The truth is…

…that we hide because we want to be found;

Kensi walks to the archives and sits on the floor, not bothering with grabbing a chair. Her back is to the wall and she closes her eyes.

This is not easy for her.

She's not used to be the one who needs rescue so having someone saving her is a real eye-opener. It makes her think that maybe she's not as strong as she thought she was. It makes her think that maybe she wouldn't have been able to save anyone from her team if in the same situation. It makes her think that maybe she can't do her job as well as she thought she could.

She hears the door opening but doesn't bother to look up. She knows that the only person who would dare to follow her there after such a day would be him.

Renko sits next to her but doesn't say a thing, knows her too well to believe that words would be able to change what she's feeling right now.

Kensi has known Renko for six years now, him being the first person of the team that she had met. She likes to think that he knows her because, even though she has huge commitment issues, it's good to know that there is at least one person she can count on.

It's good to know that there is at least one person who would never judge her, no matter how bad the situation is.

It's good to know that there is at least one person that is capable of calling her in the middle of the nigh just because he hasn't seen her all day and wants to hear her voice to make sure that she's okay.

Kensi rests her head on his shoulder and Renko kisses her head.

It's a rare gesture of affection between the two as she usually keeps her distance from any kind of physical contact. However, he seems to understand that she needs to feel human, even if just for a few minutes.

He does it because she is his girl, that one that he had promised himself that he would protect until the end of his days.

…that we walk away to see who will follow;

Kensi has the feeling that she is about to burst. This can't be happening, it's just not possible.

She doesn't cry, the tears will only make the situation feel a lot worse and probably too real. She doesn't want it to be real, wants it to be a nightmare. She wants to wake up and realize that this has just been one of those awful bad dreams and that Callen is not on the hospital with five bullet holes in his chest.

Kensi is sitting on the waiting room of the hospital, wanting nothing more than to just pinch herself and wake up on her comfortable bed with no fears.

Hetty is sitting across from her with an expression that she can't quite read, one that she's not sure if she wants to read. It's a strange mix between fear, worry and something that looks a awful lot like pity.

Eric is there too, sitting next to Hetty, and Kensi is sure that she has never seen him looking that worried before. She has the feeling that that is because no one from the team had ever been that badly hurt before.

Nate is sitting on her left side and she can feel his eyes on her from time to time. She knows what he's trying to do. He's trying to read everyone to make sure that he does his job.

Sam is sitting on her right side but she can't look at him. There's blood on his shirt and looking at it is a clear reminder that Callen is currently fighting for his life and that she can't help him. Hetty has brought him a clean shirt but he has refused to change and she actually understands why.

Kensi gets up when she can't stand to have Nate looking at her any longer and leaves. She walks to the stairs and goes to the roof, knowing that she will be able to be alone in there.

She can't cry, can't allow herself to be weak right now. Callen is one of her best friends…losing him would hurt as much as losing a brother, would hurt as much as a sharp knife plunging into her stomach.

She hears the door opening and knows that it's Sam. She doesn't turn around because she has the feeling that he is still wearing that damn shirt and she's sure that she's not strong enough to handle that right now.

He grabs her arms with his strong hands and makes her turn around. Kensi sees the worry present on his eyes but she can't understand if that worry is directed towards here or towards his partner.

Kensi tries hard to keep her eyes on his face but she can't. She looks at his shirt, at the blood on it, and breaks down. Tears start to make their way down her face at an alarmingly fast pace and she clings onto Sam, knowing that she will fall if she doesn't.

This feels too real…

Sam understands what's going on and breaks free from her hands for only long enough to take his shirt off. It's an unusual cold day in Los Angeles and he's not wearing anything underneath but catching a cold seems easy compared to watch Kensi cry.

…that we cry to see who will wipe away the tears;

Kensi feels his eyes on her but doesn't give him what he wants.

Callen has been watching her for at least three hours now and she knows that but she can't bring herself to let him know why she's acting so strange this morning.

He has noticed the minute she has walked in, she knows that. There are things that are near impossible to hide, especially from someone who knows her as well as Callen does. She is aware that he has noticed how tired she is and how nervous she is but he hasn't said a word about it.

The only reason why he keeps all the questions to himself is because he is confident that she will tell him what's bothering her whenever she's ready to do so. The thing is that Kensi is not sure if she will ever be ready to say the words out loud.

