If you...

-love the 39 clues

-love humor

-and hate Twilight

then this is the Fanfic for you!

It was late at night one Saturday. The moon was full, and the sky was surprisingly clear. The night held a gloomy twist of unfortunate events for the young girl Amy Cahill. She and her crazy brother Dan had just finished visiting their parent's cemetery and were driving back home through the rural areas of the state, when their car ran out of gas. Just when they had gotten gas and started back on the road, they got a flat tire. After replacing it with a spare, their driver Nellie crashed into a tree. Nellie was basically a stunt driver. How could she be stopped by something as small as a tree? One thing was evident; something or someone was keeping them where they were.

"Let's go find a cell signal to call a repairman," Nellie said.

"You can go, I'll stay here with Dan and guard the car," Amy said. So Nellie went out into the woods to see if she could find any cellular reception.

"This is the funnest day ever!" exclaimed Dan. "It's been like a little adventure! This is so perfectly ironic! We run out of gas, get a flat tire, and Nellie out of all people in the world crashed! I hope no humans find us so we have to live in the woods with wild animals in a cave! Maybe animals are just like humans and make it look like they like gross food but eat the same food humans do when we aren't looking!" Amy didn't even bother telling Dan that "funnest" wasn't a word. He would just go off on another rant. Why oh WHY did Nellie let him order a Mountain Dew at the last gas station?

"I'm going for a walk in the woods," Amy said rolling her eyes. She had been stuck with Dan all day in the car and needed a break. She craved to be alone with her own thoughts for once. "It'll be nice and peaceful," she thought. But, this wouldn't be the little peaceful stroll little Amy expected.

She headed into the forest, till she was in the middle of the woods. Sitting on a rock she took in a breath of fresh forest air. She started to hear howls in the distance. Well... there were Dan's animal friends!

All of a sudden, she saw a flash in the bushes. "Who's there?" she questioned fearfully. "If you are a Vesper then back of NOW!"

"It is I," a voice answered. A scream escaped Amy's lips as the figure emerged from the shadows.

"Am I-I-I imagining this?" Amy asked curiously.

"No Bella, it is I, Edward," the extremely pale man replied.

"Umm… what are you doing in the middle of the forest in rural Washington on a Saturday night? Are you like, an ugly ghost or something? And why are you calling me Bella?" Amy interrogated him, sounding flustered. She hated how her voice trembled slightly in fear. In the back of her mind all she could wonder was had the Vespers found her?

"Shh… Keep your voice down Bella, they may hear you."

"Who is they?"

"The werewolves."

"Ummm… whoever you are... werewolves don't exist. I think we may need to get you to a mental asylum ASAP." Should she run? She should run! This was a complete stranger… a whack-job stranger at that.

"Nothing can keep me away from your love, Bella."

Amy flinched. "Okay, who the heck is Bella? And person, for the record, that's just creepy and wrong-g!"

The howl of a wolf was heard, even closer than before. "They've found us!

Let's run Bella! Run away with me forever!"

"Honestly, I have no idea what sort of weird drama/romance/horror movie I am caught in, but I'm staying here."

"You'll be safer with me."

"That's it creep! I'm calling the cops."

"No Bella! This isn't a matter the police can handle," a new voice said from the shadows.

"Who are you?" Amy asked. All of a sudden, the muscular figure of a wolf leaped out of the brush. In midair, the wolf transformed into the shape of a man then landed agilely on his feet. "Taylor Laughtner?" Amy asked. There was a hint of surprise in her voice.

"No Bella, it's me, Jacob." What the... did this dude even know about the brilliant invention of a shirt? I mean, the night was kind of chilly to show off your abs.

"Seriously! You too! Okay, what's with the whole Bella thing? I'm officially freaked out. I'm going back to the car like I should have ten minutes ago!"

"Not so fast Bella." A female voice said. Another form emerged from the darkness.

"Who in the name of... where am I anyways?"

"You're in Forks, Bella. My name is Alice; I'm Edward's sister. Are you all right? You seem a little dazed."

"We've been fighting over you for several years now," Edward said. "Tonight's the final night you must make the decision over which one of us you'll love. Nothing can stand in your way."

"Who is your final choice? Everything has led up to this moment," supplied Jacob seriously.

Amy looked back and forth at the strangers' faces as they stared at her as if they had known her all her life. These people must really be unintelligent to mistake her for another random girl. If they loved the Bella girl so much, wouldn't they bother to memorize her face? She realized for the first time that dramatic, thumping music was playing in the background with no discernable music source. Something was seriously wrong with them!

"That's it. I'm out of here for good!" she announced. "A-swizzle out. Peace!"

Sad thing is that I haven't seen or read anything about Twilight, yet was able to write this.

Did you like it? I loved it! It was just a fun one-shot.

Even though this is complete, I hope it is not forgotten. No matter when, I love reviews! Send this to friends who would like this!

Thanks to The Gummy Bear Overlord for being my beta!

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind!" -Dr. Seuss! Best poet ever! I am doing a report on him right now. Everyone else in my class is doing fancy poets so... yeah. Awesome quote though, and totally true!

I LOVE pickles!

Where Adventures Begin,

Alex Almighty