Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.

Summary: Two years ago, in the car crash, Lissa died. But not before she managed to heal Rose, making her shadow-kissed. She was left to navigate the school herself, but with her best friend gone, she drew herself back from everything that had once held her interest; her friends and the parties, but most of all, the fun. She didn't runaway. She stayed and she grieved the loss of her unknowing bondmate.

I don't really know how I came up with this idea. I just did - maybe it came because I never liked Lissa? Haha, I don't know. And no offense to any Lissa-lovers, but I found her kinda boring. So I - or my mind rather - came up with an idea that pulled her out of the story, and pulled Rose out of constantly being sucked into her head.

This is an alternative version of Vampire Academy (book #1). It's a story about dealing with loss and just trying to find that little peace in the everyday life.

I hope you'll like it!

Chapter 1

Two years exactly had passed by since the worst day of my life, since the day my family died, and since I had died.

Okay, so the Dragomirs hadn't been my family... but they were as good as, since I never knew my own family, my own bloodline. My mother was Janine Hathaway, one of the fiercest and most renowned guardians out there. She'd left me to be raised by the Academy when I was little. My father, on the other hand... I didn't even know his name.

And ever since Lissa... I couldn't bear to face the facts yet, even after two years. She was gone and she wasn't coming back.

I'd been the only survivor in the crash.

Before that day, Lissa and I had been best friends – still were, since a part of me would always belong to her. She was a kindred spirit, even if she was the exact opposite of me in every way possible. Looks, personality, you name it. She'd always been the gentle, reasonable one; I'd been reckless and taking stupid risks, not caring about the consequences.

Ever since that day though... that reckless, attention-seeking person in me had disappeared. That part of me died with her. I'd been a total social butterfly back then, and now I was rarely even spoken to. I was the campus ghost.

I was sitting in one of the pews in the school's chapel, alone to myself, thinking about Lissa and the crazy things we used to do; about the person I used to be. The chapel was empty apart from the priest, Andrew, but he was used to me by now, so he didn't bother me much. He knew why I was here, especially today, as did all the others at school. For a reckless person I'd become pretty predictable.

But then the doors of the chapel opened, and I felt a cool breeze wave into the chamber, brushing past me. I pulled my cardigan tighter around me, as I turned to watch the newcomer. No one usually came here on weekdays – Sundays was more than enough for most of the people here. I, on the other hand, came every day for a little while. It was the only place I felt some kind of resemblance to peace.

It was a male dhampir, I noticed, who'd entered. He was pretty tall, and very well-built, clad in a long, brown coat – a duster, I think they were called. A guardian, no doubt. His brown hair was tied into a ponytail at the back of his neck, and judging by his profile, this guy could probably be very sweet and menacing at the same time.

He scanned the room as he entered – just like a guardian should – and his eyes fell on me, the only one in sight, since the priest had gone into his room just a moment ago. Surprise flickered briefly in his dark eyes, but he quickly composed himself and put on the standard guardian mask, as he went to sit down at the other side of the room. He sat a few rows ahead of me, giving me a perfect view to study him further, if I'd wanted to.

But I didn't. I wasn't interested in other people – not anymore at least. I was pretty content with just hanging out with myself and the priest, whenever he felt like talking to me. He was kind of my only friend now, I realized. It was pretty pathetic, I knew that as well, but when life gives you lemons...

I sometimes thought about running away from this place, and just leave everything behind. Note that everything in reality meant nothing. The only one I would be leaving behind was the priest, and... well, that wasn't much to leave behind, was it? He was just some priest. I could always find another one.

The only thing that really kept me going anymore were the routines I'd started with after the accident, things that kept me focusing on nothing and everything at the same time: Running and going to church. I found peace in those activities, though that peace didn't last very long. Like everything else that was also a fleeting thing.

As I looked down on my watch to check what time it was, I noticed small, dark dots on my navy cardigan. Water. Tears. I hadn't even realized I was crying... again. Hastily I swept the tears away with my sleeve, and as I did it, I noticed that the guardian was watching me; I thought I saw concern in his eyes.

That was when I heard it - a strange noise, a deep, throat-like noise - and I quickly realized it was coming from me. I was sobbing, and I wasn't exactly quiet. The guardian had even heard me, that's why he had turned towards me.

I felt a little embarrassed, because when I looked at him again, I realized I'd never seen him around before. He was new to the school, and he probably didn't know anything about me and why I was upset. He didn't know about Lissa, and he didn't know that I'd watched her and her family die exactly two yars ago from today. If he had, he wouldn't have bothered. No one else did anymore. Everyone else had grieved and moved on already; I hadn't.

I couldn't.

They'd been my family, my life. I was even supposed to become Lissa's guardian after graduation, on request by her family and herself. Graduation was now something I dreaded.

I got up from my seat, not being able to take anymore today, and decided to just skip dinner and head back to my room. Hopefully I'd be getting some sleep tonight, but I doubted it.

So... this was kind of a little introduction to the story.

What do you think? Did you like it? Have I still got the touch (haven't written fanfiction in God knows how long)?

Thanks for reading anyway, and I hope you'll review as well! I swear it just takes a second, and it'd definitely brighten up my day. :3