Disclaimer: I own nothing. Sadly.

Today was it. Today was finally going to be the day that Derek Morgan asked out the BAU's own resident genius with more PHDs than he cared to count. He was going to ask out the shy and yet somehow never shuts up Spencer Reid.

And Reid would say yes, Derek just knew he would. After all, his plan was absolute perfection, purely brilliant, flawless, foolproof; his net was so precisely prepared that even a man with an absurdly high IQ would never be able to wiggle out of it. It would succeed, Derek just knew it. It had to.

Slowly, as to appeared completely unrushed and thus perfectly at ease and natural, Derek made his way through the bullpen, a smile painted across his face. In his hand was something so perfect (perfection was a trend today you see) that the youngest profiler had absolutely no choice but to fall head over heels in love. It was the first step of his plan, Reid's very own Kryptonite: a cup of sugar with a splash of coffee.

Derek could just imagine how the scene would play out. Reid would come stumbling into the office with his groggy, completely adorable doe eyes half lidded, brown hair all tussled in that innocently sexy, I-just-rolled-out-of-bed manner. Reid would be distraught when he learned that the coffee maker had mysteriously vanished, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes at the prospect of a full day without his precious liquid life force. And then, just before Reid could break down in defeat, Derek would swoop in, steamy hot beverage in hand, ready to save the day. Then, once Reid was overcome with absolute –

What. Was. That?

There, in Reid's hands? Pray tell, what was that?

There Reid was walking into the room, two carriers in hand filled with several Starbucks beverages, the male happy as a fucking cloud. Derek's lips thinned as he pressed them together with irritation. What was the meaning of Reid's convenient sudden abundance of coffee after the coffee maker had conveniently disappeared?

"Morning Pretty Boy," Derek drew as he approached the other, trying to maintain some semblance of normality, as if his hopes and dreams and dinner plans hadn't been dashed in one foul swirl of whipped cream. How was he supposed to compete with whipped cream, exactly? "Don't you think that that's a bit heavy on the coffee, even for you?" Unlike the cup in Derek's hand which would have been the perfect amount he would like to point out.

But Reid just smiled, a gesture that would have melted Derek's heart on any other day if Derek hadn't been presently sulking, and replied, "JJ called me and said that the coffee maker disappeared or something. So I thought I'd bring everyone coffee." Reid's gaze flickered down to the cup in Derek's hand. "I see you already have some though… Maybe Garcia can give the extra one to Kevin."

With a seemingly indifferent shrug, Reid floated past Derek to hand out the coffees, leaving Derek to drown himself in the sickenly sweet coffee clasped in his own hands.

Strike one.

Instead of taking the whole coffee debacle as a cosmic sign that he and Reid simply weren't meant to be, Derek was even more determined. He was a man on a mission. Like James Bond with the fate of the free world resting on his shoulders or something. He would not be defeated. Reid was going to go out with him and they were going to have an absolutely perfect time and Derek was going to get his chance to hold Reid's hand and damn it, Derek was finally going to know what it felt like to kiss Spencer Reid! This was just how it was going to be and there was nothing that was going to stand in his way.

… Now he just needed to let Reid know. Now he needed a new plan since his previous one had been foiled by JJ's selfish need for coffee. And well, considering that their dinner reservations were at seven, Derek knew that he needed said plan fast. Naturally this plan wouldn't be as perfect as his previous, but Derek had always been good at thinking on his feet. It was one of the many qualities that made him such a good profiler.

Maybe… maybe he should just talk to Reid.

Yeah, talk. After all, he was able to smooth talk any woman he had ever met.

So yeah, why hadn't he thought of it before? Talking. So simple. So basic. So, dare he say it, brilliant.

With that, Derek promptly moved towards Reid's desk, taking a seat in an empty chair in the vacant desk next to the other. Reid glanced up from his paperwork, tilting his head ever so faintly. "Do you need something, Morgan?" he inquired when Derek didn't say anything right away.

"Uh, yeah," Derek mumbled but trailed off because honestly, his mind was suddenly blank. What was he supposed to say again? What could he say when those gorgeous dark eyes were watching him as if he were the only thing in the world? When Reid licked his lips a moment later? God Derek wished that Reid would lick something else.

