A Lesson

A/N: This fic is dedicated to my wonderful friend, urbanmama1, who ran a lovely charity/fic exchange on LiveJournal at the end of 2010. I really hope you enjoy it! *hugs* Also, thanks soooo much to my incredible beta-friend, emmacmf, who proofed this for me rather last minute so I could finally post it! It's long overdue ;)

Chapter One - An Assignment

He leaned back, allowing his body to drop freely onto his bed, clutched by the force of gravity. It felt almost too good to know that he could fall and be caught, certain that he'd be alright. Allowing himself a moment of silence as he looked up at his orange slanted ceiling, he held his breath. It was uncanny to imagine that hours previous he had been in control of very little, and now... he was the sole director of his own life.

And then, there it was again, that sort of achy feeling in his chest. He didn't have to be conscious of understanding it to know what it meant in some deep, ingrained way - Hermione was too far out of his sight. He needed her...

He was too tired to move, so he closed his eyes and breathed deeply, hoping she'd find him soon. It occurred to him that she might think he was avoiding her. After all, he had collapsed this morning in a heap on his bed in the boys dormitory after Ginny had arrived, supplying company for Hermione. He hadn't wanted to leave Hermione, and he had hoped she'd find him then too, but she hadn't. When he'd woken up again and descended the stairs, she had smiled and told him it was time to go home. He had had to ask where that was... it had been too long and too much had happened for him to be sure of anything, or to understand the meaning of so many words that used to be so solid and true...

Now, he cracked open his sore eyes and checked his watch for the time - half seven. The sky outside his window was turning rapidly pink, reflecting off the orange of his room and overwhelming him slightly with the intensity of the colour combination. It had been his life before, facing this bright little world every day and night, but after his extended absence and this past year's darkness, it was nearly too much to take.

Hermione. He needed her. Right now.

"Ron?" he heard her say tentatively from outside his closed bedroom door. The girl could read his mind, clearly...

He let out a happy sigh and his lips turned up into a grin as he answered her, though he remained on his back, muscles relaxing more fully into the mattress...

"Yeah, come in."

She turned the doorknob slowly, and the door moved inward to reveal her as the old rusty hinges squeaked.

"Hi," she said shakily as she looked down at him from the doorway.

He moaned his response, unable to form actual words, and he realized immediately just how relieved he sounded now that she was here. He wondered what he looked like to her, head back, staring up into her eyes as she hovered in shadow. She smiled shyly and stepped into his room, closing the door behind her, much to his excitement. So, she was here to stay!

She walked slowly over and sat on the edge of his bed, her back towards him, staring across his room at the window.

"Are you okay?" Ron choked out, eyes on the side of her face where tendrils of unruly hair covered bits of her flushed cheek.

She nodded and turned towards him just enough to give him a view of the edge of her mouth as she looked down at the blanket covering his bed.

"I'm trying really hard not to be nervous," she admitted timidly as she bit her lip.

"Nervous?" Ron asked, propping himself up on his elbow, finding strength somehow in his tentative curiosity.

"You..." she began softly, "you're making me nervous." The corner of her mouth twitched and she bit down harder on her lip.

"I am?" Ron asked, sitting all the way up behind her now.

"Being here with you... I was afraid you might be asleep, but when I called for you and found out you weren't..." She let out a long, shaky breath. "Is it alright that I'm here?"

"Why are you so afraid?" Ron asked softly, totally ignoring her questions. He saw them as unnecessary when all he wanted was her... when it was so totally obvious to him that they belonged together now.

She turned abruptly to look at him, twisted awkwardly to make eye contact. His eyes widened at the sudden change, and he swallowed the happy nerves building in his throat at the sight of her perfect face so close to his own.

"Because now things are so real, aren't they?" she began. "Before, it was so easy to pretend we were just close friends. I can't really just go back to that safety net now, can I..."

"But..." Ron started, a lingering doubt stirring in the pit of his stomach, "you'd want to? Go back there, I mean..."

"No!" she said harshly. "Of course I... but that's my point."

Ron stared at her confused face, wanting to comfort her, just to forget the world and disappear in her arms, what he'd been waiting for all this time...

"Everything is so... so..." Hermione spluttered, as if trying to find the right word without saying something too sharp for her delicate tone... "ruined," she concluded.

Ron swallowed hard again, thinking of Fred... and all the fresh, open wounds he wasn't ready to heal.

"Yeah, a lot of things are really..." He paused, trying to think of another word besides the one that was on the tip of his tongue. But he sighed, unable to bother with the tiresome process of flipping through the dictionary in his own head for something that wasn't a swear word... "fucked right now," he concluded, totally crushing her lovely words with his dirty mouth.

