Chakotay, Tuvock and B'Elanna.

Tom and B'Elanna had discussed it and realized that neither of them would ever get out. They would never be able to keep their mouths shut and just do all the dirty jobs on the ship with only Leola root to eat and water. B'Elanna thought that Kathryn could do it; after all, she had put herself in the brig for the man she loved.

When Chakotay entered the brig he found Kathryn with her arms wrapped around herself trying to control her violent shaking. As Ayala let the force field down so Chakotay could enter her cell and then put it back in place, Chakotay moved over to her cot and took her into his arms saying, "Why do you make yourself suffer so? Kathryn, I want you to promise me something when you have served your punishment. We want you to delete any mention of attempted murder from Voyager's logs and have it read as my log does instead: that you questioned Crewman Lessing."

With an unsteady voice Kathryn said, "I am guilty. I have to pay the price."

"I know you feel that way, that is why your senior staff and I have designed a very difficult punishment for you to cleanse your guilt so when you have succeeded serving your time please promise me you will delete your logs accordingly. We want to keep this in the family. Starfleet doesn't have to know because you will have definitely paid the price before we get home!"

She looked at him, wondering what punishment she faced, but she promised him to delete her confession from the logs. Chakotay explained all of the restrictions she would be living with for the next thirty days. When he called Ayala over to let him out Kathryn, in spite of her shakes, stood up at attention.

Chakotay knew she was starting to serve her time. "Might I suggest, Crewman Janeway, you better get some sleep. Your day starts very early in the morning. Breakfast is served here at 4:30 AM."

As he left the lights were extinguished in the brig.

Kathryn didn't get too much sleep due to her caffeine withdrawal symptoms. The lights came back on just as Neelix arrived with her food. She was served scrambled Leola root and water. In spite of the taste she tried to eat some since she knew she had a double shift of hard physical labor ahead. Her assignment was on a pad with her breakfast. She was going to be cleaning out the solid waste control tanks. These tanks had to pass a white glove test at the end of her two shifts or she would spend the next day cleaning them again until she got it right.

Kathryn was determined to pass the white glove test no matter how hard she had to work today. She couldn't think of a worse assignment. This was the dirtiest smelliest place on the ship and being inside the vats with no air circulation would also get uncomfortably hot.

Neelix also left her the orange jump suit, a typical prison uniform. A female guard took her to the bathroom to fresh up and change. She of course, stood at the door watching, even the door to the stall had to remain open. Kathryn believed they realized she would not try to escape, where would you go on a starship, but rules were rules. A prisoner was to be watched at all times, taking away all privacy.

When she returned to her cell the escort to her work detail arrived with her restraints. They put her hands in hand cuffs in front of her and put shackles on her legs, two cuffs connected by a heavy chain. When told to follow them she learned she could only shuffle her feet wearing these chains. As she left the brig to go to the waste control machine on deck fourteen she knew she would see some of her crew. Being seen shuffling along in chains wearing a prison jumpsuit with guards made her very uncomfortable. She had been their captain, someone to look up to. She wondered what her senior staff had told the rest of the crew to explain why she was in this situation and why she wouldn't respond if they tried to talk to her.

Well she had to face them; so as they left the brig she swallowed the lump in her throat, lifted her head showing no shame though she certainly felt it. When she arrived in the solid waste area her chains were removed and she was given the cleaning tools she would take with her down the ladder. The vat had been drained for cleaning, but the inside of course was still coated in the stuff, and the smell was awful even from above.

One of her escorts said to the other, "These are usually cleaned by a robot tool. She is sure being punished to have spent two shifts in there. I was impressed with her just climbing right down without complaint. I couldn't do it!"

When the first shift ended and her new guards arrived they brought a bottle of cold water for Janeway and lowered it to her by rope. When she saw it she took it greedily and drank it in one sip. When the guards pulled it up it was definitely empty. Near the end of the beta shift Tuvok arrived at the solid waste section of Voyager, wearing the white gloves from his dress uniform.

He ordered Crewman Janeway out of the tank. When she climbed up she was covered in solid waste from her hair to her boots and smelled to high heaven. Tuvock climbed down into the vat and ran his gloves over all surfaces. When he climbed out his gloves were clean; she had passed. Her restraints were put back on and she was taken to a sonic shower and given a new prison uniform. By the time she got back to the brig her Leola root stew was waiting. She was so tired she barely ate anything but did drink the water before immediately falling asleep on the cot in her cell.

The next day everything started all over again. She was always exhausted from doing such physical work while eating and sleeping much less than she should. She was following every rule. She stood at attention every time an officer approached and never said anything besides "Yes, Sir".

