Undercover Cover-up 4/4

This one is at least a double hanky warning. Also, very minor ick advisory. Thanks for the wonderful, amazing reaction I've gotten for this story and all the others I've posted. You guys are always kind and encouraging and every word makes me giggly with happiness.

A.N. : God help me, A.J. and Harm are starting to talk to me on their own. They want me to tell their story from the beginning. Since it won't involve the NCIS characters, I'll probably only post it on the WWOMB archive, so those interested will be able to find it there.

Somebody come kidnap me... or kill all of my increasingly rabid plotbunnies? Pretty please?

As Jethro walked forward, A.J. rose and moved to stand by his protege, allowing Gibbs to kneel in his place. Knowing how drained his sub was, A.J. led Harm to the lounge off to the far side of the room and sat beside him on the couch, one arm wrapped tightly around the younger man. Rabb leaned heavily into his mentor, eyes slipping closed.

"My God... I feel like somebody beat *me* up. Why didn't you warn me what I was in for?"

"You had the right to refuse... I was afraid you would and nobody else could have been what Anthony needed tonight."

"Diane, Jordan .."

"You know the pain of that kind of loss... and the stress of refusing to believe you couldn't have saved them. He sensed that. It made it easier for him to trust you. I realize it was manipulation and I'm sorry..."

"No, I understand. You were right... are right. We're going back to your place after?"

"Uh-huh. If that's what you want."

"I do. All that stuff I can't talk about, all the sore spots I never let you get near... I think it's time."

A.J. pulled back a little and gazed searchingly at Harm.

"You sure? You don't have to take the next step, I told you that. It'll be more intense than anything I've taken you through so far."

"I know. I just... I think I've always been afraid that scraping at old wounds wasn't worth it... that it couldn't do anybody any good. Seeing Anthony fight so hard for whatever healing he can get... I know how wrong I was. I'm ready to go there now. I'm ready for you to show me the way."

A.J smiled softly, leaned in and gently kissed Harm's brow then his eyelids one at a time.

"Alright. I'll need a few days to get prepared..."

"I understand. I can wait."

"I know you can. For now try to rest, okay? Jethro and Anthony still have a few miles of rough road to walk..." he intoned, pulling his lover in tighter to his body, even as his gaze drifted to the pair still kneeling in the middle of the floor.

"Anthony. Back in position. You need to get back up on your knees, now."

"Just leave me alone... you got what you wanted."

"We're not done yet. Back in position."

When Tony remained curled into himself, Jethro released a brief sigh and used the weapon he was hoping he wouldn't have to. "I have a key to the cabinet, Anthony. I'll only use it if you force my hand."

Tony cursed under his breath and slowly rearranged his body back into the form Gibbs wanted. "Move closer. I want you right here in front of me."

After a long moment spent staring his boss down, Tony obeyed, though he made no effort to temper the resentment and defiance in his expression. Reaching out, Gibbs gripped Tony's face in both hands and held it firmly. "It's my turn to ask you some questions, Anthony. I want your eyes on mine every second and I want honesty. Lies or refusals mean correction. Looking at the floor, the walls or anywhere but at me... means correction. Are we clear?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. We start now." Gibbs instructed, dropping his hands. "Am I stupid?"

"No."

"You think I know my own mind?"

"99.9 percent of the time, absolutely. It's only when our new director's around that I wonder."

To Tony's relief, Gibbs smiled.

"Sometimes, so do I. Moving on. How much of Kate's death can you remember?"

Tony's face tensed and he shook his head.

"I'm not refusing... just asking... begging you not to make me go there."

"I was five feet away from her, Anthony. I get how tough this will be, but you need to do this before you go off on another suspect and lose your job." {and I lose you forever} Gibbs thought, but didn't verbalize, knowing the point of this session wasn't to insert his own needs and worries into the process. "I'll repeat the question if you need me to... but only once."

"Not necessary. I... some of it is so clear I can't stand to think about it. Some moments I think I buried or... I don't know, they're just gone."

"Tell me what isn't gone."

"I was standing there looking around... it felt like everything was winding down, like the tension was dropping finally. Kate... she smiled and... I know she was talking. At the time I'm sure I heard the words... but when I try to remember all the sound is gone. Then... I think I turned away a little... I'm not sure, but... I must have..."

Gibbs braced himself internally, knowing the worst part of the story was about to emerge, but Tony's reaction to the memory was nothing the older man expected and for a few seconds he was shocked into immobility.

"What makes you think that?"

"At first I thought it-it was starting to rain. I thought... hell, that's all we need... by the time we get down and back to a car we'll all... be soaked..." Tony replied, his breathing growing shallow and fast.

"You didn't answer the question, Anthony. Once more; what makes you believe you turned away?"

"Because... it wasn't rain... and it..."

Abruptly, Tony's eyes went wide and his breathing hitched. Curling forward into himself and wrapping both arms around his belly, he began to hyperventilate.

"Anthony, what's wrong?"

