I felt a scene was missing from ep 3x13 and decided to write it. It's a one shot obviously. If you want more. Watch the ep ;-)
BIG SPOILERS for ep 3x13 Knockdown. Some for ep 1x05 A Chill goes through her Veins and 2x13 Sucker Punch and a few (minor) references to 'significant' others.
Disclaimer: Castle is mine! *wakes up* shoot... another dream... so... uh... not mine... :)
She can hear her phone ringing, but she doesn't let it distract her from what she's doing. Pulling herself up one last time on the bar she had installed just for that purpose, Beckett lets go and heads for the couch, grabbing the phone as she passes the table. Leaning back, pulling one leg up on the recliner, the other one straight, she answers the phone.
"Beckett."
"Detective Beckett."
"Yeah."
"This is John Raglan."
The name alone is enough to make her sit up slowly.
"I was the lead investigator on your mother's homicide twelve years ago."
Thoughts swirl through her head, flashes from twelve years ago. The detective had been standing at their door, waiting for her father and her to get home, an intense gravity radiating from his face. She would never forget that image. Nor would she forget how she knew something was very wrong the moment she saw him. The fact that her mother hadn't shown up at the restaurant had only intensified that feeling.
"I remember you, detective Raglan."
"Listen I... We need to talk... about your mother's case. There's something you don't know. There's a coffee shop at Fourth and Main. Meet me there in an hour. Just you. No cops."
She hears a click and then the line goes silent.
Beckett, visibly shaken, slowly closes her phone, not quite sure what to think of this phone call.
Curious as to what it is he has to say, she doesn't really want to open up those wounds again. They are fresh enough as it is. But already knowing she would always wonder what he wanted to tell her should she not go, she decides to go anyway. She doesn't think she can handle going alone though.
Her first thought is Castle, but she quickly dismisses him, just because she doesn't like the fact that he's the first one that came to mind.
Then, a quick thought of Josh runs through her mind, but he doesn't know anything about her mother's case. Besides, he's in Africa, saving the world.
When he should be here, saving me. Wow. Where did *that* come from?
Putting that thought aside, she considers Lanie. She's not really a cop and she does know about the case. But somehow, Beckett doesn't want to put her in danger if things go sour, like last time.
Last time.
A flash of Coonan holding Castle hostage shoots through her brain. Her, shooting her mother's killer, then trying to resuscitate him, to no avail. She had thought the last chance of solving the case had died with him.
Then she remembers the hand on her shoulder. The comfort it gave her, just to be touched by him. She could feel his anguish for her. His anger at Coonan for making her shoot him. His anger at himself for letting himself be captured. It soothed her that he would feel that way.
Ok. So maybe Castle was not such a bad idea after all. He's not a cop and he knows the case. But she's not sure she's ready to let him in all the way. It would mean trusting him implicitly with her most intimate thoughts, sharing all the hurt that has been building up since that fateful day twelve years ago.
And then she realizes he's already been there for her all this time: first through his books, giving her a way to escape the pain, helping her cope. And these past three years in person, slowly breaking down her walls, being there whenever she needed someone to lean on, someone to back her up, someone she could trust.
There had been tough times, but he always came back. And if she was honest, the last time he left, it was because he thought she was seeing Demming. She never told him she broke up with him.
Trusting her instinct, she gets up and changes into warmer clothes before heading out to go see Raglan. But first she needs to do something else.
She rings the bell twice. It doesn't take long before Castle opens the door, holding his iPad. She looks at him, but if she sees him, it doesn't register on her face.
"Beckett," he says happily surprised.
"Hey," she manages, trying hard to keep her face neutral. It comes across as a blank stare.
Having doubts again, she averts her eyes to stare at the floor. If she continues on this path, things will change. She's not convinced that's what she wants.
"Come on in," Castle gestures, curious as to the reason of her visit and vaguely sensing that something is wrong.
When she doesn't move, Castle looks at her questioningly.
Realizing she has to do something, Beckett makes a decision.
"Can we talk for a second?" She now looks him in the eyes, pleading for him to understand this is important. She can't handle jokes right now.
Castle is instantly worried. He doesn't answer right away, taken aback by the seriousness that shines in her eyes.
"Sure," he manages after a beat. He gestures again.
This time she follows him in.
Castle moves to offer her a drink but reconsiders. He can tell she's not here to socialize. She needs to get something off her chest.
"Sit down, please," he offers, putting the iPad on the table, whatever he was doing on it long gone from his mind.
She sits down on his sofa and he picks a chair across from her.
Letting her choose the pace, he keeps quiet, sensing she needs to collect her thoughts, knowing she will tell him what's wrong when she's ready.
It takes a moment, but then she looks up and starts: "I got a call just now. From detective Raglan."
"The detective who handled your mother's case." A statement, not a question. Castle is as familiar with the case as she is. Somehow this gives her the courage to go on.
"He wants to meet me in twenty minutes. He claims to have information about my mother's case. Information I don't have. He told me to come alone. He didn't want any cops there."
"You think he knows who hired Coonan to kill your mother?"
"I don't know. I just know if I don't go, I'll always wonder. So I have to go."
She is silent again. She bites her lower lip. This is it. The defining moment.
Castle looks expectantly at her, but he doesn't speak.
She decides he deserves her trust. He has proven himself over and over again. And he doesn't seem to be going anywhere. Looking back up into his eyes she silently pleads him not to let her down.
"But I don't want to go alone." Barely a whisper, but Castle is so tuned into her at this moment, he would have heard her had she only mouthed it.
Reaching for her hand he holds it in his own. "You don't have to. I'll come with you." His eyes tell her he means it. He's going to be there for her. Always.
"I'm not sure I can handle opening this case again, Castle. But you helped me find my mom's killer and I told you I liked you around when I found out who hired Coonan. So here we are. I need you to be my back up. To help me face this."
She holds her breath for a moment, before she releases the final plea. The one that lets him see her most vulnerable side. The side she has never shown anyone until now. Not even to Josh. There is no going back after this one. She is no longer sure she wants to go back.
"To keep me sane."
Her eyes are holding his, pouring all her trust into him via the unseen link that connects them.
He accepts her silent plea and, hoping his eyes convey his sincerity, in his most serious voice, he says: "You can trust me, Kate."
Realizing he is still holding her hand, she looks at it, then back up, leaving her hand where it is. She smiles at him. While she already trusted him up to a certain point, she had never before fully believed he wouldn't make fun of her and thus betray that trust if she let him in completely. Believing it now makes her feel strong. She no longer feels alone.
"Thanks, Castle. I mean it."
He smiles back. Sensing the serious moment is over, he decides to lighten the mood a bit. Letting go of her hand, he says: "So, do I need to change for this meeting?"
Appreciating he isn't making a big deal out of it, she replies: "No. It's just a casual meeting in a coffee shop."
"What do you need me to do?"
She thinks for a moment.
"Just listen and watch. I might need a witness. Other than that... just having you there is enough."
She notices how easy it is to say something like that now she has given him an all-access pass to her emotions.
All Castle can do is smile. He is happy to be there for her. Happy she finally let him in. Anything she needs, he will do.
"Ok, let's go." Beckett gets up from the sofa and heads for the door, waiting there for Castle, who is gathering his coat. The mood is all serious again, as both are preparing for whatever Raglan wants to share.
"Still sure you want to come?" Beckett asks as he catches up with her at the door.
With an intense determination on his face she has never seen before, he answers: "Consider me your shadow. I go where you go."