She's not surprised when he rings her doorbell, even though it's 1 a.m. and it's raining hard outside. She lets him in and sees how he looks around the house.

Kensi knows that he's searching for Jake because if someone were to ring his fiancés doorbell at that hour he would be on his feet as soon as a he could.

After a few seconds of silence a look of realization crashes upon Callen's face and she sees how he has to restrain himself not to punch something.

She looks away, unable to look him in the eye after what happened. Callen and Renko had warned her too many times that Jake was not good enough for her, that she should leave him, that she should give up on him, that she would walk away from a man who though that she wasn't as amazing as she is. They had warned her but she had ignored their advices, convinced that he was a lot better than what they thought.

However, their fears had been proved correct on the beginning of that week.

Kensi sits on the couch and feels a tear making its way down her face. She knows that she deserves this, a reward for her naivety and for her stupidity. She feels Callen sitting next to her on the couch but refuses to look at him. 'I told you so' it's not something that she needs right now and she knows that those are the words that will leave his mouth.

Callen touches her arm with a gentle movement but she avoids his eyes, those eyes that will make her feel even more stupid than what she already does. She feels him getting up but is not expecting him to get on his knees in front of her just to look into her eyes.

He grabs her chin so she can't look away and she has no other option but look at him. She sees the worry present in his eyes and a hint of something that looks a awful lot like anger. Callen wipes away her tears with a gentle caress before talking.

"I will kill that idiot with my bare hands if he ever gets near you again, Kens…You deserve better than this. You are a strong and independent woman. That piece of garbage was trying to transform you into something else. Renko and I will be here for you whenever you need us. Trust us, Kensi!" He speaks so softly that she can't help but wrap her arms around him.

He hugs her because he knows that she needs it right now. He stays the night, sleeping on the couch, because he is scared to leave her alone, scared that Jake will come back.

She is his little sister and he would always watch out for her, without judging or making her feel worse.

…that we let our hearts get broken to see who will come to fix them.

She doesn't know why she feels like this and is not completely sure if she wants to find out.

Maybe it's because of his blond messy hair, maybe it is because of his blue eyes and maybe it is because he can always make her smile…She doesn't know why she is falling so hard for Marty Deeks but knows that she shouldn't.

She has had too many bad experiences before…There's a reason why she doesn't do second dates. Kensi has faced one too many losses and doesn't know how much more she can handle.

A part of her tells her that Deeks is different, that he means well. However, another part of her tells her that that doesn't mean that he won't hurt her, that he won't break her heart if she lets him in.

Sam notices what's going on and tells her that it's okay to trust him because he has the feeling that he is a good guy. Kensi snaps and tells him that she can't live her life according to his feelings.

Renko notices it too during his short visit and tells her that Deeks is a good guy that is more than capable of taking care of her. Kensi snaps and tells him that she is more than capable of taking care of herself.

Callen notices it too and tells her that Deeks is not Jake. She doesn't snap this time, knows that that much is true. Deeks is not Jake. Deeks is kinder, gentler, and funnier and she has the feeling that he already knows her better, knows how to read her emotions.

Deeks doesn't know about Jake, or at least he doesn't know the whole story. Callen is the one that tells him why Kensi is so reluctant with letting him all the way in.

Kensi is sitting on her couch when it happens. There's a knock on her door and she opens it to find Deeks outside, in the rain like a scene from one of those movies that she secretly likes but denies it with all her strengths. She lets him in and they sit on her couch after he dries himself off with a towel.

He looks into her eyes and whispers, because he doesn't need to speak any louder than that to make her listen to him and because he is afraid that speaking any louder will scare her away.

"I can't promise you that I will solve all your problems...I can only promise you that I'll be there to help you with them. That's all I can offer, Kensi. I'm not Jake and I'm not one of those guys who walk away. I'm here for you and if you don't like me the way I do, it's okay. But please know that I would do anything for you and that I have no intentions of ever hurting you." Kensi kisses him because that's all she can do.

Deeks kisses her back, relived to know that Kensi likes him as much as he likes her.

He wants nothing more than to see her happy and that's what he swears to do until the end of his days, protecting her and taking care of her at all times…loving her forever with all his heart.

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Just a little one-shot that I wrote after reading this quote that does not belong to me: «The truth is that we hide because we want to be found, that we walk away to see who will follow, that we cry to see who will wipe away our tears, that we let our hearts get broken to see who will come and fix them».

Let me know what you think about it…

Sarah