Such a Mistake

Hermione watched Harry struggle through the night. He had turned into a complete shadow, of what he was mere days before. She was watching him carefully. He ate very little, and didn't even want to go to find the Horcrux like they had planned the day before. 3 days passed, and he was like a walking, talking zombie. It was dreadful. Hermione watched as Harry walked back inside the tent from the outside. He had been outside for the last 3 hours in the cold just thinking about Ginny, and how her death had been partially his fault. Hermione couldn't bare to watch Harry disintegrate in front of her. She needed to make him do something, anything to take his mind off of Ginny. She watched as he sulked down onto the couch, and said nothing.

He hadn't talked much in the last few days. He would give an occasional grunt here, and there just to answer her questions if she asked him one. The small kiss they had shared was forgotten, just like Hermione had hoped, but not in the way she had hoped. She was just as upset about Ginny as he was, but Ginny also wasn't her girlfriend either. She couldn't image the kind of heartache he was going through, especially knowing that they had been on a break when Harry had left on the trip. He had broken up with her, simply because he knew that, if she remained his girlfriend she would always be in harms way. At least this way she had a chance, but they still got her. Hermione sighed softly watched as Harry threw off his soaking wet shirt, and ruffled his hair, before changing into a new one.

He sat down on the bed, before lying down staring up at the ceiling, "Harry, do you want some tea?" she asked hopefully as she looked at him.

He shifted on the bed, until he was looking at her, "Alright, sure." he muttered, which was probably the most she had gotten out of him in days. She smiled, and rushed to the kitchen starting a to put the kettle over the fire. She started to rub her hands to gather it was slightly chilly in the room.

"How are you doing?" She asked him trying to get him to talk to her. She took a spot beside him on the bed tenderly rubbing up, and down the length of his arm attempting to soothe him.

"Fine." He told her still not completely with her.

"C'mon Harry, you can't stay like this forever..." She whispered, "I know your hurting, but please Harry" She was practically begging him to try, and get over this. She felt her stomach flipping in circles as she felt him pull his arm away from her, "You just don't understand Hermione...You never will." he whispered, before walking away. She knew it was best not to say anything in reply, so she didn't. She silently watched him take the pot off the fire as it whistled, and pour himself a cup, before sitting at the table. She allowed herself to fall back onto the bed staring up at the ceiling silently. She wanted Harry to be happy, she wanted the burden to lift from his shoulders, and for him to know this wasn't his fault. He was only going to end up blaming himself forever. She stood from her spot on the bed. It was already four o'clock, and she knew that neither of them had eaten all day, but she wasn't hungry.

She wanted to feel numb again. She wanted to feel nothing at all rather than the pain that she was in this moment. She walked from the tent flap out into the snow. It had toned down since when Harry had been out there, and she moved to the closest tree, and seated herself. She wanted to think, and now that it was quite she could think easier. How could she get Harry out of this stupor. She looked up at the sky. It was a grayish white, and it looked incredibly awful in the sky. She didn't like the look of it, it meant more snow. She shivered as her body attempted to adapt to the cold. She kept her back pressed against the bark of the tree. Her eyes scanning the snow for any sign of people, or animals even. There was nothing, but trees.

She stayed outside for at least an hour, or two, until it got dark outside, and the moon was reflecting in her eyes. She could see the light coming from the tent, and another sigh escaped her lips. She heard the sound of stumbling, and then the breaking of a dish, and she snapped her head towards the tent immediately standing. She ran to the tent, and went inside glancing around. Harry had gotten into the alcohol that the twins had left for them, and he had already downed half of the giant bottle.

She furrowed her eyebrows seeing the plate he had broken, by dropping it on the floor, "Bloody hell Harry what are you doing!" She asked him rushing to his side as she pried the bottle from his hand.

"I killed her Hermione!" He shouted, "I bloody fucking killed her!" He slammed his fist down on the table.

"No Harry yo-"

"Shes dead Hermione!" He grabbed her arms, and shook her, "Dead, and its my fault!" His words were slurring, and she didn't know what to say.