"Oh... oh no... oh... oh..." Tony panted harshly just before he twisted to the side and vomited. Hearing his distress, the other two men rushed to help. A.J. helped support Tony and sent Harm off to grab a cool damp cloth.

"What happened?" A.J. directed at Jethro while rubbing Tony's back and shoulders.

"Bad reaction to a question. I think something broke through..."

"Obviously something pretty traumatic. Anthony, calm down. You need to slow your breathing. C'mon, son... easy..."

Tony was sobbing wildly and his breathing was rapidly getting worse. Both men knew the young man's lungs were not a hundred percent and they were just as rapidly getting worried. "Don't do this, Anthony. Whatever it is we can solve it. Relax... relax, now..."

Harm returned a moment later and knelt close to Tony, running the cloth gently over his face and speaking to him quietly.

"Listen to me, Anthony. Listen to me breathe and match what you hear. As hard as it is you have to focus... give me your hands. C'mon, you can do this. You don't wanna end up back in the hospital, Anthony... hospitals suck. Lousy food, no privacy... and did I mention the needles?"

The next sob was closer to laughter than misery, and slowly, almost imperceptibly, the emotional hurricane shaking Tony to his core began to abate. First he unwrapped his arms and surrendered his hands, then he leaned forward, allowing himself to be folded into Harm's embrace. "It's okay... breathe easy... slow it down... that's better... easy, slow... good... good man."

After another few minutes of comforting, soothing words, Tony was able to straighten up again and answer questions, though Gibbs almost begged A.J. to stop. The man he loved looked fragile as rice paper and all he wanted was to take Tony somewhere quiet and let him sleep.

Harm moved off and returned shortly with rags, water and dry towels, thoroughly cleaning the floor. Once the job was done and the supplies put away, he knelt again and simply watched Jethro and his mentor at work.

"Feeling better, now?"

"Yes... sir." Tony responded in a raspy tone at half his normal volume.

"What happened?"

"I... something hit me about that day...the day Kate died. I realize now what triggered my attack on the suspect in the hotel."

"Go on."

"It... it was the blood. Her blood... it sprayed on my face that day... I was standing there, my mouth open in shock... and a drop or two must have dripped... Anyway, at the hotel, it was my own blood I was tasting, but... it took me back to that roof. Thinking of how they would've hurt Ziva, how close I came to letting down another woman who trusted me to have her back... I just had no control anymore..."

His own tears flowing, Gibbs reached out and stroked Tony's cheek.

"Those things you were saying... you were talking to the bastard who took Kate..."

"Ever since it happened... my only wish has been to go back and change it... to make him mad enough to come after me instead. You have to believe me, if I could do it I would..."

Gibbs surged forward, tugging Tony into his arms and growling into the younger man's ear.

"You numbskull... I miss her too, but I would *never* use you as a trade-off. I'm not giving you up, damn it... you're *not* walking away from me!"

A.J rose and moved to Harm's side. At a touch on his arm the other rose and moved off with his mentor, leaving Tony and Jethro to their private moment. Once Harm had dressed they left water, blankets and pillows with the other pair and exited the room. In the hall, Harm slid his arms around A.J.'s waist and hugged him fiercely.

"He really got to you, didn't he?"

"Yes, sir. I'm in serious need of a few hours of peace. Sir?"

"Hmm?"

"Can you just hold me tonight? I mean... if you want..."

"It's alright. I could do with a long hot bath and some serenity. Let's go home."

THE HOUSE: SEVERAL HOURS LATER

Gibbs was the first one to wake this time, slowly drifting back up to full consciousness. Tony followed a few minutes later. Turning, he shifted from their spooned position to face the older man, who smiled and gazed at him with contentment and utter love. Tony pressed a brief kiss to his lips and returned the look. Gibbs pushed a hand through Tony's now lank hair and his expression turned regretful.

"I didn't know any other way. You understand that, right?"

"Of course I do. That day's been eating me up for a long time, boss. I had to let go of it. I'm stronger for being here tonight. Or I will be, once I get some more sleep..."

Nudging Tony onto his back, Gibbs raised himself on one elbow, gazing solemnly down at the other man.

"That day at the hotel, when you said you wanted a divorce... that had nothing to do with Ziva or the op did it?"

"No. That's the first memory I have out of those few minutes. I looked up and thought about losing you... failing you. I was so scared... I wanted to push you away to keep you safe."

"You didn't fail Kate. Nobody could have stopped what happened..."

"I know... part of me does, at least. I can't help it..." Tony confessed. "I mean, for all the fights and all the times we drove each other nuts, she still stayed with me when I was sick. She would've been there all the way to the end if they'd let her. And then in less than a second she's gone and so is my chance to give back what she gave me in that isolation unit..."

Before he responded, Gibbs leaned in and kissed away the fresh tears streaming down Tony's face.

"You gave it back to Ziva by making sure she got out of that room. You gave it back to me by showing me love was still possible. Hell, every life you save you return the favor, Tony. I think by now you and Kate are more than even."

"Maybe..."

"Positively."

Staring up into Gibbs' face, the blue eyes he adored suddenly became the center of Tony's world.

