She backs away from him, looking into his eyes as she removes her hand from his. She shakes her head and bites down hard on her lip. She shakes her hands out beside her, trying to rid them of their trembles; but it doesn't work. Her heart is pounding in her chest, and her stomach is in knots, anger rising in her throat.

She's being pulled in two different directions and she can't figure out which one to go with; which decision to make. On one hand, she can stay the night with Castle and let go of the desires she'd been feeling for years, finally allowing herself to be with him. Or, she can resist that urge and go home; closing the lid on the only relationship that she ever truly wanted, and letting go of everything her heart pines for.

For Kate, this isn't just a one night stand. If it happens, then it needs to keep happening; it needs to be real. It needs to be the both of them, in it together or not in it at all. She isn't looking for someone to "share the night" with; she's looking for someone to share everything with. Not just her body, but her heart.

"Kate-"

"I can't, Castle." She says. "I don't think you understand what is going on here."

Her voice is shrill, and he can tell that she's nearing the end of her rope. He'd been wondering when the real Beckett; the assertive and rule-loving Beckett would show herself. It was only a matter of time.

"You are leaving the country for a year, in just a few hours. Hours, Castle." Her brow is knit together in frustration, and she speaks to him slowly, the way you would when trying to get a toddler to understand addition.

"Yes, Beckett; I'm aware of that." Now he's losing his patience as well. "But we've been spending all this time discussing when we should be doing something, anything!"

"You think I don't want to?" she asks, throwing her arms up. Then he cuts her off.

"I'm not leaving forever, Kate. I'm coming back." His words are stern and thick, he says them with force as if to make a point that she doesn't have to doubt him. He won't break this promise.

She shakes her head in disbelief. "Time doesn't stand still for you, Rick. Once you leave, I stay here. I go back to the precinct, I go back to solving crimes, and I go back to my life; and that's already hard enough. What happened tonight, that's going to have to stay with me; I have to live with that-"

"And you think I don't?"

"I know that it won't be easy for you and I'm not questioning that; what I'm saying is that you'll be far away from here; you won't have it staring you in the face every day."

He closes his eyes and runs his hands over his neck in defeat. He understands where she's coming from, and he feels her frustration radiating from her defensive stance. He knows how hard it is to be so close to having something, but getting it yanked away at the last second. He wants more than anything to be able to give her that happy ending; give himself to her entirely. He wants to, but he can't. His position is compromising, and the looming presence of his departure gives them no advantage.

He doesn't know how to act.

She doesn't know how to feel.

He's about to open his mouth to speak when she holds up her hands, stopping him from talking. She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly, tilting her head to the side and closing her eyes momentarily.

"Castle, I didn't come here to fight with you." She begins. "I came here because I needed to see you, and I needed to say goodbye."

"I don't want to say goodbye." He proclaims. She shakes her head and smiles a sad smile. She takes a step closer to him, and places a hand on his neck, smoothing down the stray hairs lingering there. She watches his face, taking in its features, taking in each wrinkle, line, and crease. She absorbs as much of him as she can, as she trails a finger over his lips. Then she meets his eyes.

"I'll be here." He whispers, placing a hand on her chest, on her heart. "Don't forget about me." A tiny smile escapes her mouth after his last words are spoken, as she looks down towards her feet. He tilts her head up, and his expression says it all.

Suddenly, she knows what he's saying to her; what he wants. He's telling her that he will go, and she accepts it. But He's also telling her that no matter where he goes, no matter where the wind blows him, she has him. She has every part of him wrapped around a finger, and the only request he has is for her not to give up on him just yet. To trust in him and believe him when he tells her that his heart is with her; that he'll be back for her.

She doesn't speak, and she doesn't need to, because he understands, he knows what she's thinking. He always has. Every feeling, every thought, every doubt she has ever had has never been a secret; he always knew. By the way she would smile, or the way she would twirl the watch around her wrist, he could tell what was happening within her. He could sense every one of her senses, and feel every one of her feelings as if they were his own.

Kate Beckett and Richard Castle, Richard Castle and Kate Beckett; two people cut from the same cloth, woven from the same thread. She looks at him now and she knows that he understands, and she knows that he feels the same. He will go to Rome. He will do his work. He will have the time of his life. But he will not forget her. He will remain hers, and he will stay as in love with her as he is in this moment. Words need not be spoken, but she can tell by the look on his face that this is a promise he will keep.

She doesn't feel unsure.

She doesn't even feel scared.

The only thing she feels is certainty and faith in the man standing in front of her, because it's about the way he looks at her. The way he gets giddy when he's tired. That little smile that pulls at his lips that he so desperately tries to hide every time she shuts him up. It's all those little things that she has packed safely in her memory for rainy days. The things that she pays no attention to because she's gotten so used to seeing them every day; it's all the little things that he does without knowing he does them that changed her.

That made her love him.

And he's the first one.


I know that I made you wait a million years, and I'm sorry!

This chapter was tough to write; hellooooooooooooooooooooo writers block.

I hope this story was satisfactory enough, and I'm so grateful of all of your kind reviews and opinions.

STAY TUNED; there may be a part 2 of this story.

Love & Blessings

O