Before you read this, I recommend listening to the band "Stars" (especially 'Elevator Love Letter' and "Your Ex-Lover Is Dead') while you read this because they are awesome! and Kanye's (yes, Kanye West) "street lights".

I own nothing and so is the song in this fic…

I feel emptier than I already am as I pull my clothes on me, walking away from a stumbling Beck who's calling out to me after I've forced myself on top of him. I take his torn clothes from the floor, shutting the door behind me. I throw them out the window.

I make my way out the door, stopping to look up my window before I get into my car, scissors in my hand. I know he's worried—I saw fear in his eyes—but the thing is I don't give a fuck. I shut the door of my car, pressure drumming at my ears as I tear on the steering wheel, hand tightly clasped, nails dragging along the leather. I drive away, feet aching to floor the throttle, to speed away from everything—no escape.

I rev the car, shifting up a gear as I go through the empty freeways at the edges of Hollywood, drifting at every corner, teeth gritted as my heart sinks, slowly being set on fire as I hold back the chaos in my chest that's telling me to drive off a cliff. I suddenly hit the brakes, whiplashing from the car seat, seatbelt embedding bruises along my ribs. I breathe hard through my teeth, smashing my fist on the steering wheel.

I don't know how to deal with this. I want her right now and I swear I'd tear apart anything that tries to get in my way even if that includes me or her. But I can't and I don't fucking know why.

I rest my head back, looking out the window as the horizon swallows up the sun, blood spilling all over the sky like chaos, almost like what's running under my skin. I loll my head to the seat beside me. I see my scissors, sharp as knives and… Beck's phone—I don't even remember taking it. Suddenly, my body shoots forward, hovering over the scissors and I bite on my cheeks. No. I pick up the phone.

Meet me at the back of the school at midnight. Get me what I want and you'll get yours. –Jade. Send.

I let the phone fall to the floor of my car as I sink down in my seat, hands creeping up to claw off the tears that fall anyway.

Fuck this.

::

I turn off the headlights of my car as I park a block away from Hollywood Arts, preferring the cold possibly numbing my lungs and hopefully my heart. I pass by a small park, watching the swing dangle unmoving even at the bitter rush of wind. I make my way to it, slowly wrapping my hand around the chain link of the swing. I can't feel anything, not even the sting of the metal against my skin, refusing to let go. I sit down on it, pushing myself with my feet on the ground. I watch my breath pushing out from my lips and disappear.

There is no calm in this. The cold only stirs up things in me, nipping away at what's supposed to be left in me. It reminds me of pain, of revenge, of slipping away into the darkness and that of being forever alone. Who am I kidding? Forever is a long time. I'll be long dead before my life even licks at forever. But forever seems like now. Forever seems like now.

I open my eyes and find myself almost hurling into the night sky with the air slicing against my skin. I hold on to the chains of the swing, fingers threatening to give away, skin tearing on the metal as my nails start to break. A smile almost cracks from my lips. I just have to let go and then I'll fly off away from it all—end it all.

Nothing compares to her lips even if her tongue is lapping at the blood her teeth drew from me. Whether she's caressing me or clawing at my skin, it does not make any difference. I know that now and all I want is her and her to want me the same. But I can't, can I? I can't force her or it will never be how I want it to be. A gap will always be there and a void will always remain in my heart.

I've burned her memory on my mind—my body—the way she looks at me, the way I look at her, the way she touched me, and the way I touched her. And they will always haunt me and remind me of the pain and the emptiness that I will always carry. It sounds stupid to fall in love with someone like her, given the circumstances we've set off from. But it's something that I can't help, something that I slipped into without knowing, something that I still dived into with all hesitation when realization knocked me off my feet—even if that doesn't make much sense. It's my fault that I forced myself to burrow into her, to embed myself, so she will not forget—not knowing that it was her that burrowed into me—and somehow accept me and what I want to take and give up to her.

We aren't made—meant for each other. We don't fit each other's spaces and, in the end, we'll just tear each other down if she hasn't already done it to me. She wasn't supposed to lose control. I wasn't supposed to know deep inside the endless ocean that is Tori. She wasn't supposed to let me in. I wasn't supposed to give in to the point of begging at her feet to take me. I was supposed to keep loathing her and have her shrug it off like the person she wants to be. We were supposed to be people who just happen to be in the same group of friends, not going further than snarky comments and distaste for each other. Then she just had to change what's supposed to be, against the natural order of things—her own nature that keeps bubbling up as she tries harder to hide it. Whatever came to her that made her show herself to me means something and I may never find out what she meant exactly of it—I will never know what exactly lies at the depths of her eyes.

