Title: Cerberus

Fandom: Axis Powers: Hetalia x Harry Potter

Rating: K+

Genre: Comedy

Pairing: Zip… beyond Hagrid/any magical creature 8D

Summary: Who exactly was that Greek man who sold Hagrid a three-headed dog in a pub? In truth, a harassed entity trying to get a Cerberus pup off his hands…

Disclaimer: I do not own the awesomeness that is Hetalia, or the book series Harry Potter, which is fun, but not as awesome.

A/N: …Another… strange crossover? Huh. As I was reading the first Harry Potter book, having just seen the seventh movie, one particular line jumped out at me that made much more sense than when I read it the first time. My brain ran off with it from there~

Cerberus

An Axis Powers: Hetalia and Harry Potter crossover

By Triangular Prism

"Yeah—he's mine—bought him off a Greek chappie I met in the pub las' year…"

-Rubeus Hagrid, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone-

Heracles Karpusi—Alternately known was Greece— was in a bit of a pinch.

A quite vexing pinch, really. It was taking up all his time solving, and he hadn't had a decent nap for over week. That, and none of his cats would come near him. At best they'd warily circle a few feet away, licking their paws and acting nonchalant about it, but whenever he tried to move only a little closer they'd dart away or arch their backs, hissing and spitting until he retreated the proper distance again. It was the smell and the strands of wiry black hair, thickly meshed in his clothes, something the felines simply would not stand for. Frankly, the normally levelheaded nation (when not dealing with Turkey, anyhow) was getting extremely fed up with the problem. All three heads of it.

The problem was currently chained (several times) in the back yard, growling at cats, sleeping, and gnawing on a large sapling respectively.

A Cerberus pup, that is. Cerberus as in a large, vicious, three-headed dog most commonly known in the stories of the Underworld, guarding the entrance to Hades as spirits passed through the judgment of lives. They were large, they were rare, and one just didn't see them in the wild, as they were surprisingly reclusive for a beast their size, and just as hard to find. Yet incidents happened that required the skills of a wizard to get it back in the wild, and out of such positions as standing unnecessary guard over traffic tunnels or ferry terminals and scaring the living daylights out of ordinary muggles.

This particular Cerberus, the one that had caused him so much trouble, had been confiscated from the hands of a black market smuggler. Unfortunately the pup had imprinted itself in the presence of humans, and showed no interest whatsoever in reintegrating back in the wild, not even with the mother Cerberus so painstakingly found just for that purpose.

At the human scent on the young beast, the older Cerberus and actually tried to kill the pup.

Greece rubbed his aching head as he came back to the essential point: that he was stuck with the pup and all the problems that came with it. Why? His wizard community just wasn't equipped for dealing with a creature like a Cerberus, let alone create a rehabilitation program for it. It didn't have a sufficient department in dealing with magical creatures of a Cerberus' caliber, as the magical creatures of Greece tended to stick to themselves and were somewhat easier to subdue and return if they did cause trouble. Muggles were so laid back that sightings brought nothing more than an interesting article in the newspaper and a good laugh. Curse the Ministry of Magic of Greece! Why was he the one deemed 'experienced' in matters such as this? Why did the Grecian wizarding world have to be so… small?

The Cerberus in the back yard had decided it was tired of being chained in several places to the ground, and proceeded to thrash about with much howling and barking. Greece gritted his teeth and left to silence it, his cats following in a cautious wave behind him. He'd been putting it off, but he actually needed to figure out a way to coax the hyperactive beast inside a largely, magically enforced crate in preparation for a long trip to England, and what he hoped would be a solution to everything.

He'd heard that the island nation had a rather excellent department for the dealings with magical creatures, and the Cerberus was racking up high expenses with all the dog food he'd been forced to buy. Why couldn't it have been a Sphinx? At least those were half feline.

Between the darkly scowling man with his arm in a sling, and the violently rocking crate suspiciously larger than the required parameters for transporting tigers (that's what was stamped on the sides, but…) the workman wisely kept his mouth shut and ordered the crate loaded.

England had been intrigued enough to promise a consulting appointment with the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures. Granted it had never really dealt with Cerberus before, but surely a Cerberus couldn't be any worse than the dragon colonies that stirred up every now and then. The wizards in the department were trained and knowledgeable in all manners of magical beasts. Surely, England agreed, they'd know something on what to do with it.

In the meantime he recommended a rather excellent pub to visit— a wizarding one, but with the dark circles under Greece's eyes, he looked in serious need of a drink.

The pub was called the Leaky Cauldron. It looked just a little on the shabby side, but evidently that didn't matter much to the customers— and were there plenty of them. It seemed he'd hit the rush hour as he waded through the crowd to reach the counter, but at the moment he found he rather liked it. It was loud, but after being woken up all hours of the night by three different heads howling at the moon, he probably would've been able to fall asleep right at the table.

