Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia and am not responsible for any brain damage caused by this crackfic.

A Day in the Life

"Hey, dad."

"..."

"Daaad."

"..."

"DAAAAAAD!"

"What the hell do you want?" snapped Romano from the driver's seat at the child in the back.

"Are we there yet?" asked America. Romano gripped the wheel tighter and took deep breaths. Why oh why did he bring his son with him to pick up his wife from work?

"We're almost there (you son of a bitch) and then we'll get KFC or some crap like that for dinner." At this, America's face brightened into a grin.

"Yeah! I love KFC! We should get lots of chicken. And mashed potatoes! I love mashed potatoes. You should get mashed potatoes. Because we really need mash-"

"I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME YOU GODDAMN IDIOT!" shouted 'Dad'. Thank the Lord, they had just arrived at the wife's place of work, a Chinese restaurant. China spotted the car (if not hearing his husband) and dashed out.

"Thanks for picking me up," said China and kissed his husband. Then he noticed America wimpering in the back seat and sighed. "Were you yelling at him again, aru?"

Romano looked away scowling. "He was asking for it. I swear, why the hell did we ad-"

"SHHH, aru!" yelled China before quickly switching the subject to "Come on, let's go to KFC."

~~~ONE KFC VISIT LATER~~~

They were all seated at the kitchen table, China eating his mac and cheese, America scarfing down chicken and mashed potatoes at an inhumane pace, and Romano watching him in shock and disgust.

Then they all retired to bed. China and America shared a bunk bed while Romano slept seperately. Romano said good night to his wife and was about to go to bed when his son piped up from the top bunk, "Can you tuck me in, Dad?"

Romano glared up, but it was pointless against his puppy dog eyes. He groaned. "Fine, fine, I guess." He climbed up the ladder and balanced there while pulling up the blanket around America. "There. Now go to sleep."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Can I have a good night kiss?"

"Wha-Of course not! Go to sleep!"

"You're a terrible daddy!"

"I know!"

"I like mom more than I like you!"

"Yeah, well, you're adopted!"

Silence. America's eyes widened, then filled with tears. China groaned.

"Look what you did now, aru."

"I HATE YOU DAD! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!" the poor kid wailed.

"Well I hate you too!" shouted back Romano before he shut off the lights and stomped off to bed.

"Kolkolkol..."

"What was that?"

Romano's question was met with snores. He shrugged and decided to go to sleep as well.

~~~THE VERY NEXT DAY~~~

Some time after they had all eaten breakfast and gotten dressed, the doorbell rang. Romano looked over the balcony that was above the entrance hall to their house, squealed, and dashed downstairs. He returned back up with a giant box.

"Wow, the way you acted, I thought Santa was at the door," said America.

"Santa doesn't exist," replied Romano bluntly.

"WHAT?"

"Nope. It's just Finland."

"What about the elves?"

"The UPS men."

"Really?"

We never found out really, because the doorbell rang again. When they answered this time, instead there was a yellow bird on their steps.

"WOAH! You got me a Gilbird?" shouted America happily. "I LOVE YOU!" yelled America before trying to hug his dad, which was met with being shoved back by the head. The Gilbird then got out an iPod and began to dance to rave music. America dragged it inside. That is when China came down.

"...WTF is going on, aru?"

A/N Oh, you know it's so canon.

Ok. Explanations. My friends and I all have countries, and before that, Italy (who represents both) and China pretended to get married. Since this made me feel very left out, I, America, became their adopted daughter/son. Then our friend came for Katsucon and he was Gilbird, so he became our pet. This is what happened during out sleepover before the con with some slight alterations to the storyline and stuff (yes, Italy, I know you recieved the box a day late, but it wouldn't work from where I started the story XP). For example, I called both of them mom. It was confusing.

I should do more stuff like this...

EDIT 2015: Hey! This is one of the two (maybe three) stories I am not deleting because it is a very dear record of my early life. I can adapt bits and pieces for my autobiography, maybe! I don't think (or hope) anyone will ever read this outside of my two friends and me, but thnks fr th mmrs.