For a moment, I am suspended in air, silencing everything in me but my heart that's still screaming at me for letting it speak of a person's name. When have I jumped off the swing? My knees hit the grass first, my palms, then my face. I could stay like this and rot to the ground, get carried off by ants, or be feasted on by maggots…any of which will never happen as I stumble back on my feet.

A little more, a little higher and I sh—could've cracked.

I already have…

I walk away, leaving a ghost of a presence as the swing moves back and forth still. I close my tired eyes once more.

Everything after feels like snapshots in suspended broken pieces of frames: the dark sky, the street lights that I pass, the shadows that follow me, and the picture of Tori flashing behind my eyelids. Everything seems broken until I find myself walking in the halls of Hollywood Arts, feet moving on their own will, leading me to a music room, a melancholic chaos of a melody streaming from the crack of the open door. My hand pushes the door slightly while a pair of eyes watches me glinting even in the pitch black of the room.

Light switches on and I walk in, slowly making my way towards a figure clad in black leather, clutching a guitar. The figure looks up from its instrument, a smile creeping across its face.

"Blood," the figure points to my forearm and I look at it and the horizontal cuts that form red lines, covered in fresh and dry blood. I shake my head.

"I thought I'd try cutting," I say looking down and tracing the lines where my scissors touched. Since when have I started doing this? I don't remember.

"Well, it's nice that you finally decided to take me up on my offer," the figure stands, almost towering above me, arms snaking around me to touch my behind.

My head shoots up. "Don't touch me, Daniels, or I'll bite off your tongue," I spit out, pushing him with ease.

He runs his hands through his jet-black hair, smirking as he advances forward and making me step back. "Aren't you forgetting our deal..." he pushes me farther back until my back meets the wall. A rush of panic surges through my veins but I stand my ground even as he takes a lock of my hair, outright inhaling my scent.

In a rush of instinct, my hand finds my scissors stuck in my back pocket and hastily puts the blades against his neck, shallowly cutting on the surface of his skin. He freezes but then looks at me, fear slipping away from his eyes. "You like it rough, huh… figures."

"Shut it, Daniels or I will not hesitate and stab you. I said, give me what I want then you can have yours," I push the scissors up and he steps back.

"Okay, okay. As you wish," he steps back, hand sinking into the pocket of his leather jacket and taking out a small syringe. "This is all I can get on such short notice."

"Is it sterile?"

"Of course but if you're having doubts you can sterilize it yourself," he shrugs.

"It fine," I say, holding out my bloodied forearm and he smirks as he takes my arm, injecting the clear liquid into my veins. I watch until the last drop enters me, until he pulls out the needle.

"Let the fun begin," he says, moving in to trap me against the wall, head ducking down to take my neck, his guitar forgotten in one corner.

This is no time to feel disgusted of yourself even if you can't stand it. Because you want to stop wanting her even for just a second—you want just this and not her. I want everything to stop.

For once, everything is silent, calm, swirling into a pile of haze. For once my heart shuts off, unfeeling, almost not beating. I feel like staring up from the bottom of a well, underwater but not struggling for air, not doing anything but just being there, almost floating. I should stay like this, numb and floating, floating, floating, drifting away, drowning in the lull of my subconscious. I can smile, even without feeling a thing, no pain—artificial peace, something imperfect yet still so perfect in my eyes.

Suddenly, a slight consciousness threads through me, almost pulling me up from the well, as I feel a hand pulling my wrist roughly. Muffled voices distorting in the air in a variety of pitches and nothings reach my ear and I giggle.

whatthehelldidyougiveher…jade…fuckoff…jade…lethergo…

A slap erupts on my cheeks, and I'm being pulled up higher and higher from the bottom of the well. No. Let me stay. My head lolls to the side, another giggle slipping through my lips.

ohmygod…bitch…imcallingthepolice…fuckthisimout…jade…

Warmth spreads through my cheeks and I'm engulfed in the scent of wildflowers, pulling me miles closer to reality, the haze of her eyes appearing through the swirls of shapes in front of my eyes. But still I don't feel anything not even joy. My heart doesn't leap, doesn't stutter, doesn't scream, even if inches away from me is the face of the very reason I'm here. My head tilts to the side. Tori. My arms feel like jelly, limp like a biscuit soaked in water when you have no tea with you and it's hot outside but you don't ever sweat and you sit in front of the AC… limp as a bizkit... morbid. I giggle again.

"Jade," Tori says and I nod. I feel like Cat. I wonder if it's like this in her head.

"Cat." My face stretches to a grin as I trip on my toes.

"No, it's me, Tori."

I know, silly. I'd know it's you from a mile away. I know it's you even if my head is in space right now. Wow, it's dark outside. Why is the sky black? Are those trees? They are, but they look like stakes ready to pierce the sky.

