A Certain 'Scientific and Not Scientific' Girl

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Original Title: Toaru Majutsu no Index/ とある魔術の禁書目録（インデックス）

Original Concept by Kazuma Kamachi

Written by: wrathie

Author's Notes: It's because of the hardship that we experience, that allows us to enjoy the true labors of our effort.

For each day of happiness you live through, how many unhappy ones have you experienced?

Remember them, for they are your strength… and the reason why you are still here.

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It is difficult leaving under the shadow of expectation; it is even harder when it seems that the people around you look up to you.

He was simply doing what he thinks is right and he does not expect to be thanked, looked up to in any way.

But it seems the more he continues to follow his heart, follow what he believes is right, the more expectations and burdens there is for him to carry.

Simply by offering a hand to a person in need, regardless of whether she is a girl that decided to sacrifice herself to save others(Mikoto), a girl who decided to put her life on her line for someone that is precious to her(Kuroko), a girl who instinctively put herself in harm way to save another(Uiharu), he will be rewarded with a new person elevating his status from behind his back.

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He has to carry the expectations of the girls that viewed him as a hero, to shoulder their hopes and beliefs of being a person to turn to in need.

He was flattered, he really was to be viewed so favourably by them that he had thought his ability to be worth it.

If his powers could protect the precious world of another individual, if his ability could carve the path open for a girl with no hope.

If his Imagine Breaker could save all that he holds dear, it was worth it… right?

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It was perhaps not enviable, nor was it something that he detested at the same time. It was just stifling, the thought that so many people was watching his every move, using him as their role model.

Ordinarily he will simply dismiss it with his trademark phrase: 'Such Misfortune' and shrug all of it off.

But he simply could not rouse himself to do it…

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Not when the full weight of the situation just seemed to be never ending.

His every action is one that can shake the world, funny, really, that a Level 0 Esper, one of the weakest person in Academy City would be the person to bring war to the world.

Through his actions, selfless as it may be to help a person in need, he has angered the major religious groups in the world by interfering in his plans.

'… Such misfortune…'

He was tired, really tired after reflecting on his actions that he had done simply by impulse and reflexively without thinking about it.

It was more than what a Normal High School Student was supposed to shoulder after all, even if he might be called 'hero' and had done many 'heroic' and impossible deeds, he was still an ordinary high school student in Academy City.

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If all that seemed daunting, it was just the tip of the iceberg.

It was a fact known to him that his actions are intricately tied to his friends well being as well. Whether it to be his casual associates or his very close friends, he was slowly being manipulated to perform certain acts by an unknown, major association behind the scenes.

He could feel himself strung by those invisible strings, making it difficult for him to breath or to act freely. They were choking him surely and slowly the more he proved his worth as a puppet.

Yes, he was nothing more than someone else's puppet.

Everyone in this world has a price and it seems his particular 'price' was to have the people that he hold dear be kept away from the darkness.

As long as he kept fighting, as long as he continued to follow those orders and to be blindly led by the unknown powers behind the scenes, he could protect everyone.

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His ability, the Imagine Breaker, he has not detested it so much since the first day he knew the truth and how he has been someone else's puppet all along.

He was proud to have this ability once, who would not if it can save a doomed girl from death and to change the fate of one who was left with no resort?

But now, it was a curse to him. This gift, this one ability that he can be proud of, is now like a curse to him. As with this ability, he had lied to the one person he could not, would not and should not have lied to.

The little sister who stayed with him, who he knew he has to protect, who he knew he had lied to, for the sake of the 'other' Kamijou Touma that had 'died' on the day he had been 'born'.

He could probably never make amends to the girl, he was not worthy to greet that smiling face when he returned each day, nor was he worthy to be comforted or be fussed over by her when he was injured.

Not even if he was the one who had saved her, not even if he was the one who had done so much for her.

Because simply, he was acting on the behalf of the 'other' Kamijou Touma, not as himself.

He is Kamijou Touma and he is not Kamijou Touma, a paradoxical existence that he cannot deny with his Imagine Breaker nor can he accept it with his own beliefs.

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I act, therefore I am.

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How he wish he could say that to himself to convince himself that what he was doing was right.

