*I DON'T OWN SANCTUARY*

I've gone from such a happy fic to such a sad one, I don't know why but I just couldn't get this idea out of my head!

For the record I sure as hell hope this never happens in the show

Italics are either flashbacks or the letter btw and I'm sorry my tech talk is bad

Helen sat in her office, filing through paperwork just as she typically did every night. The time was dragging by and she was about to head off to bed when the phone rang, she scowled wondering who would be calling her so late and answered it curiously.

"Is this Helen Magnus I am speaking to?" the caller asked, a gruff heavily accented voice.

"Yes," she confirmed, "may I ask who I am speaking to?"

"Amrit Dhaval," the caller informed her, "I am a detective from the Sikkim province in India, I am calling about a body we found yesterday."

"I don't see how I can help," Helen offered with her frown deepening, "I haven't been to India since last year and I certainly know nothing of a body."

"The deceased was found yesterday by tourists traveling through the Himalayas," Dhaval explained, "male, Caucasian, estimated to be in his 30s but with no ID, however he was carrying a letter addressed to a 'Helen Magnus' in 'Old City Sanctuary' whatever that is."

"We're a private research facility," she told him quickly wondering who the dead person was, "I'm still not sure who he is. Describe him."

"Dark brown hair, blue-gray eyes, slender, tall," Dhaval reeled off, "was dressed in peculiar clothes, wore a cravat for example."

"Oh dear God," Helen gasped as it struck her who it might be.

"You do know him?" Dhaval wondered.

"I won't be sure until I see him," she said firmly hoping, praying that she was wrong, "how did he die?"

"We haven't performed the autopsy yet," Dhaval told her, "but the odd thing is there is no obvious signs of cause of death, no fatal injuries, no sign of hypothermia, no sign of strangulation, he wasn't found in water... it was like he just dropped dead."

"Well detective, I have some calls to make and then I will get back to you okay?" Helen replied firmly deciding she was going to call her contacts and get the body sent her way, "goodnight."

Helen put down the phone and forced herself to breath calmly, running her hands through her hair and wondering how it was possible that he would have died. It made no sense that he would be dead, he had been fine when he had left a few months ago and it was odd that he would just drop dead for no apparent reason. She hoped she was wrong, she truly hoped she was wrong.

"Remind me why we care about a random dead body found in the Himalayas?" Will complained, helping her move the body bag onto a table.

She couldn't justify him with an answer, she didn't want to say anything in case she jinxed it so instead took another calming breath and slowly unzipped the thick black bag. She couldn't help but jump back in horror as she realized she was right, hot tears welled in her eyes as she stared at his painfully familiar face.

"Oh Magnus, I am so sorry," Will offered in an attempt to sound comforting but looked utterly shocked.

Helen tried to answer him but words failed her and only a choked sob escaped her as tears spilled from her eyes, she couldn't help it. Will come over and hugged her gently while she cried, she was sick of losing the people she loved. At first James had died, then her precious only child Ashley and now, Nikola Tesla was dead.

Helen was curled up on a couch in her office, the tears had subsided and she simply gazed into the burning flames wondering what on Earth had happened. She had finally managed to force herself to perform the autopsy and had found absolutely nothing as to why he had died, Dhaval had been right it was like he had just dropped dead and it bothered her she had no idea why. Nikola had been in perfect health, his organs were all functioning and healthy, he had no cuts, no bruises, no bullet holes, no sign of any diseases, she didn't have any plausible reason as to why he wasn't breathing right now. If she was going to loose her oldest friend, she at least wanted to know why.

She was hoping the letter he had written to her would offer her some clue, she sighed mournfully and picked up the envelope, running her hands over the handwritten letters of her name and the address, possibly the last thing the genius had ever written. She opened it carefully, half fearing it would simply crumble beneath her fingers for some reason before finally opening the folded sheet.

Dear Helen

I can only assume you are Helen reading this, if you aren't then stop reading now and go away. If you are Helen then I must be dead, I know you're probably wondering why I didn't but I urge you not to dwell on it, how is not important so don't worry you're pretty little head about it, you have enough to deal with at the Sanctuary and everything so just let it go. As to my funeral arrangements, just cremate my body quickly and throw the ashes over my grave or something, I already had a funeral once so I certainly don't need another.

