Pretend (Part 1)
by BrDPirateMan

It's been half a year since the Reapers' Game, and life has never been better.

It made us Players realise just how important our lives truly are. There were good times and dark times and unsavoury revelations which were best left buried, but it was a wake-up call in disguise. A reminder that we should live life to the fullest and not have any more regrets. When we emerged alive, every one of us was a changed person.

I could go on and on about my pals Beat and Rhyme who were with me during the time I was dead, but they're not the crux of this story. The protagonists of this tale are me… and a girl by the name of Shiki Misaki.

Shiki's a lucky one, she is. Even though she had been living in the shadow of her best friend Eri, and started to hate herself because of that, she met someone who taught her to love and accept herself for who she is. And once she returned to Shibuya alive, she set out to make her life richer than ever, without fear or jealousy or an inferiority complex. I'm glad she's finally become herself – who she truly wants to be.

And who am I, you may ask? I have a name… Neku Sakuraba. You know the person who changed Shiki's outlook on life? That person is me.

Before everything came crashing down on me, I was just a run-of-the-mill citizen of Shibuya with a heavy case of anti-sociality. Everyone was barging in on my comfort zone and I hated it. So to stop all the nonsense that I found so annoying, I had shut myself off from the outside world. I was like a drop of oil in a body of water, immiscible and unwilling to mix around in the society.

But the Game opened up my world. I realized just how colourful it could be if I broadened my horizons. "The world ends with you," a man whom I respect once said to me. I widened my scope and the rest was history: now I'm a better individual.

Here's the thing, though… it's hard for me to fully embrace this new philosophy. I had withdrawn from people for so long that my return to the world of the living was like learning how to walk and talk all over again. I had never felt so stiff and awkward in my life. I had been so out of it these years that even the simplest things could pose a challenge, like what to say or do in certain situations. In the social side of things I was severely handicapped.

I'm just glad that Shiki keeps me company. She has shed her fake appearance from the Game – a parody of Eri – and she's not strikingly gorgeous in real life. But underneath her plain face I see her simple but beautiful personality.

She's perfect. She cares about me as much as I care about her. Between us we have a tight friendship and a sort of "relationship of moral support". If I'm feeling down, she's there to offer kind words and a warm fuzzy squeeze on the arm. I do the same if our roles are reversed. We complement each other, like bread and butter. And gosh darn it, it works well.

When she's not lending a listening ear, or a shoulder to weep on, she's easy to talk to… she can even be funny. She's cute. I like her a lot. No… that's inaccurate. I didn't realise it at first, but after a good while, I've come to accept one fact.

I love Shiki.

I really do. My love for her deepened as time went on. The closer we became, the greater my affection for her. I can't explain it. Love is such a difficult thing to appreciate and master. If it was easy to deal with, everyone I know of would be married.

She's the closest friend I've got. I was afraid that if I told her about my true feelings for her, she might freak out and keep her distance. As much as I wanted to tell her those three magic words, I simply couldn't.

I didn't know how. School never taught that. Movies were at best unrealistic. And what few memories of my dull hermitic life from years ago didn't help matters. I knew nothing about romance.

How could I make a confession without sounding weird? I didn't have the slightest idea. I figured that until the time was right and I knew how, I would hold off on it.

But… one fine day, I realized just how long I had waited. And it was too late.

XOXOXOXOXO

I remember that day. Lunch break at school.

The weather was nice – not too hot considering that summer was fast approaching. So Shiki and I were on the rooftop by ourselves having lunch and talking about all kinds of things. She's a live wire, that girl. She seemed to be in a good mood today too. So good that she gladly offered one or two of her home-made onigiri – she had made it herself – an offer I couldn't turn down. She even had a name for it, like a culinary moniker of something.

"Onigiri a la Shiki," she proclaimed proudly, "What do you think?"

"It's good," I said, relishing the taste of my love interest's cooking, "It's a bit sour so you could cut down on the vinegar, but otherwise I like Shiki-flavoured onigiri."

She slapped me on the arm, laughing. "You sound like a pervert when you say that, Neku."

"Ha ha ha… sorry, couldn't help it."

"But you're right. It's a tad on the sour side," she agreed, biting into her own food. "Add less vinegar next time. Got it. It's good to know that I can count on you for your honest opinion." She smiled.

"Heh. That's what friends are for."

It was great how we could talk so freely and not feel a tinge of awkwardness. We were so relaxed despite the knowledge that we were a guy and a girl sitting together alone. There was nothing strange about it.

But she would say some things that would make a deep cut in my psyche.

"Hey, Neku," she said, "What're you doing over summer break? It's in a week's time, you know?"

I took a hefty bite out of my… her… onigiri. "I never really gave it much thought. Maybe I'll hang around Shibuya until I think of something… I don't know."

She giggled. "That doesn't sound very interesting at all. Wanna hear my plans?"

"Okay, maybe it'll give me some ideas."