Hearing himself actually say it, he had to hope he hadn't broken some spell by being so... him. But then she began to smile, a small tug of her mouth. And the moment he saw that smile reach her eyes, he sighed his silent relief.

"You're alive," he stated obviously. "You're really alive."

She choked back a sob as she nodded.

"You are too," she said as if she could not believe it.

"Then we're not ruined at all," Ron said as he scooted a bit closer to her.

She nodded quickly, as if the mere act would be able to restrain her tears, chaining them inside where she so clearly wanted to keep them. She half-chuckled, half-cried, as she turned back to the window, her cheeks red. Ron felt another wave of exhaustion as he leaned in to her, ignoring all of his familiar warning bells, the lights flashing inside his head telling him he had no right over her, that he had to be careful. Sod it all. He was ready for this. And he sensed that she was too. After all, how much more obvious could she be? She had kissed him and she wasn't taking it back... not yet at least. He was going to enjoy this for as long as it lasted, and he assumed that would simply be as long as she would continue to be blind to all of his imperfections. If she hadn't let them stop her yet, perhaps he'd get in a good few years with her before she started to notice...

He rested his cheek against the back of her head and wrapped an arm around her stomach from behind. He felt her shake and hoped it was from nerves and not tears. He never wanted her to cry again. He knew that it was ridiculous and immature, but he felt no other desire more strongly at the moment than his desperate hope that he could put an end to her sadness for good.

She felt perfect against him, solid and warm and alive. He squeezed tighter and she relaxed back into him. But as his eyes closed, savouring his sense of touch, she pulled out of his embrace...

...only long enough to turn into him and hug him properly, pushing him sideways, down into his bed in the process, their heads landing next to each other on his feather pillow.

He laughed as her arms tightened around him, her face buried against his neck. He'd never been so close to her for so long, moments stretching out as he moved his hands soothingly up and down her back.

"Can I stay here tonight?" she whispered, a nearly silent mumble against the skin just underneath his ear. His body tensed before he shivered.

"Please," he choked out, voice cracking.

But, as he often did, he second guessed her meaning, wondering if she'd simply been asking to stay overnight at the Burrow, not necessary here with him... in his bed. But, recalling the last time he'd over analyzed her words, he shoved his insecurities aside. He'd spent far too much time replaying the exact words she'd said, asking him to Slughorn's party in sixth year, to see if she had just been asking him as a friend. And, concluding that she had, with the help of a few unfortunate words from his sister, he'd proceeded to ruin a perfectly good year... well, up until the poisoning bit, at least.

Bloody hell, if he could call being poisoned part of the good bit...

"Ron?" Hermione began, pulling up away from his neck finally and looking him in the eye. Her face was so close that he could lean away from his pillow a few inches and kiss her right now.

"Mmm?" was what he opted for instead, eyes glazing over with the intensity of her soft gaze.

Blinking, she withdrew an arm from around him and played with a piece of his hair near his left cheek, studying it much too intently, eyes glued to it. He forgot how to breathe.

"When did everything change?" she asked.

He was caught off guard by her cryptic question and swallowed hard as he tried to unriddle it.

"I don't really remember," she continued. "I don't remember when I realized how much you really meant to me."

He sucked in the tiniest gasp and her eyes darted over to his lips as she bit her own, then up to his eyes as her heartbeat increased, pounding an insistent rhythm against him where her chest was pressed to his side.

"I don't either," he managed to say. "Guess I just always knew, somehow."

She blinked rapidly, eyes watering, and he watched with apprehension to see if tears would fall. But they didn't, and she smiled, blushing. And she lowered her head to his shoulder, getting comfortable on her side, left arm across his torso as she sighed heavily, settling against him. Shaking, he reached up to cover her hand where it rested on his chest, and he heard her sigh this time, a tiny, contented, high-pitched noise escaping with her exhale.

His sore eyes complained, and he shut them. He felt that he could sleep for days, here with her in his arms. The glow of his room, so sharp and irritating moments before, somehow warmed and calmed him now as he blinked his eyes open again, squeezing Hermione tighter against his side. She laughed lightly and snuggled into him, and his heart skipped.

"This'll never work," she whispered, and he turned his head a fraction in her direction.

"What won't?"

"Can't sleep," she admitted, and he could hear a smile in her voice, though he couldn't see it, her face so tightly tucked into his shoulder.

"Don't be nervous," he said, though his body betrayed him by shivering again. She laughed.