I know we haven't always been close, our relationship is pretty stormy if you think about it but you know how I love storms. We've even gone as far as to try and kill each other before but what's a little attempted murder between friends? Now that I'm dead I can tell you that I've always thought of you as more than a friend, you have probably realized after 130 odd years of flirting that I like you, you probably never realized that I loved you. I was serious when I said that in Rome, I've loved you pretty much since I first met you back at Oxford and I assure you I never stopped until the moment I stopped breathing and if there is an after life than I still am loving you. You have no idea how glad I am that I met you.

I also wanted to tell you how sorry I am, for everything I've ever done to hurt you and I mean that, dying men mean what they say. I know I can be a jerk sometimes, my people skills have never been that great and I have been called arrogant more than once but I wanted to thank you, for all you've ever done for me, you're a wonderful person Helen, don't ever forget that.

There's nothing else to say really, well there is but my first few drafts out this came out way too wacky and rambling so I've kept it short and to the point. Don't be too sad, I know you'll get over it and don't blame yourself, its not your fault. Take care of yourself and good luck with the Sanctuary and with curing Johnny. Goodbye now and remember to speak well of me.

I love you Helen

Always yours

Nikola

Helen read and reread the letter a few times, it was obvious from his writing that Nikola had known that he was dying but she had no idea how he could know that considering there was nothing indicating he was anything other than perfectly healthy, especially great for a 150 something year old. She just didn't understand how he could be gone, he was Nikola Tesla, how could be just be gone? He had been fine a few months ago, a little mad at her maybe but fine.

"Hey Helen," Nikola greeted her, entering the study with a somewhat nervous smile, "sorry to bother you so late but I was wondering... have you seen my source blood larvae anywhere?"

"You mean this?" Helen offered bitterly holding up the larvae for him to see.

"That would be the one," he affirmed moving towards her to take it.

"I'm not giving it to you Nikola," she snapped firmly, "they used the source blood on my daughter! What part of that don't you understand?"

"Helen I need it," he begged her, "if not I'll never be a vampire again."

"Because the sun revolves around you?" Helen yelled venomously, "for god's sake Nikola! For once think of someone else apart from yourself, I am destroying the larvae for once and for good."

"I know they used the blood on Ashley and I'm sorry about what happened," Nikola pleaded, "but there is no other way and if you were going to destroy it then you would have by now."

"You don't think I will?" she scoffed seemingly flicking the larvae effortlessly into fire.

"NO!" Nikola screamed falling to his knees in front of the fire and staring aghast into the flames.

"There," Helen muttered darkly, sitting back down at her desk.

"That was my last chance Helen," Nikola whispered giving her a devastated look, "I needed that, why can't you understand how important that was to me?"

"There are far more important things in life than being a vampire again," Helen spat and Nikola just left the room without another word or even a glance in her direction.

Helen put the letter down and rubbed her eyes tiredly, despite Nikola's express written letter to not wonder why he died, it was all she could think about. She would never be at peace with his death if she never knew what had happened, she was also curious to why he had been in the Himalayas. The obvious answer was to visit Bhalasaam, she assumed he had been looking for either anything else to do with source blood or something else to do with the vampire's technology or knowing Nikola, he could just have been there to think and reminisce about how great vampires were.

But surely if he knew he was dying then he would have told her, he had claimed to love her and even written her a letter to say goodbye but then why wouldn't he have told her? Why wouldn't he have stayed at the Sanctuary? He knew they had access to the best medical treatments and the like, she could have helped him but instead he'd decided to go and die alone. She wondered if it had been because he was still angry over the source blood larvae although he had seemed fine when he left.

"Knock knock," Helen offered tapping on the open door gently and looking it at Nikola who was packing his things, "so you're really leaving, huh?"

"Yes," he answered crisply.

"You don't have to leave you know," she told him leaning against the door as he continued packing.

"I know," he stated, still without looking up.

"Is this about...?" she tried to ask but trailed off, he finally looked at her but seemed to understand what she meant.

"It's not because you destroyed the source blood larvae," he said firmly zipping up the bag and moving towards her, "I just... I don't belong here and you know me, plenty of plans for world domination I need to be working on."

