An: Basically just a bunch of funny drabbles. Enjoy! I disclaim

From the Desk of Chuck Bass,

Esq. Empire Inc., CEO Bass Industries

To Mrs. Chuck Bass,

aka The Tyrannical Autocrat, aka Her Most Feared Clipboarded Majesty, aka Blair Bear

So are you happy now? You made me bring out the Blair Bear on official stationary, which means that as you read this Renee is filling a copy of it into the Bass permanent files. This could have been avoided if you answered any of my many calls, emails, or texts. Now I'm forced to write this stupid letter, taking away from time I could be being more productive and doing important business things, which means I'll have to stay latter, ergo less time doing dirty things to you before the kids come back from Croatia or Somalia or whatever. Not to mention I have to get a bike messenger to deliver it and you know that spandex on men disturbs me (unlike spandex on you, which disturbs only certain parts of me).

Anyway, dinner tonight? Maybe Butter, to rekindle high school reminiscences? Or I hear that the new Thai place on 4th has sinfully good curry—you know how I like spice. Or we could skip dinner and go straight for dessert… I realize that you feel like every single auction item needs to be seen and checked in by yourself, but take an evening off and at least (struck from the record by Renee Vargas, secretary) off your husband, who you've barely seen in weeks.

Let me know. I have a meeting at 3pm and god knows the (struck from the record by Renee Vargas, secretary) never shuts up so I'll be at least an hour. But leave a message with Renee or text me. Actually text me something dirty, I'll need a distraction. Seriously Blair, he's a total (struck from the record by Renee Vargas, secretary).

Love,

Chuck Bass,

aka. Your love slave and lonely husband.

Gossip Girl Gossip Girl Gossip Girl Gossip Girl Gossip Girl Gossip Girl Gossip Girl Gossip Girl

A message for: Mr. Bass

A message from: Mrs. Waldorf-Bass

Taken By: Renee Vargas, secretary

Date/Time: 23 August 2031 3:35pm

Regarding: Dinner Tonight

Chuck you asshole! I can't believe you sent such an unprofessional letter to me at work… on company letterhead! You truly are unbelievable. And not in a good way so don't go getting any ideas.

I'm leaving this message with Renee because you do not deserve any attention from me whatsoever, especially during a Board of Trustees meeting. Alan Thompson is not a (struck from the record by Renee Vargas, secretary) Chuck! God you are such a child. And speaking of children you know very well that the kids are in West Palm Beach not a fucking war zone. I told them at the beginning of summer that if they didn't behave then they couldn't leave the country—its not my fault your demon spawn can't manage to act like civilized humans for two months! Maybe if they'd sharpened up they could have gone somewhere decent instead of the swamp but we all make our own beds (figuratively of course)…

And you will not be sleeping in ours buddy! I am most certainly not tyrannical and my clipboard is the glue that is holding this sham of an event together so don't even start with me.

Now give Renee a bonus for writing all that down. And I'll meet you at Noir at 8 (you know very well I despise curry).

Absolutely no love at all,

Blair