"Try telling yourself that."

Instead of speaking, words drifting away from him like he'd never known them, he scooted down a few inches, startling Hermione as he turned into her, forehead against hers as she opened her eyes wide. He grinned as he overlapped her left foot with his right ankle.

"How about now?" he asked, still grinning. "Better? Think you can sleep now?"

She burst out laughing, hugging him with her left arm around him, hand clutching his shirt near his shoulder blades.

"Ron, I'm so tired," she complained, grinning too now. "But you're making it impossible..."

His fingers played with the back of her shirt too as he swallowed, stomach fluttering with a chorus of butterflies. She narrowed her eyes in mock seriousness.

"Don't even think about kissing me. I'll be up all night," she said as she blushed.

His lips parted and he stopped breathing again. She was bad for his health, really.

"Thanks," he managed to say. "Now that's all I can think about." Their grins faded at the same time, breath coming faster. He knew she was wondering the same thing he was... Was he going to do it?

But she'd told him not to. But she'd said it! She'd actually said it! Kissing! Kissing her! She'd been talking about him! ...kissing her!

The repetition made him dizzy.

And maybe that's why he did it.

Her lips were so soft, he nearly melted. She clutched his shirt tighter and wound her leg further under his. Her bottom lip was between his, so warm and full and wet. He shivered again as his hand moved up her back into her hair. He moved his lips. She moved hers more, parting them against his.

"Hermione..." he mumbled as they parted for the tiniest breath before he crushed her again.

Her arms moved, hands on his cheeks, pushing her chest against his... so many things were happening at once that he could hardly comprehend all of them. And then, he felt her tongue on his lip. And he moaned much too loudly. But she didn't seem to mind in the slightest.

He touched his tongue to hers experimentally, and she moaned to match his from earlier. Oh God, he was making her fall apart. He loved her. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to kiss every bloody inch of her...

...so he started with her cheeks. The right one first - was easier to reach. Her skin was so smooth and flushed and warm. His lips moved up, over, until he found the edge of her hair, just in front of her ear.

"Ron..." she whispered, and he found her eyes still closed when he got to them, eyelashes tickling him as he kissed her eyelids. She gasped and sighed back to back.

Smiling now, he kissed his way down her nose, back to her waiting mouth. Her hand wound so tightly into his hair as their tongues met again that he wouldn't have been surprised to find out that they were stuck like this, together, forever.

Awareness of how far this was going crept up somewhere in the recesses of his mind, but he took note of it as he parted for another breath, opting to rest his forehead against hers as he tried to calm down instead of going in for another kiss, the one he sensed she was waiting for.

"Ron..." she began, and he heard the question in her tone.

"'M fine," he said with a smile, though he closed his eyes so he wouldn't be able to see her, knowing he'd lose the small frayed edges of control that he was clinging onto if he had to look into her concerned eyes this close up.

"Sure?" she asked tentatively.

"Oh, definitely," he said.

But he felt her remaining tension as his hand relaxed against her back. He had to explain, at least a bit.

"Gotta slow down for a second..."

"Oh," she sighed. "Sorry."

He shook his head against hers, eyes still closed, not quite ready to look at her.

"No," he said emphatically, "all my fault."

And he finally opened his eyes. She was staring at him. Her eyes blurred together this close up. He removed his hand from her back and brushed his fingers across her cheek as he blinked. It occurred to him that he'd never had to stop doing anything before, never because he was worried about going too far. Or, at least, he couldn't recall a time when he had. And definitely not while snogging. Not that he had an awful lot of experience, but he had been nearly molested by the only girlfriend he'd ever had. And he'd never pushed her away to stop her... well, that wasn't true at all. But he'd never done it because he couldn't trust himself, couldn't stop once he'd been completely submerged. Well, and that explained it, didn't it... he'd never been this far into anything with Lavender...

Anything? What was this, what they were doing?

He grinned as his breathing resumed something close to a normal pace. He didn't care what it was called. It was amazing, no matter what the label said.

Hermione yawned, but tried to stifle it. Ron chuckled and covered her mouth for her with his own large hand as she lost her battle against the yawn. When he removed his hand, she was grinning shyly at him.

"Tired you out?" he asked, his skin burning everywhere.

She pinched his back, unexpectedly, and he squirmed away from her hand... which meant he was simply moving even closer to her, touching her everywhere. Her eyes widened before settling darkly, lips parting again as she flattened her palm to his back.

"Ron..." she began slowly as he moved slightly against her in an effort to resume a less intimate position... not that he minded being where he had inadvertently ended up, but he was once again struck with how easy it would be for him to go way too far.

