"So you don't remember anything…?" the dark-haired boy clarified, unknown feelings swimming in his gaze. He was skeptical, but he wasn't about to destroy the status quo. As it was, he was lucky enough that she was even able to stand next to him and smile the way she did.
"I was unconscious, wasn't I?" his companion lied through her teeth. Maki's memories of the timeframe were foggy, but she still remembered enough of some things to know that she wasn't dreaming. She tugged at the glimmering compact against her chest and fidgeted under her friend's intense stare. "But I know you guys somehow saved me, so I'm grateful… really!"
The boy with the distinct piercing finally looked away, his heart breaking unbeknownst to the girl before him. "It's okay, Maki. I… Just forget I said anything."
"Naoya-kun…" Her own heart twisted and constricted painfully in her chest, but despite it all, Sonomura Maki still forced a smile. It was better this way. "We're… still friends, right?"
"Of course!" he answered without a moment's hesitation, turning to face her fully. "Why wouldn't we be?"
Because friends don't lie to each other about forgetting their feelings and subsequent confessions.
"No reason. I just wanted to be sure," she answered innocently, clasping her hands behind her. "Let's get going before everyone starts wondering where we are."
Before she could scamper ahead of him, Naoya grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him in an awkward embrace. Maki scolded herself when she felt the familiar fluttering feeling in her stomach. Her arms had moved to return the gesture but quickly fell to her sides uselessly when she realized what she had been doing. She loved him more than life itself, but… there was no way he loved the real her.
The ideal Maki was her and yet she wasn't.
Everything the ideal Maki had done, the real Maki had been aware of. Everything the ideal Maki had seen, the real Maki had seen as well. Every thought the ideal Maki had, the real Maki had shared. The moment the ideal Maki fell in love with Toudou Naoya, the real Maki immediately followed suit. Their experiences were one and the same… yet not.
But had Naoya fallen in love with the ideal Maki or the real Maki?
Maki had wanted to ask him about his feelings but could never quite work up the nerve. How much would it hurt to be rejected in favor of another part of yourself? She didn't want to find out. So in the end, she lied to one of her best friends and pleaded ignorance. If she could convince the others that she wasn't aware of their entire journey, then maybe she could convince herself of that fact as well… So she sealed the deal with a smile and lied to him in the way only she could.
"I'm going overseas after this."
Maki gripped her award tightly and pressed herself to the cold, hard wall in hopes of hearing his reasoning. But Eriko never pushed the issue and just gave him a sullen "Good luck." Maki, on the other hand, was already crying. Why tell Eriko and not her? It was simple really.
Toudou Naoya wasn't in love with the real Maki.
She didn't care about being seen or heard anymore and clumsily stumbled away from the isolated part of campus. The graduation ceremony was already over, so no one would miss her. This… it was still rejection, pure and simple, but it hurt far more than she remembered. Maybe it would pass once she got her bearings… But once she was curled up on her bed, shivering and shaking with sobs, she realized that her feelings were still intact.
Her chest hurt the most it ever had, even when she had been sick, and she could only think loving things about Naoya-kun, which truly confused Maki. When Yosuke and Chisato started going out, her chest didn't hurt nearly as much… And she could only think of platonic things whenever she thought about Yosuke. Why was this occasion so much different?
She resolved to keep her feelings to herself, much as she had for the entirety of their senior year, and to send Naoya-kun off with a smile. But secretly, she would cry herself to sleep for several years to come.
"Maki, you…"
"Yes, Mom?"
"You cut your hair!" the older woman exclaimed, rushing to her daughter's side and tugging at the shortened locks. Maki winced and struggled out of her grasp. That definitely hadn't been the reaction she had expected.
"Yeah, I did," she responded matter-of-factly. For some reason, the words didn't have the desired effect, and her mother looked more disappointed than she ever had. "Don't you like it?"
"Truthfully, Maki, I preferred your hair as it was," her mother replied with downturned eyes. "Why would you just cut it…?"
"But… I'm kind of like you now," Maki defended weakly, hoping her mother would see the thoughtfulness in her gesture.
The atmosphere in their normally homely kitchen was now chilly, a sharp contrast to the summer air outside.
"Exactly," the older Sonomura despaired with glossy eyes. "That's just what I'm afraid of, dear."
In the time she had been working at Hiiragi Therapy, she had become acquainted with some of the most interesting people. The one trend that never failed to set a hard line in her lips was that most of them had been involved with personas. Troubled teenagers, guilty parents, recuperating friends… For some reason, they were all drawn to her. They were kindred spirits flocking to the one who had the most to atone for in the end.
One person in particular stood out from the rest.
