AN: Crack story written on the fly! AU in that it takes place after EVERYTHING that's happened in both of them and ignores EVERYTHING I can't remember and also no one is dead. And the HP kids are in their seventh year making them..18ish? And the SE kids are 18ish too. Because yeah.. So don't take anything that is mentioned as past events as accurate. Actually, take nothing in this seriously. Pairings are as follows:

SoulxMaka, KidxMaka, KidxLiz, KidxLizxPatti, MakaxBooksxHermione, Soul's ScarxHarry's Scar, Black*StarxMirror, , RonxHermione, ShinigamixDumbledor, LizxWes

Yeah..I know.

Chapter 1
"Do we look like cousins?"

It was a well known fact that Soul "Eater" Evans did not like his last name. Only the teachers and his close friends knew he even had a last name. Even fewer, Maka and Liz only, knew he was one of those Evans. Maka knew, of course, because she had met his family once, right after they became partners. Liz knew because she was madly in love with Soul's older brother and had put two-and-two together.

What had first tipped her off was the way his face was shaped. The Evans men all looked very similar and even though Soul looked a lot like his mother, this was true for him as well. Soul had inherited his silvery hair and naturally tanned skin from his mother but he had the trademark Evans red eyes. Not a single blood Evans had any other eye color. Also, the whole 'I can play piano' thing just set things in stone. However, the demon gun didn't let his secret slip. If anyone knew about not wanting to live up to the family name, it was her.

And so here he was, standing in the common room of some weird ass school he's being forced to go to, introducing himself as none other than 'Soul Eater Evans'. He would have just said 'Soul Eater' but Maka promised him something special if he included his last name. 'Something special' usually meant a good dinner or something platonic like that but not tonight. She had that look on her face. The kind of look that was closer to slut and further from bookworm. Not that Soul ever thought of Maka as a slut. He couldn't think of her like, no matter how suggestive she looked at him.

Suddenly, a hush fell over the room. Little murmurs of Evans? That Evans? broke out after the momentary silence. Soul's entire body tensed up. Shit. This can't be happening. . He knew he shouldn't have gone last. He should have gone in the middle. People never remember stuff in the middle. Stupid Maka and her stupid slutty looks messing up his head. The scythe snapped out of his silent freak out when a tall, lanky boy approached him. Two other teenagers, one with red hair and the other with bushy brownish hair. Oh fucking shit, fans.

"You're last name is Evans?" Asked the first one. Soul was slightly unnerved by the weird excited look the kid had on his face.

"What of it?" Soul eyed the kid curiously.

The boy made a face somewhere between a grimace and a smile. "It was my mum's maiden name." He paused for a second. "Maybe we're cousins!" Soul's eyes widened and then snorted loudly, the group around them giving him weird looks.

"Me and you cousins?" He laughed again. "Do we look like cousins?" They had almost totally opposite features. White hair versus black, red eyes versus green, tan skin versus pale. "Seriously kid.." He grumbled. He was about to turn and make his way to his room when the bushy haired girl grabbed his arm. Soul had to beat back a grin when he felt Maka's jealousy like a whip crack through the bond. The scythe turned ever so slowly to the girl, "Yes?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, "How do you know you aren't? Just because you look different-" She stopped talking when he jerked his arm out of her grip. Soul turned fully before rolling his eyes. She simply responded by huffing. It reminded him of Maka, kind of.

"Ain't no Evans ever had green eyes. At least not the ones I'm related to."

"So you aren't an albino or something?" The red haired kid finally spoke up. Soul wanted to slice them all up, each and everyone of them. He hated when people thought he was albino. Albinos are cool, sure, but they don't have tan skin. He's tanner than everyone except Black*Star and that kid practically lives in the sun. Plus, he was dying to eat one of them. His name is Soul Eater after all.

But his beloved meister makes a retort before he can. "Albinos can't be tan. Now, we are jet lagged and it would be nice to rest for a bit. If you have anymore questions, we will be in our rooms." She gave a small bow, "Thank you and please excuse my partner." Only she could chastise someone and be nice about it all at once. Well, maybe Tsubaki and Marie too but that's another story. With that she turned and grabbed his hand, her fingers lacing with his. She gave him a small smile.

Looks like he was still getting 'something special'.

AN: Next chapter will be longer, I promise. And will have interrupted 'something special' times. And get your heads out of the gutter. It's not sexy fun times. Close but it's not.