"Hm?" he finally said, by way of reply.

She breathed at him for a long time. Too long. Uncomfortably long, so he began to wonder, almost cripplingly, what she was thinking. And then, she closed her eyes tightly, and bit her lip.

"I probably want a lot more than I should."

"What?" he asked, mouth completely dry. But his mind had been on one thing, and he was clearly misunderstanding her meaning because of his own line of thinking. Well, he wanted a lot more than he should too, but he knew she couldn't mean she wanted what he did. That was just... absurd.

Her eyes popped open and she stared at him very seriously.

"Can we... go outside?"

"Outside?" he repeated, dumbfounded.

She answered by continuing to stare at him.

"Okay," he finally said, confused.

She pulled away and sat up, sliding down to the end of the bed and standing at the foot. He followed her, walking behind her out of his room, down flights of stairs, to the front door where they slipped their feet into their trainers. He followed her out onto the porch, down into the yard.

The dying sun glowed red on the overgrown plants in the garden, the sky directly overhead already a deep blue, almost navy. He'd been so exhausted before. Yet now, he was overwhelmingly curious... to the point of fear, in fact. Why the hell had she brought him out here?

When they reached the middle of the yard, she whipped around so quickly, he stepped back from her, startled.

"I'm a terrible person," she said immediately, eyes wide.

"Wha-"

"I didn't want you to stop kissing me!"

He blinked down at her, frozen with furrowed eyebrows.

"Why does that make you terrible?" he asked, unable to even focus on the fact that she hadn't wanted to stop kissing him! He was much too wrapped up in the bit about how this made her somehow less than perfect in her own eyes...

"Because! You wanted to stop!"

"Hermione," he began instantly, "you clearly misunderstood why I needed to-"

"No!" she interrupted. "I didn't misunderstand."

Oh, he wasn't letting her get away with that. If she'd thought he wanted to stop snogging because he'd wanted to stop snogging...

"But you did! I had to stop, because if I didn't-"

"-you might let it go too far?" she finished, crossing her arms tightly over her chest, eyebrows raised. She had him now. She had understood. So what the bloody hell was she on about?

"Right," he said slowly, completely confused now. "So..." He shrugged, totally at a loss.

"I wouldn't have stopped you," she finally explained, looking completely horrified, cringing at her own admission.

He blinked at her for a drawn out moment before glancing around the dark yard, no words coming to mind.

"Say something..." she begged so quietly, nervously hugging her own body and shifting her weight from foot to foot.

"Are you saying..." Ron began, taking a ragged breath to pause and mentally construct the rest of his sentences, "that you wanted to uh... to go further? And I stopped, and so then you felt guilty about it?"

Ron's face burned and he cursed his pale skin as she finally looked up at him.

"I never thought I'd be like this, when I was younger. I thought I had... you know... some self restraint and common sense."

Ron felt a wave of fear course through him as he watched her struggle to continue, hands rubbing up and down her own arms.

"And I thought I'd be too nervous and too scared to get into anything... rash."

Clueless as to where this would lead, Ron stood breathing, watching her, and trying to find hope...

"But with you..."

There was the hope he was looking for.

"It's... different." She paused and looked up at him again, apologies flowing from her large brown eyes. "This is so ridiculous. I'm sorry. I just... I'm afraid to admit the truth... that I'd... do anything... you ever wanted to do, whenever you wanted, right now if you wanted, because I... I love you. And I want everything. Only with you."

He was stunned absolutely speechless. What was he supposed to say now? His thoughts were a jumbled mess of confused excitement and trepidation at her admissions, only muddled down by the fact that she seemed unhappy to feel the way she did, like she wished she didn't and wanted him to know... for some unexplainable reason.

He wanted to say something, but he couldn't speak. He wasn't sure what would happen if he said the wrong thing, not now when things seemed so delicate, on the edge of a cliff where he could accidentally knock it all over.

"Ron, please say something!" she begged him again, frustrated and glassy eyed as she shifted impatiently, nervously. Terrified.

"I... I..." he tried to begin, but he must have started with the wrong letter because nothing was coming to mind as a follow up. So he shifted to a different approach. "Hermione, bloody hell, you... you saw what you were doing to me. I mean, you know... you said you know. I love you so much, blimey! What do you want me to think about all this? I mean, what do you need me to do?"

"You really love me?" she asked, eyes wide.

"Well... of course I bloody well love you!"