"Ha ha… I don't think it'll apply to you much, if at all!" She took a swig of water to clear her throat. "Well…"

And the next thing she said was like a blow to the stomach.

Her face was all lovely and innocent as she said, "There's this upperclassman, see… His name is Ryusei, and… and… I think I've got a crush on him."

Huh?

"Sh-Shiki…" My voice… I could hardly control my stammering… "Wh-What did you just say?"

"Oh, you mean my crush? Yeah, it's Ryusei and he's an upperclassman."

She liked someone… but it wasn't me. I tried to keep that light smile on my lips, to hide the disappointment, but hefting boulders was far easier. In my entire life I had never felt anything quite like this before… so immense was the pressure on my soul, that I thought I would collapse.

But Shiki was my best and most loyal friend. I wanted to show that I cared, even though my heart was bleeding.

"You've fallen in love with him, huh?" I said, trying to sound and feel upbeat, hoping that she didn't see through me.

"Head over heels," she chuckled, blushing a little.

"I… I see… Then you should tell him how you feel…" What was I doing? I wanted her to love me, not him! What in the world was I doing throwing away my chances to win her heart? In the end, however, I could do nothing to save my hopeless situation. It was over for me.

A part of me hoped against hope that she would change her mind, right then and there, and forget that this upperclassman she was fixated on ever existed. I wished she could discern the boiling, churning emotions inside me… the fear, the dismay… the pain… and see where she had gone wrong. How I prayed also that she was joking. I waited and waited for her to laugh in my face and squeal, "Ha ha! Just messin' with you!"

But none of it happened. She just said, "Aw, thanks, Neku! I'll be sure to do my best. One of these days I'm gonna go for it!"

"I… I wish you luck."

With a constant smile she went on to describe about how cool Ryusei was, but in my self-pity, I translated that into her essentially saying how I could never be as amazing as him. I caught bits and pieces about him being a baseball player and a good one at that; any more than that went in one ear and out the other. It couldn't register. I didn't want to remember details about my rival. No… Ryusei wasn't a rival anymore.

Because he had won. He had captured Shiki's heart.

Her onigiri was delicious.

But now, somehow, it didn't taste so good.

XOXOXOXOXO

The next several days were spent in misery.

All I could think of were her words. They were normal everyday words, but together they had such a terrible meaning. They fueled my nightmares. They spoiled my appetite. They made my legs feel heavy like iron when I walked. It was impossible to shut the reality out, like an annoying song that refused to leave. My heart had sunk so low.

We always walked home together after classes were over for the day, but ever since that fateful day I found excuses to walk home alone. I couldn't stand it. I loved Shiki, but it was becoming unbearable being near her. It came to a head on the last day of school, the final insult to my injury.

"Neku, go on without me," she said, while everyone was scrambling to leave the school premises. "There's something I need to do," she smiled, giving me a cheeky wink. "Something I need to take care of."

I could guess. "Is this about… Ryusei?"

There was a slight but no less noticeable pause, as though I had caught her off guard. Those shiny brown eyes of hers widened just a little bit. But she quickly regained her composure. "Uh… Y-Yes! I'm going to do it, Neku. I'm gonna tell him what I feel. Wish me luck!"

"W-Well, then… good luck…" What else could I do? Protest? Object to her decision? I was too late to do anything now. Her mind was set.

For an agonizingly long while, our eyes met and locked with each other. We just stood there, a couple of metres apart, gazing at each other intently. Time had slowed down to a crawl. The surroundings were but a blur. Everyone seemed to pass through us as they hurried away. I thought that maybe there might have been a connection between us after all. Did Shiki finally see the light, the sad glow in my soul?

No. She waved goodbye and scurried away. "Catch you later!"

It took a lot out of me to simply raise my arm and wave back, and even more effort to force a smile. When she ran off to the guy she held so preciously in her heart, it almost seemed like a final farewell.

I spent the rest of the afternoon at a fast-food restaurant, drowning away my sorrows. But no matter how many cups of orange juice I drank, the debilitating sadness didn't wash away. What a way to start the summer break.

XOXOXOXOXO

The next day was Saturday and the much-anticipated start of the holidays. But while everyone was having fun, I spent the day doing nothing useful.

My cell phone was switched off because I didn't want to see or talk to anyone. And I didn't want to bump into anyone, so I didn't go out of the house.

Shiki would have told Ryusei already… So they were now an item. I heaved a defeated sigh. Why couldn't it have been me?

My parents were out, so I had the place to myself. I was loitering around my apartment aimlessly, going from the living room to the kitchen and back again a hundred times when a series of soft knocks on the door caught my attention. I was inclined to leave it alone, because like I said, I didn't want to see anyone. But it could be my mum and dad. So I answered the door.

The last person I wanted to see was standing at the doorstep. Shiki.

"Oh, it's you, Shiki." My cheerfulness was lacking, but she didn't seem to take notice. It was evident from the small smile on her face that she had something to say. But that's odd… That smile looked somewhat… sad. I'd have thought that now that she and Ryusei were together, she'd be high and squealing like a maniac, "Hey Neku! Guess what! Guess what!" But… nope. Didn't happen.