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With this ability, he has to hurt others who he would have not met in the first place, have to destroy their dreams and hopes simply to protect those he knew.

He has to intervene, has to get otherwise unrelated people involved in the darkness.

No matter how he tries to justify his actions, no matter how flawed their actions.

The bottom line was that he was just making excuses…

If he did not have this power, he would not have to face them on opposing grounds in the first place.

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It is in this particular state of mind, that the Scientific and Unscientific Girl met him.

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She probably has no idea what was going through his mind, she was just curious about him, that was a refreshing change from all the random and exotic girls that he had encountered up till now.

A regular and ordinary girl and by her own admission, one with no particular 'unique setup'.

When compared to Index, who is a Sister belonging to an organization of magicians, or Mikoto who is ranked 3rd amongst the 5 level 5 espers in Academy City, this girl, Uiharu Kazari was the most 'exotic' girl he had met so far.

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An ordinary girl, with no other intentions besides genuine curiosity, approaching him in one of the most unfortunate days of his life.

But it probably was his own power that drawn her to him, Imagine Breaker is able to sever everything remotely unnatural and that includes God's Blessing and of course, the crucial key item, the red thread of fate.

Was she drawn to him because of her red thread of fate being severed just by meeting him? If so, he could probably be justified to say: 'Such Misfortune' out loud once again.

But he refrained from doing that as she simply sat in front of him, accepting the drink that she had ordered with an excited smile.

'Will you be having anything, Kamijou-san? The dessert menu here is great!'

With her eyes shining with happiness, Touma started a bit at the unfamiliar conversational topic and he shook his head politely before saying no, he wasn't.

'Oh? That's a shame… I would order some… but…'

He finished her line for her without noticing it, much to her unhappiness and she turned a little red as she looked down at her figure.

'Is it showing? Am I really that fat?'

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Surprised that he did not get slapped in the face for being so blunt, Kamijou Touma was unable to say a word as she prodded her own body with her finger, trying to spot any noticeable flab before turning to smile shyly at Touma again.

'But keep this a secret from Shira-san, she can't really diet as her school doesn't allow her to. Ah~~ It's so hard to be an upper-class lady after all~~ and she and Misaka-san has really really good figures, Kamijou-san thinks so too right?'

He was unsure how to reply this energetic and seemingly random girl. Was she not affected by his misfortune? It is rare to have anyone so jovial to him for so long. If he was conversing with either Index, Shirai or Misaka, the conversation would have gone downhill by now due to his misfortune.

To be honest, the scars from their 'encounters' were a painful reminder of his bad luck. From the bite marks, to the way his fingers now twitching when Mikoto was in the vicinity or the bruise still showing on his right cheek.

Even though the girls made an 'impression' on him, they were not really fond ones.

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'…'

The girls being mentioned right now were currently eaves dropping on their conversation with mixed expressions and emotions as they gathered around Mikoto.

She had managed to convince her 'sisters' to assist in her efforts and they had responded quickly, too quickly in her opinion and efficiently as they had hooked up a listening device by manipulating their knowhow of the Academy City without alerting the two of them.

Using the same microphone system they had developed during their little 'Scientific Experiment' over the Summer, they were able to eavesdrop on the two of them easily.

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Besides Misaka Mikoto herself, Shirai Kuroko, Index and Saten Ruiko were all hanging on their every word while hiding themselves in the booth at the opposite end of the restaurant.

Although they could essentially crash the rendezvous that Index insists was happening right now, Kuruko had suggested this… 'underhanded' means instead.

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'Something is definitely bothering Kamijo-san. We might get answers from listening in on their conversation. Kuroko believes Uiharu is not acquainted with Kamijo-san in the first place for her to be the cause of his worries. I had a conversation with her a day ago regarding this as well.'

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It was a solid argument, but Mikoto had shattered a little of that credibility when she suddenly recalled.

'… you didn't know that Saten-san went to Touma's house too… did you, Kuroko?'

Raising an eyebrow, Mikoto was rewarded with the named girl flinching and looking away for a moment.

'Lapses happen, Onee-sama. Saa~ Now that 10032-chan has accepted our request, we can commence!'