Her lips curved, higher, higher... until she was actually grinning up at him. He let out something between a relieved sigh and a chuckle, feeling heat rise as he blushed yet again.

"God, so I love you and you love me. What the hell are we doing standing outside in the middle of the night like this?" he laughed, full grin to go with his bright red cheeks and sparkling eyes.

But as he stood waiting for her to join in his mirth, her grin faded and he felt a lump rise with emphasis to his throat, fear returning as she looked away from him.

"What if I'm rubbish?" she asked, voice near a whisper.

"Rubbish at what?" Ron asked slowly, carefully.

Her eyes met his with a snap and he was caught off guard and off balance, swallowing hard to steady himself.

"You know..." she said, gesturing between them. "Ron, I've never done anything like this before!"

"Well, of course you haven't..."

"No! I mean... maybe you know more about this than I do and-"

"I know more about something than you do?" Shit, but he couldn't help himself.

She sighed frustratedly as he recovered from his failed joke, hands shoved deep into his pockets.

"We never really talked about... Lavender," Hermione said slowly.

Well he sure as hell hadn't been expecting Hermione to say something about her!

"Wha-"

"I have no idea how I'll be. What if I'm not good enough? I just don't really know what you two... got up to, you know... and I don't want you to think that I'm rubbish compared to her if-"

"Hang on!" Ron interrupted. "You don't know what I 'got up to' with Lavender? ! Unless you were blind for all of sixth year, you know exactly..." Wrong direction! He backtracked at record speed... "You think I did something more with her than just snogging?"

Hermione shrugged.

Ron's mouth hung open in complete shock.

Did she really think? ! But how could she think? !

"You're absolutely mental."

Hermione glared at him through all her embarrassment and insecurity.

"Of course I never... shagged Lavender!"

He flinched at his own words. Well, it was just that preposterous!

"Okay, it's definitely time for me to say everything, isn't it?" he said, more to himself than to her. But she looked up at him expectantly, lips parting as she waited. "Yeah. But I should have done this long ago, shouldn't I..."

"Ron... what are you-"

He looked into her eyes and stopped her in her tracks, frozen in their shared gaze as he tried to remember what he'd planned to say, all those words that he'd rehearsed and tried to place correctly into each of his sentences. It was rubbish, it seemed, and no use to him now. And she needed him to start talking, immediately, or he'd leave her out in the cold...

Thunder cracked somewhere distant. His cue, perhaps. And he took a breath, parted his lips, and began at the first place that came to mind...

"I've been in love with you for ages, before I was even with Lavender, though I'm pretty sure you'd never have gotten me to admit to it back then..."

Her raised eyebrows confirmed this fact and he paused to nod briefly.

"When you kissed me, in the Room of Requirement, I couldn't exactly deny anymore that you had some feelings for me too."

Obvious, but it deserved stating. And she looked quite spellbound now, hanging on every syllable.

He took another long breath.

"For a long time before that," he continued, "when I thought you might but had no way to know for sure, I tried to go over everything I'd ever done to figure out if I'd done anything to deserve a chance with you, what I could have done so right. And then, when you kissed me, I tried to understand what I must have done to get so lucky... to have everything I ever wanted. But I've stopped trying to figure that out because I know I never will."

Her eyes shone in what little moonlight there was now, dark clouds filling in the night sky with purpose.

"When you mentioned, back there... what you said about... Hermione, just the thought of what we were talking about... You're the most beautiful, brilliant, amazing... perfect person, and not just for me. You would be for anyone. And somehow, I won a bloody jackpot..."

And now the sky let loose its first wave of light, cold, misty water... falling on them, between them...

But he was nearly through. Almost to the end. Just one more minute...

"So when you said you thought you wouldn't be good enough... Hermione, there's no one in the whole bloody world who could ever come close to you. I'm the one who's not good enough, no where near. But yet you... picked me. So I'm telling you...

His shirt was getting wetter by the second, fringe in his eyes. Her arms clenched tighter against the cold.

"I guess I'm asking you...

He stepped closer. He had no dry clothes to offer her, just his hand and perhaps even the pull of his long legs to propel them into the house, out of the rain. Two more words...

"Teach me."

Her jaw dropped slightly and her eyes darted between his.

"Teach you? !"

He nodded.

His smile mirrored hers as their eyes locked again. And he did take her hand. And he pulled her towards the house. And he was able to find a few dry spots on his clothing as they reached the porch, timed perfectly with another thunder crack and the distant glow of flashing lightning.

"Yes!" she shouted.

Her grin was infectious.

And he pulled her backwards through the door, into the house...

…ready to start..