Bones: Guide and Owner's Manual

Congratulations!

You are now the owner of a fully automated Bones Unit. To ensure that you get the full use and benefits of your handsome captain, please pay close attention to the following instructions.

Basic Information:

Name: Leonard H. "Bones" McCoy

Date Of Manufacture: Year of 2227

Place Of Manufacture: Starfleet, Mississippi

Height: Around 6'1"

Weight: Unknown

Race: Human

Your Bones Unit will come with the following accessories

Three CMO uniforms

Two pairs of boots

1 Tricorder

1 communicator

Unlimited amount of Hypos

When you first open your Bones Unit, he may be grumpy and drunk. Show him your home, give him a couch and he sober up.

Cleaning: The Bones Unit is fully capable of cleaning himself…do NOT try to help.

Programming:

Your bones Unit is mature and loyal, and can carry out the following functions:

Doctor: Whether it's the chicken pocks or a deadly unknown disease your Bones will have you up and running around in no time.

Drinking Buddy: As he is newly divorced Bones has a strong need for liquor. Having a bad day? Grab him, head to the nearest bar and drink away.

Partner in crime: He's smart, loyal and mushy. If you want to sneak aboard a ship or get out of an important meeting Bones have the exact thing needed to help you

Your Bones unit comes with five different modes:

CMO

Drunk

Grumpy

Conscience

Friendly

The friendly mode is only activated whenever a Jim is around (sometimes) or if he wants something REALLY bad or he is on something.

CMO is activated when of the crew is injured.

The Drunken mode is activated when Bones had a lot to drink. He will be extra grumpy, ramble, stare in space and pass out.

The Grumpy mode is a default feature. It NEVER changes.

The Conscience mode is activated when in charge of a ship, when others are stuck in a sticky situation and when other units are missing, his friends or family members are hurt, scared and endanger. This mode can be activated anytime and anywhere.

Reaction to other units:

Spock: This unit is a co-worker and fellow friend to the Spock Unit. The Spock Unit often becomes unemotional and detached and thinks and act using logic angering the Bones unit. I won't leave them alone.

Spock Prime: These units have no contact.

James Tiberius Kirk: This unit is the best friends to the Bones unit. Jim will often scare him with his antics that they are great together.

Nyota Uhura: During testing they seem to get along fine but I won't call them friends.

Montgomery "Scotty" Scott: This unit is a friend and a good drinking buddy to the Bones.

Hikaru Sulu: These units are friends.

Pavel Chekov: No harm in leaving them alone.

Christopher Pike: This is a unit that the Bones respects and admires. No harm leaving them alone.

Gaila: These units also got along during testing but not exaclty friends.

Joanna: These units have little contact but get along great.

Jocelyn: Bones ex wife. Enough said.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: My Bones unit keeps drinking and passing out everywhere? How can I help him before he drinks himself to death?

A: Cut off most of his money and give him a Starfleet pamphlet.

Q: My Bones and Jim Units aren't talking anymore and now Jim is sleeping somewhere else. What can I do?

A: Lure them to a bar and buy a ton of liquor. Tomorrow you'll get up and you'll find them passed out on the couch together. Problem solved.

Q: My aunt bought me a Joanna and Jocelyn units. I love seeing Bones and his daughter together but the ex is ruining everything. How can I get rid of her with out upsetting Jocelyn?

A: Introduce a Christine Chapel into the group. Soon little Joanna will grow to love her and Jocelyn will be pushed into a corner. When no one is paying attention, lock her in a box and ship her back.

Q: My Bones, Jim, and Scotty have come back from saving earth and are drinking constantly. How do I make them stop?

A: They just saved the WORLD. Give them a break.

Warranty: With proper care, the Bones Unit will grow old and eventually die, unless a Space battle, bar fight or old age kills him. However, if you get annoyed with the grumpy doctor, you can always send him back to our company for a full refund (within 12 months of purchase).