Maki knew the moment she had walked into the building that she was a persona-user; the resonance never lied. But the broken smile and weary eyes told of much more than the usual case. She rescheduled all of her prior appointments and put this girl at top priority. She had more than the usual share of trauma.
"Just talk, Takeba-san," Maki urged the girl, allowing herself a small smile at the way she fumbled for words to describe persona phenomenon in a sane, work safe manner. Most usually gave up after the first five minutes and told it to her straight.
Takeba Yukari had grown up in an environment not unlike the one Maki herself had. No father, a mother who was never quite able to give the support they needed, a façade that hid their true feelings, and that special someone who was never going to come back… Maki couldn't help but be moved to tears by this girl's courage. Several sessions later, and Yukari wasn't quite over all of the misfortune she'd encountered in her life, but she was definitely on the road to recovery. Heartbreak was by far one of the worst ailments Maki had ever attempted to heal.
"Maki-san… thank you so much."
"That's what I'm here for," Maki soothed the younger girl as they hugged. This would most likely be the last time Yukari would be at the clinic for help.
"…It may not be my place to say this but…" Yukari pulled away with fiery eyes, renewed vigor and life ever present in her gaze. "You should go see him. It can't just end for you like it did for me."
While she watched the younger girl's retreating back, Maki wondered just how the teen had figured it out. She never told anyone about Naoya.
"I was glad… just to have you by my side," she mumbled into the biting, winter air. She kicked off from the ground, the swing flying increasingly higher with each kick. Her breath and the falling snow were the only things that kept her company in her otherwise static surroundings. "It was the only reality I needed."
"It was all just a dream," a voice called, breaking the evening's silence. "And when I woke up, no one was really there."
"There is nothing certain," Maki shot back bitterly, unwilling to face her companion in the usually lonely park. There was a short, breathy chuckle somewhere behind her, but she just flew higher and higher.
"That, I know is true in this place."
"What should I believe in to live on in this ever changing world?" she asked expectantly even though she knew he would dodge the question. It was silent for a moment before the voice continued on.
"You're drowning in sadness, calling out as…" his voice stumbled for a moment, as though forgetting how the rest of the line is supposed to go. She wanted to giggle, but the meaning was too deep to warrant such a thing.
"That's not true," Maki mumbled under breath. "I believed that it's because you are by my side that I could grow strong."
"You were afraid of sadness, crying as you called out to me that day." Steps crunching in the snow signaled that he was drawing closer to her, but she resolutely continued to swing, her thighs becoming frozen and numb.
"I realized that all of my weaknesses are because of you." Maki finally slowed the swing and looked up at the man now in front of her. He seemed to be scrutinizing her, but it didn't bother her in the least. Her hair just barely touched her shoulders just like in high school, but her trademark ribbon and compact were missing from the ensemble. "I didn't know you read that book, Naoya-kun. It doesn't seem like the type of thing you'd read."
"I picked it up since you seemed to like it so much," he admitted, running a hand through his dark, unruly hair. She smiled at his answer that could only be the truth. After all, Naoya could never lie.
"That's your only excuse for reading a severely depressing novel, huh?" Maki hopped off the swing and attempted to dust the cold off her legs in vain. "Then… did you like it?"
"Not at all," Naoya answered smilingly, his earring glinting from the nearest streetlight. "A paradise only accessible to those who have lost everything? Of course I wouldn't like it."
Part of Maki felt disconcerted at his answer. "How can you say something like that with a smile…?"
"Because you did it, too."
"What?"
"Because…" He pursed his lips—it was the way he always did when seriously considering his words. "You're such a liar, Maki. Always saying those things you never mean in that sweet way of yours…
"You didn't forget at all, did you?"
She tensed at his accusing tone.
"Well, why would you tell Elly about going away and not me?" Maki shot back with glossy eyes. Fighting fire with fire… It was a shame that the cold was her true element. The wind around them picked up, blowing the flurry of snow every which way, but neither of the two cared.
"You were the reason I left!"
"Wh-whaa—?" Whatever she thought she was going to respond with immediately died on her lips the moment he pulled her toward him and kissed her.
"How did you know I lied back then?" Maki asked him one lazy day, years later, lounging on their bed in their shared apartment. He looked up from his book and smiled enigmatically.
"Only you could lie to me so sweetly."
A/N: Oh man, I'm so sorry I fail! I wanted to write some MCxMaki fluff, but it somehow turned into this train wreck. Ugh, I'm so not satisfied with how this came out…
Also, am I like the only one who ships this…? Woah… (Posted this at the P1-3 kink meme too since it kinda went along with an unfilled prompt there.)