'…'

All in all, it was a confusing and conflicting choice as Saten and Index both heard Mikoto mumble to herself:

'We're being led by the nose again…'

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At least, it was at the start and it had seemed that way till they realized that they were just holding a regular and simply conversation between the two of them. Uiharu was the one who was dominating the conversation, a first for a long time and the girls gradually settled down from their initial nervousness.

'There's nothing odd about this… Shirai-san, Misaka-san, perhaps we should stop?'

'… they are just talking, it is boring! Index is hungry again!'

Complaining to the girls, Index tugged at their clothes for a while till suddenly, a clue to his discomfort emerged from their seemingly normal conversation.

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'Tell me, Uiharu-san…'

Taking advantage of Uiharu sipping on her drink to speak up for the first time, Kamijo Touma looked out the window, the figure that he cut was one that made Uiharu blink in confusion.

Was he supposed to be a seemingly invincible person? So many praises were sung about him and his heroic acts that Uiharu had began to envision him like one of the super heroes in the manga that she had read.

But after speaking and interacting with him, her impression of him changed. He was more like her than she thought; a normal high school student as well.

Although the conversations between them have been generally dominated by her, she could more or less gauge from his responses that he was quite similar to her.

He too was a level 0 Esper, he too was bad in his studies, especially with any subjects that required clairvoyance. He liked watching TV dramas and although having different tastes in music, does buy and not download songs like Saten-san.

Oh, and he did read manga like her!

He was not like Misaka-san or Kuroko-san who belonged and behaved like the elites, she could proudly say that she could probably be very good friends with him if he was in her class.

Even if he was a little brash in his words.

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Likewise for Touma, Uiharu Kazari is an anomaly, she was not unique and that made him feel a little more comfortable being with her.

It was odd to give someone praise for not being unique, but it was a good thing for Touma. After being surrounded by flame shooting magicians, sword wielding big sisters, electric users, Teleporters as well as as an army of clones, he was relieved to spend some time with a normal and ordinary high school girl this afternoon.

Perhaps it was her conversational topics, perhaps it was the way she just wanted to talk about mundane, everyday stuff that made him blurt out suddenly to her.

As if to not betray his expectations, Uiharu Kazari did not even blink before nodding her head and urging him on.

She probably did not know how much was at stake when the Imagine Breaker simply confessed to her about her troubles.

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Naturally he made it hard for her to truly understand the situation, but like all such conversations in the world, one can tell that he was hoping for answers, for salvation, from the most unlikely of sources.

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'What would you do, if your entire life is a lie.'

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'I-I'm sorry, I do not understand what you mean, Kamijo-san…'

It was probably too abrupt for her grasp the underlying meaning behind his words and he laughed bitterly. An uncharacteristic harsh and cruel sound that made even Uiharu, who only knew him through his friend's description, flinch at that hollow sound.

'… No, I'm at fault. I should not have mentioned it. Please ignore what I said…'

He was about to brush that statement away when the Scientific and Unscientific girl suddenly slammed both her hands on the table and leaned over to stick her face near his.

'I will not! You are trouble by something, Kamijo-san. I wondered why you were a little distracted today. I thought it was my fault for being uninteresting, but there is something bothering you, neh? I will listen to you all day if I have to. It is the least I can do for you!'

The normally quiet and unassuming girl was a member of Judgment after all, part of her job was to listen to younger kids in distress and as time goes by, she has became quite proficient at that.

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She was always listening to Kuroko's endless rants about Mikoto after all and a listening ear to all of her friends. Uiharu Kazari might be a person who will never be the heroine, but she always existed in the background, helping her friends in need regardless whether they themselves realized it before.

Right now, it is the time for her to be in the spotlight and no matter what Kamijo Touma felt at that particular moment, his heart did indeed skip a beat at that sight of the girl honestly pledging to listen to his woes that he could not help himself but laugh a little too.

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Not the same hollow laugh that spoke of how deep his troubles were, but the same straight and careless laugh that he always did had, that he embodied to the girl.

A busy body whose actions were always infuriating righteous but right at the same time.

The regular Kamijo Touma peeped out from beneath that weight strapped on his shoulders and showed himself for the first time after being touched by her words.

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In all of honesty, she probably did not know much of an impact she has on him. It was the same principle of how he did not realize how he had impacted the girls that he had saved till the end.