"God, Jethro... do you even know how much... I couldn't stand it if I lost you."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You will, though. You saw what happened earlier. I'm too damn messed up... you don't deserve to do this over and over."

Gibbs swiftly moved up onto his knees then straddled Tony's hips, gazing intently down at him.

"I want you, Tony... old and new damage included. I want you, I need you and I love you. What do I have to do to get that through your skull?"

"I don't know..."

"Let me show you. We've been dancing around it since we came here last time. Now I know why you were so gunshy..."

Tony reached up and ran one hand up and down Gibbs forearm.

"I'm trying to believe... I've just been B.A.S so many times... it's hard to let go and trust you or anyone."

"B.A.S?"

"Burned and spurned."

Gibbs smiled lightly and laid his hand over Tony's, stilling it.

"Remember the first two questions I asked you earlier?"

"Uh-huh."

"Answer them again."

"You're not stupid and you know your own mind."

"Say it one more time."

"You're not stupid... and you know your own mind."

"So when I say I want you... that looking at you or barely touching, the way we are right now, can make me harder than I've ever been..."

"... you mean it." Tony almost whispered, his expression clearly showing his surprise. "You're really willing to take on somebody like me?"

"You're not a project, Tony. You're my lover... and the person I've been waiting for most of my life."

Tony suddenly realized the hand over his was shaking.

"Boss..."

"Will you let me, Tony? Please... say you want me to touch you... to make love to you until we both pass out from exhaustion... please."

Tony shivered, smiled and nodded slowly.

"Just... you know I've never..."

"I know." Gibbs told him, squeezing Tony's hand as if his existence depended on never letting go.

"Are we... I mean, on the floor?"

"No... but we can make a good start here." The older man said, finally pulling his hand back so that he could strip off his shirt. As Gibbs reached for his belt, Tony's heartbeat raced with fear and anticipation, knowing what came next. Jethro saw it reflected in his eyes and hesitated.

"I don't have to right now. I can wait..."

"No. It... it's okay. I got up close and *really* personal last time, remember?"

"That was a long time ago. And you only think you've been "up close and personal" with my cock..."

The word surprised Tony and he swallowed hard, heat rising in his cheeks. Gibbs abandoned his efforts at his buckle and leaned forward instead, supporting himself on his hands and dropping his body close to, but not directly on, Tony's. "You like that, hmmm? You like when I talk a little dirty? It's a habit... usually I need it to really get me hard... but with you this close I don't need anything else. I won't do it if you don't want me to..."

Tony swallowed again and responded in a tiny voice.

"Say it again... please."

"What?"

"That word..."

"You mean... cock?" Gibbs replied, licking slowly across Tony's chin and jaw.

"God, yes..."

"You make my *cock* hard as steel, Tony... you make my control go haywire... at work, sometimes I just have to run for the men's room... and take my hard *cock* out... and fist it until I come... biting my cheek so I won't scream your name..."

"Jethro... what do I... God, what do you want me to do?"

"Whatever your body tells you... don't think about it, Tony... react..."

Tony closed his eyes and groaned deeply as Gibbs' licked down his neck and suckled gently on his collarbone. A few seconds later, the older man felt a hand sliding between their bodies and fumbling with his zipper. His instinct was to help, but he knew he'd just get in the way so he focused his energy on Tony's left nipple instead. When his hard flesh finally slid free, he breathed a sigh of relief over Tony's chest. "Do what you like, lover... whatever makes you feel good..."

"You feel so amazing, boss... hard, smooth and wet... that's for me, isn't it? Because of me..."

"Only you... stroke me, Tony... c'mon, love... that's it... yeah, start slow and loose..."

"You too... please, touch me..."

"Yeah... talk to me, Tony. Tell me what you need..."

"You... in my bed, in my body... I need you inside me... as deep as you can get..."

"What about your heart... and soul?"

"You're already there... been there forever... Jethro, faster... go faster... I'm so close..."

Gibbs let him go instead, also pulling away from Tony's grip, and the younger man cried out in anguish. The cry transformed into a shout of shock and sheer joy, however, when he was swallowed to the root a few seconds later. His release washed over him almost immediately and his lover blissfully drank every drop. A wicked grin curling his lips, Gibbs moved back up to kiss a panting Tony and found himself wrapped once again within the intense heat of his lover's palm. Sensing neither of them had the energy for further teasing, Tony brought him off quickly, savoring the warmth and musky scent of the fluid pouring over his hand and belly.

A short while later, they found their voices again and began talking softly.

"You know... this means you're stuck with me." Tony warned.

"Also stuck to you. Don't mind either one."

"Gibbs..."

"I know what it means. I don't see it that way and someday I'll get you to understand that.. to see how worthy and valuable you really are. In my eyes... you're a fire engine red Ferrari right off the showroom floor."

"Who's just run out of gas..."

"Sleep, then. In the morning we'll fuel up, head back to my place... and really put you through your paces."

"Couldn't ask for a better test driver."

"Damn right."

END.