"Nikola," she sighed with a half smile at his attempt at humor, he returned her smile and hugged her tightly.

"I'll miss you Helen," he informed her seriously.

"Then don't go," she pleaded as he pulled away and grabbed the bag from the bed.

"I have to," he said seriously giving her a peck on the cheek, "goodbye Helen."

"We'll see each other soon I'm sure," Helen had told him as he turned to leave, "and you'll keep in touch this time."

"You can count on it," he replied shooting her a smile over his shoulder before walking away.

It was the last time she'd ever see him alive.

Helen sighed, Nikola Tesla was not an easy man to understand at the best of times but his death puzzled her to no end. She was far to worked up to sleep and instead wandered back down to the lab where she hoped the tox screen would be back, plus she wanted to check his blood for any signs of drugs, maybe he had been poisoned somehow and had realized it at some point.

She reached the lab and found the tox screen, he had no sign of toxins or drugs or even wine in his system much to her annoyance so she moved onto his blood sample. She studied it in the microscope and scowled, she had expected it to be different than normal human blood due to his source blood altered physiology even if he was no longer a vampire but not that different. It was completely warped and looked like it was breaking down itself, she swallowed nervously as it dawned on her that was why he had died. His blood had basically turned on itself, rejecting the devamper's attempts to humanize it and instead destroying itself, shutting down and no longer flowing throughout his body which of course would kill anyone.

She sat back in her chair horrified, the only way she thought it could possible have been stopped was by using source blood, reintroducing it would have reversed the effects of the devamper and made his blood purely vampire again, saving his life. Guiltily she wrapped her arms around herself, he had been right about needing the larvae, without it he knew he would die.

"Oh Nikola," she sighed feeling her eyes going teary, "why didn't you tell me? Why?"

Nikola wandered back down the trail, he could feel himself growing weaker by the minute and he needed to leave Bhalasaam lest it become his tomb. It was night by then, he noticed as he stumbled as far away from his beloved refuge, it wasn't long now before he would succumb to death. He was dressed for the occasion, dressed in his favorite suit despite the biting cold, the weather wouldn't bother him for much longer anyway.

His legs finally gave way and he fell to the ground, he felt his breathing becoming ragged and regretted not staying at the Sanctuary but he hadn't wanted Helen to feel guilty about destroying the larvae which undoubtedly she would. In truth he lay the blame squarely on his shoulders, the devamper was his own creation, the vampire kids had been turned by him and he should have known better than to ever drag Helen into the multipeeds lair. Not that it made him feel any better about dying, he didn't want to die but he was out of time and there was nothing he could do. He wished he had told her though in a way, at least then he wouldn't be alone, he missed her so much.

He managed to roll onto his back and stare up at the sky, it was a beautiful night loaded with billions upon billions of twinkling little stars. He had never cared much for the stars in the sky but he was grateful for them as he watched, it was becoming harder and harder to breath or to move and he felt his eyes closing. In his mind he pictured Helen, smiling at him brightly as they sat together at Oxford gazing up at the stars, he wanted to laugh at how much simpler things were then but couldn't. He just saw Helen's smile one last time before he died under the thousands of twinkling stars.

Helen returned to her study numbly and flopped down into the chair at her desk, she didn't even try to stop the tears as she reached for the bottom drawer and retrieved its contents. She had never intended to destroy it, she had just wanted Nikola to appreciate that other things were more important in life, like her. She had wanted to tell him she loved him just as much as he had, she just needed to know he cared more about her than vampires and wouldn't be obsessing over them and his powers.

So she had pretended to destroy it and at a later date give it back to him, she had wanted him to recover his powers anyway or else he would have died before her and she was sick of outliving the people she loved. She gazed down at the fully intact source blood larvae and her tears slowly started to fall on it, leaving watery droplets on its dark body.

It didn't matter now, she supposed, she'd outlived him anyway. She glanced back up at the doorway, picturing the last smile he had given her, so handsome yet arrogant as his look said goodbye, she longed to run up to him and kiss him, tell him she loved him and beg him not to go but for some reason she couldn't bring herself to and instead merely watched as he turned away and walked out of her life for the very last time.