Like him, what he was offering to do was nothing special. But it was always, always, the little things that counted the most, is it not?

Regardless of whether it was helping a lady crossing the street or just spending time with a friend who needs company, it is always the small, little things that one experiences that one should cherish the most.

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'What if everything up till now is a lie, what if everything that you believed in, worked hard for, strived and looked forward for, was exactly the opposite of what is right?'

It was still difficult for her to understand. Heck, it was difficult enough for he himself to phrase it for her to understand, but at least he was talking about it.

Crossing his arms, Uiharu taught about it for a while and although it seemed like an eternity to Touma, she choose her words carefully as she responded to him.

'I still do not quite understand, Kamijo-san…. If it is something that you had believed in up till now… what had changed for you to stop believing in it?'

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An accurate and deep question for the both of them and it had scored points for Uiharu in a big way. He had been skeptical about her being able to understand his worries. But that question had shaken him as it had strangely and fittingly struck the nail on the head of the matter.

'I…'

He found his lips drying up in nervousness while racking his mind for the answer to her question. If he can find the right one, than does that mean she can help him lift up the weight on his shoulders he could not toss away?

'If you can't find an answer… than that means what you worked for had not been totally wrong, desho?'

Smiling happy, the girl beamed as Touma froze while slowly nodding his head.

Was she saying the truth? Was what he did… really worth the lies that he had to say to achieve them?

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'Even so… even if everything that I have worked for, is for naught after all? Even if what I have done is true to my beliefs, true to what I wished to achieve… those actions, will not be recognized?'

It sounded a little selfish to him, and it was indeed selfish if what he was doing was for fame and for the monetary rewards that could have been involved. But there was no other way to explain to this girl completely without getting her involved in the dark maelstrom that he had unleashed.

'Did Kamijo-san get something in return for saving me? Were you asked by someone else to save me then?'

Without missing a beat, Uiharu deliberately answered slowly and judging from the expression on Touma's face, she found her answer and smiled reassuringly.

'Then, I don't think Kamijo-san would mind in the first place if you were not recognized for saving me, neh~~~ I don't believe a busybody like Kamijo-san would actually be worried about that~~~'

Teasing him with a mischevious smile, the boy had to admit that and he laughed a little weakly.

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Meanwhile, the girls who were eavesdropping on the two of them simply choked at her words, unable to believe that she could be so blunt with her words… but in retrospect. Perhaps being blunt is the only way to get the message across to the dense boy sitting with her.

To that, they applauded the girl who was slowly pulling him away from the darkness of his own creation.

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'I… understand that, but… I am not who you make me out to be. I do not benefit from saving you, but… I am simply indulging myself, doing what I felt am right without the considerations of others. If I have failed that day, if I were not able to stop that explosion and instead caused you harm by interfering, will your words still apply to me?'

Closing his eyes, he added another hypothetical scenario to her and waited for a response.

'There is nothing wrong with trying to help, even if what you said were true. Let us assume it is then~'

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Smiling as she took a sip of her drink, the petite girl raised a finger while saying her point.

'We are now assuming that you were not successful in stopping that explosion and you interfered with Mikoto-san who was trying to help as well?'

'That's right… let us assume that was the case now.'

'He was being mesmerized by the way she took no hurry to speak her mind, taking time to think through her words and speaking them only if they were right.

Unlike him, who acted mostly by instinct and what he felt was 'right'. Perhaps he could take a leaf out of her book?

'In that case, the worst case scenario would be Kamijo-san and me dying…desho? Even if that is a depressing thought by itself. Mikoto-san would undoubtedly blame herself for not being able to help.'

Rubbing her chin, she spoke her mind while shaking her head.'

'That is Mikoto-san for you… she would regret not being able to do something to prevent you and me from dying. But, I don't think Mikoto-san would blame you for trying to help. She might be mad at you for interfering with her, but no one would hate someone from trying to save someone else. Even if the method was wrong, the thought does count, desho?'

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Smiling sadly however, she answered the question beautifully with a curt nod.

'Even if there are people who might disagree with me. I think that Kamijo-san would be the one who will regret the most if you did nothing to help me, even if Mikoto-san did manage to save me, desho? So I think… you should forgive yourself in that case. If you allowed every failure that you had to affect you, no matter how strong Kamijo-san is, you would have collapsed by now.'