His spirits were lifted considerably. Greece couldn't bring himself to be annoyed even when a giant of a man bowled into him and spilled his drink, apologizing profusely with the offer of buying him another.

As it was the two men began chatting with one another.

"Th' name's Rubeus Hagrid, Groundskeeper up at Hogwarts," the giant proudly introduced himself when drinks had been bought and a table claimed for themselves.

"Heracles Karpusi," Greece replied with his human name. Hogwarts, England's wizarding school? He'd heard good things about it. Hagrid was more than willing to launch into a detailed description of everything that went on there, which Greece listened to with much interest. Hogwarts sounded interesting, quite unlike his own school, the Pantheon Institution of Higher Learning.

(On another note he did have the highly acclaimed Oracle's Academia of Delphi, which he was rather proud of.)

Inevitably the conversation turned as Hagrid wound down.

"So, what brings a Greek fella like you up ter England?" the giant asked, interested in hearing his the other's story. Greece sigh, a deep, massive sigh, figuring there wasn't any harm in sharing.

"A… Cerberus."

"What?"

And so the story came out. Surprisingly, the gruff man sat with extreme rapture, hanging on to Greece's every word as he explained how he had gained the unwelcome ownership of the three-headed pup. Until he mentioned his planned meeting with the Department for the Control of Magical Creatures.

"WHAT? Yeh can't do that!" the giant burst out, utterly aghast as Greece halted, blinking.

"I… beg pardon?"

"Yeh can't bring the poor thing ter brutes like those!" Hagrid argued, visibly upset. "They got a vendetta 'gainst anything magical! Knowin' them, they'll probably suggest yeh put the poor thing down!"

Greece blinked, a little surprised by the passionate outburst from the strange groundskeeper. The next question threw him off even more.

"Er… I don't suppose… Yeh could let me see it?"

He'd been fortunate enough to find kenneling large enough to hold the wayward pup, but from the terrified look on the attendant's face when they entered, Greece speedily decided the sooner he could finish his business the better. Escorting the giant of a man Hagrid through the cages, they heard the Cerberus long before they saw it, as the large animal was busy howling through the hall and scratching heavily at the mesh door of its cage.

Casting a sheepish look at his companion, Greece was startled by the look of pure adoration on the man's shaggy face.

"He's… he's beautiful!" he croaked, awestruck. Not to Greece, he wasn't. The nation was now firmly fixed on how much he hated dogs, and loved cats. He was further perturbed when Hagrid proceeded to enter the space, facing the full mass of the three-headed dog that launched itself at him. True, it was a pup and only wanted to play, but the Cerberus was a full inch taller than Greece and weighed well over three hundred pounds. However, the nation almost keeled over from shock when the massive man simply braced himself against the ground and caught the pup full on. Two paws the size of dinner plates folded over his shoulders, and he almost disappeared under the quivering mass of fur.

"Why, he's a feisty little tyke! Yeh just wan' someone ter play with, don't yeh little fellow?" Hagrid crooned merrily, even as three separate heads attempted to gnaw (playfully) on his arm. Was he trying to tickle it under the chin?

England's people were too strange, Greece thought weakly.

"So, how much d'yer want for 'im?" Hagrid asked when he finally exited, leaving the Cerberus pup whimpering in sadness at the lost playmate. Greece blinked, as a shocked brain attempted to process the question.

"You… want to… buy it?"

"Sure! Look at him, he's adorable! Yeh can't take him ter those Department blokes. I 'ken give him a good home! I know just the thing ter train him for!"

He… seriously wanted to buy him? Greece considered this. He hadn't exactly thought of selling the pup, though it would honestly get rid of all his problems. Hesitantly, he glanced at the Cerberus, gazing doe-like through the cage, and up at Hagrid, who had a… Er, similar expression.

"Well…"

"C'mon! I'll be takin' him off yer hands, am I right? I'll treat him just fine, if that's what yer worried about… on my word as Hogwarts' Groundskeeper!"

Greece thought once more over the proposal, but his resolve was weakening. And so, with a shrug, decided there really wasn't anything wrong with it. It was completely legal, and if this Rubeus Hagrid bought it, then any and all problems cropping up would be his problems!

"Well… okay," Greece answered slowly, nearly drowned out by Hagrid's ear shattering whoop of delight.

"Do yer hear that, Fluffy? Yeh're comin' back with me!" the giant said joyfully to the pup in the cage, that yapped happily back.

"…Fluffy?"

"Yeah! He looks like a 'Fluffy,' doesn't he?"

Greece mentally decided that the English wizarding world was stranger than he thought. At least, maybe now his cats would finally come near him.

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(A/N): WAHAHAHA I don't know XD And that's how Fluffy ended up at Hogwarts. I tried writing Hagrid's speech, I really did.

Hey, this story is my tenth one! Hope you enjoyed this strange crossover of mine~

I'm admit to cheating a little XD I'm placing this in the normal Hetalia archive before moving it to crossovers.