Kathryn didn't realize that she was gaining a lot of respect from her crew. They were amazed how she did the worst work on the ship without complaint. Most felt they couldn't do it. Climbing into the solid waste tanks was something most couldn't picture doing. When she passed by her crew members wearing her prisoner uniform and chains she received smiles of encouragement. Most didn't know what she was being punished for by they were impressed with her strength.

After two weeks had passed, Chakotay arrived at the brig. The guard was surprised, reminding the commander that Crewman Janeway was not allowed visitors. Chakotay retorted that the captain had allowed Harry to visit Paris once, so this was Chakotay just visiting his friend Kathryn once.

The guard let Chakotay into the cell and after putting up the force field again he left them alone for some privacy. Seeing Chakotay Kathryn immediately hauled her tired body up and stood at attention.

Chakotay said, "This is Chakotay visiting his friend. Just relax, there are no ranks here. I thought you might need a hug after the last two weeks you have suffered through."

A tear slipped down her cheek as she stepped into his warm embrace.

"I am so proud of you and how you are handling all of this." He could feel her relax in his arms some and continued in a light tone, "Paris is running a poll on how long you will be here since most people can't picture not having weeks added to your sentence due to not always following the rules. Everyone feels they couldn't do it."
He chuckled quietly, "There are only three that risked their ration, saying that you would be out in thirty days because you would have the strength to do it."

She lifted her head asking which three thought she could.

"Tuvock, myself and B'Elanna stand to clean up since we are the only ones that feel you can do it. When I win I will split my winnings with you. You are losing way too much weight so we will need extra good meals when you are captain again in quarters."

She smiled a watery smile and shook her head yes while still in his hug.

"I wish I could hold you forever," Chakotay whispered, "but you have a sentence at hard labor to serve. I plan to see you remove your guilt from all logs in two more weeks."

Another week went by with a perfect record for the "Captain". Then, while she was working in a Jeffry's tube near engineering, Voyager was attacked. Not being able to defend her ship and crew was especially hard on her. She could hear B'Elanna giving orders and receiving them from the bridge. She heard her being ordered to send someone down to fire photon torpedoes manually since the launchers were off line.

Kathryn knew that was very dangerous since you had to stand inside the tube when firing manually and you would get hurt with the backlash from the weapons. She also knew that B'Elanna was pregnant, so she could not send herself and would hate to order someone else to risk their lives. Janeway crawled out of the tube and looked at the chief engineer. She knew if she talked she would have to add an extra week to her sentence, but she felt she had to.

"B'Elanna, I am the crew member that is supposed to be doing the worst jobs on Voyager."

B'Elanna looked at her and really didn't want to order her to manual control, but she knew Janeway was right. B'Elanna also knew for her to say that she cost herself a longer sentence, but she said, "Go!"

When Janeway reached where she could reconfigure the photon torpedoes for manual launch she set to work to do so. When she was ready to fire she contacted the bridge, "Torpedoes are ready for manual launch."

Chakotay and all of the bridge crew recognized her voice and knew she was the one in danger if they needed to fire those weapons. In spite of Tuvock and Chacotay's best effort they were going to need those torpedoes. Chakotay called, "Bridge to torpedo launcher. I am sorry! Fire!"

Without hesitation Janeway fired and the backlash threw her across the room, hitting a bulkhead and knocking her unconscious. The doctor being prepared for injuries from a manual launch beamed the unconscious Janeway to sickbay.

The torpedoes did their job by destroying the attacking ships. As soon as things calmed on the bridge and repair crews were working, Chakotay took off running to the sickbay to check on Kathryn. When he got there he surveyed the room full of injured, but did not see Janeway. When the doctor noticed the panicked face he assured him she was fine.

"She demanded to be put back in the brig not wanting to add time to her sentence. She thinks she has all ready lengthened her time there by asking for the dangerous assignment. I don't believe she should be punished for volunteering."

"I'll see what I can do." Chakotay also didn't believe she deserved more brig time. Tomorrow would be the end of her thirty days so he called the senior officers to a meeting.

B'Elanna reported the conversation she'd had with Janeway and informed them that Crewman Janeway expected to have her sentence extended by a week because of this. B'Elanna did not feel that was right. All Janeway had done was to make easier for the chief engineer. "I would have gone myself, but could not put our baby at risk and ordering someone else to put their life in danger was proving almost impossible. I didn't like sending Janeway, but her volunteering made it possible for me," she explained.

Chakotay suggested, "If we return all rations bet to each other then what we do here does not determine who wins extra rations, and we can allow her sentence to end in spite of this conversation. This way we wouldn't have to feel guilty about costing some crew members their possible winnings."

The whole senior staff sitting around the conference table agreed. Chakotay ordered Ayala to bring Janeway to him in the ready room. This would be the first time she would have to cross her bridge in shackles in front of her senior staff. They would be ending her sentence with her worst embarrassment yet and she would be assuming she would leave still in chains for another week of "hell."