She smiled reassuringly and then added a line that surprised even herself when she spoke it.

'I think, Kamijo-san is a person who seems like he would go on his own path, regardless of what people around them thinks… and still end up making everything alright, neh'

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She was really an interesting girl. Perhaps like how Mikoto had found her equal in Touma, Touma had found his equal in Uiharu, a person who viewed him like an ordinary and not ordinary high school boy.

Unlike how Index, Mikoto and Kuroko viewed him, Uiharu was perhaps placing him in the same level as herself, a member of Judgment, helping others just because they needed it.

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It is an unexpectedly serious conversation and all the girls eavesdropping had gone silent. Particularly Index, who felt a little ashamed at how that girl was effectively contradicting everything that she had said to Touma up to this point.

Although she was proud and happy that Touma had came and saved her and multiple girls (too many actually), she had not known that Touma had those worries.

From what she can infer from his questions, Touma was actually quite affected by the 'what ifs', 'could bes' and most importantly, her own words as well.

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'Touma…'

She had always viewed Touma as a person who could shrug away all his misfortune, all the things that had happened and continued on with his desired path without fail.

Indeed, he would not be Touma without that stubborn streak. It was his greatest and most precious aspect of him that had captivated the hearts of so many girls around him.

It was a sentiment that was shared with all of the girls present. Even Saten Ruiko had admitted that his go-getter attitude was one of his greatest charm.

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For him to be affected by his own 'successes' spoke volumes of what had changed internally in that Imagine Breaker's mind and she, the girl who was the closest to him, physically and emotionally had failed to see that.

When had it gone wrong? When had the burden finally been too much for him?

Was it her fault? Was it something that she could have prevented had she knew about it?

'…'

Wiping away the tears from her eyes to avoid making the other girls notice, Index looked around to see Mikoto frowning and looking away from the microphone guiltily.

'perhaps… we shouldn't eavesdrop any longer.'

She spoke, her voice barely a whisper and all of the girls present just looked at each other, then away awkwardly.

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It had seemed fun at that time, but the conversation had made them uncomfortable. Kamijo Touma was confessing to the girl about his worries and they had felt bad, no, horrible for intruding into that private space.

It hurt too, that Touma had not confided in any of them… but then again, they felt that it was good for him to have someone to talk to.

Like how Mikoto had Saten to talk to, and Index has Hyouka to talk to, they felt it was not a bad thing for Touma to have one too.

But for that person to be Uiharu, they did not even imagine that possibility for a second.

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'You… are really interesting, Uiharu-san…'

Regaining some of that glimmer in his eyes that had captivated many girls, Touma chuckled weakly while Uiharu simply smiled and sipped her drink without a fuss at all.

'But what I said, I really mean it, Kamijo-san. It is up to you to believe in them.'

It must be nice to be able to see things in that light…

'Uiharu-san… do you think you know me… I, sometimes I think I do not know who I am. Who am I supposed to be… Who I, Kamijo Touma is supposed to be… what I should do, what I could be doing… what I must do as Kamijo Touma…'

That was probably his most important worry. The illusion of himself that he projected was the one that was weighing him down the most.

Was he doing it right? Will the 'Kamijo Touma' from before accept his decisions and actions?

He did not know, he wanted to know… he wanted to know an answer to rest the large doubt in his mind.

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And true to his expectations, the Scientific and yet Unscientific girl answered after a few moments of consideration.

'I… do not know who Kamijo-san really is like. I am not qualified to tell you what to do, what you should be doing…'

She lowered her head as she continued, with Touma hanging on to his every word.

'But, I think… that whatever you do, would be what 'Kamijo Touma' wishes to do.'

'Eh?'

'Whoever you are, whoever one is… I think, that is up to the individual himself. There is no need to ask yourself what would yourself do in this situation. What you have done, is what you should have and did do. Why must Kamijo-san, worry about it?'

A simple and yet hard answer to his question.

It would be easy to accept this as the answer… but it is hard as well.

It could be an excuse to justify his actions to, right?

As if reading his mind, Uiharu continued with a smile.