She opened her mouth, only to close it again several times trying to turn her thoughts into words, but she wasn't succeeding. She was trying to figure out whether she was happy that he was finally speaking, or to be upset, because he was drunk, "Harry your not in your right mind, you don't mean any of this." Hermione was calmly trying to stop him.

"No Hermione I am in more of my right fucking mind than before!" He was still shouting, and the heavy smell of alcohol was apparent on his breath. Hermione pried herself from his grasp, and lead him away from the alcohol that was lying on the table. She sat him down on the bed, but he was still rambling.

"Harry, you are just upset." She told him tenderly.

He looked at her his eyes focusing on her, and she felt a blush creeping over her cheeks at the way he was looking at her. He gently lifted his fingers tracing his hand across the side of her cheek lightly, "Your blushing." he perceived his eyes following the line of her jaw until he met her eyes, with his. She felt her heart pounding the kiss from the night before flashed into her mind. The memory she had tried so hard to forget, but couldn't. She clenched her jaw, before attempting to stand, "Don't..." he whispered pulling her back down beside him.

"Harry-" He pressed his finger to her lips, before leaning in gently pressing his lips to hers, and she gasped feeling her heart was now pounding as her lips moved to return the kiss. She knew that this was wrong. They were both seeking solace in each other, and she knew this wouldn't turn out well. His hands moved from her arm down to her hips. He lifted her from beside him, and moved her onto his lap allowing his fingers to stroke her sides as he held her waist gently. She wanted to pull away, and tell him how wrong this was, but she found herself wanting it as badly as he did. He laid back pulling her with him. He flipped them on the bed tenderly kissing her neckline, while his fingers traced beneath her shirt feeling the numb skin against his fingertips.

"Harry...we shouldn't...what about Ron...?" Her voice trailed off as he continued to press his lips to her neckline, before he sat up pulling off her shirt the cold air hitting her skin, forcing it to become more numb than before. She had so much desire, pent up inside her that she wasn't strong enough to fight him. He admired her bare skin for a moment, before tracing tender butterfly kisses across her chest, and down her tummy, "Harry..." She whispered as she felt his hands gently unbuttoning her jeans, while slipping them down her thighs.

"He's not here..." He told her as he pulled them off her, before tracing kisses right about her panties, his hands lightly pulling her panties down her thighs, and legs until he pulled them off entirely leaving them on the floor. She was completely bare to his eyes, and the light of the fire, was the only thing illuminating her beauty as he started to tenderly place kisses down her pelvis, until he reached her most intimate of places. He kissed it gently, exploring it with his mouth, and she gasped. He traced his kisses back up to her neckline, before at last removing his own shirt. She gazed at him taking in all of the details of his skin, along with all of the contours that darkened his chest. He was beautiful in the light, and she felt another blush creeping deeply across her cheeks. She gave up the fight, the temptation was too high to back out now.

She moved him onto his back giving up on trying not to touch him. She needed to, feel him. She was starting to desire him. She removed his glasses, before placing them on the table, before she straddled his hips gently removing his belt, and pulled his jeans down his hips allowing them to fall onto the floor, before she pulled off his boxers. She gazed over his naked body, and felt another blush glazing her cheeks turning them scarlet. She looked at him taking in his beauty, before she leaned down starting to trace kisses down his chest. She lightly traced her hand down his chest allowing her fingers to graze his member feeling it starting to harden against her hand. She watched as he started to moan as she gently helped him get harder.

He leaned up kissing her as he felt himself unable to hold back. He flipped them again pressing his lips to hers. His eyes scanned hers as she felt him pressing himself into her slowly. She bit her bottom lip, as she felt him go in all the way. She felt him starting to move, and she cried out, both of their moans collided, as they kissed each other once more. She could feel her heart pounding, and the butterflies in her stomach getting worse as they fluttered within her. Her whimpers were evident as she clung to him both of their orgasms washing over them. She felt him slowing to a stop on top of her, as he moved off of her. His eyes met hers, and she stroked his cheek the sweat building on her body as their lips met once more in passion.

