Stranger Than Reality

Disclaimer: I do not own any aspect of the Persona series.

Wounds

Stabbed: 6

Burned: 3

Electrocuted: 7

Had wind blown onto her face: 9

Knocked down: 3

Shot at: 5

Feared: 2

Charmed: 1

With today's records firmly in mind, Chie summoned Tomoe Gozen and launched a bufu. It missed. Of course. She looked despairingly at Yukiko, then felt the painful sensation of burning before everything turned black.

...And then she was up again.

Burned: 4

Killed: 1

"Are you alright?" Yukiko said, snapping her fan shut.

Chie took Yukiko's offered hands and helped herself up. She did a series of movements to warm up her limbs, then nodded at her friend. "Thanks. And yeah, I'm fine. I'm-" Then the realization hit her. Like all life changing insight, it hit her with the force of a high velocity brick and the persistence of an octopus's suction cups. Chie stared into Yukiko's eyes – stared deep into her soul, held her hand tenderly and said: "I'm burning all of my kung-fu DVDs."

Yukiko's fan fell from her suddenly slack grip. "What. All? Even. Even Jackie Chan?"

"Yep. Even Jackie. Maybe I'll donate 'em to Hanamura."

As soon as the word 'Hanamura' left Chie's mouth, Yukiko immediately searched her pockets for a Goho-M. "You- you must be concussed. We should immediately go to the hospital and treat-"

Chie caught Yukiko's arms. "Don't you understand?" Chie said, eyes gleaming. "Today I was repeatedly burned, shot at, electrocuted, had my face karate-chopped by a huge muscled guy, skewered multiple times by something that has a heart as its head, ran over by a tank with a face. Don't you see? Don't you see?"

"Er-" By then Chie was shaking Yukiko's shoulders.

"And yet, and yet here I am. Unscathed." She flexed her biceps. "I'm better than Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee, Wong Fei Hung and Jet Li combined."

"Err-"

"I mean, they're awesome. But they always kinda die after being shot at once, y'know. Jet Li even died from a knife in his stomach. And they don't come back. Me? I've been through whatever was done to them ten times back, and I'm still alive. I mean, I'm still alive even after I'm dead. Not even a scratch. Machine guns? Pssh. Just toss a diarama." Chie's eyes widened. "Wait. I'm better than kung-fu masters. I'm the master of kung-fu masters. As long as Konohana Sakuya is around, I'M IMMORTAL."

Yukiko's mind went very white.

Somewhere from behind Chie, Yosuke was twirling his index finger at the air besides his forehead, mouthing 'craaazy.'

Chie, of course, had leveled up to be the invincible master of kung-fu masters and so turned around and galactic punted him.

Later, when Chie wrote down her list of wounds for today in her diary, Yukiko amended it by adding another line:

Dizzied: 1

Deaths

Rise screamed when she had encountered her first dead team member.

They winced as her cry boomed in their heads. "KANJI! Oh god, Kanji, Kanji, he's he's- he's dead. Kanji. No no no. Kanjiiiii!"

"Uh, Kuji-"

"Someone please, oh Kanji. Kanji. Kan-"

"Rise!" Chie said with much more force. She wanted to go to Rise and shake her, but she was far out on the entrance. It felt weird shouting at a voice in your head. "He's fine. He's alive. See?" She went over and gently prodded Kanji's motionless body with her index finger. He was starting to get cold.

"Fine?" Rise shrieked. "He's dead. DEAD! Himiko told me there's no pulse. I. I." She broke down into soft sobs.

Chie's head started ringing from the screams. "Well technicaaally, he's dead. But he's still alive. At least, we can revive him."

The sound of a stuffed nose cleared. "Revive... him? Like Jesus? How?"

Who's Jesus? "Well yeah. Like that. Um. Well. Usually Yukiko just opens her fan, and then Amaterasu appears, and then there's this sound – kinda like glasses clanking, and then the body glows and then he comes back to life."

She didn't blame Rise for the silence. It did sound a little bit bonkers. Gods and glowing bodies coming back to life and whatnot.

"Um," she said again after having Suzuka Gongen drive a pole into a dice. "Maybe Yukiko can show you?"

Yukiko glanced at Souji. He shook his head. "Kanji-kun will have to wait," she said apologetically, then set another dice on fire.

The silence continued for a few more minutes, then Rise said, "wait. What happens when the battle ends and they're still dead?"

"Well, they kinda just magically return to life. I mean, we still have to heal them, but. Yeah."

"...magically?"

Chie shrugged. "They wake up, then walk away. That's that. But usually we revive them before it ends so they don't miss out on gaining experience."

Somehow that reminded Rise not of magic but of voodoo. Zombie voodoo. She tried again. "What happens if Yukiko-sempai isn't around?"

"Revival beads."

"Re-" It sounded really, really dubious. How could a bunch of beads bring back someone who was clearly dead? How did a dead person come back to life in the first place? "Okay. What happens when the battle takes so long, and in a hot place, like Kanji's sauna, and no one revives him?"

"Huh?"

"You know. Liver mortis, rigor mortis. Decomposition, maybe. And I noticed there are giant beetles around. It'll probably smell too. So do they just magically reverse all the damage and wake up or do they end up all gross like zombies?"

After that Chie started humming the theme song to Featherman R and pretended she was deaf.