Awakened by someone banging on his door, Shinji disentangled himself from the silicone wires of the headphones he'd fallen asleep with over his ears. He rolled over and looked at the green glowing face of his clock. Two in the morning. The aluminum door was starting to bow at the bottom with the continuing attack.

"Go away, Hiyori! I told you you can't sleep with me until you grow some tits," he yelled.

Her next kick almost took the dented door off its hinges. "Get the fuck out here! I'm not going in there and you've got to shut those two the fuck up."

This wasn't going away, was it? "Shit, not again." Why couldn't Kensei and Mashiro go back to being happily uninvolved? For over a hundred years they'd been variously antagonistic and annoying to each other, and who knew what the hell had changed. The Winter War had changed a lot of things, but he doubted this was something any of them had expected.

Shinji got up and pulled on a flannel housecoat, not bothering to tie it and felt around the record-strewn floor for his wool-lined slippers with his feet. This was going to be the last time, or he'd fucking kick them out of the warehouse. No one would even care about their little thing to be honest, except that they were so damn loud.

He unlocked the door, and frowned down at Hiyori who was frowning up, "Where are they this time?" he asked.

"Bathroom. Next to the common room – right underneath my bedroom!" she shouted, scowling like a little demon. She was wearing a sports bra and a pair of loose red boxer shorts. Shinji couldn't help seeing the long scar that ringed her abdomen and it made him cringe. She wasn't exactly trying to hide it.

"Put some fucking clothes on," he said, and stalked past her down the dark hallway towards the curve of the spiral stairs leading below.

The closer Shinji got, the louder Mashiro's enthusiastic moaning got – she sounded like she was coming hard. He really didn't want to hear it, and wished he'd kept his headphones on. He passed Lisa, who was laying on the couch pretending to sleep, though he'd seen her pull her hand out of the waistband of her skirt.

"How the hell did I get stuck in this building full of perverts?" he said, wondering where everyone else was if they weren't coming to him bitching.

He recalled Love and Rose had gone out earlier, so they probably were still out playing pachinko - or dead drunk on a bench at the train station. Hachi had his room sealed from outside interference, since he was always working on dangerous kido, and it would take a bomb to get him to come out if he wasn't hungry. Shinji continued to mutter under his breath, trying not to trip over the old, smelly takeout cartons and pornographic magazines that lined the floor of the common room.

Last time an incident like this happened – scarcely a week ago - Kensei and Mashiro had been humping on the back stairwell while everyone else was trying to eat dinner, and before that Love caught them bouncing the shocks off the old Toyota Granvia in the garage. Best to get this over with quickly... and hope Kensei didn't pulp his face.

"Hey assholes, there are people trying to sleep in this place!" he yelled, banging on the door.

"Fuck off," Kensei called, and said something else muffled by the door. Mashiro laughed.

"I am not fucking jealous!" Shinji yelled back. "Isn't there a damn love hotel right down the block?"

He saw the door handle twist, and it creaked open. Kensei was glaring at him like he wished he'd catch on fire and die. Shinji got an eyeful of something else, too - Kensei's mostly-naked, heavily-muscled frame and Mashiro's legs wrapped around his hips. She sat forward from where she'd been leaning her elbows on the sink and waved at him. Her open shirt was still clinging to her shoulders and her chest and bosom were covered in love bites.

It was much more than he'd ever wanted to see of either of them.

"Fuck off, Shinji, or I will kill you." Kensei said, and slammed the door in his face.

Then he heard Mashiro say, "I love it when your eyes get all scrunchy like that. You're so sexy, Ken."

Shinji made a gesture like he was going to throw up, and then sighed and put up his hands. "To hell with it," he said as loudly as he could, "you two are going apartment hunting tomorrow!"

As he turned to go back upstairs, he almost tripped over Hiyori, who was holding her unsheathed zanpakuto. "Useless. I'll deal with them." she growled.

Exhausted and not particularly interested in getting injured, Shinji fled.