She didn't even say hello. She just bit her lip, downcast, and muttered, "He said no."

I didn't understand.

"Um… why don't you come inside?" I offered.

Not another word was exchanged until we were comfortably seated on the couch in the living room. I watched, spellbound, as she slowly raised her glass of water to her lips and took a long sip. What was it that she wanted to say? The curiosity was hard to contain.

"Ryusei…" she mumbled, her voice trailing off. Was this about her crush?

I could have said something, but chose to stay silent.

"Ryusei said no to me."

It finally clicked in my head, and when it did, it was a surprising revelation. "You mean to say that when you went and confessed to Ryusei… he rejected you?"

She nodded miserably.

I could understand how she felt. To have the person you love not return your feelings is a very saddening thing indeed. The poor girl. She must have harboured her infatuation for that guy for some time now, only to have her hopes dashed with a few simple words. Such was the harshness of reality. Life would be too easy if everyone had their way.

However, as gloomy as the whole atmosphere was, there was a silver lining… not for her, but for me. With her crush out of the way, I was free to pursue her. There was no more competition to contend with, so now it was a clear straight road to the finish line which I had to reach.

As I gazed at her pained expression, though, I began to feel guilty over what I was thinking. I was actually glad over someone's misfortune… Shiki's. I wanted to genuinely feel for her, but no matter how hard I tried, my innermost feelings would bubble to the surface. This was my chance to chase after her, now that Ryusei was out of the picture, right? But that would mean taking advantage of her sadness. What kind of friend was I? I hated myself.

I tried to comfort her as best as I could, but my inexperience in dealing with matters such as this clearly showed. My words came out haltingly, unsure if they were supposed to be right or wrong. "Shiki, don't worry… It's… Maybe Ryusei isn't the one for you, but… someone better will come along! You just have to find him." What was that? I was simply no good at this sort of thing.

"Thanks, Neku." Her voice was small but thick with appreciation. My consolation for her wasn't perfect, but hopefully she could see that my heart was in the right place.

Then the apartment grew dead silent once again. I knew I had to say something… anything to lift the mood and help her feel better. But I was at my wit's end. I simply didn't know what I should be saying. Just before the silence managed to become too stifling, she spoke up again.

"Looks like I'll be spending my summer break without a boyfriend…"

"Er… well, d-don't let it get you down… There's lots of things to do, and… uh… you know…"

Her sad smile returned. It wasn't a cheery smile, but it was a smile either way, and it made me feel better, even if it was just a little bit. The next thing she said astonished me.

"Neku… I know it sounds a lot to ask, but…" She had a slight blush on her cheeks. "…could you be my boyfriend over summer break?"

I almost lurched out of my seat in complete surprise. That was the last thing I expected to hear from Shiki. Me? As her boyfriend? ! What was really on her mind?

"Whoa, what do you mean, Shiki?" I asked, trying to calm my racing heart. "You want me to be your boyfriend? !"

"Well, to be exact," she said, tweezing the hem of her sleeve in her fingers, "we're not really going out, so you'd be like a pretend boyfriend."

Oh… So that was it. I was a mere stopgap. I didn't feel too great upon hearing that.

She hastily added, "But don't get me wrong, Neku! I'm not asking this favour from you because Ryusei rejected me. And I don't mean to treat you like a sort of substitute… It's just… summer break is going to be a long while from now on, and I'd hate to stay bored now that I don't have anyone to have fun with."

Her explanation was logical, but I still felt like a hasty countermeasure to fix her failed love life. Yeah, that's right… a quick fix. But the thought of spending much of my time with her was tantalizing. Even if we were not lovers and may never be, at least I could have her company all to myself for a little while, at least until she found a new love interest to keep her busy.

How I wished I could be that love interest!

I decided to humour her request. "Alright, since I don't have any plans for summer break anyway, we could spend it together. It'll benefit both of us, I guess."

"Does that mean you'll agree to be my boyfriend until school reopens?"

"Yeah, I don't mind."

There was little change in her countenance, that same pensive smile on her lips, but in her eyes was gratitude and a hint of happiness. "Th-Thank you, Neku…"

"That's what friends are for." I gently wrapped my arm around her shoulder in a caring and affectionate manner.

And so the deal was struck between us. This very strange deal… To be honest, I didn't really give it much thought. All I figured was I could get closer to her, that's all. But that night, when I mulled over the day's events, a few pertinent questions came to mind. Would we actually go on dates? How often? As lovers, what should we do together? Was it okay to hold her hand?

And perhaps most importantly, what exactly was on Shiki's mind? Did she have an ulterior motive of some sort?

…No, that's nonsense. The boy she liked didn't want her as his girlfriend, so without a boyfriend to keep her company, she turned to me. We were only pretending to be lovers, 'nuff said.

The journey through summer would prove to be a varied, interesting one…