Oh god, think Derek, think… He looked like a loon just sitting there staring. He had to come up with something quick.

"There's two hundred and six bones in the human body. Would you like another one?"

Derek blinked. And then blinked again. Did he really just say that? Did he really just fucking say that? Did he really just use a pickup line on Reid? … Derek really wished that he could curl up under some rock and promptly die.

Reid paused, tilting his head once more. Derek could practically see the cogs in that kid's head turning. Probably thinking about the best way to tell him off.

"There are," Reid finally stated absentmindedly.

"What?"

"There are. You said there is but the correct structure is 'there are.' Another thing, the word 'and' in a numerical sequence signifies a decimal point. So when you say that there are two hundred and six bones, you are saying that there are two hundred point six bones in the human body. Regardless of such, why would I possibly want another one? The medical complications—"

"Reid," Derek interjected. "Uh… did you not understand..?"

"Understand what? Why you would suggest I get another bone implanted within my body? No, I can't say that I did."

And before Reid could enter full on lecture mode, Derek excused himself, both extremely glad that the reference had gone right over Reid's head and terribly annoyed that he was back to square one.

Strike two.

He was desperate and desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Baby girl," he announced as he burst into the office of the All Knowing Oracle. "I need a miracle."

Garcia peered upwards, arching a brow. "You're in luck; I happen to keep those in spades my tall, dark dream boat."

An hour later and Derek was pacing, still in Garcia's office. He chewed at his bottom lip in a very unDerekish manner. Finally, Derek cried out, "What's taking so long?"

"Sugar," Garcia said calmly though Derek could tell that she was reaching the end of her patients with him, "miracles take time. While I am practically drooling over the thought of my sexy chocolate Musketeer sweeping my boy genius off his feet and into the bedroom to perform any number of lewd acts—"

"I have to get him to dinner first." Not that Derek would be opposed to said lewd acts.

"—you must understand that it takes even the most talented jazz musician slash flower currier more than half an hour to get through traffic at this time of day. Calm down. I am sure that he is almost here. Ah! See?" And Garcia promptly pointed Derek's attention towards one of her many computer screens. "Look, he's passing through security now. He'll be up in a minute to help you dazzle our boy."

Derek grinned. "Baby girl, I don't know what I'd do without you." And with that, he moved towards the exit of the lair though he did pause in the doorway. "You don't think that this is too over the top, do you?" he asked, aware of just how nervous and unsure he was coming off right now. But he just… wanted Reid to say yes. More than anything, he wanted to be with Reid. This wasn't just some random chick that he wanted to bed and then never see again. This was Spencer.

He chanced a glance back towards Garcia who just smiled at him. "I'm sure that this is just the right amount."

Derek was reassured for all of a moment. This was Garcia after all; Garcia who went over the top in all aspects of life. Derek inwardly winced. Maybe… maybe this would be too much. Then again, there really was no turning back; the guy would already be on his way up. Past the point of no return.

With a helpful nudge from Garcia, Derek made his way out into the bullpen just as the jazz playing delivery boy stepped off the elevator. Only one problem… said jazz playing delivery boy seemed to be lacking in a jazz playing instrument of any kind which, in Derek's humble opinion, was crucial to playing jazz. Derek quickly ushered the delivery boy into the next room before anyone could catch sight of him, narrowing his eyes at the kid.

"Well?" he growled. "I thought your ad said that you played the saxophone?"

"Uh, I do… but see the security downstairs wouldn't let me bring my sax up. Something about it being a possible weapon that could be used to bludgeon someone with…"

Of course. Great, just flippin' great.

Then again… this might actually be a good thing. Hadn't he been worried just moments before that this might be a little too over the top anyways? So really, no live music was a good thing.

"And the roses?" Derek questioned, arching a brow.

"Er, right here and ah, here's the card. 'Would you go out with me? Signed, Derek,'" the boy promptly read from the small folded piece of paper that accompanied the bouquet.