"Where are we going?" I look at my shoulder and I see leather draped around it. Where's my shirt? That's cold.

"To your car." She keeps on pulling me and all I see is her back and her hair fluttering in the wind. I look at her hand and there's blood, my blood. I've stained her.

By some sort of miracle, I spot the swing set from earlier and I stagger out of Tori's grasp, crossing the street, eyes focused on the swing still moving back and forth. I don't want to go yet. I don't want to be sober with her around. I want the swing. Then it stops and the last thing I see is a pair of lights rushing towards me.

::

My eyes open, a flat high pitch sound piercing through my eardrums. Everything is white and I stare blankly forward. Am I dead? Someone tell me this is what death is like. A sharp pain shocks the side of my head, sending pulses of black that edge around my vision until I see Tori, lying on her side a few feet away. I push myself up, elbows carrying my weight, rough ground digging at my skin. Another sharp pain and I look down seeing blood dripping down my hair.

Please, God, don't do this to me. I need her. Please, don't let me be right.

Everything is overexposed but I know something is wrong and that I have to get to her. I try to get up only to trip on my knees so I crawl with only Tori in my eyes. I make it to her side and see that she's awake.

"You're awake," she smiles at me, breath shallow. I move closer. Don't let me be right. Please.

"Are you okay?" I try to remain calm but still air threatens to run out from my lungs. I touch her hair and tears fall from her eyes with a soft sob digging at my erratic heart. This-this is my fault. I swallow, seeing blood pooling around her. "W-will you be okay," I ask, air caught in my throat, tears threatening to flow out as my hand hovers over side.

"I can't move, Jade," she chokes out and it's like a bullet shot through me, pouring out tears from my eyes as I break in front of her, nails digging at the cold, hard asphalt.

"D-don't worry, I'm here." I'm here. I reach into her pocket, hands trembling as I pull out her phone to dial 911. I have to be strong. My lips tremble, strained with sobs, as I tell them what they ask for, all the while not letting my eyes off of Tori. It hurts to see her like this because of me but I need to keep my eyes on her to make sure she's still alive—even when something in me is telling me that this may be the last time I'll see her breathing. I shut the phone off, wiping off tears from my face. "Help is coming. Don't worry." Don't worry.

"Jade," she calls out to me like she not there, lying in the middle of the road paralyzed from neck down, like she just wants to tell me something

I shuffle closer, knees scraping on the rough of the ground. "Y-yes?"

"Sing for me," she says, eyes radiating warmth even when all color is draining from her fingertips, even when there's almost no warmth left in her.

I nod, licking between my lips. My heart flickers, dying of all life and I close my eyes.

"The room spins

Pull you from me

My body burns

Tell me of the rainbows

The colors that the rain throws

Wake me from a sleep that

Never comes

Are you breathing

Waiting for me

This is not goodbye. I won't let it even if I have to sell my soul. My voice cracks and tears continue pouring out, streaming freely down to the ground.

"I didn't really want you

But I need you

Was so foolish of me

To feel you tumbling down

Into that empty room

The lights went out

I want to rescue want to scream out loud

Can you hear me? I need you so don't leave me. I want you. Her eyes close, a smile still painted on her lips. Please.

"I didn't think I wanted you

But I want you now

Was so empty in me

To feel you crashing down

Into the empty world

The music stops

I want to rescue want to scream out loud

I take her hand, lacing our finger together and her eyes flutter open to meet mine. Please hear me. Please.

"That you will always be mine," I whisper, hair spilling over Tori's face and still she smiles.

"I won't leave," she says, voice barely above whisper and I touch her face, lips quivering into a small smile.

"I know." I know.

And she closes her eyes once more.

I watch her breathe, chest barely rising and I sink down to kiss her softly. I close my eyes again as I drown in red lights, the siren of the ambulance and the quiet sound of Tori slipping away from me—forever.

Take me with you.

A.N.: I am both excited and sad. Excited because I've finally finished my first (ever!) multi-chap and sad because it had to end.

I'm sorry if some (if not all) of you guys are disappointed with how I ended this but it's better than Jade stabbing Tori then herself (which was honestly how I originally intended things), right?

(I'm also sorry that I posted late because other people are hogging up the computer and my mom caught me still awake when I was just about to post this at 2am. This should've been up hours ago…)

On another note, the song above is Leona Naess's "Ballerina" if you guys wanted to know. Oh, and I tweaked the position of the lyrics a bit and cut it short…

I want to thank all those who reviewed (and will review) because you guys are the ones keeping me alive… lol.

I disappoint myself but, hey, we get by with what we have, right?

So in the words of a great author (in this site) which were taken from a movie, I shall pat my head and say: "That'll do, pig. That'll do."