I cannot believe I broke down in front of Booth. I am not sure if it was pity or just plain horror that I confessed to him. I never lose control of my emotions, this case has set my world upside down. I am grateful that it is a Friday, I have time to compartmentalize before Monday. Grabbing my suitcase and throwing some clothes in just for a few days. A few days away...

BONESBONESBONESBONES

A few hours drive and I am at a hotel in St. Michael, Maryland with a room overlooking the water. I am still cold the rain soaked confession from earlier has driven a chill down to my bones. I realize it is an irrational thought but I feel dead. My chest aches, I realize now that my actions prior to my trip have caused this rift. I draw a hot bath and shed my clothes. As I slip into the water, I let out a sob. Me keeping everyone at arms length and lack of people skills have damned me. If I had only explained better on the steps of the Hoover maybe I wouldn't be here trying to wall up my heart again. When I told him I didn't think I could change and be an open heart like him I didn't mean it as a no.

He wanted to take a gamble. Our friendship, our partnership our relationship is too important to gamble. We needed to be sure. I couldn't, no I did not want to lose what we had already. In the same breath he said he needed to move on. My sobbing has stopped as I sit here and it has turned to laughter...bitter laughter. A man who has done nothing but spout about how love is above all else and if you know someone is the one nothing can change it. He lied either to me or to himself because he seemed to forget me remarkably fast.

The tub is draining and I am wrapped in one of the hotels soft robes. I checked in under Kathy Reichs and paid cash just in case someone was looking for me. Silly pseudonym but I want to be left alone.

I pick up my cell phone, no missed calls or text messages. I dial Cam's number and she answers. I tell her I need off Monday and will be back in on Tuesday. She agrees, but I can hear the concern in her voice. I tell her I am fine but somehow I doubt she believes me. She reluctantly lets it go and wishes me a good weekend. I thank her and hand up.

I walk over to the balcony and lean against the cold balcony door. The window feels cold and hard against my skin, I cannot help but wonder if that is how people think of me. Over the past few months we have been back, Booth has been treating me like everyone else does. Cold fish. I am the exact opposite of Hannah, it is no wonder he is happy with her. She is smart and vibrant.

Exhaustion sets in and I lay across the bed crying myself to sleep.

BONESBONESBONESBONES

Morning I can feel the sun on my skin as I awaken. All the events of yesterday are still running through my mind. I order room service having no plans of leaving the room till I return to DC.

Drinking my tea while looking out over the water, I make a decision. I need to compartmentalize but only with Booth. I do not want to end up like Laura Emes. I need to live wide as I believe Angela would put it. Booth and I need to have a professional relationship. Realistically it should not be that difficult at this point. We no longer have our celebratory drink after cases. He never comes by to pick me up for a case. We never go to lunch anymore. The only time I see Booth is at a crime scene or if he needs to come to the lab to see evidence.

I sigh knowing this will hurt me and even more because I honestly no longer believe he would even notice the change. I will no longer go into the field with him. I will speak with Andrew and Sweets Tuesday, after I discuss it with Cam.

Tuesday is going to be...difficult. If I am to survive this heartache, I need to follow Booths example and adapt.