Derek grinned. "Perfect." With that he led the delivery boy towards the door, pointing out into the bullpen where Reid stood discussing a case with Hotch. "See that guy right there?" he asked, indicating to Reid. "Wait for the other guy to leave and then go give him the flowers, alright?"

The kid nodded in response and once Derek really was convinced, he made his way out and over to his own desk to get a front row seat. He couldn't wait to see the look of delight spread across the other's face. Maybe Reid's eyes would even light up like they did when he was really passionate about something… God Derek couldn't wait. Now if only Hotch would shut his mouth and walk away, life would be perfect.

Instead, the unthinkable happened. Reid walked away from Hotch, case files delicately tucked under his arm. That in itself would not be a problem it it weren't for the fact that the delivery boy made a beeline, roses clutched in hand, right passed Reid. Right past Reid and right towards Hotch. That's right, Hotch.

Derek's eyes widened in horror as the moron planted the flowers in Hotch's hands, smiling at the seemingly oblivious section chief. "You've got one hell of a boyfriend," the male announced almost wistfully before promptly offering Hotch a wink.

"Excuse me?" But Hotch didn't wait for a response, instead already digging out the card that was attached.

Oh no.

Derek sunk lower in his seat, knowing that he would never make past Hotch, not now. He didn't stand a chance.

Oh and that was most certainly not amusement on Hotch's face as the other's gaze came to settle on Derek. "My office. Now," he ordered lethally. And as Derek rose from his seat and moved to comply, he got the distinct impression that this must be what pirates felt like as they walked to the gallows. A sense of humor, Hotch did not have. And Derek didn't even begin to know how to explain that the flowers had been for Reid. Somehow, he knew that that excuse wouldn't be looked upon too kindly either. A sound thrashing was certainly in his near future, only further confirmed when Rossi exclaimed, "Nice flowers Hotch," as he passed.

Strike three.

After having to endure that lecture and the knowledge that Hotch was going to keep him buried in paperwork for the rest of his life, Derek was damn well going to have something to show for it. For this, Reid was damn well going to marry him.

Derek ground his teeth, gaze moving from his current task at hand towards the slim male, the completely oblivious object of his affections. Why was this so hard? He had tried coffee and flowers and, unfortunately, pick up lines, and still no luck. What was it going to take? He only had twenty minutes to secure the date! Twenty minutes before Reid would stroll off, still completely unaware of how Derek felt about him.

Twenty minutes was not enough time to come up with a proper plan. He needed more time!

Derek groaned, burying his face in his hands in exasperation. What was he supposed to do? Nothing had turned out right.

And then, as if his day couldn't get any worse, Derek heard JJ say, "Reid, do you want to grab some dinner with me and Will?" She was stealing Derek's date again! As if the coffee hadn't been enough!

"Sorry JJ, I already have plans. Another time?" Reid replied with the proper apologetic tone. JJ nodded and agreed and Derek slipped further into his depression. So, he never stood a chance anyways. Reid was probably going to go meet his girlfriend or something… After all, why wouldn't Reid have a girlfriend? He was attractive, smart, perfect… It made sense.

Derek slummed in his chair, arms crossed against his chest. He allowed his eyes to follow Reid who stood a moment later, adjusting his messenger bag on his shoulder before he too glanced up at Derek. To Derek's surprise, Reid pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes ever so slightly.

"Well?" Reid drew.

"Well what, kid?" Derek asked tonelessly, too tired to even wonder. He was positively exhausted from karma's constant string of rejection.

"Well aren't you coming?" When Derek merely gave Reid a puzzled look, Spencer promptly rolled his eyes. "You've been trying to ask me out all day. So are you coming?"

Derek's promptly closed his mouth as he became all too aware of the fact that his mouth was very much hanging open. "You… you knew?" he sputtered.

Reid rolled his eyes. "Derek, I doubt there is anyone who could miss that. So where are you taking me?"

"I… um, this café on first street…"

"Sounds good." With that, Reid turned and started towards the elevator. He did, however, pause for a moment before adding, "And Morgan? Put the coffee maker back."

Grinning, Derek grabbed his coat and hurried after the other male. Reid never ceased to amaze him.