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'You are the only judge of that, Kamijo-san…No one can force you not to worry about something… But Kamijo-san, I know that Mikoto-san and Shirai-san, is grateful for what you did then. They would not question why you did it… they knew you did it because you are 'Kamijo Touma' desho? Someone else could have done it, but that someone else did not… you did it, Kamijo-san… because you are 'Kamijo Touma'.'

Raising a finger, she quipped the same quote that had flashed through his mind earlier.

'You act, because you are, desho? Only Kamijo-san could have done that… why must you ask yourself if it was what you should have done?'

A difficult answer to accept indeed… but in the face of this girl, he had to laugh and acknowledge it.

To her, he was just 'Kamijo Touma'. She did not know what he had to carry on his back… that was why she said such a thing…

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He wanted to say that, but for some reason… he felt that it did not matter now… He can accept those words and proceed on.

The weight that he felt was indeed getting lighter.

'Kamijo-san, did you ever regret meeting Mikoto-san and Shirai-san?'

She suddenly asked and Touma shook his head after considering it for a moment.

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'I'm glad… because, I'm sure Mikoto-san and Shirai-san would be sad if they had not met you. That I can be sure of… whatever had happened between Kamijo-san and Shirai-san is proof of why you should not doubt yourself or your actions.

For without them, you would not have met Shirai-san or Mikoto-san. You would not have met them or had saved them from their unfortunate circumstances… whatever that you did, in the end, everything turned out alright, desho?'

Her words were naïve, innocent and perhaps too good to be true.

But, it was alright to accept them, was it not? It was alright to accept those words for it was said without any strings attached, with no doubt at all.

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'… even if, I may not be the person that they think I am?'

'… actually, Kamijo-san, you are not what I expected you to be.'

Uiharu answered shyly and that caused the both of them to pause before laughing at her comment.

Face flushed with embarrassment at saying that comment, Uiharu tried to explain while Touma simply continued laughing at her frank words. It was harsh, but he had to laugh too as that was too unexpected.

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'But… Kamijo-san, if they were to dislike you because you acted in a way you were not 'supposed' to be with… I'll be mad at them…'

'Mad at them? They have the right to do that…'

He mumbled but Uiharu cut him off by loudly saying no at the top of her voice, scaring him and making the occupants of the café look at her.

'They do not! They have no right in determining what Kamijo-san should do and must do. Kamijo-san is you and yourself only… If is your actions that shaped their minds about how Kamijo-san really is. If you were to do things differently, then they must change their way of thinking… just like how I did.'

Nodding her head in satisfaction, Uiharu Kazari watched as Kamijo Touma, with his mouth left hanging a little, slowly recovered and nodded his head.

'… I… I guess so… you're right, Uiharu-san.'

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The Scientific and Unscientific girl is an anomaly, she really is. But because of that, she was able to meet the other anomaly in the world. The Imagine Breaker's worries are simple and not yet simple at the same time.

Perhaps one day their paths will cross again…

Perhaps one day they will know, whether the Red thread of fate was really severed or reconnected by the Imagine Breaker.

But that, will be a story, for another time.

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'Neh, Touma, Touma!'

As he handed out dinner to the sister that he lived with, Kamijo Touma was surprised when she suddenly said to him.

'Index… Index won't be mad anymore if you go off without telling me.'

'Haah?'

It made him worried as he hurried over, clapping a hand on top of her forehead and checking to see if she had a temperature.

'Are you sick, Index? Do you have a fever or something?'

'S-stop it Touma! I… Index really means it!'

Stopping her struggling, Index sat down on Touma's lap and looked up to the bewildered boy's face and smiled proudly at him.

'Because… Touma, is doing what you think must be done, right? Just like how you saved Index then… I, I won't be mad at you for doing what you think is right anymore…'

'Index…'

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What had brought about that change of her heart? But whatever it is, it is for the better, right?

'But Touma…'

'yes, Index?'

'… don't go around flirting with girls in public again!'

'WAAH!'

Feeling her sharp teeth find it's mark again, the Imagine Breaker ended the day with his catchphrase once again.

'SUCH MISFORTUNE!'

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Author's Notes: I apologize for the abrupt ending. Ambiguous end ftw?

But Overall, I think I'm satisfied as this is one of the hardest chapters I've ever wrote so far.