When Ayala arrived at the brig with her chains in hand Janeway arose, resigned to another week of punishment, working double shifts. After Ayala had put the chains on Janeway he told her that Chakotay wanted to see her in the ready room.

Kathryn paled as she realized she would have to cross "her" bridge in front of "her" senior staff shuffling along in heavy chains. She assumed she would receive a strong dressing down by Chakotay as she stood at attention concerning her speaking out of turn and would then be escorted back to a cell for another week. As the turbo lift reached the bridge she threw her shoulders back and stood straight to face what lies ahead with as much class as she could muster.

The officers on the bridge just concentrated on their work and didn't even look at her as she was escorted to the ready room. When she finally stood at attention in front of Chakotay he dismissed Ayala. He then explained to her that all bets concerning her sentence were cancelled so as to not to let his decision affect the outcome. He also told her that the entire senior staff had decided that her short conversation with B'Elenna was not going to add to her sentence because it helped the chief engineer. Janeway didn't move a muscle in her stance, but her mind was running. Maybe her sentence was actually over.

Chakotay said, "Now keep your promise and delete all words pertaining to your being guilty of attempted murder."

Janeway opened the Voyager's logs and made her report about her questioning of Lessing match the other reports.

"I never posted that you were relieved of duty," Chakotay revealed. "Starfleet will never know about any of this, your career will be intact."

"I don't care about my career," she instantly replied. "If that had been my priority I would never have had you relieve me of duty and put me in the brig."

"I wanted to ask you, Kathryn, why did you do this?" he wondered. "I know you felt badly about what you almost did, but why did you do this now? That all happened a while ago."

"Chakotay, I had to do something to prove to you that I trusted you. I had to restore your self-esteem. This was the only plan I could come up with."

"You went through all of this for me?" he asked in astonishment.

A big grin was plastered on Kathryn's face as she admitted, "I didn't do it for my first officer, but I did it for the man I love."

Chakotay was shocked. She had never said anything about loving him and now he was realizing that she went through all of this to prove it to him. "Kathryn Janeway, you never cease to amaze me."

"I hope I never will," she said laughing.

As he unlocked and removed her chains and put them in the recycler she rubbed her wrists hoping never to see them again. He pulled her uniform out of the closet with her four pips attached and handed to her. "I will be on the bridge waiting to relinquish it to the captain of Voyager."

After dressing Kathryn looked at herself in the mirror. She was glad to be out of that jumpsuit, orange was never her color. She did notice her uniform was actually too big for her. Eating only Leola root and working double shifts had certainly made her lose too much weight, but she knew with some desserts added to her meals it would come right back on.

She was nervous to walk back out on the bridge. She had been a prisoner in chains just a few minutes ago. She felt ashamed. What would her crew think of her, trying to take her command back? Maybe she should stay a crewman, but of course with normal crewman privileges. Well, first she has to face her former senior staff and then she could make this offer.

She moved to the door of the ready room squared her shoulders, held her head high and stepped out onto the bridge.

As she did Harry said, "Captain on the bridge."

The entire bridge crew stood up at attention to honor their captain. Harry had purposely left the channel to the rest of the ship open. When the others too heard that their captain was on the bridge they started clapping and hollering for all they were worth.

When the captain saw the bridge crew all saluting her and heard the rest of the crew cheering she was very touched. One tear slipped out running down her cheek.

She knew she needed to take control so she said, with her command voice, "Report!"

The bridge crew immediately went to work at their stations as she sat down slowly in her command chair and crossed her legs. Chakotay updated her on the ship's status, and she as everyone else settled into their duties.

As their shift ended Chakotay invited her back to his quarters for dinner. He had planned to fix all of her favorites with pots of coffee and coffee ice cream for dessert. When Kathryn arrived at his door carrying a bottle of wine she was wearing the sexiest dress he had ever seen her in. As they ate, talked and laughed they fell back into their comfortable friendship, with added sexual tension.

"Kathryn, I told you that you gained even more respect from your crew by the way you handled all of this. The way you did any assignment you were given no matter how awful without complaint impressed everyone. The fact that you did it for me is mind-blowing." With that he gave her a big kiss, the first of many others to come over the rest of their life.

After Kathryn recalled all of these details she set about writing it down for her book. As she worked her husband came in and reminded her she needed to get ready to go to their son's house to celebrate their granddaughter's birthday. Chakotay and Kathryn were living their dream. together on earth with a wonderful family. Chakotay looked over her shoulder to see what part of her life she was writing about now. "Don't forget to include how it smelled in that solid waste tube while cleaning it for two shifts." With that they both laughed as they went into their bedroom to dress for the party.

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