"What are we going to tell Ron?" She whispered softly her voice shaking as he looked at her.

He shook his head smiling, "No idea" he whispered gently his arm wrapped around her as he started to drift to sleep. She started to fall asleep beside him labeling herself as momentarily insane, or something like it. She definitely felt as if she had gone insane. She felt tears pooling in the bottoms of her eyes, at what she had just done with Harry. She was so confused. All the feelings that she had for Ron were now transported on a ten-fold for Harry. She was now in love with both of them. She closed her eyes letting a small sigh, before opening them to gaze at Harry. He was lying on his side already in a slumber. She slowly lifted her hand to graze his cheek tracing her fingers down the side of his face, and neck. She admired the feel of his skin against the tips of her finger-pads.

So much felt wrong about everything that had just happened, but just as much felt right, and that was what confused her. She felt as if everything that had happened was a mistake. They had taken advantage of each others weaknesses, and now she was afraid they had messed everything up. She watched his slow intake of breath, as he inhaled, and exhaled. Her eyes focused as she snuggled against his side feeling his heat instantly warming her naked body. Her lips parted, and she planted a small kiss to his chest, being careful not to wake him. She closed her eyes trying hard not to worry about this. She wondered what would happen once he was sober, would he even remember what had happened? Her mind trailed through those kinds of thoughts until she fell asleep beside him.

Surprisingly he didn't awake that night screaming like he usually did, perhaps what they had done had calmed him, or maybe it was the alcohol. She couldn't be sure, but she didn't wake up until the sun was beating down on the tent in the morning. Birds were chirping outside, while the wildlife could be heard walking through the leaves rustling them. She rolled over on the bed right onto Harry's stomach, much like she had the first night he had been in her bed. She opened her eyes everything was blurry. She rubbed at them, before everything came into focus. It took her a few moments to realize where she was, and what had happened the night before. Her eyes widened, as the images rushed through her brain, all of them were running rampant.

Harry started moving underneath her, and started to awaken, due to her weight on top of him. He reached for his glasses that Hermione had carefully placed on the table beside him. He froze when he saw that she was naked, and on top of him, "What happened?" She could tell that he hadn't remembered what happened yet, if he was going to at all, "We...didn't did we?" he asked, while Hermione moved off of him holding the covers to her neckline. She was terrified that she had ruined their friendship. She knew that it had been a moment of bad judgment that shouldn't have happened, but it had, and now there was no denying it.

She nodded sheepishly at his words, and he looked away, "Oh god..." running his fingers through his hair as he allowed a sigh to escape his lips. Now she was worried as she saw him unsure what to do about what had just occurred between them. She could tell he was partially hung over by the look on his face.

"I...i'm sorry Harry..." She whispered shaking her head.

"No this was my fault." He told her looking away, and she looked at him reaching her hand up to turn his face so that he was looking at her.

"Harry, what do you feel for me?" She asked him wanting to know seriously how he felt. She searched his expression it was torn, between lust, and denial. She didn't have any idea which he was willing to follow in this moment. She was torn as well. Her heart was pulling her between Ron, and Harry. She wanted both of them, now she had to choose.

"Hermione...I..." He looked at her for a few seconds, before lifting his hand, moving hers off of his cheek. "I don't know," He looked at her shaking his head, "I don't know..." he repeated standing from the bed pulling on his boxers, before walking to the couch, and sitting down. She sat up in the bed keeping the sheets covering her. She felt tears threatening to fall again. She felt like he had taken her heart, and torn it to a million pieces, and left her standing there to pick them up on her own without his help. She needed Harry, even if he was only going to be with her as a friend.

She followed him to the couch, sitting beside him the blankets wrapped around her body still, "Harry, please don't pull away...I need you" Hermione's voice was meek, and for the first time she felt uncertainty running through her veins. He glanced over at her, and she saw the same pain running through his features that she had. She could see that it was taking all of his self control, not to give into her.

