I know I haven't seen Blame It On The Alcohol, but just from the promo and all the other drunk!Kurt fics that popped up straight after, I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon.
This is a two-parter (although I haven't written the second part yet), and it's kind of short and mainly dialogue and not even smutty and... yeah. I'll stop rambling now.

Throw some reviews at me. They make me happy. They also make me write faster. Scientific fact.

Also, I clearly own nothing. I mean, really, come on.

You'll Regret It In The Morning – Part One

Kurt stumbled into Rachel's bathroom, clumsily locking the door behind him before sliding down the door and onto the floor. He took a long swig from the bottle of wine he'd taken with him, coughing slightly before drinking some more. He could hear the party continuing outside and choked back some tears, swaying a little. Maybe if he got drunk enough he'd forget this night ever happened.

He wasn't sure how he'd dialled his phone since he could barely even see straight, and drank some more as he waited for someone to answer.

"Hello?" said a gruff voice down the other end of the phone.

"Hi, Dave," Kurt sighed.

"Hummel? Is that you?"

"You're not going to try and punch me through the phone, are you, David?"

"How the hell did you get my number?"

"Finn gave it to me."

"Why are you calling me? You sound wasted."

"That's because I am."

"Y'know, you're going to regret drunk calling me tomorrow."

"Probably... I'm planning on getting so hammered that I forget this whole night ever happened. I can forget I ever called you... forget I ever had to watch Blaine happily make out with Rachel Berry right in front of me..."

Kurt trailed off, wiping tears from his face.

"Are you crying?" Dave asked.

"What do you care?" Kurt said quietly.

There was silence down the other end of the phone.

"Actually, no," said Kurt. "You do care, don't you? You'd just never admit it out loud. You're probably the only guy in the whole world that wants me, which would be flattering if it wasn't so depressing."

Dave sighed. "That's not true. I thought that Blaine guy you ran off to that fancy school for was into you."

"So did I... and I did not go to Dalton for Blaine! I went because you're an asshole and you threatened to kill me."

Dave was silent for a while and then whispered "I didn't mean it."

"Yeah, yeah..." Kurt drank some more. "Doesn't matter. Too late now."

Dave didn't say anything. Kurt wiped more tears off his face, before giving up and just opening crying.

"Whoa, Kurt," said Dave awkwardly. "Don't... don't cry. Maybe you should stop drinking. That's only going to make you feel worse."

"I... I wish things were d-different," Kurt sobbed. "Y'know, if... if you h-hadn't been such an ass beforehand... and then you k-kissed me... I probably would have kissed you back."

"That's just the booze talking."

"Maybe... still true though. Everything would have been different if you hadn't decided to be a closet case jerk and make my life hell before you realised you wanted in my pants."

Dave laughed in spite of himself. "You really need to stop drinking, Kurt."

"Actually, I need to go home," Kurt roughly wiped his face and tried to calm himself down. "No one here is sober enough to drive me. I don't want to be at this party anymore, it's not fun. Can you come and get me?"

"What?"

"Can you take me home please?"

"You call me in the middle of the night to drunkenly cry down the phone, and then expect me to come pick you up from wherever the hell you are to drive you home?"

"Yes, please."

"And why would I do that?"

"Because you love me."

"I do not love you, Hummel!"

"If you say so. Can you come and take me home now?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"I said no."

"Pretty please?"

"No!"

"I'll let you kiss me again."

"NO! I'm hanging up now."

"No, you're not. Please come and take me home, Davey. You wouldn't want me to carry on drinking and crying in this locked bathroom and get alcohol poisoning and die now, would you?"

Dave groaned. "Fine! If it'll shut you up."

"Yay! I love you, Davey!"

"No, you don't."

"No, I really don't. I love Blaine, but he's decided to be straight tonight so you'll have to do."

"Where are you?"

"Rachel Berry's house. I'll text you the address... once I remember what it is."

"Great..." Dave didn't' sound too happy. "I'll see you soon. Don't drink any more."

"Awww, are you worried about me, Davey?"

"I'm going to hang up now."

"I wasn't kidding about letting you kiss me again, you know."

"Goodbye, Kurt."

Hope you enjoyed this random drunken conversation.
It'll get more romantic and Kurtofsky-ish in the second part, I promise.

Don't forget to review, Humble Readers :)

xxx