Author's Comments: So...this is my first attempt at a fanfic, written with the help of my awesome friend Malice (she says hi). I really like the Facebook format, so I decided to give it a try...don't hate on the formatting! Hope you enjoy :D

Chapter 1

Wes Roberts: Thinks David James should help him with a project

David James: What kind of project?

Blaine Anderson: Yeah, what kind? After your last 'project' the Warblers had to cancel practice for a week, the smell was so bad

(David James, Wes Roberts, and 22 others like this)

Kurt Hummel: What? O.O

Blaine Anderson: You don't want to know. Let's just say it involved several firecrackers, two dozen rotten eggs, and five gallons of nacho cheese. Strangest. Practice. Ever.

(Wes Roberts, Eric Laurey, David James, and 12 others like this)

Wes Roberts: Good times.

Blaine Anderson: Terrifying times, Wes. There's a difference.

(Eric Laurey, Kurt Hummel, and 18 others like this)

David James: buzz kill. always a buzz kill :'(

(Wes Roberts likes this)

Wes Roberts: And that is exactly what this project will fix. We need to keep the world buzzed, absolutely buzzed, and so we can't have Blaine running around killing those vibes.

Blaine Anderson: But you said you had a plan before I 'killed your buzz'.

Wes Roberts: True. But your nonstop protests whenever we try to have fun really gets us down

Kurt Hummel: It's not fun if people get sent to the hospital

(Eric Laurey, Blaine Anderson, Ted Daniels, and 28 other people like this.)

Wes Roberts: Despite what you…poor, dull people…have to say, this cannot stand. Do you agree, my dear David?

David James: …I suppose so. What do you propose we do, darling Wes?

Kurt Hummel: Are you two sure you aren't gay?

(Blaine Anderson, Eric Laurey, and 36 others like this).

Wes Roberts: ^Dislike. I am seriously offended.

(David James likes this)

Brittany Pierce: y there is nothing rong with being a dolfin

(Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, Mercedes Jones, and 52 other people like this)

Kurt Hummel: Thank you Britt, but I'm confused…how did you get here?

Brittany Pierce: wes and i made out so i frended him

(Santana Lopez, Puck Puckerman, Blaine Anderson, and 59 other people like this)

David James: Get some, man! ;) …but why is the rest of ND here?

Wes Roberts: Of course I didn't send them friend requests, David

David James: …I didn't say anything. :/

(Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, and 11 others like this)

Wes Roberts: …you didn't hear anything, either.

Santana Lopez: Turns out Wes is a sucker for a girl with a hot ass :3

David James: …you mean he made out with you too? And he didn't share with me?

(Eric Laurey, Ted Daniels, Nick Wester, and 30 others like this)

Puck Puckerman: Naw. I was there, tho

David James: Wes! How could you?

Wes Roberts: Nevermind that. Here's the plan, as I see it: first, we take him to a pond

Blaine Anderson: A…pond?

Wes Roberts: **ignoring** And then we put floaties on him, make him swim to the middle, and then we go stand on the top of a nearby hill and shoot him. We'll be like snipers

David James: **still angry at Wes** Why a pond? Why make him swim? Why don't we just…you know…shoot him and get it over with?

(Blaine Anderson, Puck Puckerman, Eric Laurey, and 14 others like this)

Blaine Anderson: much as I hate to admit it, David's plan is sounding like the rational one in this situation.

(Kurt Hummel, David James, and 31 others like this)

Wes Roberts: David…Et tu, Brute? You haven't even heard the rest of my plan!

David James: …do I even WANT to know?

Santana Lopez: No. You don't.

Wes Roberts: Of course you do. Once we shoot him, we shall feed him to the ducks.

Blaine Anderson: …?

David James: What?

Brittany Pierce: i thot ducks only eat bread

Wes Roberts: But these are cannibal ducks.

Brittany Pierce: so they eat cans and bread

Wes Roberts: …yes. Sure.

David James: *facepalm*

(Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, and 42 others like this)

Blaine Anderson: …but I'm not a duck.

(Kurt Hummel, David James, and 14 others like this)

Wes Roberts: …I'm still working on that part.

Wes Roberts: Has come up with a solution!

David James: To what

Wes Roberts: Am I that easily forgotten?

Kurt Hummel: Yes

(Blaine Anderson, David James, and 38 others like this)

Wes Roberts: I'm hurt. We were killing Blaine, remember?

Kurt Hummel: I still think your reasons for killing him are a bit…nonexistent

(David James, Blaine Anderson, and 67 others like this)

Blaine Anderson: ^Seconded.

Wes Roberts: whatever. I figured out the cannibal duck problem!

Puck Puckerman: no one cares

(Kurt Hummel and 126 others like this)

Mercedes Jones: you're making a big deal out of nothing

(David James, Blaine Anderson, and 54 others like this)

Wes Roberts: Whatever, New Directions. The answer is simple. Blaine is half duck!

Blaine Anderson: What. The. Fuck.

(David James and 79 others like this)

Kurt Hummel: Seriously?

David James: How is that SIMPLE?

Wes Roberts: So that solves our cannibalism problem.

Brittany Pierce: i thot he was a dolfin not a duck

(Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, and 12 others like this)

Kurt Hummel: I'll explain later, sweetie

Kurt Hummel: But anyway, why is he only HALF duck?

Wes Roberts: Because only one of his parents was a duck.

David James: …despite everything, I find myself curious. Which one?

Blaine Anderson: *eyeroll* My mother, of course. And my uncle is a duck too.

Wes Roberts: See, even he admits it!

Blaine Anderson: .The sarcasm in that made a whistling sound as it flew over your head

Wes Roberts: And once again, whatever. Everything has been worked out.

David James: That just causes MORE problems, though

Wes Roberts: Like what?

Brittany Pierce: ducks can swim rite so y wud u need floties

(David James, Blaine Anderson, and 49 others like this)

Wes Roberts: …that's great, actually. Since ducks can float on their own, we can skip the floaties and buy a nice charcoal grill

Blaine Anderson: I feel ridiculous for asking, but…for what, exactly, do you need the grill?

Wes Roberts: For the barbecue we are going to have once you're dead. We are going to need a really big grill if we want to be able to roast your body.

David James: Um, wow. Isn't that cannibalism too?

Wes Roberts: No. We'll just eat the duck half.

Blaine Anderson: wtf, Wes

David James: Is that even POSSIBLE?

Kurt Hummel: Which half would that be, anyway?

Wes Roberts: The bottom half.

(Kurt Hummel likes this)

David James: We all know why YOU liked that, Kurt.

Blaine Anderson: O.O

Kurt Hummel: O.O

Mercedes Jones: O.O

Wes Roberts: O.o

Santana Lopez: ;) Wanky

Brittany Pierce: u all look like owls wen u do that

Quinn Fabray: You know those aren't literal, right Britt?

Brittany Pierce: i wud if u told me wat literral ment

(Santana Lopez, Puck Puckerman, and 38 others like this)

Finn Hudson: Kurt is bright red right now

(Blaine Anderson likes this)

Kurt Hummel: Shut up, no I'm not!

REVIEWS WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED! :)

I'll give you a cookie...(or not. Probably not. On second thought, there are no cookies).