"Hermione I-"

"Your in pain, I can see it Harry..." She was nearly crying, and he shook his head.

"No...Hermione...please..." He whispered looking at her shaking his head.

"Please, let me help..." She whispered, "Let me take it away..." She lightly took his hand, and started to stroke it with her own. He closed his eyes, before letting out a deep breath.

"Hermione..." He whispered again, as she looked into his eyes leaning in to kiss him. He moved his lips with hers kissing her back, before pulling away again, "We can't do this...I can't do this to Ron..." he told her.

She bit her bottom lip looking at him, "Such a mistake..." She whispered, "This...all of this its such a mistake..." She stood looking away from him. She couldn't believe that last night she had been pushing him away, and now he was pushing her away. The harm had been done, there was no taking it back. She kept the blankets wrapped around her.
"No Hermione-"

"It's okay Harry, I'm sorry," She whispered, "This is all my fault, I shouldn't have let this happen" She raced to the kitchen lifting the alcohol bottle off of the table, and hurled it at the wall, watching it shatter, while the alcohol sprayed all over the floor near where it shattered, "Im going to kill them when I see them!" She growled under her breath. Her mind was racing, and she wasn't sure what she wanted at the moment. She just wanted her heart to tell her what she wanted, but that was the whole problem. She couldn't decide, and Harry was now pushing her away.

"Hermione, what are you talking about!" He asked her.

"Fred, and George they gave us this alcohol that you drank!" She sobbed, "You wouldn't have been drinking if it weren't for them this wouldn't have happened!" She was in frantic tears as she sat down at the table the blankets still wrapped tightly around her.

She was trying to figure out what to do, "Hermione, this happened before all of that, don't you remember?" He asked her.

She looked up her eyebrow furrowed as she attempted to figure out what he was talking about. She took her memory back to a few days before when they had shared a brief kiss, "That was meaningless..." Her voice trailed off, as she looked up at him, "Wasn't it?" She asked him searching his eyes. She knew that this couldn't happen, not between them, Ron would be eternally devastated, he would never forgive either of them especially Harry. Ginny was gone, but Ron was not, she was scared to hurt someone.

"Fuck!" He shouted, "I don't know Hermione!" She jumped at his outburst, and she started to feel more pain rushing through her. She needed Harry right now, but Ron was also a big part of her heart, and soul, just as much as Harry right now.

"I love you Harry, and I don't know what to do!" Hermione shouted back, and he stopped looking at her searching her eyes trying to read them. He allowed a seep breath to part from his lips. This was more than either of them could handle. She felt so much pain rushing through her heart, and soul that she didn't know.

"I love you too, Hermione, but I can't do the right thing for us without hurting Ron, and I can't do the right thing by Ron without hurting you! So what the fuck am I supposed to do!" He shouted at her, "You always have the answers so what do you think I should do!" He finished putting everything on her.

She knew deep down inside that what they were doing was wrong, but in this moment she didn't care. Ron had abandoned them, not the other way around. Neither of them had abandoned Ron, he had abandoned the both of them, and now he wanted a serious answer, "Screw Ron he isn't even here." She said at last, stepping forward towards him, "What do you want?" She asked.

He stood watching her as she spoke, and at last took a step towards her tenderly tracing his fingers over the back of her hand, "I want you..." He told her, and she smiled, as he tenderly pressed a kiss to her lips, and she wrapped her arms around his neck.

AN: BAM! So what do you guys think? This has to be the most epic crazy chapter I have ever written haha (No joke) I love love love Reviews ;D

PurveyorofPulchritude -

Yea I do write particularily fast :D Yea once again spellcheck screwed up the loose and lose XD YES thats my fav part ;) I wanted to bring a sense of normalcy into Hermiones life when it came to her playing house :D My reading comprehension skills are particularily exceptional actually haha :)
I have always been good at comprehending what I read :) I read all different generes, (Favorite is Historical Fiction) but my fav authors are Katherine Reiss, Ann Rinaldi, Lynn Austin, Erin Hunter.
All good authors of amazing books :D love Anna